Thursday 28 February 2013

Karzai Cops Top Spot on Obama’s Kill List

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

In typical gobshite Third World politician fashion, Afghan President Hamid ‘Kami-Karzai’ has yet again followed the path of gross imprudence and chosen to open mouth before engaging brain – thus inadvertently adding his name to Barky Obama’s Presidential Kill List by demanding that the Great Satan’s Pentagon warmongers withdraw their special forces psychopaths from the Bellend and Fubar opium poppy growing provinces immediately – if not sooner.

Speaking with a press hack from the Graft & Corruption Gazette, presidential spokesman Aimal Faizi related that “The Boss has ordered the withdrawal of US Special Forces from the two provinces for fuelling instability and diverting the opium crop produce for their own ends.”

“Our heroin processing plants are on stand-by with this US military contingent side-tracking normal marketing and supply channels and simply seizing shipments of raw opium for the CIA – leaving us with faithful addicts biting their finger ends to the quick, waiting for their next fix – to say nothing of the interruption to our private revenue income.”

“Our secretaries at the Ministry for Narcotics are getting bogged down with calls from the Afghan embassies around the globe – wanting to know where their monthly diplomatic bag deliveries of refined heroin are – plus we have dealers all across Europe - and Yardie gangs in London - waiting on their regular Fed-Ex parcels of uncut H.”

"That is why at yesterday’s National Security Council meeting President Karzai ordered General Wingnut Jaffacake at the Ministry of Defence to kick out the US Special Forces from these two provinces – and if they refuse to go then start an all-out green-on-blue campaign until they get the message.”

Karzai’s drastic ‘fuck off, eat shit and die’ ultimatum to the ISAF command conspicuously follows in the wake of an announcement by the lard-arsed US Secretary of Defence, Leon Vendetta, who unveiled a proposal during a NATO meeting in Brussels last week that US and European forces remain in Afghanistan permanently.

Conversely, US General Joseph F. Dumfuck Jr., commander of the embedded ISAF and USFOR-A military contingents, informed war correspondents from the Blood n Guts Review that he personally was unaware of Karzai’s demands – and the accusations that Special Forces troops were responsible for the pilferage of raw opium to finance the CIA’s dirty deeds / black op’s division would be investigated.
“Meanwhile this Karzai guy needs to watch his mouth with these threats – otherwise it might just be a case of ‘blue on green’ attacks if they decide to get Bolshie with our boys.”

Thought for the day. There’s 100,000 NATO - ISAF / USFOR-A foreign occupation troops in-country - under the pretext of fighting the Taliban and al-Qa’eda militants - and they’re no closer to a military or socio-political solution than they were on the day they arrived in 2001.

This contrived US-led conflict to secure a permanent military post on the crossroads of the ‘Stans’ – and too the borders of China and Russia – has been the source of record-high civilian and military casualties, and further become the Great Satan’s longest military conflict since their last long military conflict – specifically the disastrous Vietnam misadventure.

As for Hamid Karzai – there’s only two points of view with the clinically insane militarist government of the US of A – you’re either our friend (lackey / stooge / puppet) or our enemy. Doubtless Karzai now has a MQ-9 Reaper drone’s ARGUS-IS tracking system locked on his hapless arse 24/7.

Regardless, fuck the Great Satan's Edomite Mafia and their New World Order.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references along with lashings of nano-particle cynicism and genetically-modified bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Bahrain Court Clears Murder Cops

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Judicial Corruption’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Judge Ghaban Kess Emakk, sitting at a high court hearing in Bahrain and acting on instructions from his Royal patrons, has acquitted two plods charged with murder in the shooting death of a pro-democracy demonstrator.
The expected decision – forecast by Flatbrokes, the UK’s ubiquitous High Street bookies, as an odds-on dead cert for copping a ‘not guilty’ verdict - came just two days after the same corrupt court confirmed the acquittal of half a dozen other uniformed homicidal maniacs in the deaths of protesters dating back to February 2011.

The fatality in question, a certain Mr Sheheed al Pigeon, was hit by birdshot fired from police riot guns at close range during this same period and subsequently bled to death due the fact doctors and nurses at the nearby Khara ibn Himar Medical Centre had been arrested the previous day for subversive acts against the state – specifically aiding and abetting wounded demonstrators – by bandaging the injuries they’d sustained in a brutal Plod Squad pick axe shaft and baseball bat charge to disperse them after they stared to get a narcotic high off the tear gas bombardments and grew rowdier than ever.

Mr al Pigeon was attending the funeral of a protester, Achmed bin Bala’a il A’air who had been shot the day before when the police came under attack from a hostile crowd spitting pomegranate seeds at them and shouting ‘Down with the Great Satan’ and ‘Yankee go home!’ then starting shooting to disperse the mob.
However the court, presided over by Prince Ras al Shitbag, a member of the ruling al Khalifa family, rejected defence arguments that the officers should be found guilty of murder – and conversely decided there was no intention to use lethal force even if the police had aimed and fired their shotguns directly at the now-expired Mr al Pigeon and a host of other unfortunates.

International human rights and wrongs observers and UN jurists are in damning agreement that this is yet another sore thumb case of justice denied and the litany of crimes being sanctioned by the ruling al Khaifa regime are starting to mount up and resemble that of the rogue state of Israel’s.

King Hamad bin Fat Git al Khalifa’s military forces have been armed, aided and abetted in their brutal crackdown on pro-democracy activists by troops from Saudi Arabia’s barbaric 21st Ras al Thugg Battalion - who are hyper-anxious that Bahrain should not be the first of the despotic Mid-East dynasty dominoes to fall – especially so as the postage stamp kingdom is home to the US Navy's 5th Fleet – on 24/7 stand-by in readiness for the forthcoming pre-emptive sneak attack on Iran once their proxy war in Syria is won in favour of the foreign mercenary rebel groups attempting – without much success – to oust the incumbent government of Basher al Assad.

Amnesty International’s Lebanon-based spokesman, Sheikh Fizzy al Kaseltzer, informed one press hack from the Despots Gazette that “These Shi’ite protesters, the majority of Bahrain’s hapless common herd population, are just after their Arab Spring portion of democratic fair play – which has as much chance of becoming a reality as does that of Hell freezing over – or Israeli PM Bobo Nuttyahoo agreeing to halt the illegal kikester settler programmes in the occupied West Bank of Palestine – or the IDF’s ethnic cleansing and slow cook genocide of the population of the Gaza Strip – the Knesset’s Final Solution to the Palestinian problem.”

So fuck the Edomite Mafia and their Arab state Zionist lackeys and the poxy Jesuits and Opus Dei and - and the New World Order.

Thought for the day. Yep, Bahrain’s common herd are at a definite disadvantage while the scumbag al Khalifa regime’s jackboot remains on their hapless necks – but they’re better off than the UK’s badgers as the blood and gore loving Tory- dominated coalition have just sanctioned a massive cull of their number to stem the spread of bovine TB – which will achieve no such objective.

But with shit-for-brains morons like Defra’s Minister Owen ‘Cobblers’ Paterson running the show then doubtless the bees will be next on the hit list.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references along with lashings of nano-particle cynicism and genetically-modified bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Wednesday 27 February 2013

NHS Gagging Costs Top Health Budget

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

If it isn’t one thing, then it’s another - (as any old trout of a fishwife would pontificate on from morning til night if not fitted with a scold’s bridle to shut the twat up) - with the horsemeat brouhaha taking second place in the scandal charts as Westminster in inundated with gossip over Lord Leon Brittan of Spenditall being exposed by Operation Fernbridge as the Thatcher cabinet’s ‘chief kiddie fiddler’ – and the Con-Dem coalition’s dominant Tory Party now diverting £££ billions in ‘foreign aid’ funds allocated for needy Third World countries to go instead to Philip ‘Dandruff’ Hammond at the Ministry of Defence.

Critics claim this represents a total volte face from providing help to these basket case shitholes to a contradictory opposite – by funding the UK’s military forces to now bomb them instead as they’ve been added to the Great Satan’s ‘kill list’ by the Kenyan cuckoo Anti-Christ, Barky Obama and the Pentagon’s clinically insane martial administration of kiddie killing psychopaths.

However, what is the shelf life of a decent bit of scandal? Obviously not long around Parliament and Whitehall when the gutter press Daily Shitraker’s banner headline exposes that the National Ill-Health Service has spent £15 million quid – enough to pay the annual salaries of 750 nurses – on 'special severance payments' – to facilitate legal gag orders and ’omerta’ underhand payoffs which comprised draconian confidentiality clauses ensuring the silence of 600 NHS employees fired for pointing out sore thumb faults in the system and their snitch and grasser activities – and contractually prevent them from further whistle-blowing activities.

Tory MP Steve Barclay, the member of the public accounts committee who uncovered the gagging scandal and mega-bucks covert payoff expenditures, has fought tooth and nail for two years to have the figures released following refusals by both the Department of Health and Treasury – and only forced their hands after tabling a series of Parliamentary questions which raised the issue of NHS employees being silenced from reporting the short-comings, crimes and misdemeanours by non-disclosure clauses in their contracts.

Now the crusading Barclay, obviously out to crucify some fucker or their dog, has set his sights – and rightly so – on the party responsible for this major cluster-fuck: NHS chief executive Sir David Nicholson, who has clung to his £270,000 per annum role despite presiding over the criminal Mid-Staffordshire hospital scandal that cost the lives of 1,200 patients.

