UK Taxpayers to Bail Out Greek Tragedy

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill.

The British taxpaying peasants might still end up forking out for the rescue of the bankrupt basket-case Greek economy despite Treasury assurances to the contrary from that white-haired poofter Chancellor Darling Alastair, according to reports leaked by volunteer whistleblowers working for Ox-Rat, the snitch and grassers charity.

The bailout, estimated to clock up to a horrifying figure of more than a zillion £££££ quid, will be fully appraised and calculated once EUSSR finance ministers have passed the hat around the table at Brussels later this week and totalled up the ante.
Any shortfall will result in individual member nations of the EUSSR – except Greece - having to chip in mobs of moolah to shore up confidence in the devalued Euro before it too goes the same way as Greece – and the Dodo.

The rescue will enable Greeks to pay a few bob off their IMF credit card bill and other spiralling debts, and forestall the World Bank’s bailiffs coming round with a UN court order and seizing the entire contents of the Acropolis Museum.

Sir Stilton Thort-Nott, Tory MP for Old Scrotum, told a reporter from the Scandalmongers Gazette that it would be 'unacceptable' for UK taxpayers to be asked to pay any money to pull the Athens bean counters out of the shit when the UK economy was up to it’s tits in foreign debt also after getting irresponsibly involved in the quagmires of two foreign wars and bailing out insolvent banks that should have been allowed to suffer a Darwinian fate and go under.

“I shall request Gordon Brown to give a cast-iron guarantee that this bail-out will not be forced on the public purse of the British taxpayer. However we always fear the worst with this Government – especially so with a porridge wog in charge.”

'Seriously, we've got enough financial problems of our own without having to bail out another harebrained country that can’t make ends meet.”
“What Labour could do is give the Greeks back their Elgin Marbles and they can take those round to to the IMF and knock a few bob off their debts by flogging them on Antique Roadshow.”

Conversely Rupert Fuctifino, the Lib-Dem Shadow Minister for Garden Sheds, informed the Porkie Pies Gazette “What’s the point of Gordon Brown giving a categoric assurance that not one spondoolie of UK taxpayers' money will go towards bailing out Greece.”

“Broon – and Bliar before him – gave a ‘categoric assurance’ sworn before six bishops while stood on a stack of Bibles that the British voting public would be guaranteed a ‘yea or nay’referendum on joining the EU – and did we get one? Did we fuck – no. So we can’t believe anything the lying git says.”

“Same as Stilton Thort-Nott’s slimy boss – Posh Dave Cameron – another ‘categoric asurance’ on an EU vote if the Tories win the coming election – then does a 180 and says ‘no can do’ as Eire fucked up and voted to accept the Quisiling Treaty of Lisbon.”
“Really, these scumbags couldn’t tell the truth even if they don’t have a lie ready.”

Always ready to jump feet first into any handy minefield, UKIP MEP Nigel Barrage informed a gaggle of reporters from the gutter press “There’s no way Britain should be bailing the poxy Greeks out – in fact some fucker or their dog should be bailing us out.”
”Seriously, we need membership of the EUSSR like a penguin needs a skateboard. Five years from now – even less – we’re going to be yet another Hellenic catastrophe - a Third World country - due getting involved with the Brussels mafia.”

Allergy warning : This article was written in a politician-infested area and may contain traces of untruths, modest porkies and mis-spoken references.