Monday 31 January 2011

Global Inequality – Shit Hits Fan

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

So, the wheels of the global revolutionary Juggernaut finally start to roll forward in North Africa, with Tunisia’s interim government arresting all members of the disenfranchised ruling Kleptocracy Party – and the hedonistic ex-President Zine al-Abidine Ben Ali and his slut missus Leila Trabelsi – aka Miss Cupidity of Carthage - skipping the shithole to go into hiding at ‘Club Fled’ in the Third World centre for Islamic barbarism - Saudi Arabia - as guests of Sheikh Fizzy Al Kaseltzer – the zillionaire founder of the Oasisville Holiday Resort chain – and a self-promoting Bedouin scumbag ‘Prince of the Desert’ who claims hereditary grazing rights to every hotel reception lobby carpet in the entire Persian Gulf region and maintains a personal seraglio of three score and ten juvenile catamites – and two relay teams of Thai ‘katoy’ ladyboys for his regional ‘suck n swallow’ tournaments.

Next on Anarchy International’s version of the Illuminati’s ‘Agenda 21’ is the overthrow of yet another Western muppet dictator - that moronic Egyptian mule known to family and friends as Pharaoh Hosni Mubarak - and a man whose lack of personality and charisma make him as popular as ‘Necrotising Fasciitis’- the flesh-eating bacteria that can chew off a leper’s leg in five minutes flat – bones included.
While Mubarak might well have ‘fired’ his entire compliant cabinet of fez-capped Fraggle Rock stooges and appointed Omar Suleiman, his Chief of Extraordinary Rendition and acting Dean of Cairo’s prestigious Institute for Advanced Torture, as Vice President, he’s counting on the US Zionist media’s propaganda support to keep him in power and the unwashed mass of rebel nihilists at the sharp end of his water cannons.

As to the Internet ‘On-Off’ switch being used to isolate communications in the rebellion-stricken midden, along with all TV and radio stations, plus cellphone and landline and electricity services - Mubarak and Suleiman should never forget that it’s an easy move to revert to sending out a series of message-bearing runners. It might not work at the speed of light but the same method (word of mouth) was used successfully to kick start the French Revolution of 1789 – and what a fatal shock that was to the monarchy’s psyche when they got the proverbial – and literal – ‘chop’.

Okay, so who have the Zionist kikester military-industrial complex got positioned to take over from the reviled Mubarak? Why, none other than old peckerhead himself - Mohamed ElBaradei - the ex-UN IAEA boss and yet another Western toady who serves on the Board of Trustees of the International Crisis Group – a gang of geopolitical steering gophers and career fuckwits under the control of Rothshite and the global elitists.

Regardless, the news does not bode well for the Western military-industrial cabal’s global interests - for when this pandemic of self-determination spreads like Sneezy Pig Flu across North Africa and into the Mid-East, the first bastion of corruption to fall will be the illegal rogue Zionist state of Israel - with the lands usurped in the Nakba by the kikester terrorist’s ethnic cleansing campaign of 1948 returned to the rightful owners – the Palestinians.

Then we’ll see the corrupt ruling despots of Saudi Arabia fall and their entire ‘divine right’ to rule pantomime come to a tragic halt as the Imams impose the strictures of fundamental Islam and the Sharia to curb their hedonistic excesses, establish a government of the people - and return the wealth of the land to the proletariat (Ref Shah Reza Pahlavi doing a moonlight in 1979 and the return of Ayatollah Khomeini to Iran).

Time is – and the peasant classes have had a gut-full of all this ‘Rule by Divine Right’ bullshit and the corrupt governments that go along with it - this elitist fraternity and their absurd sense of entitlement – prancing around alike strutting capons. These are the type of shits that will do anything to get into power, and are willing to do anything to keep it. Intelligentsia and hereditary succession blue bloods indeed – they don’t even qualify for a slot in the index of Linnaean taxonomy.

The peasant classes are sick to the teeth of being pillaged by giant, international banks and their own governments and want a social system based on Meritocracy and not the upper class patronage of old school ties and secret Masonic handshakes - which amounts to a single step above Feudalism. They’ve had enough of the mass deterioration of economic conditions and the harsh result of years of financial deregulation – they see their jobs disappear and their salaries frozen while government cabinet ministers earn more per annum than they could in twelve.

They’re equally pissed off with the Great Satan – the Zionist-dominated United States of America and their deadly legacy of unwelcome foreign interference around the Third World nations of the globe - and the installation of their chosen despotic regimes – from Albania to Zaire and Afghanistan to Zimbabwe.

This Freemasonry-backed Illuminati (read Rothshite ultra-Zionist banksters crime syndicate) and their New World Order, have failed to learn the lessons of 1789 and 1917, and never sought to correct the institutional abuses that brought such revolutions about.
The Monarchies, the Nobility, puppet despot dictators, Religions and their corrupting agents of influence (Jesuits / Opus Dei). The ranks of the First, and Second Estates plotting and scheming to keep the peasants of the Third Estate under the thumb – uneducated, superstitious and on the poverty line. Brainwashed by the Fourth Estate’s patriotic propaganda – to die for King and Country. What bosh.

We, the hapless oicks, deceived and lied to on a daily basis by the Church and government-controlled media systems – from the days of the foul priests to the Town Crier to our once-iconic BBC. They apply their talents in a manner inversely proportionate to sanity and control the common herd – we, the ‘sheeple’ - via the medium of perception management = lies and scaremongering propaganda.

For nothing terrifies the ruling elites more than the disastrous prospect of being faced with a well-informed, empowered people participating in the political process. Hence the persistence of this tradition of covert abuse and lies from all quarters of the ‘democratically-elected’ (sic) establishment – who in turn are controlled by that shadowy, para-governmental and trans-national entity which exists under the guise of the Illuminati – otherwise known as the Brotherhood of the Snake.

One glance at the Third World and it’s still the same today – Catholic priests maintaining the myth of God-fearing subservience to a non-existent divine power. Islamic mullahs committing the same sin. Just too many religions to mention – all extracting ‘tithes’ from the brainwashed ‘faithful’.

Then we have the brain-dead military and police forces sworn to defend the Monarchy and government – with ranks now expanded through Muslim terrorist scaremongering to include PCSO’s and CEO’s and any other number of local Renta-Snitch units to spy on the peasantry and report dissent.

In futile efforts to survive the waves of popular unrest, these despots might well resort to shutting down all communications and utilities – the practice of dictators and corrupt governments desperately attempting to hang on to power and stave off the inevitable – and evidenced personally in the Republic of the Philistines (Marcos) and the Indonesian (Sukarno / Suharto) martial law eras.

So the electricity goes off, plus all radio and TV stations – apart from those government-controlled. Landline communications, plus cellphone blabber and texting – then the internet – Fuckbook and Twatter social / anarchy networking websites - and while all this might just slow things down a bit it won’t stop the onslaught – for eventually the man bearing a message in the cleft of his forked stick will get through with the latest news. Then the shit hits the fan regardless.

Alas, the likes of Egypt’s Mubarak, Israel’s Bobo Nuttyahoo, Saudi’s King Abdul Lardarse, the institutionally-corrupt EUSSR in Brussels, and even our own Libservative coalition government (reducing levels of national welfare provision and employment) defy logic and what is in their own best interests by failing to apply 20/20 hindsight to rectify what is wrong with their fucked-up political and social systems – but simply turn out the body armoured Plod Squads and their Renta-Thug units (brainwashed peasants in uniform) and kettle a herd of protesters – or throw them behind barbed wire – with shutting down open debate becoming the highest national priority.

Since the 9/11 false flag terrorist attacks, committed to demonise Islam and create the enemy required to launch the Mid-East wars of aggression and occupation and and create the desired scenarios to usher in their New World Order, the entire Zionist neo-imperialist schlemiel has taken on the very essence of the storyline of Huxley’s, Kafka’s and Orwell’s draconian worlds.

Alas, but true, that any authority, given free rein, will resort to absolutism.

Yet while Orwell’s 1984 provides insights to what a Dystopian state might manifest as, perhaps it is time, and again prudent, to remind that the prophetic text was a ‘warning’ aimed at the common people – and definitely not a blueprint and instruction manual – Totalitarianism for Dummies - for governments to copy, develop and impose.

Hark and view the statutes of the US Congress's “S.735: The Antiterrorism and Effective Death Penalty Act of 1996” which was amended by the out-going Dubya Bush administration’s “Terrorist Hoax Improvements Act 2007”.

The solemn gospel according to Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle states that we don’t know shit from shinola. Hence our so-called ‘rulers’ desire the creation and maintenance of a dysfunctional society, with the wholesale disruption of global communities on the agenda via the dissolution of the four major collective forces of our individualism accorded via culture - Race, Religion, Family and Nation - the four pillars of our human identity. Ah well, we now have the National Lotto, which has replaced God as a vehicle to Salvation.

The ideal situation is to have the sheeple , en masse, yoked to student loan repayments, mortgages, children’s educations, credit card debt, bank loans, overdraft payments, usurious interest systems – and working their bollocks off from nine while five – plus suffering debilitating commuting times so they’re too fucked to do much more that plonk down in an armchair (if lucky enough to be employed and have a roof over their heads) , scoff additive-riddled microwave junk food insta-mutant meals and watch the goggle box – that all-pervasive propaganda tool that mesmerises the viewing public and foists a false perception of everything via the latest government sponsored bullshit – a la ‘distraction by design’. Ref’ Huxley’s ‘Brave New World’ – mass-medicated with the brain-numbing ‘Soma’.

