Friday, 22 February 2013

Lib-Dums Renamed Greedy Twats Party

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

In what canny political observers and analysts summarily translate as a do-or-die effort on the part of the Librarian-Dummercrats to make absolutely certain they’ve no fucking chance of clocking up a winning tally in the 2015 General Election, the party’s maudlin mandarins have tasked a team of their Common Purpose NLP brainwashed / zero IQ think tank morons to burn the midnight oils 24/7 and expand their ill-conceived (and fatally flawed) Mansion Tax.

Obviously intent on challenging their Tory coalition partners for the title of the ‘Nasty Party’ and fostering this Them and Us 1% versus 99% culture to breaking point and furthering the existing economic disparity and social chaos that plagues our once green and pleasant land, the mansion tax snafu has now morphed into a gob-smacking fubar.

To wit, it is now set to include second homes (which obviously won’t apply to expense-fiddling MPs) and endowing HMRC tax inspectors with Renta-Thug bailiff powers to go round knocking on doors (or rather kicking them in) and evaluating a family’s heirlooms – Old Masters, Faberge eggs, Renaissance period furniture, Ming dynasty ceramics - plus their garages stuffed with shiny Bentleys, Rollers, Astons and Ferraris – along with the covert wall safe hordes of uncut gemstones, gold bullion ingots and Bulgari, Schwartz and Tiffany jewellery.

Oh yes, the Lib-Dum’s geriatric Business Secretary Vince Cobble is set to start widening the cast of their all-new ‘fine skein’ tax dodgers net – which looks purposely designed to steer well clear of the likes of Buckingham Palace and Highgrove, Clarence House and Balmoral Castle – and instead target the surviving members of what was until a few years ago still known as the ‘Middle Class’.

Alas now a diminished entity, that privileged caste was once the iconic buffer zone of society’s demographic - conjured up by far-sighted nobility politicians generations back to act as the primary ‘hate’ objective for the common herd if they ever spit the dummy and went into total revolution mode – thus provide that vital breathing space escape route for the monarchy and associated hangers-on to do a tactical moonlight, skip the coop and avoid the mob’s tumbrels and gibbet – or the headsman’s axe.

Both the Lib Dums and Ed Millipede’s New Labour losers are already committed to introducing a mansion tax on individual properties worth over £2 million quid – which should kick the rich kid Conservative members of the cabinet right square in the arse – and thus make a total fuck of any chance of a further coalition with the Tory #30 Millbank Posh Squad mafia.

Conversely the jewellery and mansion tax moves have been condemned by the Tory party hierarchy as the worst idea the Lib-Dum’s have come up with since Jeremy Thorpe instructed Liberal Party whips to organise the murder of Norman Scott and dump his body down a Cornish tin mine shaft – with one astute political analyst commenting “Didn’t the Bolsheviks try this redistribution of wealth scam with Marx and Engles’ Communist Manifesto back in 1917?”

This latest ‘desperate’ set of plans come in a policy document drawn up by ‘party tax gurus’ – which include the Lib-Dum’s blonde moment MP Tessa Kunt and the re-sanitised albeit scandal-ridden David ‘Fudge’ Laws – as groundwork for the Lib Dums’ 2015 General Election manifesto – with Ms Kunt - a hybrid cross old trout / three-bagger troll of a broomstick merchant - informing a press hack from the Extortionists Review that in her arrogant opinion the jewellery tax was a spiffing idea to keep milking the common herd.

Commissioned by the party’s self-harmer Lemming Committee, the proposal makes clear their determination to force those better-off members of our sick society (the blood out of a stone royalty and the rich n shameless nobility – including the Tory posh set - we think not) - to pay more tax on their accumulated wealth.

One misguided senior Lib Dum MP claimed the so-called ‘mansion tax-plus’ would be hugely popular among party activists in their south-west of England heartland, where the common herd peasants resent well-off outsiders cutting the feet from under first time buyers and grabbing country cottages for their holiday second homes – hence forcing up property prices beyond the limited budgets of the local yokels.

Ron McScrote, tax editor at the Ripoffs Gazette, opined “There’s a shitload of folks gonna get caught by this cumulative mansion tax cos it’s designed ter slam buy-to-let properties as well – an’ these people already pay tax on the rent they receive – just like the common herd motorists wot’s now double-shafted by Georgie Osborne when payin’ not only fuel excise duty but also VAT at 20% on every litre of diesel or gasoline they buy.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references along with lashings of nano-particle cynicism and genetically-modified bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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