So this latest expose at the scandal-ridden NHS might finally toll the bell for the useless Nicholson, a career Communist who should never have been put in charge of a kid’s playground, let alone the NHS Trust system.

Described by friends and civil service associates alike as a pleonastic bag of wind, Nicholson has earned a black reputation for spending taxpayer’s money with regard for neither budgets nor restraint on his personal expenses.
Thus the latest round of figures - £15 million quids-worth - pile even further pressure on Posh Dave Scameron’s administration to fire the old slug for his incompetence through overseeing this perverse culture of silencing public interest whistle-blowers to conceal his own managerial short-comings.

Just to put the boot in with a spot more sordid vilification, Nicholson claimed expenses of £50,000 a year on top of his basic salary of £200,000 – plus benefits in kind of £37,600 at a time when he was implementing the ‘Nicholson Challenge’ in 2009, slashing the NHS budget to make £20 billion nicker in cuts up to 2015.

Well, so much for Nicholson’s NHS efficiency savings – obviously that didn’t include the £15 million quid forked out to gag whistleblowers.
Gagging employees who bring genuine complaints or observations of breakdowns in the care system to the attention of the management is akin to the NHS pushing this oxymoronic ‘Liverpool Care Pathway’ code that does the entire opposite of what its title implies - and should to all intents and purposes be rebranded as the SMS (Scouseland Murder System) – and it’s promoters – and practitioners – charged with homicide under the UK’s criminal justice statutes appertaining to the unlawful taking of human life.

Anyone see the irony – and inherent hypocrisy – here? Assisted suicides (to aid or abet) are illegal in the UK yet inducing / ‘causing death’ via the NHS administered Liverpool Care Pathway system isn’t – although it amounts to murder by any other name.

Thought for the day. If there’s nothing to hide then why employ gagging orders? But £15 million nicker can buy a lot of silence – and a few hit jobs to ensure loose lips stay closed.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references along with lashings of nano-particle cynicism and genetically-modified bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

UK Academics Boycott ZioNazi State

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The Oxford University Students Union are set to go into conclave later today and vote on a controversial motion to boycott the rogue ZioNazi state of Israel after a tumultuous week that’s seen flurries of hate mail carrying accusations of anti-Semitism and Holohoax denial – along with a class act male menopausal dummy-spitting tantrum thrown by Gorgeous George Galloway, the Independent MP for Old Scrotum.

Galloway reportedly arrived 90 minutes late, delivered his caustic diatribe condemning Israel for every sin in the book – and then some – following which he stormed out of the ensuing debate at Christ Church College after interrupting a speech attempting to justify the occupied West Bank illegal settlements by Freddy Fagin, one of God’s Chosen People studying at Bignose College - and spokesman for the land-grabbing Israeli settlers' council, Yesha.

This week’s motion, which is set to be tabled at the National Union of Students conference at Sheffield in April, calls on the student body to join the boycott, divestment and sanctions (BDS) movement, in protest at the actions of Israel's Ministry for Expropriation of Palestinian Lands - and Prime Minister Bobo Nuttyahoo’s hard-arsed refusal to give back any of the territory stolen from the Palestinian owners of ‘Palestine’ in the 1948 Yawm an-Nakbah (the Day of the Catastrophe – the start of the Palestinian Holocaust – their Shoah) and later in the all-out 1967 land grab.

Basically the Oxford Union’s stance comes down to the fact that regardless of Western governments being infiltrated and funded (read ‘corrupted’) by Zionist lobby interests, certain canny elements of the common herd, still equipped with two ounces of common sense and a moral conscience, are sick to the back teeth with the outlaw state of Israel’s ruling Edomite Mafia (along with the Rothshite crime syndicate) and their total disregard for UN rulings and sanctions – plus tossing the bird at the statutes of international law – and their arrogant displays of chutzpah and hasbara when dismissing censure of their human rights and wrongs – and litany of war crimes – for is it not an established fact – practiced by the US and European stooge Zionist ‘Friends of Israel Club’ governments that criticism of these Children of the Covenant is Mesira – forbidden!

Accusations of anti-Semitism besides, the BDS movement urges a boycott of all Israeli exports including weapons of mass distraction, red noses, Mama Shylock’s Miracle Matzo – and the rabid Rabbi’s black market trade in transplant organs stolen from Palestinian prisoners – along with firms that do business in Israel: including the G4S Renta-Thug Security Agency; waste management company Veolia that pollutes the Gaza Strip with Israeli sewage – and Caterpillar – makers of the Rachel Corrie D8 model ‘human rights activist crushing’ bulldozer.

Meanwhile, as the anti-Zionist fervour spreads across the green and pleasant domain of our once-sceptred isle like a latter-day pogrom wildfire, down at Colchester’s Essex University, Alon Roth-Scumm, the Israeli deputy ambassador to the UK, was forced to flee from the university campus after his address was disrupted by angry student members of the Palestine Solidarity Group and Socialist Worker Student Society chanting “Settlers out of the West Bank!” and “Free the Prisoners of Gaza!” – demanding the demolition of the Israeli’s Great Apartheid Walls and closure of the notorious Facility 1391 interrogation and torture centre.

A YouTube video posted by the Electronic Intifada webmaster on February 21st shows the Essex U’ students pissing on G4S security guards and giving the finger to university officials’ threats that protesters would have to stand in the corner and get their names in the Naughty Book if they didn’t cease and desist from their protests which forced Roth-Scumm to abandon his speech after five minutes - with the irate assembly chanting “We’re not here to be brainwashed by some racist ZioNazi tosspot preaching about Israel’s Final Solution to the Palestinian problem.”

Thought for the day. This skit is dedicated to the immortal memory of Palestinian prisoner Arafat Jaradat – tortured to death by the homicidal maniacs serving as his Israeli gaolers in the G4S-run Magiddo Prison – those clinically-insane kikesters (the Khazar-Ashkenazi Jews of convenience) running the apartheid state of Israel – who the UK’s taxpayer-funded BBC (British Coverups Corp) are under strict orders never to criticise.

Regardless of their perpetual cultural obsession with things kosher, usury anti-Semitism, the Holohoax - and snipping foreskins – all benchmarks of Jewish essentialism - the tactics of these Israel-based warmongering Khazar-Ashkenazi Yids of convenience - and their US- based AIPAC / Poxman ADL / B'nai Brith lobbyist groups - plumb the depths of dishonour and indecency, due their litany of character assassination, selective misquotation, the wilful distortion of the record, the fabrication of falsehoods, and an utter disregard for the statutes of international law – and ‘the truth’.

Hence fuck the Edomite Mafia and the Rothshite crime syndicate and their New World Order capital of Jerusalem. Plus fuck Israel and the Great Satan and the Protocols of the Greedy Bastard Elders of Zion – or the Project for a New American Century – or the Foreign Policy Initiative or whatever they choose to label this game plan devoted to their Brotherhood of the Snake and Cult of the Golden Calf - and that insatiable god of greed: Mammon.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a politically-incorrect hostile environment infested with Māḡēn Dāwīḏ worshipping ZioNazi meshuggenah psychopaths and may contain elements of sickening Israeli schadenfreude, along with anti-Semitic paranoia, Holohoax ‘victims’ propaganda, unqualified arrogance, racist apartheid innuendo, lashings of Yidster hudaibiya, kvelling, hasbara and chutzpah - and quantifiable amounts of utter lunacy – along with nano-particle traces exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and a chemtrail residue of bush telegraph innuendo - plus a total disregard for the statutes of international law, human rights and the niceties of a polite and civilised society.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Tuesday 26 February 2013

NHS First: Foreign Doc’s Must Speak English

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

In what the media are referring to as a National Ill-Health Service first, foreign doctors must now demonstrate their ability to speak fluent English - along with being able to read the same – and possess a fair understanding of the Hippocratic Oath’s gobbledegook for prescriptions written in Latin – a dead language now only used by a secret handshake cabal of pharmacists – and kiddie fiddling Catholic priests.

The English proficiency concerns were raised after a Nigerian doctor, Jaffacake Ubani - a graduate of Abuja’s prestigious Reverend Goodluck N’Dinga Coconut Veterinarian Hospital - gave a patient a fatal overdose on his first - and only - shift in the UK after he’d been previously rejected for employment by the Slumborough Primary Care Trust due his non-existent English language (and medical) skills.

Unfortunately Ubani was later employed at the Harold Shipman Centre for Clinical Apathy NHS Trust in Smegmadale-on-Sea where he mistakenly administered a barium enema to the wrong patient – via his intravenous drip – which a pathologist from the Freddy Patel Institute for Post-Mortem Guessology claimed would have worked a lot faster than the standard practice Liverpool Care Pathway euthanasia method of getting shut of oldies and freeing up beds.

Since that major scandalous fubar the General Medical Council has condemned the gaping hole in regulations which resulted in the clinical and language skills of so-called doctors from Third World basket case nations going unchecked for being of an acceptable standard – with Tory Health Minister Dr Dan Poultice emphasising that henceforth English skills must be up to scratch - and simple headshaking or ‘yes’ and ‘no’ answers at licencing and placement interviews will no longer be acceptable.

“Unfortunately it’s not just a series of highly embarrassing incidents regarding the use of suppositories – or patients getting castrated when they came in for a vasectomy – but there’s been simply too many dead bodies turning up in the hospital morgues - and the wrong bits getting taken out or cut off in operating theatres as the sodding doctor can’t read plain English and tries to cover up the fact by listening to his MP3 player, nodding a lot, and makes a botched job of a simple appendix and doing a radical hysterectomy by mistake.”

However, from April there will be a legal duty placed on NHS Trusts to ensure a foreign doctor's English is up to scratch before they are employed – with health officials hoping that in the interim period the usual suspects won’t ‘terminate’ too many of their hapless patients – by accident.

Chlamydia Mingerot from the General Medical Council informed one press hack from the Body Bag Review that “These tighter regulations are extremely welcome and will hopefully strengthen patient safety from further acts of gross negligence manslaughter. It is only fair and right that patients should be able to understand and be understood by their doctor if we are to give them any form of medical care they might recover from and walk out of a NHS Trust hospital under their own steam – and not feet first in a coffin.”

In agreement was the British National Party firebrand health portfolio spokesman Ron ‘Pitbull’ McGnasher, who opined to media reporters that “This is the kind of crap yer faced wiv when yer got these twats comin’ here from Woga-Woga Land wiv some medical degree wot’s bin scribbled out in crayon on the back of a corn flakes packet – cos all they’ve done before is hand out cowshit poultices an’ dance around castin’ spells like some Juju Man.”
“An’ I’ll tell yer wot. The next thing yer gonna hear from these tossers is complaints and protests that this new regulation is discriminatory an’ racist in nature an’ aimed directly at Third World darkies.”

Are you a foreign doctor working in England? What do you think of the National Ill-Health Service’s plans? If you can speak or read the Queen’s English then send us your thoughts and comments using the online form below and you could win a free copy of Medicine for Dummies.

Thought for the day. Hmmm, pity the same English language requirement isn’t being applied to this bunch of Polish pantomime plumbers and roofers doing the rounds and impersonating Bob the Builder.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references along with lashings of nano-particle cynicism and genetically-modified bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Thistle Hotels ‘Not’ Sodomite-Friendly

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Mr Dick Squirly, a Manchester resident and self-outed gay person, in London for a dirty weekend with his boyfriend Fudgie McDuff, has gone into homophobia paranoia mode after the Thistle City Barbarian Hotel receptionist refused to assign them a double room and instead shoved the pair in a family suite with single beds.

The same sex couple had booked their room through an online reservations system but there were no doubles available when they arrived at the hotel at 11:30 at night after an evening spent cruising transvestite bars and swigging Meths Breezers with Viagra chasers.

Regardless of repeated statements of not being drunk and confrontational with the reception clerk, Squirly later tweeted "Poofter-hating receptionist at Thistle Hotels refused me & my bf our pre-booked double room n insisted we take a family room w/ separate beds and not get poo on the sheets” – to which he has since received several million messages of support from those of similar sexual orientation.

Thistle Hotels spokesman Rupert Twink informed a reporter from the Iron Hoof Gazette that “Our apologies to Dick and Fudgie. We do not tolerate homophobic behaviour in any shape or form and have signs in the car park making clear our policy of zero tolerance towards queer bashing.”
“However the night shift receptionist denies he was homophobic towards the couple – and is sticking to that story even after we had our G4S security guards give him a good waterboarding session to get to the truth. Rather he claims the couple arrived falling over drunk, smoking joints and in drag – and started demanding he turn over the keys to the bridal suite.”

Sapphie Godermiche, spokeswoman for the Stonewall gay rights group, informed media hacks "Subject to the facts being as reported and not another pack of offended sensibilities lies, then Thistle Hotels will be added to the gay ban list.”

Conversely, canny civil rights watchers are speculating that Squirly and his bf are after kick starting yet another media feeding frenzy and jumping on the ‘psychological abuse’ compo payouts bandwagon alike the two geriatric iron hoofs who were refused accommodation at Mrs Gladys Slaghorn’s B&B last year.

That ‘couple’ had booked a room through the online Fudgers Club Tours at the Smegmadale-on-Sea bed and breakfast, but Mrs Slaghorn refused to have them under her roof on religious grounds, informing press hacks at the time “I don’t give a flyin’ fuck about all this lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender rights bullshit wot I’m getting’ quoted – it’s against God’s laws fer two blokes ter be kippin’ in the same bed, suckin’ cocks an’ then pokin’ them up each other’s bums – an’ wot’s more the Bible sez they’re an abomination.”

Thanks to parties of self-interest lobbying efforts by the secret handshake cabal that rule the faggot-infested halls of Westminster and Whitehall - the Sexual Offences Act of 1967 decriminalised homosexual acts between two men – as long as they were in private and not on Cottagers Heath or in Doggers Wood – or some railway station public toilet.

While the LGBT sexual pervert group might consider ‘political correctness’ the best thing since sliced bread and opposable thumbs, the promotion of this moronic and intolerant culture has now permeated our permissively sick society like some metastasised cancerous growth wherein no fucker or their dog can say boo to a goose without ending up with a Plod Squad caution for offending the sensibilities of Tom, Dick and Harry – or Stefan from Cracow and his pikey / gyppo mates - or rather in this instance, Adam and Steve (or Madam and Eve).

A chronology of poofterism in the UK:

1954 Homosexuality illegal with 1,069 men in England and Wales serving prison sentences for offences involving fudging and generalised faggotry.
1957 Wolfenden Report published
1967 Homosexuality decriminalised
2013 Homosexual Marriage (Same Sex Couples) Bill gets first House of Conmans reading in January with majority showing of Parliamentary support
20?? Age of consent lowered to 10
20?? Paedophilia decriminalised
20?? Homosexuality made compulsory

Thought for the day. One might draw some analogy with the above instance at the Thistle Hotel if a certain Sudanese gentleman, Mr Charles Tombe on his honeymoon with his new bride – who just happened to be a goat named Rosie – turned up to check in to his pre-booked room. Would refusal constitute an act of homophobia or zoophobia?

On an equally risible note, there’s a bit of a disappointment in store for Scots gays planning a ‘Spring’ wedding at St Sodom’s Church for Latter Day Catamites with Roman Catholic cleric, Cardinal Keith O'Brien presiding as he’s just resigned as Archbishop of St Andrews and Edinburgh following his outing as a lowlife seminarian–molester.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references along with lashings of nano-particle cynicism and genetically-modified bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Monday 25 February 2013

Nick Clegg: Stricken with Mushroom Syndrome

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The gospel according to Sunday’s scandal-mongering gutter press red top tabloids, Britain‘s Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg has – under the unwritten ‘guilty by association’ statutes of barrack room law – been implicated in a sex scandal involving a senior member of his Librarian Dummercrat Party, who stands accused of molesting scores of female party workers.

In the Lib Dum hierarchy’s defence, Business Secretary Vince Cobble, speaking on the BBC's Andrew ‘Bat-Ears’ Marr Show, maintained he and Clegg were never informed of any accusation of professional impropriety or sexual misconduct against their former chief executive, Lord Christopher ‘Trouser Snake’ Rennard.

Conversely, the Daily Shitraker claims Clegg, as the Lib Dums’ leader, was made aware of – and ordered suppressed - reports five years ago that party chief Chris ‘Rampant’ Rennard had been sexually harassing female activists while in office by showing them his ‘one-eared elephant’ trick.

Denials besides, amid the mounting claims of a cover-up, evidence is growing that senior party officials ran an organised campaign to silence the women and put the block on any internal investigation in a bid to bury what could turn out to be an embarrassing scandal – with one female party worker coerced into signing a gagging order after she tried to blow the whistle on Rennard’s soft rape activities and expose him as a low-life Scouse tosspot.

Bev Titwank, a former secretary at the Lib-Dum’s Great George Street HQ in Westminster, who claims she was sexually harassed by Rennard on a daily basis, described to a press hack from the Doggers Review how the party offered a bizarre form of ‘restorative justice’ in which she could confront the erring peer in private over his alleged molestations - and give him a good kick in the goolies to settle matters.

Several women, maintaining an air of anonymity at this stage of the media expose game by wearing Muslim burkas, informed ITV’s primetime Spot the Slut programme that Rennard abused his position by propositioning them and inappropriately touching their private parts.
One said she’d spoken to two senior party figures about her claims, but they treated the matter as a bit of a joke.
“There I was, bending over the photocopy machine and that dirty twat Rennard come along and starts thrutching his crotch up the side of my leg – just like dogs do."

Lib-Dum PR spin doctor Candida Mingerot, of Shitewash Consultants, related her ‘sexperiences’ with the triple-chinned Rennard at their party HQ.
“I thought at first the fat slob had just brushed against me, then I moved away and it happened again – the dirty scumbag just kept moving closer – and poking his porky fingers in parts of me that I didn't want poked – like my bumhole - and then whispered in my ear if I wanted to shake hands with his one-eyed python.”

Alike the Jimbo Savile scandal, women are now crawling out of the woodwork to register their litany of complaints regarding the in-office ‘Grope-a-Thons’ to which they were subjected by Rennard - and stating for the public record they suffered Kafkaesque interrogations at the hands of party whips – with their claims dismissed as self-delusional.