Conversely, what these clots do not want is to have an unemployed population enjoying the quality time and freedom their new-found poverty and situation provides, then becoming self-aware and evolving into full consciousness and radical revolutionary mode – which is occurring right now on a global scale as this symptom is manifesting into a critical mass and percolating to a mega-nuclear chain reaction state of being.

Remember, as the Revolution goes forward and spreads, there is no place for love, empathy or selflessness in the New World Order that social engineering cabals such as Common Purpose, the RAND Corporation and the Ford Foundation, etc et al, are working to create – with individualism, patriotism and altruism being adversarial to their aims

However the current global political activism is generating a surge in the quest for personal dignity, cultural respect and economic opportunity in a world painfully scarred by memories of millenniums of alien colonial domination. To meet these challenges head on the world’s peasant classes might well unite, using access to knowledge, resources and skills to shape trans-national processes in their own class interest.

Hmmm, from little Anarchists, great Revolutions grow! Now we bear witness to the implications for freedom when humanity uses its numerical potential to say ‘NO’ to the system and ceases to cooperate with its own enslavement.

As long as monarchs and political rulers reside, not so much in opulent splendour and palaces, but in the security and comfort that should be afforded to all - and the common peon goes in rags, homeless and hungry, his children malnourished and diseased - then moral conscience screams out for social justice, and if violent revolution is the only method of achieving such against a corrupt capitalist system then so be it – a war twix the have’s and have-not’s of this world will occur.

Cometh the hour, then cometh the man. The world’s workers are fed up with the Curse of the Four C’s: Cronyism, Collusion, Corruption, and Complacency – in many cases promoted by the wives of venal dictators, instanced by such avarice-ridden self-delusional Philistines and materialistic vulgarians as Eva Peron, Imelda Marcos, ‘Dis’grace Mugabe and Tunisia’s Leila Trabelsi.
It might even be speculated that that the rabble of the mob may declare: “We could put up with President Twatt's corrupt excesses, but not those of his Missus and her family of kleptomaniacs.”

However, Karma always applies in the end and it’s all going to turn out like Groundhog Day for the elitists – without the happy ending.

Oh, and by the way, fuck the Zionist Freemasons and their New World Order.

Thought for the day: All tyranny need to gain a foothold is for people of good conscience to remain silent - hence the Tree of Liberty must sometimes be refreshed with the blood of patriots – and tyrants. (Thomas Jefferson)

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Sunday 30 January 2011

Duncan-Smith Slams Budget Cuts Fubar

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The Utopian-sounding joke that has manifested as the Centre for Social Justice - a think-tank founded by the Tory’s only Japanese cabinet minister Iain Duncan-Smut - the incumbent MP for the London constiuencies of Slumdale Hamlets and British Racing Green - was established to echo the concerns of voters who are furious that services such as libraries, playgroups, hedgehog care homes and clap clinics are threatened with closure while the pet projects of the self-promoting political class survive.

The sanctimonious Duncan-Smut, a former Tory party ‘Ronin’ (Samurai pariah), claims that Libservative coalition ministers may be axing valuable public services while leaving time-wasting programmes (such as the Centre for Social Justice) unscathed as they attempt to milk £81 zillion quid from Britain’s dessicated, fubar economy.

The Centre for Social Justice study, given the fancy title of Outcomes Based Government, warns that ministers are too obsessed with changing the machinery of government and trying to reinvent the wheel instead of concentrating on what their intended purpose in the House of Conmans actually is – apart from conjuring up false expense statements.

The report states: “Politicians and officials are focusing predominantly on increases in government departments’ resources and activity (i.e. outputs) – specifically more high security prisons, more cheap labour immigrant hospital nurses, more Albanian au pair girls – rather than on the improvements in social outcomes which these resources are supposed to produce.”

One article in the Dog Wankers Gazette claims successive governments and the Shitehall mandarins have had the wrong objectives since the useless Twatcher was in power and de-industrialised the nation, creating a culture of job-seeking spongers who no longer give a flying fuck – juxtaposed with a generation of tele-marketing nerds and pukes that don’t know which end of reality is actually ‘up’.

Examples included: Labour’s New Deal programme, Gateway to Work, whose obsessive focus has been concentrated 100% on attendance and compliance figures and thus created a virtual penal system for policing those cast out of work by the bankster-engineered faux recession, while doing sweet fuck all to create any employment opportunities around the jobless landscape.

In a further instance, one pet project of Sir Irwin Bogbrush at the Ministry for Wasting Time & Money, has committed £1.2 zillion quid a year to being spent on tackling alcoholism and drug use - yet officials in charge of the programme are absolutely clueless if the programme is working or not.

Ms Fellattia van Gamm, chief secretary at the Centre for Social Justice, informed one gutter press hack from the Daily Shitraker “The cabinet ministers have their priorities wrong and this is being filtered down to local authority levels who, racist connotations aside, are robbing Peter from Preston to pay Pavel from Potsdam.”

In Leeds, Ms Mingeeter Titwank, chief troll for the idiotic Labour-run council, is proposing the insane absurdity of closing 19 care homes to offset the financing of insulating 90,000 homes for free - simply to appease and keep sweet the council’s two Green Party members - which Labour needs on their side to prop up its piss-poor minority rule.

In a similar vein of gross stupidity, East London’s Newham council, who, under the mismanagement of Mayor Sir Robin Scumm, have cultivated an administration that is little more than a personal fiefdom, and is planning to sack thousands of staff and cut back on its narcotic drugs programme to rehab’ addicts, but unscrupulously and with sleaze aforethought, splashed out £111 zillion quid for their opulent new Shitcreek Hamlets office block – which critics have compared to a West End brothel.

The Centre for Social Justice’s conclusions are being viewed as a warning to the Treasury to keep its meddling hands off the expensive Welfare-to-Work programme mapped out by Mr Duncan-Smutt – which has still to devise the missing key strategy – how to create jobs out of thin air.

Thought for the day: Andrew ‘Brillo Pad’ Neill, editor of the Fuckwits Review, today speculates, in his customary moronic fashion, that the UK is actually run by ‘a narrow social elite’.
Ha! – what the clot misses is the fact that a narrow social elite runs the entire world – with our current Tory-dominated silver spoon government comprised of an elitist fraternity who wallow in their absurd sense of entitlement and contemptuously consider we, the hapless peasant classes, as ‘oicks’.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Saturday 29 January 2011

No 10 Spin Doc’ Vacancy – Apply Within

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Posh Dave Scameron is searching for a new director of communications, following Andy Pandy Coulson's out-of-the-blue resignation. But what sort of similar low-life could successfully assume the dubious mantle and become Downing Street's latest "spin doctor"?

Further, what compulsory stellar character qualities are required for the successor? Perhaps an ex-convict with an established history of serial killings? A Frank Mitchell mad axeman type? Or a media magician alike Hitler’s Nazi propaganda genius, Joseph Goebbels. Maybe an actual physical manifestation of that despicable political pariah Malcom Tucker - in the flesh?

Yet again that would simply amount to another Bliarite-era foul-mouthed lying twat like Alastair Campbell who might also be tempted to burn the mid-night oil and scribe ‘kiss n tell’ diaries concerning the PM’s nefarious deeds. Diaries which could well have contained the whole incriminating schlemiel on the illegal invasion of Iraq - having Dr David Kelly snuffed to keep his conscience-stricken snitching gob shut – and further sanctioning the murder of British citizens in the 7/7 false flag London tube trains (and double decker bus) terrorist attacks that were blamed on Mohammed al Patsy & his Jolly Jihadi pals from Guy Fawkes Land - Yorkshire.

Obviously Cabbage Patch Dave’s going to need someone with a PhD in ‘Advanced Character Assassination’ who wouldn’t flinch at phone hacking, bearing false witness against their neighbour - or selling the British public the ‘greater good’ / ‘defence of the realm’ necessity for minor acts of genocide to forward the nation’s Neo-Imperialistic ambitions.

Suggestions that old Vermin in Ermine, the power-hungry fudger, Lord Peter Scandalson, might be up for a spot of political apostasy and join the pantomime represented by the Libservative coalition have been fielded already but a cabinet panel decided he was simply too slimy a career rodent to have aboard an already leaking ship.

Cynics describe a Downing Street director of communications as the head "spin doctor", the bloke who tries to remain in the shadows like some noxious leper with galloping halitosis while generating ‘positive coverage’ of the government's moronic actions – a task more suited to a personage of divine powers than a mere mortal.

Scameron’s detractors have posed that in contrast to the secondary school-educated Coulson, this time around he’ll plug for not only an ex-public-school appointee but one who attended the same educational institution as himself – and the majority of the cabinet – that iconic sodomite’s paradise – Eton.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Thought for the day: Whoever cops for the job will have their work cut out 24/7 – making a duplicitous and inept twat like Scameron look good in the public’s eyes.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Friday 28 January 2011

Scameron’s Fuel Rationing Scam

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Taking a break from pushing the faux ‘anthropogenic global warming’ crisis due the freezing winter weather burying the country under meters of snow, we now have our moronic opportunist government switching lanes to promote (and impose) their carbon credit cap n trade exchange scam via the tried and tested route of propaganda - renaming the threat that will herald the downfall of civilisation as we know it (sic) and the mass extinction of life on Earth as ‘climate change’.

