Saturday, 22 January 2011

Que? Massive Job Cuts Save Money?

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

A GMB union whistle-blower working for Ox-Rat, the government abuse watchdog charity, this morning informed one reporter from the Redundancy Gazette that 6,000 menial pen pushing and manual labour jobs are under threat at Smegmashire County Council.
The grasser, (Bazzer McSnitch) who spoke to the gutter press news hack on conditions of anonymity, claimed the posts were threatened due the Libservative coalition Chancellor Georgie Oddbourne’s £180 zillion quid budget savings cuts forced on the Tory-run local authority earlier this month.

Conversely, and in a bid to avoid conflict and incite an atmosphere of hostility and resentment amongst the 24,000 non-schools workforce employed by the council, who might well resort to a revised working policy of ‘go-even-slower’ and incite acts of sabotage, Smegmashire County Council boss Sir Irwin Bogbrush claimed “We wanted to keep it all hush-hush until the axe fell, as our hand is being forced by Westminster and these job cuts are to save money.”

Que – excuse moi? Job cuts to save money? How exactly are 6,000 job losses going to save money? Okay, 6,000 less minimum wage monthly salaries to fork out – but by that rule then 6,000 less monthly tax and national insurance and pension scheme deductions to be made – that won’t be headed for the government’s piggy bank.

Then we have the dilemma of 6,000 hapless fuckers out of work and primarily having to be paid a hefty wedge of tax-free redundancy money apiece, then the whole lot turn up en mass at the Jobcentre Plus offices to sign on and collect £60:50p per week jobseekers allowance. 6,000 x £60:50 = £363,000 per week - x 52 weeks = £18,876,000 quid per annum.
Then we’ll have 6,000 unemployed claims for Housing Benefit and Council Tax Benefit – hence an even greater drain on local authority finances – all self-inflicted.

And that’s the way it will remain for these 6,000 hapless fuckers as there just ain’t any jobs out there to be had – and not much chance of getting one – unless you fancy flitting to Poland to find work - plenty of vacancies (at sub-minimum wage) as the majority of their population’s over here stealing our effin’ jobs.

Next come the evictions, when those of the 6,000 who have mortgages can’t afford to pay the monthly premiums – with entire families made homeless and cast out on the streets – and who then turn to drink and drugs to ease their psychological burden – and street crime as a means of survival.

Among the services Smegmashire Council are planning to cut will include roads having street lights switched off – turning them into a mugger’s and rapist’s paradise - plus 25 rural bus services being given the hoof and marginalising the rustic yokel sector of society. Further cuts will hit home help for vulnerable adults and children, and transport for youngsters with special needs.

It is also planned to close five children's homes and four recycling centres – turning the entire county of Smegmashire into a mess of shambolic chaos, with abandoned and homeless kids going feral and resorting to mooching and rooting through mountains of garbage on burgeoning landfill sites.

Then, to add insult to injury, while Cabbage Patch Dave and his band of merry imbeciles in Downing Street (who still believe wood grows on trees) plan to sell off the nation’s forests to Lumberjacks-R-Us, for thirty pieces of silver, the promised forty hectares of new tree planting around Twatford Fell and Scrunt’s Dyke have also been scrapped due lack of funds .

So, congratulations to Scameron and his other zillionaire Tory cabinet buddies earning £135,000 quid per annum – plus expenses – in less than a year of being in office they’ve turned Britain’s social infrastructure and welfare state back a full century – to Dickensian levels of the workhouse and debtor prisons.

May they with trepidation reap the harvest of the folly they’ve sown – and created a wholly avoidable situation that now breeds Bolshie anti-government sentiments and generalised dissent that may well – hopefully – reach a critical mass and ignite a chain reaction anarchist’s revolution of Biblical proportions that might see all public and government debt bondage to the IMF Rothshite Shylock banksters wiped away, our dystopic EUSSR membership shit-canned and a return to common sense government – by the people – and for the people.

* Carbon Credit Cap & Trade Exchange (aka Global Warming / Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration: No trees, fish, cormorants, bumble bees or small furry mammals were harmed in posting this message. However, a large number of electrons were temporarily inconvenienced.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

No comments: