Thursday, 27 January 2011

Skewed News Views Shorts

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Max Mosley, the sado-masochist ex-FIA / Formula One head honcho and wayward son of Sir Ozzie Mosley - the raving pro-Nazi propaganda nutter notorious for his faux aristocratic radio broadcast moniker of Screaming Lord Mini-Ho-Ho - today informed reporters he is once again suing the Sunday Shitraker gutter press tabloid for publishing allegations he had been admitted to The Priory Clinic (beloved of celebrity head-bangers) for psychiatric treatment related to his sexual fetish addiction fantasy of being tied up by Wonder Woman with her ‘golden lariat’, then bent over and given a good seeing to with a birch cane and her strap-on dildo.

Mosley successfully sued the red top tabloid in 2008 over a breach of privacy issue concerning revelations he had paid for a kinky sex orgy involving a ‘harsh discipline’ session with several Easter European whores and a pair of nanny goats, choreographed under the directions of his personal Dominatrix, Madam Fifi Godermiche, at her deluxe Spankers Emporium dungeon in Chelsea.

British aristocrat and career kleptomaniac Lord O’Dinga Taylor, while awaiting sentence after being convicted of fiddling his Upper House expenses to the tune of zillions of pounds, was yesterday interviewed by Scotland Yard’s Serious Crime Squad on suspicion of grand larceny concerning his involvement in the theft of a swear box from the reception desk at the Tourettes Institute.

The UK Libservative coalition government’s Foreign Secretary, Willy Vague has called on both the authorities ‘and’ protesters in Algeria, Tunisia and Egypt – and any other North African Third World shithole hotbeds of political dissent up for a spot of violent revolution over the way they’re being misgoverned - to show restraint and avoid violence.
In a statement to journalists outside London's 'Friends of Israel Club' the moronic Vague especially urged President Monty Mubarak’s institutionally-corrupt Egyptian government to "listen to the concerns of those demonstrating and respect rights of freedom of assembly and expression" – a piece of advice his own government totally ignore in Britain regarding social unrest and student demonstrations – to the extent they are now planning to introduce legislation to allow police to shoot protesters on sight.

A US federal judge, Billy Bob Corruptioni, has ruled that Texan zillionaire Allen Stanford Corruptioni (no relation) is mentally unfit, due anxiety attacks and acute depression, to stand trial on charges of running a $7 billion dollar dodgy pyramid selling scheme based on the Moon which apparently defrauded property investors.
The district prosecutor for the state of Texas did draw the court’s attention to the contradiction that while the judge considered the accused ‘mentally unfit to stand trial’ on fraud charges, he had been mentally fit enough to continue conducting his money-spinning rip-off scam until confronted with the fact he’d broken the 11th Commandment, got his criminal arse caught, and faced a lengthy custodial sentence for the error of his ways.

The 2010 ‘Total Hypocrisy Award’ goes to Israel Defence Minister Ehud ‘Shlomo’ Barak, who, in spite of the Israeli Defence Force guarding the bulldozers tasked with levelling Palestinian homes and farms across the West Bank and Jerusalem to make way for illegal settlements – plus besieging the population of the Gaza Strip behind a pro-racist 30-foot high Great Apartheid Wall and thus creating the biggest concentration camp on the planet – surpassing any of Hitler’s Nazi era war crime efforts – then, following in the traditions of like barbarians, kidnapping and murdering Palestinian youths to harvest their hearts, kidneys, and livers to fuel their transplant organ black market - had the chutzpah to inform gob-smacked international gutter press journalists that on the conclusion of the IDF’s 2008 / 2009 Xmas festive season ‘Operation Kill Every Fucker’ 22-day long brutal military action against the civilian population of the Gaza Strip, that, quote - “the Isreali Defence Force is the most moral army in the world.”
Feryl Beryl McScatt, the lead singer with the Slagford Hamlets yobette group Tammy & the Tourettes, today told reporters she was “Real effin’ chuffed” with the news they’d copped the No 1 spot in the UK’s Top Ten charts with their latest hit single “Fuck off yer Shit-Faced Cunt”.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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