Re-directing attentions away from cows and sheep farting - and causing massive holes in the ozone layer over the UK’s moors - the focus is back on carbon-belching internal combustion engine vehicles – with the ‘All Party Parliamentary Group on Peak Oil’ proposing that British households will be given a set number of free energy 'tokens' which can be used as an offset against any fuel burnt in a vehicle or in the home’s oil-fired central heating boiler.

Under this all-new group of dog-wanking wonks’ ‘Tradable Energy Quotas’ scheme, surplus energy units could be exchanged with the local rag and bone man for donkey stones or a goldfish and extra tokens later bought for hard cash to build up a family’s credits as ‘offset points’ to counter-balance all the pollution generated by their summer vacation flight to some semi-tropical terrorist or leper-infested Third World shithole – described in the latest Ripoff Tours holiday guide as ‘exotic’.

Philip Hamroll, the Tory MP for Runnynose and incumbent Secretary for Things with Wheels, yesterday admitted that soaring fuel prices are a real ‘problem’ and he truly ‘sympathised’ with hard pressed motorists who didn’t earn anywhere near the £140,000 quid annual salary (plus lavish travel expenses) of a coalition cabinet minister – failing to mention that ‘sympathy’ lies in the dictionary right between ‘shit’ and ‘syphillis’.

The All Party Parliamentary Group on Peak Oil’s spokeslut, Miss Minjeeter Cameltoe, informed one reporter from the Extortion Gazette that "Tradable Energy Quotas are the only way we can make our carbon credit exchange thingy work and at the same time guarantee everyone gets ripped off equally.”

Conversely, Bazzer McTwatt of Scally-Watch, the international government abuse sentinel charity, dismissed the entire scheme as yet another form of taxation. “These think tank academics might have more degrees than a thermometer but they’re totally out of touch with reality when they’re spoutin’ on about climate change cos mankind’s got sweet eff all to do with it. It’s that big yellow ball in the sky – the thing hidin’ behind the clouds.”

McTwatt told the Daily Shitraker “Same as all this codswallop about an oil and global energy shortage – the only shortages are the one the government’s manipulatin’ into bein’ with all their disingenuous peak oil crap - then raisin’ the fuel duty and hikin’ VAT up to 20%.”
'It sends alarm bells ringin’ cos of fears of exploitation – and as usual the scheme will be wide open for abuse by greedy individuals and politicians – and then the lower-income driver gets priced off the bleedin’ road.”
“These snotty-nosed Tory bastards are just out to tax the middle class into penury – and the lower class into extinction once the price hits £8 quid an effin’ gallon this summer.”

“The oil companies bear the costs of oil exploration, then the drillin’, pumpin’ and shippin’ logistics of the crude, then refinin’ the stinkin’ shite into gasoline and are still able to cut a fair profit by sellin’ it at the pumps for less than fifty pence per litre – but the Libservative Coalition’s greedy, graspin’ Excise man comes along and slaps eighty pence duty on top of that for doin’ sweet fuck all – so now we have a litre of petrol goin’ for £1:30 when a barrel of crude’s only worth £54 quid.”

Last night London Mayor Bonkers Boris Nonsense went into his customary fuckwit mode and weighed into the row about excessive fuel duties, calling on Prime Minister Posh Dave Scameron to protect motorists from soaring prices.

“Fuel price hikes have already caused 5% of road users to say “fuck it” and give up their cars altogether while 48% of drivers polled reckon they’re using their cars less or swapping them for mountain bikes or an off-road Segway – or one of those Chinese family-sized rickshaws.”
“If I were the government, and thank your lucky stars I’m not, I would think seriously about a fuel duty stabiliser because when it costs more to fill up the tank of your old 1995 Toyota Previa to drive from Chelsea to Smegmadale-on-Sea to give your mistress a quick poke at weekend than it does to fly to Rome to have tea with Pope Benny, then something is seriously fucked up.”

* Carbon Credit Cap & Trade Exchange (aka Global Warming / Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration: No trees, fish, cormorants, bumble bees or small furry mammals were harmed in posting this message. However, a large number of electrons were temporarily inconvenienced.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Thought for the day: Anthropogenic global warming is a rip-off myth. Peak oil is a myth – the shit’s abiotic. Climate change is real – caused by subtle interactions between the Earth and Sun – with the solar effect influencing Ice Ages or warmer periods – and will continue to occur regardless of how many carbon credits you have stuffed up your jumper.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Thursday 27 January 2011

Skewed News Views Shorts

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Max Mosley, the sado-masochist ex-FIA / Formula One head honcho and wayward son of Sir Ozzie Mosley - the raving pro-Nazi propaganda nutter notorious for his faux aristocratic radio broadcast moniker of Screaming Lord Mini-Ho-Ho - today informed reporters he is once again suing the Sunday Shitraker gutter press tabloid for publishing allegations he had been admitted to The Priory Clinic (beloved of celebrity head-bangers) for psychiatric treatment related to his sexual fetish addiction fantasy of being tied up by Wonder Woman with her ‘golden lariat’, then bent over and given a good seeing to with a birch cane and her strap-on dildo.

Mosley successfully sued the red top tabloid in 2008 over a breach of privacy issue concerning revelations he had paid for a kinky sex orgy involving a ‘harsh discipline’ session with several Easter European whores and a pair of nanny goats, choreographed under the directions of his personal Dominatrix, Madam Fifi Godermiche, at her deluxe Spankers Emporium dungeon in Chelsea.
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British aristocrat and career kleptomaniac Lord O’Dinga Taylor, while awaiting sentence after being convicted of fiddling his Upper House expenses to the tune of zillions of pounds, was yesterday interviewed by Scotland Yard’s Serious Crime Squad on suspicion of grand larceny concerning his involvement in the theft of a swear box from the reception desk at the Tourettes Institute.
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The UK Libservative coalition government’s Foreign Secretary, Willy Vague has called on both the authorities ‘and’ protesters in Algeria, Tunisia and Egypt – and any other North African Third World shithole hotbeds of political dissent up for a spot of violent revolution over the way they’re being misgoverned - to show restraint and avoid violence.
In a statement to journalists outside London's 'Friends of Israel Club' the moronic Vague especially urged President Monty Mubarak’s institutionally-corrupt Egyptian government to "listen to the concerns of those demonstrating and respect rights of freedom of assembly and expression" – a piece of advice his own government totally ignore in Britain regarding social unrest and student demonstrations – to the extent they are now planning to introduce legislation to allow police to shoot protesters on sight.
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A US federal judge, Billy Bob Corruptioni, has ruled that Texan zillionaire Allen Stanford Corruptioni (no relation) is mentally unfit, due anxiety attacks and acute depression, to stand trial on charges of running a $7 billion dollar dodgy pyramid selling scheme based on the Moon which apparently defrauded property investors.
The district prosecutor for the state of Texas did draw the court’s attention to the contradiction that while the judge considered the accused ‘mentally unfit to stand trial’ on fraud charges, he had been mentally fit enough to continue conducting his money-spinning rip-off scam until confronted with the fact he’d broken the 11th Commandment, got his criminal arse caught, and faced a lengthy custodial sentence for the error of his ways.
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The 2010 ‘Total Hypocrisy Award’ goes to Israel Defence Minister Ehud ‘Shlomo’ Barak, who, in spite of the Israeli Defence Force guarding the bulldozers tasked with levelling Palestinian homes and farms across the West Bank and Jerusalem to make way for illegal settlements – plus besieging the population of the Gaza Strip behind a pro-racist 30-foot high Great Apartheid Wall and thus creating the biggest concentration camp on the planet – surpassing any of Hitler’s Nazi era war crime efforts – then, following in the traditions of like barbarians, kidnapping and murdering Palestinian youths to harvest their hearts, kidneys, and livers to fuel their transplant organ black market - had the chutzpah to inform gob-smacked international gutter press journalists that on the conclusion of the IDF’s 2008 / 2009 Xmas festive season ‘Operation Kill Every Fucker’ 22-day long brutal military action against the civilian population of the Gaza Strip, that, quote - “the Isreali Defence Force is the most moral army in the world.”
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Feryl Beryl McScatt, the lead singer with the Slagford Hamlets yobette group Tammy & the Tourettes, today told reporters she was “Real effin’ chuffed” with the news they’d copped the No 1 spot in the UK’s Top Ten charts with their latest hit single “Fuck off yer Shit-Faced Cunt”.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Wednesday 26 January 2011

NHS to Adopt Kwik-Fit Model

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

One recent news article in the Daily Shitraker, speculating on rumours that the inmates had taken over the asylum at the Ministry of Ill-Health, was today confirmed as being ‘spot on’ following an announcement by Health Secretary Andrew Landfill, the Tory MP for South Shitcreek, that as part of a revolutionary shake-up at the NHS, cancer sufferers will be henceforth given their prescribed chemotherapy treatments at branches of Boots, the High Street chemists.

This fundamental shift in the UK’s health services will then enable Posh Dave Scameron’s Libservative coalition to close down scores of MRSA-infested hospitals and clinics across the country in a futile bid to milk Britain’s fubar economy of the current £81 zillion quid budget shortfall.

The extraordinary proposal comes just days after the idiotic Secretary Landfill caused a storm by announcing radical reforms which will lead to 24,000 NHS management staff being made redundant and joining the ranks of the nation’s marginalised and seething unemployed anarchy movement.

The key, and most controversial, part of the absurd plan is to allow – and here we quote – “any willing provider” to treat patients “provided that they deliver high-quality standards of care”.

Now Boots, who traditionally provided singular pharmacy services, have already expanded their repertoire to include opticians, dentistry, penis enlargement, vasectomies and split-arse perineal repairs, and are now in talks to take over more of the traditional functions of hospitals – such as branching out into the transplant organ donor market and mortuary purveyances which will include cryogenic hibernation, post mortem autopsies - and funeral services for patients whose treatment unfortunately happens to fall below the required level of clinical excellence.

So while Boots struck like a mamba in their attempt to corner the market in out-sourced traditional hospital treatments, several others were hot to trot and after a slice of the monopoly too – including the Greedy Grocer supermarket chain leader Pestco and, unsurprisingly, Kwik-Shit – who based their bid proposal on the fact they already work on the disingenuous philosophy that “we deliver high-quality standards of care” - for customer’s cars.

Kwik-Shit’s CEO Candida Mingerot told one journalist from the Lancet that they intended to challenge and undercut any tender bid submitted by Boots or Pestco, and had the resources in place to implement a complete appropriation of the NHS’s ‘phlebotomy’ service – the taking and analysing of blood samples and other noxious bodily fluids – using their existing computerised engine diagnostics and carbon emissions equipment - which would require only elementary software modifications - plus a good pressure washing.

Ms Mingerot added “We will become a first choice for hip replacement surgery too, due our expertise with vehicle steering ball joints and suspension bushings – there’s absolutely no difference – apart from having to use scalpels to get at the broken bits instead of spanners and – er - having to anaesthetise the patients as well.”

What would you tell your GP if he referred you to Kwik-Shit for hip joint replacement surgery – “Gee thanks” – or “Fuck you, Jimmy”? Do you think Boots will start offering tyre and muffler repair services? Would you take your motor to an NHS clinic for its MOT inspection?

Send us your comments using the online reply form below and you could win a free course of dialysis at your local Greedy Grocer supermarket.

* Carbon Credit Cap & Trade Exchange (aka Global Warming / Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration: No trees, fish, cormorants, bumble bees or small furry mammals were harmed in posting this message. However, a large number of electrons were temporarily inconvenienced.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a nut-infested area and may contain traces of lunacy and/or squirrel shit.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

UK Plods Plan for Armageddon

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Since UK eco-warrior Green groups, student activist organisations and generalised anarchist cadres have set-to in spring cleaning their troops of undercover police moles and like-minded snitch and grasser pondscum, the nation’s Plod Squads are now gearing up to incite a spot of gratuitous violence (against themselves) during peaceful anti-government protests by students - to justify the outlawing of Ghandi-style ‘civil disobedience’ and the banning of all future public gatherings of more than two people in one place without a special permit – the emergency legislation of which will be tailored to account for and deal with seditious bus queues and Townswomen’s Guild tea mornings.

This planned agent provocateur action will target not only incensed students but also other like-minded marginalised and disaffected members of British society that view this current pantomime fiasco of a Libservative coalition government as a bunch of fuckwits that need ejecting from office – immediately if not sooner – before they make a total balls-up of anything else.

Scotland Yard’s counter-terrorism unit, normally tasked with snuffing Brazilian electricians and Big Issue vendors, and assisting MI5 to plant bombs under London tube train carriages, has begun pressuring UK universities and ‘demanding’ more so than ‘politely requesting’ their cooperation to provide intelligence of any and all plans fomented by student groups to organise protest marches, demonstrations and to occupy town halls, civil buildings or Ministry of Defence nuclear weapon arsenals.

This ‘demand’ has been e-mailed by a senior officer in the command’s ‘Fuck the Students Up’ programme to scores of higher education centres around our once sceptred isle – in a bid to disrupt plans for a spot of free range anarchy and to target student organisers and leaders (apart from Plod Squad moles that still remain unidentified inside student groups, working as agent provocateurs) for arrest – or assisted suicide solutions – or chucking on an extraordinary rendition flight to the Republic of Fuckupstan – or simply stage a Final Destination style freak accident like falling victim to a hit and run collision while sitting on the bathroom crapper – or bleeding to death during a casual stroll though the Grassy Knoll Woods.

Bazzer McScrunt, the co-founder of Nihilism Now! - the London student body most determined to incite a ‘Storming of Parliament’ 1789 style French revolution which aims to reduce the length and breadth of Britain to a smouldering mass of ruins and then start again from scratch with a system of feudalist autonomy, told one reporter from the Anarchists Gazette that the end of January will see mass demonstrations and protests involving zillions of like-minded aggie fuckers comprising students of all disciplines, the unemployed and the homeless, trade union members and any other fucker and their dog with an axe to grind- all hell bent on bringing this useless Libservative coalition pantomime down.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Thought for the day: With the wholesale disruption of British society being a key part of Agenda 21, wouldn’t it be a ‘coincidence’ if Mark Kennedy turned up like John Parsons Wheeler III, snuffed in a dumpster on a landfill site with a Columbian necktie.

Secondly, does anyone find it odd that our town’s streets are devoid of any and all semblance of police presence – yet hold a bit of a protest march focused on criticism of government mismanagement and suddenly they’re every fucking where to suppress dissent.

Oh, and by the way, fuck Big Brother – and his little sister – and the New World Order.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Tuesday 25 January 2011

Kikesters Declare Piracy & Murder Legal

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Turkey has condemned as ‘a sham’ an in-camera Israeli inquiry composed of a panel of pro-Zionist kikester jurists that has now returned a verdict stating their naval forces acted lawfully during a deadly raid on the Gaza Freedom Flotilla, which was attacked without warning while in international waters – 80 nautical miles off the coast of Palestine - and on a mercy mission to deliver humanitarian aid to the beleaguered Gaza Strip concentration camp last May.

The Turkish Prime Minister Ricepops Tieclip Erdogan told one press hack from the Bullshit Gazette that the report had as much credibility as a tortoise competing in the Grand National and was wholly unacceptable – albeit precisely the type of holier-than-thou arse-covering attitude and whitewash the international community expected from the rogue state.

The night-time raid, in which nine Turkish peace activists were killed and the wounded tossed over the side of the MV Mavi Marmara vessel for shark food, attracted well deserved global condemnation – with a separate UN inquiry last year reporting that Israeli Navy commandos from the elite Thug Squad had exercised an "unacceptable level of brutality" during ‘Operation Kill Every Fucker’ – comparable to that inflicted on the Palestinian population of the besieged enclave of Gaza by the rogue Zionist state’s psychopathic IDF ‘Morlock Brigade’ on a daily basis.

The 3,000,000-page Scumstein Inquiry Committee report found Israel's naval blockade of Gaza and the actions of the Israeli commandos in the raid – wherein the troops acted in self-defence – were entirely “LEGAL” – Ha! – wait for it – “under Israeli law!”

The ‘impartial’ panel of inquiry was headed by retired Supreme Court Justice Ja’akov Scumstein, working alongside five Israeli members of the controversial Rabid Rabbi Institute for Ethnic Cleansing and two US observers: AIPAC’s Freddy Fagin, and Sheldon Crumpledforeskin, from the Washington-based Ze’ev Jabotinskyist Centre for Advanced Genocidal Studies.

Turkey has long accused Israel of launching the raid illegally and using unjustified violence during it, with PM Erdogan challenging the moral worth of the Scumstein Inquiry’s verdict.
"This report was prepared under direct orders from their nutty Knesset and Prime Minister Bobo Nuttyahoo. How can there be any value or credibility to such an investigation and report which the accused country itself created sub rosa within its own borders and is directed by these five ultra-Zionist Rabbis from the racist St Shylock’s Temple for Latter Day Kikesters?”

The Free Gaza Flotilla, which had more than 600 pro-Palestinian activists aboard several aid ships, was trying to break Israel's blockade of the territory – currently encompassed by the criminal Zionist's Great Apartheid Wall - when it was intercepted by Israeli navy commandos on the 31st of May 2010.

However, Israel strenuously denied Turkish accusations of conducting an arrogant display of gratuitous violence that was tantamount to banditry and piracy on the high seas and amounted to an act of state-sponsored terrorism - (just like their unprovoked homicidal attack on the USS Liberty in 1967) - and claimed its commandos only resorted to live fire when a group of Turkish activists turned on them wielding a dead fish and a French loaf.

Regardless of Israel’s customary pathetic excuses, the results of Turkish post-mortem examinations revealed that a total of 30 bullets were found in the bodies of the nine dead activists, including one who had been shot four times in the head – apparently by accident.

So, the Scumstein report is good news for Somalia’s pirates at least – with them struggling to make a living under the threat of all kinds of international laws and foreign naval retaliation. At least they can now turn around and quote – “Hey, the Israelis can get away with it – why not us – and we never murder anybody that’s worth a few bob in ransom money.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Monday 24 January 2011

Israelis Brand Jewish Critic ‘Anti-Semite’

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The Rothshite Zionist crime syndicate-controlled UN Watch have gone into their usual ‘victims crying foul’ mode that kicks in whenever anyone or their dog dares to criticise the war-mongering Israelis - and are demanding the dismissal of the UN Human Rights Council’s Special Rapporteur on Palestine for having the audacity to question the official United States cover-up of 9/11 so painstakingly constructed by Kike Whitewash PR – and daring to raise the question “What was dem dirty dancin’ n hi-fivin’ Mossad removals men doin’ dere?”