Ron McScrote, editor of the grassroots Lib Dum Voice website, has likened the party’s handling of the allegations to the way the Beeb dealt with the 70’s and 80’s revelations about Savile – by burying them and either paying off victims – or having MI5 come round and shove them into a big black North Face holdall and toss them in the Thames at Gravesend.

In his own defence Clegg had this to say to media hacks. “Hey, just cos I’ve got this Deputy Prime Minister’s job doesn’t mean to say these Tory twats tell us anything – I’m a sodding mushroom where cabinet decisions and the information chain are concerned – kept in the dark and fed shit.”
“For Christ’s sake, I didn’t even know we were part of a coalition with the Tories back in 2010 until I saw it on ITV’s Newsnight.”

“Same with this brewing scandal that Chrissy Rennard had been groping a few of the office slags down at Great George Street – the first I knew about it was when I heard it on the radio this morning when Vince Cobble was denying knowledge of the affair.”
“Really, if things aren’t bad enough already with the brouhaha over that kiddie fiddling fat old tosser Cyril Smith going round orphanages and bumming little boys, now we have ‘Rennard-Gate’ to contend with.”

Thought for the day. Poor Nick - even the poxy tabloid press spell his name as ‘Mick Clogg’ – little wonder the bloke’s got an inferiority complex.

But talk about the past catching up with you – WTF next, we might ask? Lloyd George wasn’t just a goat who’d hump a sick chicken but a raving paedo too?
Well, what’s all the fuss about? Westminster’s gone into sex scandal hysteria mode. At least Rennard’s only been groping women – quite a natural pursuit – and not a kiddie fiddling fudger like the majority of the scrotes in government service.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references along with lashings of nano-particle cynicism and genetically-modified bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

McAlpen Sues Gobshite Sally

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Swiss-Irish breakfast cereal tycoon, Alistair McAlpen has dropped his legal action against Twatter users with fewer than five followers as he focuses his main battery of compensatory howitzers on the scatter-brained wife of the House of Conmans Speaker, namely Sally ‘Gobshite’ Bercow over allegations that he’s not only a class act scumbag but also a raving kiddie fiddler.

Instead, McAlpen has requested erring Twitter users who fingered him as a low-life paedo’ scrote to make a £25 quid donation to the Catholic Children With Sore Bums charity.

McAlpen - a former Tory Thatcherite cabinet member and party treasurer – plus being an influence-peddling wheeler dealer in his own right and the type of cunt who prompts a person to count their fingers if they’ve been coerced into shaking hands with him - wasn’t actually named and shamed by either the BBC Noncenight programme or ITV’s Sodomites Hour broadcast, yet raked in a settlement of £185,000 quid from the Beeb and a further £125,000 from ITV – which obviously makes a canny observer speculate what the fuck the payout would have been if either media station had actually named him as a nasty child molester?

More to the point, why the fuck didn’t they tell McAlpen to go fuck a pig and fight the action in court as it’s hardly their fault if the stupid common herd viewers jump to conclusions – and as we all know ‘assumption wears a cloak of errors’.

Conversely this Tory ‘Lord’ is now diverting his energies to pursuing the news-worthy Sally Bercow over comments she made on the Twatter micro-blogging site - and that his money-grubbing lawyers, Upshot, Bagrot & Shitpot, would be focused on milking her for whatever she’s worth - £50,000 nicker - as he intends to concentrate his energies on penning a new book titled “Machiavellian Magic: How To Make A Killing Out Of Not Getting Libelled”.

Doubtless the star-crossed ‘Bedsheets’ Sally - a prolific Twatter user with 57,000 brain dead followers of her daily drivel until shutting down the account last year after realising her paedo accusations were more at scent than substance and a bit short on what legal types refers to as ‘hard evidence’ - will be emptying her piggy bank to pay lawyers Crater-Ffuck to represent her end of things – and they don’t come cheap by any means.

So it looks like the piranha-jawed Bercow is in the shit yet again after opening gob before engaging brain – obviously suffering several of her habitual blonde moments in one fell swoop when she posted that little piece of libel on Twatter.

Oh well, that’s it when the menopausal madness starts to creep in. Time for a spot of hormone therapy – or learn to keep her trap shut. But that’s doubtful as she’s an actual prime example of Mother Nature’s failed experiment with intelligence-equipped bipeds – much as is the vindictive McAlpen.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references along with lashings of nano-particle cynicism and genetically-modified bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Sunday 24 February 2013

China Bans Reincarnation Without Permit

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

In what the international news media are referring to as the daftest idea they’ve come up with since their last daft idea – and one of history's more absurd acts of totalitarianism – the ruling Politburo of the Chinese People’s Marxist Utopia has banned Buddhist monks in Tibet from reincarnating without prior government permission.

The gospel according to a statement issued by the Beijing-based State Administration for Fucking People Around, the law, which goes into effect next month and strictly stipulates the procedures by which people are to reincarnate, is, in the opinion of socio-political activist Mr Fuk Yew Tu, an absolute travesty on the part of the government as the entire Maoist / Communist ideology condemns religion in all forms as the opium of the people - and further denies the existence of an immortal soul that continues to exist following the death of the physical body.

Conversely, laughter and irony (and ‘ancestor worship’) besides, canny analysts speculate that China's true motive is to sever the influence of the exiled Dalai Lama - Tibet's spiritual and political leader who has been a resident in India since escaping his captivity in Lhasa in the years following the invasion and occupation of the mountainous Himalayan sovereign nation by bully boy Sino-Communist forces and their martinet political enforcers in 1949 – and to further suppress the region's Buddhist religious establishment.

Now here’s the clincher: by effectively barring Tibetan monks from reincarnating when they shrug off their mortal coils, this dystopian law gives the Chinese authorities the power to choose the next Dalai Lama - whose soul, by political and cultural expediency, will henceforth be reborn to continue being an embarrassing human rights and wrongs annoyance to Beijing’s fascist regime.

Mr Tenzin Gyatso, the incumbent Dalai Lama, now 72, has lived in India since fleeing Lhasa in 1959, and cherishes a master game plan drawn up to ensure his succession - refusing to be reborn in Tibet so long as it remains under the totalitarian jackboot of Communist Chinese control.

With the Dalai Lamas’ spiritual ability to master the feat of controlling their own rebirth for the last 600 years, the Middle Kingdom’s Ministry of Propaganda under the mentorship of Secretary Flip Flop Fong, has been burning the midnight oils to conjure up a scam to ensure that when Gyatso snuffs it, they’ll have some snotty-nosed Tibetan youngster primed and ready to be declared the 15th incarnation of the Dalai Lama and act as their political muppet to represent the prime symbol of unity and national identity – a deceit that is ‘destined’ (sic) to morph into one hell of a major cluster fuck when the Buddhist monks select their own true reincarnated spiritual leader.

So that’s the plan to further subvert the marginalised population and disaffected Buddhist monks of Tibet – all of whom have been denied their cultural identity and subjected to the Communist yoke of oppression since 1949 with a steady flow of ‘Read This, Tremble and Obey’ edicts issued by the clinically-insane Politburo in Beijing – for who, like the ZioNazi rogue state of Israel, all forms of dissent, censure and criticism are verboten.

Little wonder that international jurists and other canny legal beagle minds are questioning how such acts of reincarnated disobedience might be enforced – but such is the Kafkaesque norm under the geriatric Maoist regime who follow the philosophical teachings of Humpty Dumpty.

How about we poke the Beijing’s narcissistic technocrats with a sharp stick – currently in a state of denial and damage control mode over the scandalous news reports of the country’s burgeoning spread of ‘cancer village’ statistics - where due the chronic levels of environmental pollution (air, water, soil – and all contaminating the entire food chain) by criminal manufacturers and natural resource mining operations out for the quick buck – and the graft and corruption-ridden government agencies that take kickbacks to turn a blind eye to these criminal activities – entire communities are stricken with galloping tumour rot.

Ah well, in a Third World dump where Falun Gong meditation is a felony - along with owning a thermometer to measure the ambient outdoor temperature being viewed as a subversive act determined to undermine the government – and both crimes that carry stiff penalties – such as life imprisonment (no, don’t laugh) in one of China’s legion of Smiley Face People’s Prisons and a kidney forcibly donated to the money-spinning international black market transplant organ donor trade – then being reincarnated without official permission has got to be a hanging offence.

Thought for the day. Fuck the Chinese Politburo and its geriatric composition of shelf-life expired dinosaurs – and the technocrats who continue with the same worn-out dogmatic, one-size-fits-all solutions to anything.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references along with lashings of nano-particle cynicism and genetically-modified bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

UK Cops Triple ZZZ Credit Rating

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Upon hearing the news that Broken Britain’s ailing economy has been slapped with a Third World triple ZZZ basket case credit rating by Moody’s financial guesswork agency, New Labour’s mandarins suffered a typical human nature knee-jerk reaction and went into selective memory mode, letting slip the leash on their propaganda attack dogs – blaming the entire fiscal mess on Tory Chancellor Georgie Osborne and his misguided ‘Playschool’ economic policies.

