Scameron to Change Hire n Fire Laws

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Cabbage Patch Dave Scameron and his Downing Street think tank - composed of anoraks and beardies from the Common Purpose social engineering outfit – whose speciality is ‘NLP’ (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) - and the Tavistock Institute for Mass Mind Control – all of whom are totally detached from actual reality – have come up with the stellar revelation that the only reason people are unemployed in Britain today is due the fact that bosses find it too complicated a proceedure to fire unsatisfactory staff.

Hence, according to this piece of idiotic 'reverse psychology' logic, if companies can terminate anyone who they deem ‘unsatisfactory’ – such as legions of ‘oldies’ and ‘sickies’ (read disabled) and ‘individuals’ with a mind of their own, who get a bit Bolshie when someone mentions ‘pay freezes’ – or folk whose face doesn’t fit – then if the employment laws are altered to make it easier to terminate such, the Jobcentres will be empty and everyone and their dog will be back in work.

Doubtless disregarding 20/20 hindsight, has it occurred to these academic morons, all of whom departed their respective Universities and Institutes of Learning with more degrees than a thermometer, that if Posh Dave and his Libservative Coalition ammend the law to make it easier to fire aggie staff then that’s precisely what will happen – they’ll create the climate of opportunity for employers to get shut of workers who simply refuse to doff their caps, kowtow or kiss arse.

And this is precisely the toxic essence of Scameron’s proposed Employers’ Charter - which will allow companies to get rid of ‘human resources’ without the threat of being dragged before an Employment Tribunal on charges of sham redundancies or constructive / unfair dismissals.

The current scatterbrained scheme being floated is to get Britain back to work by making it easier to sack staff in the first two years of their employment. Under current legislation, a sacked employee can bring an unfair dismissal claim against an employer after only a year, so the Coalition wants to double – to two years - the leeway given to firms.

Obviously none of the eggheads involved – or PM Posh Dave and his sidekick Mick Clogg, have yet thought their scheme through to the obvious conclusion that the implementation of such a radical ammendment to employment laws would cause the labour trade unions to roar and instigate a legion of protests and official strikes that will, primarily, further cripple the ecomony – and secondly initiate a wave of ‘day of reckoning’ retribution sackings of the company pariahs.

Scameron believes that by ‘relaxing’ (sic) the laws on employment, companies will be encouraged to take on zillions more staff – and to cap off the madness he's further planning to introduce a deterrent to sacked workers seeking what he, in his infinite wisdom as a ‘divine being’ regards as 'vexatious claims' - specifically a fiscal charge to take companies to an Employment Tribunal will also be introduced and thus nullify all claims due financial restrictions. Nice one, Dave – the crony Capitalist’s friend.

As part of the shake-up of employment law and to further aggravate negative worker and trade union sentiments, there is also expected to be a reduction in the length of time that firms have to pay personnel statutory sick pay - currently set at a minimum of £79.15 for up to 28 weeks - while some small companies could be released from what they regard as ‘draconic’ employment laws altogether.

This numpty scheme is to be unveiled as part of the Prime Minister's ‘Jolly Jobs Summit’ at Downing Street this week, where a score of Britain's biggest employers – including the Greedy Grocer leaders Pestco, Pukesburys, Mammon & Snobfords and Shiteland – plus the British Army's 'Body Bags Division', Troublespot Taverns, McDonalds Chew n Spew junk food, Microslop Computers, Pound Stretcher and War Zone Oil — will promise to take on zillions of new basic minimum wage recruits from Albania and Poland - and create more opportunities for school leavers to be hired into dead end jobs and intellectual wastelands - stacking shelves, washing pots, posting fliers and emptying wheelie bins.

However political critics claim that on the first day of the new Parliamentary session, Scameron’s spin doctors are aiming to switch the focus to plans for creating economic growth – even through the idiotic medium of making it easier for bosses to fire employees – thus moving the stupid public’s attentions away from the tuition fee hikes and draconic public spending and welfare benefit cuts.

Alas, what vision these clowns lack when they cannot see the problems of economy lie with Britain being de-industrialised by Maggie Twatcher and her Tory cohorts - and disenfrachising a generation of highly skilled engineers. We simply need to get back to ‘manufacturing’ and stop importing crap quality merchandise from the ‘emerging economy’ Third World sweatshops of India and China – to name but a couple.

Hmmm, what the fuck next? Makes one think as to where Scameron’s schemes are heading. He’s starting to sound like the Chinese mandarins of the barbaric Middle Kingdom, issuing edicts declaring “Read this, Tremble, and Obey!”

Thought for the day: Will this ‘Employer’s Charter’ make it easier to terminate the legions of the EUSSR’s 27 nation community economic immigrants and swan-roasting pikeys currently infesting the UK's commerce and industry like termites – who, in direct breach of HSE statutes can’t read safety signs or speak fluent English – but currently can’t be fired for those reasons as it is an affront to their human rights – which in itself is an affront to common sense.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.