The ‘Special Rapporteur’ the neurotic UN Watch's Executive Director, Kus Ima Shelcha (himself a member of Tel Aviv’s Half-Cock Brigade) wants fired just happens to be Richard Falk, himself a Jew, but one possessed by a moral conscience that will not allow the imprisonment in the biggest concentration camp on Earth of the population of the Gaza Strip, nor the ethnic cleansing of Palestinians to continue without condemnation and legal redress.

Falk’s highly critical statements regarding Israel's treatment of the Palestinians and his publicised opinion that Mossad and a sinister Zionist cabal of US military-industrial complex elitist conspirators were responsible for the 9/11 WTC and Pentagon terrorist attacks – and not Mohammed al Patsy and a gang of Jolly Jihadi Muslims - has spelled out political “Nightmare” with a capital N for Tel Aviv’s ruling kikesters.
The thing they fear most is to be faced with a prominent Jew in a position of sentinel authority to speak out about the brazen chutzpah and criminal misconduct of Israel due the fact the 'anti-Semite' label they usually hurl at their critics can't logically be applied – albeit the likes of Falk do get tagged as ‘self-hating Jews’ as a dismissive put-down.

To add some semblance of gusto to their demand for Falk’s dismissal from his UN post, the kikesters inside UN Watch have recruited the spineless toady West Bank leader Mahmoud Abbas to add his two-penneth of objections now Falk has stated for the public record that he recognises Hamas as the legitimately-elected political party to represent not only the Palestinian population of the Gaza Strip but also the West Bank, whose actual leadership has been usurped by Abbas’ Palestinian Lickarse Organisation – now composed of Knesset stooges.

On reflection, the Palestinian Authority’s newly acquired hostility towards Falk seems quite ironic as he was the preferred person they themselves nominated to be the UN Human Rights Council’s permanent investigator of Israeli human rights and war crimes violations in the Palestinian territories.

Today the UN Watch chief Kus Ima Shelcha went into a total frenzied spitting mode, demanding UN Sec’ General Ban Ki-Moon remove Richard Falk from office for breaching his mandate when he called this week for world economic and diplomatic sanctions against Israel and compared the Israelis and their abuses of the Palestinians – and specifically their Facility 1319 extraordinary rendition centre and Great Apartheid Walls - to Hitler’s Nazis and their ghettoes and concentration camps of the Happy Holohoax era.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Oh, and by the way, fuck the Zionists and the outlaw state of Israel.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

The Irony of Making Altrincham Thrive Again

With reference to the Sale & Altrincham Messenger issue of the 9th December 2010 and its “Cam Can – Prime Minister Backs Altrincham Traders” front page story on how to (try) to tackle the ironic dilemma of making Altrincham THRIVE again.

The SAM article has now been bolstered by a ubiquitous plethora of A4 printed signs displayed in store and household windows beseeching residents and visitors to ‘Shop Local’ and make the town ‘Thrive Again’ – implying disingenuously that faithful patronage alone will achieve this desired commercial end.

So, obviously ‘Shop Local’ refers directly to shopping in the town centre and proverbial High Street, while steering well clear of the healthy competition posed by the Altrincham Retail Park, the Trafford Centre, the City of Manchester, and the unmatched commercial versatility of the Cheshire Oaks Designer Outlet complex – and thus limiting oneself to mooching around a town where half the premises are vacant with a ‘ghost town’ atmosphere of total abandonment - and the ‘occupied’ remainder doesn’t cater for the specialist services or goods required by discerning consumers.

All well and good that Cabbage Patch Dave Scameron ‘backs’ the local traders in Altrincham’s historic Tory bastion, but what measure of assistance is he proposing to provide - if any? Will he and his Libservative Coalition of nodding muppets and Fraggle Rock refugees come up with similar futile and moronic schemes as they have to fix Broken Britain?

Well, that’s a tough question to answer, even for the House of Conmans ‘Ubermensch’ when commercial income earning potentials - versus overheads/outgoings (rents/council taxes etc) are so negatively disproportionate.

Applying 20/20 hindsight perhaps the ruling Councillors of the dystopian Soviet Collective of Trafford can stop blaming the current recession and reverse-scry back to where it all went wrong.
Altrincham might well be referred to as ‘The Jewel in Trafford’s Crown’ – which is actually BS as Trafford was unheard of as a Metropolitan area and Altrincham well on the way of going to the dogs by the time Trafford was established in 1974 – thanks to the decades-long corruptly inept mismanagement of the Masonic-dominated Altrincham Municipal Borough Council.

Did it all kick start with the decimation of our local Altrincham-Broadheath industries and the redundancy of thousands of highly skilled precision engineers?
Altrincham, until the mid-1960’s, hosted the biggest one-day agricultural show in Britain – on the Devisdale. So, was the discontinuation of this splendid and unique event the benchmark of the decline - or was it the Council’s felo-de-se fatal act of sanctioning the establishment of these ubiquitous and monopolistic Greedy Grocer supermarkets (Pestco, Pukesburys, or Mammon and Snobfords) and Retail Parks and Shopping Malls that have out-priced and forced the closure of the diverse family-owned iconic High Street businesses that once offered an entire smorgasbord of specialist trades and crafts, and goods and services?

The Butcher, the Baker and Candle-Stick maker – old Altrincham had them all - with their own personalised shop window awnings, opened out each morning and stored correctly away at the close of the day – with nary a sign of steel security bars or armoured roller shutters as per the present day. The Co-Op; Allendale’s; Stanley’s Market; McFisheries – and enough old style public houses to make an alkie quake with trepidation. The Rose & Shamrock; the Baker’s Arms; the Stamford; the Axe & Cleaver; the Woolpack; the British Legion, the Park Hotel and the Downs.

Grog shops besides, we had three Fishmongers that sold game (pheasants, grouse, partridge, woodcock, snipe, rabbit and hare). Gunsmiths, Anglers supplies, Saddlers, Bootmakers, Confectioners, Tobacconists - that also repaired umbrellas, our beloved Singer sewing branch (RIP), local Garages staffed by time-served mechanics and not Kwik-Shit bodgers, Tailors, Costermongers, Hardware shops, Bobby Hill’s quality cheesery, a fully versatile Sports shop, several quality Toy and Book stores, Arts & Crafts outlets, Greengrocers, Fruitiers, a Homeopaths, an Army & Navy store, Pet shops galore, both the Gas and Electricity boards, DIY and decorating stores, – and the UCP specialising in deli foods, cooked meats and pates, roll mops and tripe. Why, we were even blessed with not one, but two, Post Offices – and two actual ‘ye olde worlde’ Dickensian Apothecaries.

We devolved from four Cinemas in the late 1950’s to three to two to one – and then to absolutely none for a virtual eternity – until the Apollo opened for business. Same with the Devonshire Road ice rink – only recently restored as a freezing and slippery ‘straw bale build’ facility on Oldfield Street. Did anyone say ‘fire hazard’?

Really, how many Poundstretcher outlets does a small town actually need – especially so with yet another set to open next to Iceland on George Street – making a total of three - all on the same side of the street and within 100 meters of each other. Four greeting card outlets – oops – five including WH Smuts.
We are further blessed (or cursed) with more pseudo-building societies and banks than enough - and job recruitment offices (with no jobs) and estate agencies brokering unaffordable housing – unless one wishes to lock their family’s next three generations into a cycle of usurious debt.

One wonders if it is a sign of redemption that we have only ‘one’ Totties lap-dancing bar? Surely there’s the floor space and public interest for a pole dancing or topless bar and a couple of strip joints too – and maybe even an EUSSR Brussels-approved bordello in one of Railway Street’s row of vacant shops fronting the notorious Knee Trembler Lane, located to the rear (formerly Stab Vest Alley).

Hmmm, one ponders how far a town has sunk when even the McDonalds and Pizza Hut chew n spew outlets close up shop? Now that has got to be a negative commercial indicator – or did a lack of sales force them to move on due Altrincham residents getting health conscious regarding junk food?

Then of course we have the ‘Centrefold of Sleaze’ – the Grotty Graftons and the Dome - built on the demolished ruins of classical architecture, local character and colour. Alas, yet another council planning department mistake in a long line of similar mistakes, and one now under financial administration.

Where did our splendid architecture disappear to and cause the aesthetic deterioration of the entire town? The old Public Library - and the magnificent terracotta red brick and tiled Axe & Cleaver pub at the bottom of George Street to name but a couple of glaring examples? Demolished in the name of ‘Socio-Economic Progress’ (Altrincham’s Great Leap Forward) and to facilitate the construction of a plethora of Stamford Quarter ‘boutiques’ – all selling the same exploitive sweat shop tat.

Is it a tell-tale sign of the festering morbidity of our town and society that we have more mobile phone outlets and charity shops than a pensioner can shake a stick at? Plus more than enough half-empty office blocks.

Ah, who mentioned office blocks? Twas only a year or so back that TMBC schemed in typical Machiavellian fashion to sell off Shaw’s Green to an outside interests developer – to construct yet another of the stifling office blocks (for phuck’s sake, haven’t we got enough half-full ones already?) – on land ‘Donated to the people of Altrincham’ – as a Green Space - not for TMBC to flog off for thirty pieces of silver – but for the benefit and al fresco leisure (weather permitting) of the common peasants who pay these vainglorious Councillor’s (read parties of self-interest) bloated salaries.