Alas, child leader wunderkind Ed Millipede should have ensured his shadow cabinet gang of moronic gobshites engaged brain before spouting off as it was on their 13 year (unlucky for some – us) watch that the likes of Gordon ‘Incapability’ Broon and Alastair Darling made a total fuck of the economy with their mindless ‘Money-Go-Round’ - and bailing out the Edomite Mafia and Rothshite crime syndicate’s dodgy Shylock banks instead of following Iceland’s ‘sensible shoes’ Darwinian approach and letting the usurious twats stay bust once they’ve ‘gone bust’ after playing loan swaps and derivatives futures Russian roulette speculation with the funds entrusted to them.

However Chancellor Osborne yesterday assured a gutter press hack from the red top Debtocracy Gazette that the Tory arse end of the fatally flawed ‘pantomime horse’ coalition government still had a couple of sleight of hand strategy tricks up their sleeve and would continue taking tough measures to deal with the deficit – by increasing taxes, bumping up fuel duty, reducing proletariat worker’s salaries and slashing welfare benefits forked out to the UK’s unemployed and disabled useless eaters.

Ms Candida Titwank, spokeswoman for the Moody’s agency, which is the first to downgrade the UK’s credit rating since 1978, informed media sources that they expected growth would remain ‘sluggish’ while the country was being run by a Tory-dominated cabinet of self-centred ‘slugs’ - whose primary constituencies were the Fortune 500 companies and not the common herd electorate who had voted them into public office.

“This news isn’t exactly a gob-smacking jolt or surprise as the financial markets have known it was only a matter of time – and not ‘if’ but ‘when’ - before a downgrade of the UK's sovereign rating occurred – especially so with silly old Mervyn at the Bank of England purposely keeping the interest rate lower than a snake’s bollocks and following a doomsday course with this moronic ‘quantitative easing’ by printing £20 notes non-stop to keep the economy afloat.”

Okay, now for the man in the street’s solution to solving this triple dip depression and child poverty all in one fell swoop. All too easy to put an end to this unemployment plague and jobless wilderness - currently infested with welfare benefit scrounging / job-poaching multi-cultural economic migrants from around the 27 member state EUSSR community that need hoofing out immediately if not sooner.

Then tell Brussels to stick their Treaty of Lisbon and Maastricht Agreement and whatever – and let’s drop corporate taxes down to fuck all for three years and start creating some jobs – for indigenous Brit’s – so people can go out to work – and call a halt to all this dysfunctional society bullshit - as the fickle finger of Fate is pointing straight back at a dysfunctional government – and in this case the double duck egg fuck-up represented by the Tory / Lib-Dum ‘Con-Dem’ coalition fubar - with neither party having a popular vote mandate to govern.

Of course, what the fuck do the Tories expect when a once-proud – and prosperous (never had it so good) – nation is purposely de-industrialised by their clinically insane menopausal harpy of a Prime Minister – Maggie Twatcher - who had a sociopathic snot on with the unions - and coal miners and dockers in particular – and thanks to her mismanagement replaced Britain’s iconic prefix of ‘Great’ with that of ‘Broken’.

Next on the agenda, let’s apply the 'austerity measures' policy to getting rid of half the 649 useless twat MPs in the House of Conmans, and the same with the civil service and local authority panjandrums. Then correct this wasting of taxpayers’ funds on foreign aid – and financing foreign wars of neo-colonial aggression under the disingenuous guise of humanitarian intervention and spreading Democracy – much as the 19th Century Christian missionary scam worked - of spreading God’s word and saving black heathens from themselves.

As to the ailing banksters - easy peasy – same as employers and motorists and transport companies are stuck with – they take out Third Party / Liability insurance cover to underwrite their incompetence and casino culture losses – or go to the wall and declare themselves – er - bankrupt. Yep, bankrupt, a fitting term for a bank with no more fucking money.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references along with lashings of nano-particle cynicism and genetically-modified bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Saturday 23 February 2013

Saudi Priorities Arse-About-Face

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

In what seems to be turning into a juvenile Arab pissing contest (mine’s bigger than yours), the builders of London's Shard skyscraper have been contracted to oversee the construction of a tower in Saudi Arabia set to be the tallest structure in the known Universe

The UK-based Nimrod Attic Conversions will team up with Bob Babel (Builders) to create Jeddah’s Kingdom Tower (Burj al Mamlakah)‎ – projected to begin this summer and take 5 years to complete – and will measure in at 3,280 feet – spot on one kilometre high – 550 feet taller than the current record holder – Dubai’s 2,717 feet Burj Khalifa – and more than three times taller than that pointless Qatari-owned architectural abomination, the London Shard – a vertical monstrosity that civil engineers and window cleaners alike refer to as ‘very, very high’

Construction of the Kingdom Tower, which will overlook the rest of the world from north to south – with visitors to the intended lofty viewing platform able to wave to penguins on the Ross Ice Shelf in Antarctica - is expected to cost (pre-corruption payouts) around £780 million quid and take more than five years to complete.
It will consist of a ten-star hotel – the penultimate zenith in ostentatious waste and hedonistic luxury – along with apartments, office space and a revolving restaurant from which nasty Arabs can spit on their business rivals below – and every Friday after prayers, get a literal bird’s eye views of beheadings in the local square.

Ron McScrote, head of property and social infrastructure at Nimrod Attic Conversions joined with Achmed al Qaeda, CEO of the Saudi BinLaden Group, to inform media hacks that “The Kingdom Tower is a landmark building intended to demonstrate Saudi Arabia's true ambitions to the world – so they’re not simply viewed as a bunch of oil-rich sand niggers who kiss Zionist Israel’s arse by ignoring the cries of their marginalised fellow Muslim Palestinian brothers and instead make great industry of financing and stirring up nasty little proxy wars around the Mid-East with their Qatari cohorts – such as the current clusterfuck in Syria - and supporting (read ‘perpetuating’) the shelf life expired homicidal regime of King Hamad bin Barbarian al Khalifa in Bahrain.”

Sheikh Mohammed al Kickback, the Saudi Minister for Graft & Corruption, introduced the main investors in the project at a press conference – whose shifty money-laundering ranks include Sheikh Fizzy al Kaseltzer - a man that claims hereditary grazing rights to every hotel lobby carpet in the Gulf region – along with Prince Al-Waleed bin Talal, head of the Jeddah Baksheesh Corporation who just happens to be married to Princess Dalal bint Slutt, a daughter of King Abdullah bin Fat Git al Saud.

Hmmm, yet another Third World basket case shithole ruled by a monarchical regime with a gossamer thin veneer of civilisation (electricity, running water, flush toilets – and roads – which their disenfranchised women folk are not permitted to drive on) - whose progressive justice system still consists of chopping the hands off felons caught shoplifting – with beheading for third time losers - and whose Monty Pythonesque ‘Mutaween’ religious police arrest people for adultery – for which the penalty is death by stoning.

Oh yes, you read it right the first time - death for adultery – a ‘crime’ that’s almost classed as a competitor sport in the Western world.

But what the fuck can one expect from a bunch of cultural Philistines - these nouveau riche vulgarians – forever stuck in a Dark Ages 'Groundhog Day' circa 1433 – and whose nepotistic kleptocracy government administration (sic) is so mired with graft and corruption that no part of the fubar system can operate without it – with the upper echelons of their sick society climbing on their national Hypocrisy Airlines jets to fly to the safer confines of Europe and Asia to get pissed, gamble and screw around with impunity from the reach of their own cultural restrictions and draconian laws.

Thought for the day. Hmmm, hopefully a crew of Mossad’s hi-fiving removals men and art students don’t pilot a remote UAV passenger jet into the Kingdom Tower then turn it to dust with their micro-nukes and DEW molecular dissociation weapons of mass distraction – just like the WTC Twin Towers that Mohammed al Pasty and his non-existent Jolly Jihad hijackers got blamed for back in 9/11.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references along with lashings of nano-particle cynicism and genetically-modified bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Tories Urge Pensioners: Go Back to School

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

David ‘Bonkers’ Willetts, the Minister for Universities and Science (and incumbent Tory MP for Old Scrotum) has issued a somewhat hare-brained press statement concerning age related issues being an encumbrance with older people searching for jobs – claiming they should return to higher education to make themselves ‘more employable’.

Disregarding the fact that Broken Britain is still bollocks-deep in a mosh pit state of post-industrial ‘depression’ (triple-dip variety or otherwise) purposely contrived by the Rothshite crime syndicate and a cabal of the Edomite Mafia’s shifty Shylock banksters to undermine the global economy – resulting in the common herd being faced with a jobless landscape - in Willets’ skewed opinion the UK’s senior citizens should point their Zimmer frames in the direction of the nearest university and go get an all-new degree-certified skill set that prospective employers will jump at.

Previously the cut-off point for student loans was 54 (seriously) – however, since the upper age limit for taking out a loan to cover tuition fees has now been raised to 100-plus, the over-60s can go back to university and study whatever the fuck turns them on – with Pharmaceutical Chemistry being a favoured option for a self-employed line of work – cooking up lots of synthetic designer drugs (crystal meth’, ecstasy, date-rape GHB and Rohypnol) on the kitchen stove for the local Yardie gang’s distributers – with Roofies being the top knock-out drug favoured by Rochdale’s Paki paedo’ taxi drivers and the Oxford-based Muslim child sex grooming gangs.

