Sunday, 3 February 2013

HMP Feeding Muslim Con’s Piggy-Wigs

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Broken Britain’s Ministry of Justice has suspended deliveries from a Gruntford Green-based meat processing plant contracted to supply Her Majesty’s prisons with ‘halal’ food products after remnants of curly tails, porcine snouts and actual trotters were discovered in shipments of Mama McColgan’s Quality Woggy Woggy pies and pasties.

Affected penitentiaries include Smegmashire’s G4S-run HM Hogsworth Hill Prison for High Risk Scallies, which has become home - sic - to hundreds of suspected Jolly Jihad Muslim terrorist types since the 9/11 false flag attacks demonised Islam to such a pantomime propaganda extent that the media-brainwashed common herd have been scarified into a neurotic state of kitten-shitting belief that Korans are actually stamped out of blocks of C4 plastique – so concealed to be covertly deployed and blast the foundations from under our despised Western democratic freedoms.

The Hogsworth Hill facility had the kitchens and cold storage stocks scrutinised and then condemned last week by Food Standards Agency inspectors following tests that revealed traces of pork DNA in everything ranging from the Kellogg’s Crunchy Scratchings breakfast cereal to tins of Practical Pig stewed prunes.

Justice Secretary Chris Graything, the incumbent Tory MP for Epsom Salts, informed one press hack from the Mujahideen Gazette that “Personally I couldn’t give a flying fuck what these loopy tossers get fed but the dopey human rights and wrongs lobby are set to blow up a shit-storm of grief and strife that this has been done deliberately to deny the Muslim jailbirds entry into Paradise due them eating ‘haram’ foods – and specifically porky pig meat.”

“We’ve got some right nasty Saracen bastards locked up at Hogsworth Hill and the last thing the prison authorities need is an insurrection on their hands when the likes of Mohammed al Patsy and members of his self-harming Al Ka-Boom Shaheed Semtex Vest Brigade – along with that notorious one-eyed, hook-handed radical Muslim cleric and all-round career shit-stirring twat Ras al Shitbag go ballistic and start a riot if they discover – Allah forbid – that their infidel captors have been feeding them stuff that falls outside the parameters of their halal comfort zone - and a sodding pan-Islamic jihad kicks off - with the UK the centre of their bomb-chucking attentions.”

FSA spokeswoman Fellattia Mingerot, informed the media that “We’re working on the damage control side of things since the contaminated pasties were traced back to the Woggy Woggy pasty plant at Baconsfield – and obviously the ingredients were most definitely not a part of the Muslim ‘kosher brochure’ menu.”

“Further to this we’ve discovered that several product lines supplied by Sir Gerald Plumprose’s Pig-Pak Pork Delights factory at Hambury contain traces of ‘Spammoth’.”
“For the uninitiated, this is a genetically-modified organism hybrid cross between a Tamworth porker and a Sumatran elephant, clocking in at an average dressed carcass weight of 1,500 pounds and capable of filling 30,000 luncheon meat tins – which I personally, being an atheist heathen, adore fried or grilled.”

Police reports of a terrorist suicide bombing attack on Mama McColgan’s Quality Woggy Woggy Foods factory, located in Starbane, County Tyrone, remain unconfirmed as of press time.

Thought for the day. Hmmm, and no jokes about “It tastes just like chicken”. Well, at least it wasn’t a batch of Mrs Lovell’s meat pies – or one of the Pestco Greedy Grocer’s hippophagous ‘Horse Burgers’.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references along with lashings of nano-particle cynicism and genetically-modified bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.


Anonymous said...

The Spammoth - that is a smasher.
nice one

w said...

Not pukka pies then?