So, we must ask ourselves, what has ‘Alderingaham’ or 'Tring’s Fields’ devolved into when plods on the beat are as rare a phenomenon as hen’s teeth and rocking horse shit, and the sound of a Dodo crowing. Instead we’re cursed with arrays of intrusive Kafkaesque CCTV cameras and moronic hi-viz Community Enforcement Officers kitted out with two-way radios and posturing alike strutting capons.

Then we have the stigmatising blemish of pairs of hubristic skin-headed gorillas hired from the Renta-Thug Security Agency on guard outside the upper town’s various Troublespot Taverns - pubs, bars and bistro’s - every weekend. This was a phenomenon never witnessed when Alty ‘THRIVED’ - and the Plod Squad patrolled the streets on sit-up-and-beg bicycles or in pedestrian pairs - with lager louts and boozed yobettes – tanked up on litres of Pitbull Brewery’s 12% ABV ‘Dogbite Special Brew’ and ‘Tithead Tankard’ – permitted a very short shrift regarding to their bawling and vandalistic anti-social behaviour.

So, who is to blame at the end of the day for the town’s fall from grace – for our society and human nature demand that, quid pro quo, someone must be held responsible? Perhaps the graft and corruption-ridden Freemason-dominated cabal that once comprised the ranks of Altrincham Municipal Borough Council. Cross the shifty Planning Department’s palm with silver and build what you wanted under the tenure of Mayor Arthur Vesey (1950), the inutile and absurd Edie Fitton (1957) – followed by a succession of miscreants, including that insidious pair of Oldfield Brow venal vulgarians, Mayor Ethel ‘Wrinkles’ Hoyle (1966) and her WWII conscription-dodging craven spouse, the porcine Mayor George Hoyle (1967).

Or does equal responsibility lie with Altrincham Municipal Borough Council’s successor: Trafford MBC and their impotent, stagnating Revised Unitary Development Plan? Alas, the town needs a lot more than a cosmetic ‘face-lift’ and a spot of Botox. Perhaps chemotherapy or radical surgery might be more in order.

Between them all and decades of mismanagement by Tory toffs (MP’s Freddy ‘The Frog’ Errol; Tony ‘The Bludger’ Barber; ‘Fiddling’ Fergus Montgomery; and now Graham 'Piranha Teeth’ Brady (he of the moronic Cheshire cat grin - whose mongrel genes have equipped him with the required prognathous dentistry to eat an apple through a tennis racket) - they all contributed to ripping the heart and soul and character out of any and all autonomy and individuality that Altrincham once possessed.

Thus little wonder the place is yet another clone of every other disenfranchised township found across the length and breadth of our sceptred isle – our once green and pleasant land. Like Old Mother Hubbard’s cupboard – not much there of any interest to anyone – or their proverbial dog.
Point: has anyone thought of doing a shifty copy-cat job and ‘twinning’ Altrincham with artistic Marlborough in Wiltshire – and losing the current Chernobyl image?

Regardless, while surviving traders and residents are leading the ‘good fight’ in an attempt to rid ‘Alderingaham’ of its merited ‘ghost town’ image, Bill and Ben, the town’s mythical founding Tring Brothers, are probably turning in their graves, saddened by the fact that neither Trafford’s ‘Revised Unitary Development Plan’ nor extended free parking periods - nor 50,000 volts shoved up their little hamlet’s rear end with a Taser - are going to make the place thrive again.
Nor the re-introduction of Saturday afternoon bull or bear or badger baiting; or terrier vs rat matches; or ‘fowl’ cockfight events – or the bare knuckle fist tournaments the town was once notorious for - not while the distractions of HD television and the likes of the Trafford Centre and Greedy Grocer supermarkets exist – and one can shop from the comfort of an armchair - online.

Food for thought: A Dunham Road sign announces to visitors: ‘Welcome to Altrincham – a historic Charter Borough and Market Town since 1290’ – thanks to the munificence of Norman pillager and local Baron, Hamon de Mascis – a renowned shopaholic in his own right.
However, in the 1086 first edition of the Domesday Book, the entire area that now comprises Altrincham, Bowdon and Hale came under the ‘Hundred of Bucklow’ and was estimated to have a population of around fifty persons – including ducks - with the entire County of Cheshire being valued at £150 quid (albeit a tidy sum when the average wage for a tortoise polisher was a mere half farthing per week – before tax and insurance).

Amen, and cynicism aside, here endeth today’s lesson on the futility of attempting to turn back the clock to more civilised days and raise Lazarus without the benefit of Divine assistance. But, as Darwin once said regarding the survival of the fittest: “Evolution’s a real bitch”.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Sunday 23 January 2011

PC Gigolo Humps MP Cuckold’s Missus

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

A police officer from the Met’s elite Plod-Guard ‘Rumpy Unit’, which is assigned to provide close-in protection for the UK’s House of Conmans politicians, has been suspended from duty following allegations he had an inappropriate relationship with the teenage wife of the nonagenarian Labour shadow minister Alan Cuckold

PC ‘Knobber’ McGigolo, a former greeter at Belmarsh Immigration Prison, acted as a personal protection officer for the 96-year old minister when he was in charge of the Home Office and is reputed to have been assigned as a bodyguard for Tory MP Theresa Maybe since she took over as the ‘blonde moment’ Home Secretary last year when New Labour and the hapless Cuckold were booted out of office.

Cuckold, the Labour MP for Red Bull & Hassel, and a man of pedestrian intelligence who spent most of his formative years stuck in traffic jams, apparently made a snap decision to quit his shadow cabinet job as Chancellor, citing ‘personal reasons’ and the fact his current state of health and pressures of the job didn’t allow him to devote the required attention to his 18-year old nymphomaniac wife’s carnal demands.

Mr Cuckold’s sudden resignation apparently came as a complete surprise to the Labour party leader Ed Millipede even though he has suffered repeated bouts of criticism for harbouring ambitions far beyond the scope of his abilities and his inept grasp of the Exchequer office’s more technical aspects – such as being able to count past ten and possess the ability to add, subtract, multiply and divide numbers in the six and seven digit category – without the aid of a team of chartered accountants or post-grad’ mathematics students.

An indignant Mrs Sluttsy Cuckold told media reporters “Well, what the fuck’s a promiscuous young slapper supposed ter do ter get laid? He were all-right when I first got together wiv him after we met on the Shag-Match social networkin’ website, even if his concept of ‘foreplay’ woz takin’ of his skiddies an’ puttin’ on a condom. Alan woz Postman Pat and I woz Miss Shagnasty

“Anyways, since old Cyclops Brown took over from Tony Bliar an’ Alan copped fer the Home Office job, me sex life started ter go tits up. Now, since everyone found out the Labour party woz made up of blokes who could fuck up a perfectly good anvil an’ they lost the last election the situation’s got worse an’ Alan kept puttin’ off going ter the doctor and getting’ a prescription fer Viagra, claimin’ it weren’t a physical thingy but just worry over bein’ promoted ter shadow chancellor and not bein’ very good wiv figures and failin’ his O-level exam in Maths.”

“No shit, I were effin’ sick an’ tired of getting’ meself off wiv a cucumber an’ wanted some real stiff cock fer a change – an’ then PC Knobber McGigolo turns up as Alan’s bodyguard. Yer know wot they say – never look a gift horse in the mouth – especially when it’s hung like an effin’ donkey.”

With regard to the Directorate of Professional Standards (DPS) investigation into misconduct with Mrs Cuckold and worshipping the goddess below her navel while on duty, and in his defence against adulterous accusations, PC McGigolo told one gutter press hack from the Philanderers Gazette “Minister Gigolo simply hadn’t been keeping his end up (sic) relative to nuptial obligations, so Sluttsy would sidle up and start admiring and fondling me truncheon while I was giving it the obligatory daily polish, saying things like “Oh my, that’s a big one you have there Knobber”, then she’d give me the wink and we’d head off down to their weekend cottage at Doggers Wood for a private physical therapy session. Believe me, she’s one hell of a good shag and can suck the chrome off a caravan towing hitch.”

Scandalous rumours that PC McGigolo was assigned to Home Secretary Theresa Maybe at her personal request as her ‘toy boy’ are being vehemently denied by Scotland Yard and Shitehall’s chief mandarin Sir Gus O’Donker.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Saturday 22 January 2011

Merkel Lauds Israeli Barbarians

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The Rothshite bankster crime syndicate’s ‘American Jewish Committee’ has honoured German Chancellor Mangy Merkel for her outspoken support and praise of Israel, and Zionism as a whole – and for totally ignoring the growing ground swell of international political censorship over the plight of the marginalised Palestinian population of the country they stole via the medium of terrorism and an ethnic cleansing policy that bordered on genocide in 1948 - and whose hapless Arab Muslim survivors are today confined behind the kikester’s rabid racist Great Apartheid Walls in the shitty enclaves of the daily diminishing West Bank and the DU-contaminated Gaza Strip.

The AJC group's executive director Seymour Scattstein presented the pudgy Merkel with its hypocrisy-ridden ‘Light Unto the Nations Award’ (Or LaGoyim) last Thursday - ironically - or perhaps only too appropriately - in the reception area of the Berlin chancellery's War Crimes Museum.

However, totally ignoring the subconscious urges of her Aryan master race DNA, and the rogue Zionist state’s despicable human rights record - which should have prompted the Kraut muppet leader to tell the psychopathic kikesters to stick their award up their arse - the conscienceless dumpy hausfrau accepted it on behalf of the German people – most of whom, the Neo Nazi factions especially, might hold polarised differing views towards Israel and their Light Unto the Nations bullshit.