Criticism besides, Willetts justified this scheme to a press hack from the Crock a’ Shit Gazette, stating for the public record that “With people now living longer and the retirement / state pension qualifying age due to rise to 85 if we get back in at the next election, plus considering how inflation’s shooting up at a geometric rate, then folks in their late 50’s and 60’s should most definitely consider opting for a mature student loan and trotting off back to a devil-may-care boozy campus life for three years and sow any wild oats they’ve got left.”

“This move will give them an edge in the current job market wilderness – especially so if they take Polish or Bulgarian as a language study option and learn how to read the Cyrillic alphabet – then they’ll be quids-in to save for their eventual retirement ‘and’ repay the £27,000 nicker student loan.”

Certain more canny Lib-Dum members of the flawed Con-Dem Coalition have questioned Willett’s sanity on this issue and raised fears whether the older segment of the common herd being enticed to take out student loans will have enough time to actually repay them – or are likely to keel over with a fatal coronary or stroke due the excitement of the graduation ceremony while receiving their sheepskin.

At the consumer end of things, Ron McScrote, 72, complained he did a night school course to get an NVQ1 diploma as a qualified Recycling Technician (Bin Man) a couple of years ago – and passed summa cum laude - but was still turned down for employment by local council contractors on the discriminatory grounds he couldn’t walk without crutches.

Conversely Mrs Gladys Muffitch, a 69-year old widow from Smegmadale-on-Sea told media hacks that “Meself I reckon it’s a fuckin’ great idea an’ I’ve always bin interested in studyin’ tantric sex – so I intend ter sign up fer the Tantra Yoga instructor’s course an’ meet some strappin’ student wot’s in the same class an’ fancies older women. Hey, I might be a bit past the MILF stage of me life but I can still suck the patina off a brass doorknob when I takes me false teeth out.”

Hmmm, so much for Minister Willetts - formerly cabinet secretary for tea and biscuits. He with a disparaging sobriquet of ‘The Man with Two Brains’ – who regardless of having more degrees than an industrial thermometer lacks a single iota of common sense or nuance and is incapable of changing a light bulb – a task he contracts out to workmen at a cost to the taxpayer (claimed on MPs’ expenses) of £115 quid.

Really, what Tory Millbank HQ committee put this fucking idiot in charge of an education portfolio?

Willetts is indeed a dangerous personage to have anywhere around the House of Conmans where political decisions are made - due him advocating the New World Order’s proactive approach to the spread of liberal democracy throughout the known Universe by whatever means necessary - including military intervention – and don’t we have enough of that already in Afghanistan, Iraq, Libya (what a fucking joke), Yemen, Somalia, Mali and Niger – and still pushing for the same in Syria – while the likes of Zionist arse-kissing Bahrain, Qatar and Saudi Arabia continue with their Western-approved barbaric versions of egalitarian ‘despotcracy’.

To add to his calumny, he blames split-arsed feminists for the UK’s burgeoning unemployed male statistics due Bolshie women who should be at home, slaving over a hot stove and content with a lifetime status of ‘well fucked and poorly shod’ – and not going out to get their cute arses educated then stealing all the good jobs from Tom, Dick and Harry – and Stefan from Cracow.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references along with lashings of nano-particle cynicism and genetically-modified bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Friday 22 February 2013

Lib-Dums Renamed Greedy Twats Party

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

In what canny political observers and analysts summarily translate as a do-or-die effort on the part of the Librarian-Dummercrats to make absolutely certain they’ve no fucking chance of clocking up a winning tally in the 2015 General Election, the party’s maudlin mandarins have tasked a team of their Common Purpose NLP brainwashed / zero IQ think tank morons to burn the midnight oils 24/7 and expand their ill-conceived (and fatally flawed) Mansion Tax.

Obviously intent on challenging their Tory coalition partners for the title of the ‘Nasty Party’ and fostering this Them and Us 1% versus 99% culture to breaking point and furthering the existing economic disparity and social chaos that plagues our once green and pleasant land, the mansion tax snafu has now morphed into a gob-smacking fubar.

To wit, it is now set to include second homes (which obviously won’t apply to expense-fiddling MPs) and endowing HMRC tax inspectors with Renta-Thug bailiff powers to go round knocking on doors (or rather kicking them in) and evaluating a family’s heirlooms – Old Masters, Faberge eggs, Renaissance period furniture, Ming dynasty ceramics - plus their garages stuffed with shiny Bentleys, Rollers, Astons and Ferraris – along with the covert wall safe hordes of uncut gemstones, gold bullion ingots and Bulgari, Schwartz and Tiffany jewellery.

Oh yes, the Lib-Dum’s geriatric Business Secretary Vince Cobble is set to start widening the cast of their all-new ‘fine skein’ tax dodgers net – which looks purposely designed to steer well clear of the likes of Buckingham Palace and Highgrove, Clarence House and Balmoral Castle – and instead target the surviving members of what was until a few years ago still known as the ‘Middle Class’.

Alas now a diminished entity, that privileged caste was once the iconic buffer zone of society’s demographic - conjured up by far-sighted nobility politicians generations back to act as the primary ‘hate’ objective for the common herd if they ever spit the dummy and went into total revolution mode – thus provide that vital breathing space escape route for the monarchy and associated hangers-on to do a tactical moonlight, skip the coop and avoid the mob’s tumbrels and gibbet – or the headsman’s axe.

Both the Lib Dums and Ed Millipede’s New Labour losers are already committed to introducing a mansion tax on individual properties worth over £2 million quid – which should kick the rich kid Conservative members of the cabinet right square in the arse – and thus make a total fuck of any chance of a further coalition with the Tory #30 Millbank Posh Squad mafia.

Conversely the jewellery and mansion tax moves have been condemned by the Tory party hierarchy as the worst idea the Lib-Dum’s have come up with since Jeremy Thorpe instructed Liberal Party whips to organise the murder of Norman Scott and dump his body down a Cornish tin mine shaft – with one astute political analyst commenting “Didn’t the Bolsheviks try this redistribution of wealth scam with Marx and Engles’ Communist Manifesto back in 1917?”

This latest ‘desperate’ set of plans come in a policy document drawn up by ‘party tax gurus’ – which include the Lib-Dum’s blonde moment MP Tessa Kunt and the re-sanitised albeit scandal-ridden David ‘Fudge’ Laws – as groundwork for the Lib Dums’ 2015 General Election manifesto – with Ms Kunt - a hybrid cross old trout / three-bagger troll of a broomstick merchant - informing a press hack from the Extortionists Review that in her arrogant opinion the jewellery tax was a spiffing idea to keep milking the common herd.

Commissioned by the party’s self-harmer Lemming Committee, the proposal makes clear their determination to force those better-off members of our sick society (the blood out of a stone royalty and the rich n shameless nobility – including the Tory posh set - we think not) - to pay more tax on their accumulated wealth.

One misguided senior Lib Dum MP claimed the so-called ‘mansion tax-plus’ would be hugely popular among party activists in their south-west of England heartland, where the common herd peasants resent well-off outsiders cutting the feet from under first time buyers and grabbing country cottages for their holiday second homes – hence forcing up property prices beyond the limited budgets of the local yokels.

Ron McScrote, tax editor at the Ripoffs Gazette, opined “There’s a shitload of folks gonna get caught by this cumulative mansion tax cos it’s designed ter slam buy-to-let properties as well – an’ these people already pay tax on the rent they receive – just like the common herd motorists wot’s now double-shafted by Georgie Osborne when payin’ not only fuel excise duty but also VAT at 20% on every litre of diesel or gasoline they buy.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references along with lashings of nano-particle cynicism and genetically-modified bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Thursday 21 February 2013

UK School Bans Rape Play Games

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

In what has been exposed as the ultimate in the Hall of Shame of video game controversy, Smegmadale-on-Sea parents were left in varying states of gob-smacked aghast horror and associated nervous trauma after being informed their primary school children - aged nine and ten years – had received cautions from the head teacher after being caught playing 'the randy rape game'

Mrs Candida Ffitch-Gargoyle, head at the St Sappho School for Latter Day Sluts in Smegmadale, informed a press hack from the Pederasts Gazette that the first indications of this sordid ‘game’ being played became known to staff following an incident in which several male pupils approached the comely 18 year old Dutch exchange Art class teacher, Ms Fellattia van der Gamm, to inquire if she’d like to join in their after-school ‘rape game’ activities.

Obviously due something being lost in the translation, Ms van der Gamm readily agreed to participation in what she believed would be an interesting cross culture extra-curriculum activity - which led to her being blindfolded then hogtied and stripped naked in a veritable ‘Neko Kappa’ BD/SM scenario in one pupil’s back garden tree house – and subjected to hours of rampant three hole multi-orgasmic sex by several Year 5 class male students – plus one ‘tomboy’ contemporary with lesbian tendencies - kitted out with her elder sister’s strapon dildo and a Jolly Jackrabbit vibrator.

Apparently this novel playground activity has recently superceded such traditional pastimes as skipping, hop scotch and ticky – with pubescent Year 6 girlie pupils being targeted for their budding breasts and downy genitalia then stalked by a crew of horny 10-year old ‘Chikans’ and gang raped – much to the delight of their fellow pupils who make great industry of recording all on their smart phones then posting the scenes on Facebook and YouTube and blackmailing the victims via Twitter for 50% of their lunch money.

After being threatened with a two-week stay in one of North Wales’ myriad kiddie fiddling ‘care homes’ and sodomised by Tory cabinet ministers, the offending pupils came clean and revealed the concept for their ‘rape play’ was copied from a banned Japanese video game which depicts violent sexual assaults on a mother and two daughters.

