Thistle Hotels ‘Not’ Sodomite-Friendly

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Mr Dick Squirly, a Manchester resident and self-outed gay person, in London for a dirty weekend with his boyfriend Fudgie McDuff, has gone into homophobia paranoia mode after the Thistle City Barbarian Hotel receptionist refused to assign them a double room and instead shoved the pair in a family suite with single beds.

The same sex couple had booked their room through an online reservations system but there were no doubles available when they arrived at the hotel at 11:30 at night after an evening spent cruising transvestite bars and swigging Meths Breezers with Viagra chasers.

Regardless of repeated statements of not being drunk and confrontational with the reception clerk, Squirly later tweeted "Poofter-hating receptionist at Thistle Hotels refused me & my bf our pre-booked double room n insisted we take a family room w/ separate beds and not get poo on the sheets” – to which he has since received several million messages of support from those of similar sexual orientation.

Thistle Hotels spokesman Rupert Twink informed a reporter from the Iron Hoof Gazette that “Our apologies to Dick and Fudgie. We do not tolerate homophobic behaviour in any shape or form and have signs in the car park making clear our policy of zero tolerance towards queer bashing.”
“However the night shift receptionist denies he was homophobic towards the couple – and is sticking to that story even after we had our G4S security guards give him a good waterboarding session to get to the truth. Rather he claims the couple arrived falling over drunk, smoking joints and in drag – and started demanding he turn over the keys to the bridal suite.”

Sapphie Godermiche, spokeswoman for the Stonewall gay rights group, informed media hacks "Subject to the facts being as reported and not another pack of offended sensibilities lies, then Thistle Hotels will be added to the gay ban list.”

Conversely, canny civil rights watchers are speculating that Squirly and his bf are after kick starting yet another media feeding frenzy and jumping on the ‘psychological abuse’ compo payouts bandwagon alike the two geriatric iron hoofs who were refused accommodation at Mrs Gladys Slaghorn’s B&B last year.

That ‘couple’ had booked a room through the online Fudgers Club Tours at the Smegmadale-on-Sea bed and breakfast, but Mrs Slaghorn refused to have them under her roof on religious grounds, informing press hacks at the time “I don’t give a flyin’ fuck about all this lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender rights bullshit wot I’m getting’ quoted – it’s against God’s laws fer two blokes ter be kippin’ in the same bed, suckin’ cocks an’ then pokin’ them up each other’s bums – an’ wot’s more the Bible sez they’re an abomination.”

Thanks to parties of self-interest lobbying efforts by the secret handshake cabal that rule the faggot-infested halls of Westminster and Whitehall - the Sexual Offences Act of 1967 decriminalised homosexual acts between two men – as long as they were in private and not on Cottagers Heath or in Doggers Wood – or some railway station public toilet.

While the LGBT sexual pervert group might consider ‘political correctness’ the best thing since sliced bread and opposable thumbs, the promotion of this moronic and intolerant culture has now permeated our permissively sick society like some metastasised cancerous growth wherein no fucker or their dog can say boo to a goose without ending up with a Plod Squad caution for offending the sensibilities of Tom, Dick and Harry – or Stefan from Cracow and his pikey / gyppo mates - or rather in this instance, Adam and Steve (or Madam and Eve).

A chronology of poofterism in the UK:

1954 Homosexuality illegal with 1,069 men in England and Wales serving prison sentences for offences involving fudging and generalised faggotry.
1957 Wolfenden Report published
1967 Homosexuality decriminalised
2013 Homosexual Marriage (Same Sex Couples) Bill gets first House of Conmans reading in January with majority showing of Parliamentary support
20?? Age of consent lowered to 10
20?? Paedophilia decriminalised
20?? Homosexuality made compulsory

Thought for the day. One might draw some analogy with the above instance at the Thistle Hotel if a certain Sudanese gentleman, Mr Charles Tombe on his honeymoon with his new bride – who just happened to be a goat named Rosie – turned up to check in to his pre-booked room. Would refusal constitute an act of homophobia or zoophobia?

On an equally risible note, there’s a bit of a disappointment in store for Scots gays planning a ‘Spring’ wedding at St Sodom’s Church for Latter Day Catamites with Roman Catholic cleric, Cardinal Keith O'Brien presiding as he’s just resigned as Archbishop of St Andrews and Edinburgh following his outing as a lowlife seminarian–molester.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references along with lashings of nano-particle cynicism and genetically-modified bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.