Elevating Israeli brazen chutzpah and gross hypocrisy to an all-new level, Scattstein praised Merkel for her "outspoken support for international Zionism and God’s Chosen People, and the values of human freedom and human dignity that are hallmarks of Chancellor Merkel's visionary political leadership."

Since the two countries established diplomatic ties in 1965 under the dystopic leadership of the porcine Chancellor Slugwig Erhard, Germany has become one of Israel's strongest apologists in Europe – adopting a continuing policy of saying ‘sorry’ for their responsibility for the Holohoax and throwing their support behind Israeli efforts to shut down Iran’s nuclear energy programme – which might well threaten the IDF's current Mid-East military hegemony.

Previous pro-Zionist and career Israeli apologist recipients of the Light Unto the Nations Award include former U.S. scumbag and draft dodging criminal Bill Clinton and the diminutive French dwarf Nicolas Sarkozy - and former Colombian cocaine warlord cum President, Alvaro Urinal.

Thought for the day: Do you believe that Zionist Israel’s homicidal policies of ethnic cleansing towards the Palestinian Semite Muslim population of the country they stole via the Nakba in 1948 – or their continuing belligerence in the Mid-East region - qualifies their claim to be God’s Chosen People or a stellar example of international morality as stated in the Book of Isaiah - that their outlaw state is a ‘Light Unto the Nations’?

Alas the ironic hypocrisy of these self-promoting global pariahs, for as the delusional Israeli Defence Minister Ehud Barak once stated “I have no doubt in my heart that the IDF is the most moral army in the world”.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Que? Massive Job Cuts Save Money?

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

A GMB union whistle-blower working for Ox-Rat, the government abuse watchdog charity, this morning informed one reporter from the Redundancy Gazette that 6,000 menial pen pushing and manual labour jobs are under threat at Smegmashire County Council.
The grasser, (Bazzer McSnitch) who spoke to the gutter press news hack on conditions of anonymity, claimed the posts were threatened due the Libservative coalition Chancellor Georgie Oddbourne’s £180 zillion quid budget savings cuts forced on the Tory-run local authority earlier this month.

Conversely, and in a bid to avoid conflict and incite an atmosphere of hostility and resentment amongst the 24,000 non-schools workforce employed by the council, who might well resort to a revised working policy of ‘go-even-slower’ and incite acts of sabotage, Smegmashire County Council boss Sir Irwin Bogbrush claimed “We wanted to keep it all hush-hush until the axe fell, as our hand is being forced by Westminster and these job cuts are to save money.”

Que – excuse moi? Job cuts to save money? How exactly are 6,000 job losses going to save money? Okay, 6,000 less minimum wage monthly salaries to fork out – but by that rule then 6,000 less monthly tax and national insurance and pension scheme deductions to be made – that won’t be headed for the government’s piggy bank.

Then we have the dilemma of 6,000 hapless fuckers out of work and primarily having to be paid a hefty wedge of tax-free redundancy money apiece, then the whole lot turn up en mass at the Jobcentre Plus offices to sign on and collect £60:50p per week jobseekers allowance. 6,000 x £60:50 = £363,000 per week - x 52 weeks = £18,876,000 quid per annum.
Then we’ll have 6,000 unemployed claims for Housing Benefit and Council Tax Benefit – hence an even greater drain on local authority finances – all self-inflicted.

And that’s the way it will remain for these 6,000 hapless fuckers as there just ain’t any jobs out there to be had – and not much chance of getting one – unless you fancy flitting to Poland to find work - plenty of vacancies (at sub-minimum wage) as the majority of their population’s over here stealing our effin’ jobs.

Next come the evictions, when those of the 6,000 who have mortgages can’t afford to pay the monthly premiums – with entire families made homeless and cast out on the streets – and who then turn to drink and drugs to ease their psychological burden – and street crime as a means of survival.

Among the services Smegmashire Council are planning to cut will include roads having street lights switched off – turning them into a mugger’s and rapist’s paradise - plus 25 rural bus services being given the hoof and marginalising the rustic yokel sector of society. Further cuts will hit home help for vulnerable adults and children, and transport for youngsters with special needs.

It is also planned to close five children's homes and four recycling centres – turning the entire county of Smegmashire into a mess of shambolic chaos, with abandoned and homeless kids going feral and resorting to mooching and rooting through mountains of garbage on burgeoning landfill sites.

Then, to add insult to injury, while Cabbage Patch Dave and his band of merry imbeciles in Downing Street (who still believe wood grows on trees) plan to sell off the nation’s forests to Lumberjacks-R-Us, for thirty pieces of silver, the promised forty hectares of new tree planting around Twatford Fell and Scrunt’s Dyke have also been scrapped due lack of funds .

So, congratulations to Scameron and his other zillionaire Tory cabinet buddies earning £135,000 quid per annum – plus expenses – in less than a year of being in office they’ve turned Britain’s social infrastructure and welfare state back a full century – to Dickensian levels of the workhouse and debtor prisons.

May they with trepidation reap the harvest of the folly they’ve sown – and created a wholly avoidable situation that now breeds Bolshie anti-government sentiments and generalised dissent that may well – hopefully – reach a critical mass and ignite a chain reaction anarchist’s revolution of Biblical proportions that might see all public and government debt bondage to the IMF Rothshite Shylock banksters wiped away, our dystopic EUSSR membership shit-canned and a return to common sense government – by the people – and for the people.

* Carbon Credit Cap & Trade Exchange (aka Global Warming / Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration: No trees, fish, cormorants, bumble bees or small furry mammals were harmed in posting this message. However, a large number of electrons were temporarily inconvenienced.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Friday 21 January 2011

Frying Pan Calls Kettle ‘Black Arse’

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

In a most juvenile exchange of back-stabbing and cat-calling, the Librarian-Dummercrats leader Mick Clogg and New Labour child prodigy Fuhrer Ed Millipede, publicly exercised in the House of Conmans their democratic right to talk and act like fools – with the pair of posturing clots referring to one another as ‘a useless twat’ – and both being perfectly correct in their statements.

Clogg, wholly missing out on the total hypocrisy of his statement when accusing Millipede (aka the Infant Emissary from the Planet Fuckwit) of “weak political leadership” after himself stating for the public record in his pre-election manifesto that his Lib-Dum party would oppose any and all hikes in education tuition fees. Then, with the Janus duplicity so typical of all politicians, did entirely the opposite - kissed Posh Dave Scameron’s arse and went along with the mega-buck tripling of student tuition fees that caused mass protests and which culminated with Prince Chazzer’s Roller getting the shit kicked out of it along Regent Street during the ensuing riots.

This adolescent instance of name-calling across the benches quickly erupted into a bout of pushing, shoving and spitting which turned into a nasty display of bitch-slapping, and ended up with the idiotic pair rolling around the House of Conmans floor -screaming like two pissed-up yobette slappers out on a Saturday night binge drinking session - pulling each other’s hair, scratching and biting – until Deputy-Speaker Dawn Primarollup waded in, wielding Black Rod’s cudgel and calling them “A right pair of scrotes – as if I haven’t got enough of a disturbance already today with musical fucking neckties!”

The ‘tiff’ kicked off good and proper during question time when Mick Clogg claimed that Labour's "dinosaur peers" in the Upper House were trying to block the planned referendum on whether to change the House of Conmans voting system from the current ‘first-past-the-post’ to an alternative system when deciding on the culinary fare for the following week’s canteen menu.

However Ed Millipede, backed up by Labour’s shadow minister for garden sheds, Chris Bogbrush, was quick to contradict Clogg, stating the public was fed up with him after breaking so many promises made in the Lib-Dum’s pre-election manifesto – saying one thing only to do entirely the opposite.

Millipede then came out with the accusation that caused the fracas to descend to a fisticuffs level “You were okay with the canteen menu the way it was and happy to have egg and chips or Cottagers Pie for lunch every day – until you fell in with Scameron and his Tories. Now you want the menu altering to have all this posh stuff on – Pheasant pate, Scum Island oysters, Lobster Thermidore and Lark’s testicles from breakfast.”

Clogg then reduced Millipede to tears by calling him a “big girl’s blouse” and claiming he’d done a “Cain and Abel” and stabbed his elder brother David in the back to grab the party leadership – finally issuing the fatal rejoinder of “Well I fancy a bit of decent tucker now I can afford it on a cabinet minister’s pay – and at least I’m not a cheap twat like you – bringing Spam butties in one of Poundland’s fake Tupperware boxes, then claiming twenty quid for lunch on expenses.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Baroness Bonkers Disses Table Talk

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

During a speech at the University of Smegmadale yesterday, and a display of political correctness gone mad, the Yorkshire-born Baroness Bonkers Warthog, Chairslut of the Tory Party, announced for the public record that certain time-honoured British prandial protocols are being ignored, and since 9/11 slagging off Muslims and generally dissing Islam is part and parcel of acceptable dinner table discourse.

Warthog, of Pakistani descent, is viewed by many worshippers of Allah as a shifty Muslim of convenience and was pelted with hard boiled haram duck eggs while on a Dacoit Day political brownie points-scoring mooch-about in the Jolly Jihad terrorist recruitment centre of Luton in November 2009 for her support of the US-led wars of aggression against Muslims in Iraq and Afghanistan.