RapeLay (Reipirei) banned in most civilised countries – apart from Japan - is a 3D ‘eroge’ video game made by Illusion Soft – producers of the Artificial Girl series - and specifically designed for the sexual stimulation of self-abusing onanists and ‘salary men’ sick and tired of their lard-arsed whingeing wives complaining about leaking radioactivity from the Fuckupshima nuclear power plant making their hair fall out – and who simply can’t get turned on reading kanji translation copies of Fifty Shades of Grey without a double 100mg shot of Viagra.

The controversial game centres on a male character Doggo Wanka, who stalks and rapes a sexy MILF neighbour named Mrs Shaggamora and her teenage daughters, Titsy and Slagella – with the player able to choose from a variety of sexual positions and control the ‘in-out’ humping actions by holding the mouse against his cock as he jacks off.

RapeLay’s graphic depictions of glorification of sexual violence have led to its outright banning although Amazon - so recently scandalised over the brutal actions of neo-Nazi security guards at their main Krautland plant treating migrant workers like slave labour – only stopped marketing the game and removed it from their website after being threatened with sanctions by the British government’s regulatory body.

While the game breaches Japan's obligations under the 1985 Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination Against Women, copies are still a hotcakes sales item across the Land of the Rising Sun, regardless of the Ethics Organization of Computer Software attempting to restrict the sale and production of the offending game.

Thus is the way of human nature when faced with the dual temptations of lust and profit.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references along with lashings of nano-particle cynicism and genetically-modified bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Fizzy Soft Drinks: Gov’s Next Tax Target

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The latest piece of social engineering propaganda from the Ministry for Mass Media Distractions has publicised a report compiled by a gaggle of NHS quacks and clinicians at the Freddy Patel Centre for Post-Mortem Guesswork – who are calling for action over rampant obesity and petitioning that fizzy drinks be taxed into extinction - with junk food adverts banished from TV screens until the UK’s fat slob school kids have sidled off to bed for a furtive ‘under the covers’ game of Dai Nippon’s ‘Illusion’ RapeLay video game on their iPads and tablets.

So the ‘tax it’ propaganda is focused on synthetic sweetener soft drinks and high cholesterol fatty foods and the inherent diabetes / cardio-vascular dangers of eating and drinking the crap – and all well and good too but why is there nary a mention of the health dangers posed from the likes of Monsanto’s manky GMO Frankenfood Mutant Meals or Insta-Tumour microwave-ready 60% horsemeat cottage pie and lasagne dinners – full of ‘bute’ and nasty MSG artificial flavourings, colourings and preservatives - nor the neurotoxin aspartame drinks and candies sweetener that, like all excitotoxins – is accumulative in the body at cellular level and the main cause of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome / ME (Myalgic Encephalomyelitis) – along with a host of other health problems and cancers?

Really, on a stand alone basis or in combinations, ingesting this shite will fuck up the human digestive system and physique – and our DNA faster than a plutonium enema – and to add to the hypocrisy, walk out of any NHS hospital and there’s a chew n spew fast food joint on the opposite corner offering fat-laden artery-blocking BOGOFs.

Sure, our not-fit-for-purpose money-grubbing government might well tax the living daylights out of them – at the consumer end of things - but for what purpose or end? If this shit is detrimental to health then instead of the NHS and Co going into default settings mode (aka ‘failure in performance’) simply ‘slap the crap’ with a prohibition order – re-brand the gastronomical garbage as a Class A controlled substance as per heroin and the other ‘coke’ and be done with the problem.

But no fucker or their dog in this Con-Dem Coalition is going to toss their hand in the air and state the fucking obvious – a total ban on junk tucker and turn all the fast food chew n spew joints – McD’s, Biffo’s Barf Burgers, Cilla’s Chunderama, Pukerella’s Pizza, Pedro’s Pukery, Barney‘s Botulism Bistro, Doggers Wood Conuts, Retcher Rick’s Restaurant, Vic’s Vomitarium, the Chunder Café or Salmonella Sub-Sandwich Centre - into Remploy workshops and factories.

Though lo and behold, that’s never going to happen when the likes of the fast food and soft drinks offenders – manufacturers and Greedy Grocer retailers alike (Pestco, Mammon & Snobfords and Pukesburys) – are on the Fortune 500 list and donate filthy lucre to the dominant political parties – plus spend more on lobbying the governments of the day ‘and’ unashamedly the food and health regulatory bodies – than the actual government dishes out in NHS healthcare.

The gospel according to a research team at the Harold Shipman Centre for Clinical Excellence, Broken Britain has one of the most obese populations on Earth - with about a quarter of adults classed as ‘fat cunts’ – which is fuck all to worry about really when considering the state of the beer-guzzling Germans - and lard-arsed Yanks over in the good ole supersized US of A – all just a couple of bad cholesterol steps away from a fatal heart attack or stroke – or both.

Further it is estimated that the 25% figure is predicted to double by 2050 – with a third of primary school leavers already overweight and making Greyfriars’ iconic Billy Bunter look like an anorexic reject from Auschwitz.

Conversely, doctors claim the confusion regarding the connections of fast food and fizzy drinks with an unhealthy lifestyle and generalised flabbiness is apparently being promulgated and heavily influenced through the lobbying campaigns run by ‘for profit’ self interest pressure groups – specifically the manufacturers and distributers of these toxic products that are negatively affecting the health of our nation’s compulsive nibblers.

In response Ron McScumm of the Junk Food Federation joined with Rita Titwank, spokeswoman for the British Soft Drinks Association who agreed the NHS and Department of Health have a one-size-fits-all regulatory approach that is, by design, simply incapable of distinguishing the wood from the trees.
Ms Titwank opined to one media hack from the Teletubbies Gazette that “It’s got nowt ter do wiv our fast foods an’ soft drinks. The punters need ter get off their fat arses an’ increase their levels of activity - do some exercise an’ go down the Jobcentre more often – an’ use the stairs at the welfare benefits office an’ not the elevators – an’ stop blamin’ their gaspin’ out-of-breath porkiness on our bespoke calorie controlled products.”

Thought for the day. Bullshit besides, it doesn’t really come down to a case of 24/7/365 cradle to grave / womb to tomb Nanny State meddling or regulation – if the political will is there and they want to do the right thing for the health of the common herd then just ban the shit outright, plain and simple.

Anyone still worried about horsemeat in the beef mince and the fact they might have eaten poor old Dobbin’s mum? More to the point is the fact if you ever eat fish fingers or sausages – and gave a thought of what the fuck’s in them?

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references along with lashings of nano-particle cynicism and genetically-modified bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Wednesday 20 February 2013

Scameron Touts Neo-Colonialism – With a Twist

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Posh Dave Scameron, the UK’s Prime Minister ‘without a mandate’ - leaving his ‘austerity measures’ coat of many dark and depressing colours back in Downing Street - informed a gaggle of neck-weaving gutter press hacks that Broken Britain is set to forge one of the great trade partnerships of the 21st Century with the Indian sub-continent - as he arrived in Mumbai on Monday (hot on the heels of French President Francois Hollande’s trade mission to flog their new supersonic Rafale fighter-bomber) to begin a three day visit.

Diplomatic fingers were crossed that no fucker or their dog – student activists / anarchist radicals etc - would turn up on the airport tarmac with a host of ‘Shame’ placards and banners to pull some Bolshie neo-imperialism publicity stunt and have the audacity to rake over a most unsavoury past by mentioning the 1919 Jallianwala Bagh massacre at Amritsar in which millions were shot down on the orders of their British overlords - or the couple of hundred years of oppression and human rights abuses their hapless ancestors suffered under the jackboot of the Union Jack and Raj the last time a British trade delegation came calling - with Sir Robert Clive at the head of the insurrection / dissident-crushing East India Company Army.

With business the main focus, Scameron is leading what the Tory spin merchants claim is the largest trade delegation to be chaperoned on an overseas trip by a UK prime minister since he fronted for last year’s arms dealer’s excursion to Dubai and facilitated the sale of lots of shiny British weapons to the Gulf region’s nasty Arab regimes to smuggle into Syria and arm the foreign mercenaries attempting to overthrow the incumbent Assad regime.

However this current band of profiteers is composed of a pick and mix selection from the Tory Party’s Fortune 500 lobbyists and donors – who cough up big bucks (aka ‘invest’) to get preferential treatment (such as a Prime Minister to put the official seal of approval on things by leading a trade delegation) - with the ubiquitous merchants of death led by BAE Systems – whose rep’s made a great impression by giving away sample grenades and pepper spray to immigration and customs officials as they passed through Chatrapati Shivaji airport – followed by GNK sales staff handing out Drone Wars t-shirts to any other fucker and their dog who might be useful in re-securing their $748 million quid AgustaWestland helicopter deal, cancelled by the New Delhi government who trashed the contract due a burgeoning bribery scandal in which mega-bucks kickbacks ended up in the wrong pockets.

Speaking before an assembled multitude of fawning brown faces in the car park of Unilever’s Mumbai headquarters, Posh Dave urged his audience to cease with their shouts of “We love you Nick Clegg!” as he was actually the Big Boss Tory and young Nick merely the Lib-Dum’s errand boy.

Asked during the Q & A session which Indian dishes he was hoping to sample, Dave replied that if he had enough Imodium tablets in his kit then it would be a Kerala fish curry - "to see if it compares to the slop Sarah gets from the local take-away joint in Whitney".

Scameron used the speech platform opportunity to address the news media and get the message across for the Indian government to cut regulation and red tape in a bid to encourage trade and investment involving the City’s Edomite Mafia crime syndicate’s financial interests, such as licencing a branch of the Shylock Bank of International Usury and opening a Delhi-based subsidiary of the Wilkins Micawber Institute for Economic Guessology to promote the Western fiscal hyper-inflation and Debtocracy systems.

"India's rise is going to be one of the great phenomena of this century and it’s incredibly impressive to see who pollutes their country to the point of an irreversible environmental calamity first - you or China - with the entire population suffering from terminal bronchitis first.”
"That’s why we in Britain want to be your partner of choice and sell India lots of carbon trade credits so you don’t have to worry over Al Gore harping on about drowning polar bears and melting glaciers and icecaps - and continue to burn as many fossil fuels as you like - and have a carbon footprint the size of Godzilla’s.”

Fronting yet another vendre un canard à moitié (to half-sell a duck) scheme, Dave promised investment of up to a million nicker to help fund a feasibility study - using British expertise, obviously - to develop an ambitious (fantasist) business corridor along the 1,000 mile stretch between Mumbai in the north and Bangalore in the south.
Yep, you heard it right first time – a string of Milton Keynes new town look-alikes – all with the colourless character of a caravan site.

Hmmm, nice one Dave - all they have to sort out is such blatant Third World basket case anomalies as brown outs, potable water, sewage disposal, efficient highways, honest policing – and exorcise the endemic culture of bureaucratic graft and corruption which infests the entire sub-continent to such an extent the fucking place can no longer operate without their ‘kleptocracy’ baksheesh system.

One of Dave’s targets during the trip is to address controversy over the recent toughening of UK visa rules by the not-fit-for-purpose Border Agency who now view returning British vacationers as potential illegal immigrants.

In an interview with the Sacred Bullshit Gazette Posh Dave stressed how there was a warm welcome – even in a frosty February - for those who wanted to make a positive contribution to the UK monetary system and receive a big ‘thank you’ from the Rothshite crime family – and there being no limit on the number of Indian students that could come to British universities, so long as they had an English language qualification then would be virtually guaranteed a university place in Brummystan.

Still hovering in Cloud Cuckoo Land, Dave further intimated the UK's visa process could be relaxed for Indian businessmen if they arrived at Heathrow toting suitcases bulging with any of the major trading currency banknotes – or gold. "Whether its business entrepreneurs or students, we want to make sure we’re attracting the best and the brightest - and there’s always room for a few more curry houses and a Poundshop or two up and down the High Street.”

So once again the ‘for profit’ Fortune 500 corporations determine and drive Broken Britain’s foreign policy to suit their own ends – and not the good of the voting public. From the despicable makers of weapons of war to the Unilever costermongers selling their repulsive Marmite concoction - that spread on a platoon of toast soldiers is as likely to appeal to the palate of your common or garden dhobi wallah as an Aussie abo’s wood grubs are to a French gourmand intent on dining with Lucullus.

Among the businessmen joining Scameron on the trip was Ron Skidmark, chief executive of the English Premier League, , who told the BBC that football was the fastest growing off-pitch gambling sport in India, with hefty bribes and payoffs to players, linesmen and referees – as evidenced by the recent Cup Final match between Delhi Dynamos and the Madras Marauders at the latter’s Tamil Nadu home ground.
Last Saturday the Marauders lost 23 – 0 to the visiting team – in a calamitous match which included several red cards issued, five players sent off, fourteen instances of ‘hand ball’ penalties being awarded – and scored – and a riot breaking out in the stands when it was discovered the Marauders centre half had a wooden leg and the goalkeeper wore a glass eye.

Scameron’s true constituency might well be the Fortune 500 company index back in Blighty but here on the sub-continent are a myriad of obstacles to reconcile himself with – a nepotism-riddled bureaucracy lorded over by dynastic Brahmins – with each possessed of a narcissistic personality disorder and deranged sense of omnipotent self-righteousness.
Then we have the Curse of the Four C’s: Cronyism, Collusion, Corruption, and Complacency (compromised politicians and a compliant, corporate controlled media) – along with the dodgy DOSRII factor: Directors, Officers, Seniors and Related Invested Interests.

Last but by no means least there’s the ingrained ‘caste’ apartheid culture system with the bloated Brahmins on the top rung and the dirty Dacoits down below – to be perennially shit on as is their lot in life. Now that’s definitely got to be a problem for the UK / EU equal rights and opportunities legislation to do business with India.

On a lighter note, Posh Dave took advantage of a photo op’ and played a game of cricket - facing a barrage of ferocious deliveries from the local youngsters - before his middle stump fell to a fast ball from one young bowler named Achmed whose 9 year old cousin was recently murdered in a ISAF hunter-killer MQ-9 Reaper drone attack while attending the funeral of their Paki Granny in the Peshawar hinterlands.

After being bowled out for a duck he commented to press hacks “It was good fun but I knew I was in trouble when that little twat Achmed started hurling the balls at me like a sodding baseball pitcher.”

Thought for the day. 23-year old Wormhole Jaffacake, an unemployed tortoise polisher from the slums of Mumbai, yesterday surprised friends and neighbours with his self-confident air of enterprise by giving up the security of a stable 16-hour-a-day job mooching for tat on a coastal landfill site, with a potable water standpipe within an hour’s walking distance from his makeshift home (two sheets of corrugated iron) – and has been first in line at the British Embassy to take advantage of Scameron’s offer of a next-day visa to travel to Britain and attend University.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references along with lashings of nano-particle cynicism and genetically-modified bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Is Kate a Cyborg or Really Human?

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

PM Posh Dave Scameron last night went into total sycophantic muppet mode to kiss some royal arse by defending Katie Middleclass, informing press hacks that author Hilary ‘Witchipoo’ Mantel, a former child frightener, was completely off her rocker and out of order to compare the Princess with a shop window dummy – adding that Mantel might well write great books to wipe your bum on but what she's said about Kate was completely misguided.

Scameron further lambasted Mantel, stating for the public record, “In her wholly unqualified opinion, contrasted to Diana, the late Princess of Wales – who was unfortunately murdered on Royal orders in Paris back in 1997 to prevent her giving birth to that al Fayed Muslim costermonger’s sprog – this horrid and creepy cow Mantel claims that Kate looks like some emaciated laboratory-product Fabricant – just the same as the sexy slant-eyed slope in the Cloud Atlas movie that certain delinquent cabinet members downloaded from Pirate Bay last week.”

The piranha-toothed Mantel, suffering one of her frequent menopausal blonde moments – and obviously not out to win any popularity contests – or monarch-bestowed honours – seized the opportunity while speaking at the London Review of Royal Sluts Lecture to do a spot of selective backstabbing and compare the duchess to the likes of a cross-dressing Bono – ‘a gloss-varnished moron with a plastic smile’.

In her speech, titled ‘Undressing Anne Boleyn – Warts and All’, which related to royal women, Mantel also included snide remarks aimed at the late Princess Margaret, known in regal circles as the ‘Royal Bike’ as everyone had been for a ride on her.
“There’s been a vacuum since they had MI5 knock Di’ off - which none of the other royal trolls could even hope to fill – especially that chain-smoking harpy Gorgonzilla Parker-Bowles that Chazzer took up with. Good God, has the Prince of Wales never heard of Specsavers?”

“So Katie’s the answer – the replacement people’s Princess – and once she gets over her morning sickness ‘puke-a-thon’, the gutter press hacks will describe her as radiant – totally missing out on the point that her only purpose is to give birth. Kate was designed to fit the role of royal broodmare and a bit of a handy bonk for Wills while he’s assigned to the RAF Valley in Anglesey – so he doesn’t go off and get photographed fucking sheep – or behaving like his ginger-mingin cuckoo of a half-brother - Harry of the Hewitts – and shagging everything with a twat.”

Criticism aside, Mantel received a surge of support on the Twatter social networking site, with media scribbler Jemima Puddled Duck defending the author’s diatribe – agreeing that Kate came across as a semi intelligent dummy - albeit with a fabulous arse.

Last week the Royal Finger Pointer criticised the Italian ‘El Shitraker’ gossip magazine after it published photographs of the pregnant duchess in a bikini, taken while she was vacationing with Prince Wills on the elitist jet-setter’s Caribbean island of Le Expensive.

Conversely editor Alfonso Scummeroni, defended the use of the material, saying they were "photos of a young king-to-be having a grope at his wife’s tits” - and hence of interest to any self-respecting onanist dog wanker who needed that extra bit of sexual fantasy in their life.

With regard to Mantel’s splenetic speech, St James' Palace declined to comment officially, but one spokesman confided to media reporters “Who really gives a flying fuck what that tub of lard Mantel thinks about anything – and it will serve the nasty cow right if someone doses her morning coffee with polonium 210 – or ramblers find her body dumped in the David Kelly Memorial Woods – with her wrists slashed – or asphyxiated inside a big black North Face holdall.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references along with lashings of nano-particle cynicism and genetically-modified bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.