In her speech to the University’s ‘Dactylogy Society’ Baroness Warthog warned that prejudice towards Muslims had passed the dining table test and become a social norm – especially so when roast pork topped the carvery menu.

Her remarks were no doubt designed to stir up a whole heap of racial and sectarian rhetorical bullshit concerning tolerance and mutual respect within a multicultural society – yet totally ignored the fact that Muslims hate our hard-won Democratic freedoms, call us ‘Infidels’, and claim our American cousins represent the ‘Great Satan’.

So, what is Mrs Warthog out to achieve – enacting legislation that bans anyone expressing a negative opinion towards a religion that is still in the Middle Ages (1432) and totally foreign to a British culture that thrives on bacon butties? Especially so the subservient act of kneeling down and banging your head on the floor repeatedly five time per day being deemed by common sense Anglo-Saxons as ‘effin’ barmy’.
So too the brutal Sharia Laws that sanction stoning to death for adultery or the chopping off of a hand for petty theft – penalties all too common around Muslim nations – especially so the barbarian-dominated Third World dystopic shithole of Saudi Arabia.

Or is Warthog simply out to enact only a partial ban – with anti-Muslim sentiments towards the three million worshippers of Islam residing in the UK still permissible under the inalienable rights of free speech and calling a spade “a spade” - in pubs and on street corners – yet enforceable over the dinner table?

The British have several established and traditionally ‘verboten’ dinner table taboos - such as “Don’t mention the war!” if there are Germans round for supper – or farting (especially SBD’s or even a rasping, smelly crowd-disperser if being served Brussels sprouts); plus nose-picking; arse or crotch scratching; or discussing who one saw going into the local clap clinic the other day - with the Chinese habit of hawking and gobbing while at the table being a definite no-no.

Thoughts for the day: Is your dinner table chat guided by the restraints of political correctness when you have a few Muslim jihadists or gollies or pikeys or poofters round for a nosh-up?
Would you opine to your local Rabbi over dessert that the entire Nazi Holohoax legend is a fabricated sympathy-seeking scam to promote and justify the Palestine land grab?
If the neighbouring Muezzin is howling out his adhan and the final salat (prayer call) of the day from the top of his minaret while you’re having supper, do you stick your head out of the door and shout “Hey, shut the fuck up Abdul!”?

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Thursday 20 January 2011

UK Child Grooming Hypocrisy

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Barnardo's, the UK orphanage charity for vulnerable children, today released a press statement to the Kiddie Fiddler’s Gazette that it is working with more than 1,000 British sprogs who have been groomed, abused and trafficked for money, and claim the problem is growing like Pinocchio’s whatsit. The call comes as the Child Exploitation and Online Protection Centre coincidentally commences a Ministry for Wasting Time & Money-funded study "to identify any patterns of offending, victimisation or vulnerability" – such as targeting girls with blue eyes and blonde hair – or simply the fact they possess three holes.

Children, specifically females so young they are just beginning to sprout hair they can sit on, are being sexually exploited by organised gangs of what Jack Straw, the Labour MP for Thatched Cottage, recently, in a most racist stereotyping tone, referred to as “Scallies of Paki and Pikey descent”.

As part of it’s current fund-raising ‘begging bowl mission’ Barnardo's claims it had 22 teams of do-gooders spread out across the UK and all have come across organised child trafficking – especially so around Roman Catholic seminaries, Freemason’s lodges, and Scotland's Holyrood Parliament.

Glenda McSlagg, a spokeswoman for Barnardo's, told the Pederasts Review the problem was far more prevalent than it had previously thought and the 1,000 or so victims identified were merely ‘the tit of the iceberg’.
"Children, both boys and girls, are being trafficked and passed from man to woman and back to man, home to home and city to city for money. This problem is getting worse in that the grooming is becoming more organised using cellphone technology and online computer social networks and websites – such as Fuckbook and Twatter.”

McSlagg claims the children at the heart of the issue have "been forgotten as discussion has been controversially focused on the ethnicity of perpetrators in high-profile cases by clots like Jack Straw.”
"What we need is a minister with overall responsibility for kiddie fiddling – and by this I do mean to either regulate it – and preferably stamp the practice out altogether – otherwise the government response is likely to remain, as always, totally piss poor. Too many children and young teens are being sexually exploited in the shadows of society, groomed in secret by heartless gangs of sexual predators, bogus boyfriends and priests who shower vulnerable children with gifts and lure them to bed with promises of multiple orgasms to die for.”

Ms McSlagg further elaborated that there were typical signs parents should be on the look out for.

"First of all, that children get gifts they couldn't possibly pay for on their own – such as 25 carat solitaire diamond rings that obviously are not from Pound Stretcher’s bling shelf – or boy’s coming home with gold sovereign knuckle duster rings and two ounce gold chains around their necks – gifts from some wrinkled granny for being their toy boy gigolo – or for playing the catamite for a fudging sodomite who wanted to show them his ‘one-eyed trouser snake’.”
"Secondly, children that get involved begin to be a bit more quiet and secretive about their friends and phone calls from shifty bank managers concerning new deposits in their numbered Swiss bank accounts.”
"And thirdly, that these boys and girls start to have very suspicious sleep-overs. Suddenly, sleep-overs become more prevalent – and they return home after a weekend shag-fest walking like a cowboy who’s been in the saddle all night."

Penny Bogbrush, director of children and young people at the ‘What Maidenhead?’ young teens watchdog charity, echoed McSlagg's remarks and urged the government to make a single government minister responsible for the issue – stating "Child sexual exploitation is an appalling crime - it is a form of child sexual abuse and must not be tolerated. This is a complex problem and we are determined to tackle it effectively by working collaboratively right across government and with national and local agencies such as the vigilante ‘Burn the Paedos’ group."

Hmmm, in a perfect world scrotes would obey the laws and not be inclined to breach kiddie fiddling statutes. However, as a ‘perfect world’ is as likely to manifest as Hell freezing over then perhaps a specific minister given formal responsibility for tackling the issue might be the primary step in providing a solution.
Hopefully some fucker or their dog will assign an honest one with the requisite social and moral conscience who’ll publish and expose the National Criminal Intelligence Service’s ‘Operation Ore’ list of the 7,250 child pornographers and paedophile suspects identified in the United Kingdom who used credit cards to access child porno’ websites.

Hence if these social moralisers – and perhaps too the dodgy Libservative coalition government - are so concerned about doing the right thing then they first need to rectify the criminal hypocrisy implemented by the New Labour Slime Minister Tony Bliar in 2003 when he barred the publication of Operation Ore’s index of raving paedo’s.

Nevertheless, Blair's halting of the Operation Ore investigation and his criminally-imposed news blackout to block the publishing of any details of the investigation and revealing that 90% plus of Whitehall and Parliament are infested with shirt-lifters and kiddie fiddlers (including such celebrity perverts as the notoriously arrogant faggot Lord Peter Scandalson, aka Vermin in Ermine) failed to prevent one of his closest confidante's, Philip Lyon, from being arrested and charged after thousands of images of children forced to perform sexual acts were discovered on his House of Conmans and home computers – which Lyons claimed he used his credit cards to pay access for solely out of curiosity and not later sexual delectations or provide masturbation fantasy materials.

In the United States, Operation Ore's counterpart was Operation Avalanche, which netted a total of 35,000 child porno’ website users.

However, regardless of the despicable Bliar pulling down the shutters on the British National Criminal Intelligence Service’s Operation Ore, some 1850 people were criminally charged in the case and there were 1451 convictions. Almost 500 people were interviewed "under caution" by police, meaning they were suspects and 900 individuals remain under investigation.
In early 2003, British police began to close in on some top suspects named in the investigation, including senior members of Blair's government and a choice selection of House of Conmans Parliamentarian MP’s, Upper House Lords - and Whitehall civil service mandarins. Hence Bliar’s imposed news blackout before the cat got totally out of the bag and the whole lot went tits up.

Perhaps if Operation Ore’s investigation had been allowed to proceed to an honest conclusion and prosecutions, and not been stifled by the preposterous war criminal Bliar to protect the paedophiles comprising his Labour government, then eventually the truth concerning the Dunblane school massacre and Thomas Hamilton running a Freemasons paedo’ club for ranking government officials such as NATO boss Lord Slobertson might have been exposed at long last.

Once the dominoes started to topple, maybe even the scandalous Hollie Greig case involving scores of ‘special needs’ and disabled children being sexually abused over decades by the establishment elite of paedo Freemasons and other assorted Grampian lairds and assorted worthies running Scotland’s ‘Sin City’ crime – and kiddie-fiddling – capital of Scaberdeen might have at long ‘overdue’ last attracted the attentions of the Crown Prosecution Service to bring the perverted pederast villains responsible for child rapes and murder to justice - which to date no Westminster or Holyrood politician nor member of the British police or judiciary has the nerve to mention, let alone investigate as it’s one can of crawlies that when up-ended, will initiate far-reaching repercussions down upon the heads of officialdom’s perverts.

Thought for the day: One of Scaberdeen’s (now twinned with Sodom and Gomorrah) many weird by-laws, that makes it a ‘Paedo’s Paradise’ is a statute declaring it actually illegal to file criminal charges against the Ferryhill-based Masonic pederasts and like august members of officialdom who infest the city’s establishment – from education through medical through social care workers, through the entire policing and injustice system.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Oh, and by the way, fuck the UK’s bent government and civil service – and the holier-than-thou hypocritical Satanist Freemasons.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.