Wednesday, 6 February 2013

Same Sex Marriage = Negative Birth Rate

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Ahead of a House of Conmans vote on the Marriage (Same Sex Couples) Bill held on Tuesday, three senior Tory cabinet ministers made a most conspicuous late appeal to party MPs that they drop any opposition to plans of bestowing the Con-Dem coalition government’s blessing on gay marriages in England and Wales.

Foreign Secretary Willy Vague, Chancellor Georgie Osborne and ‘blonde moment’ Home Secretary Theresa May jointly penned a letter to the Fudgers Review stating for the public record that in their wholly unqualified opinion they’d like to believe a substantial majority of the common herd – especially those members who seem to enjoy participating in abnormal sexual acts – are right behind (no pun intended) gay marriage.

In their joint missive Osborne, Vague and May wrote: "Marriage has evolved over many millenniums, with gay civil partnerships dating back to Mong of Cuntsfoot Cross, the acclaimed Yorkshire based Neanderthal innovator of basic cave drainage systems, who records affirm ‘bonded’ with his male companion Dork, following a tribal mammoth hunt and thereafter shared their bearskin beddings – hence we believe that opening up this rite of passage to same-sex couples carries the hallmark of our all-new Conservative Party tolerance brand.”

“While everyone might still harbour a few anti-Semitic sentiments and animosity towards Israel’s Jewish Zionists for their appalling treatment of the Palestinians, attitudes towards racial issues and colour prejudices have changed for the better as very few people – even that nasty Nick Griffin’s BNP thugs - bother going out hell bent on kicking a few Paki’s heads in anymore – and the same goes for ‘queer bashing’ – especially now since the advent of the 9/11 false flag terrorist attacks and we have all those crazy Muslims who hate our democratic freedoms to direct pent-up aggression and venom at.”

Meanwhile, not wishing to be left out of the news photo op’ and a spot of media coverage, the ridiculous ginger mingin Minister for Women and Equalities Maria Miller, she of the Desperate Dan chin and anxious to attract as many gay voters as possible for the next election, informed a press hack from the Iron Hoof Gazette that “I’m all for it - same sex marriage will be a step in the right direction to meet Broken Britain’s carbon emissions reduction target with regard to cutting the birth rate and getting the upper hand on the UN’s Agenda 21 population control programme.”

“I mean, if it’s all butch dyke lezzies bonking each other with strapon dildos - and poofters giving their partner one up the bum then there’s no chance of a pregnancy, now is there. Plus look at all the maternity grant payouts and child benefit tax credits that the Treasury will be saving on – enough to start another foreign war in some horrid Muslim country.”

"This issue is simply another part of our commitment to full EUSSR membership compliance and making sure Broken Britain is a good place to live for all the Bulgarian Pikeys and Romanian Gyppo dykes and fudgers who’ll be arriving here later this year to sign on at the Jobcentre and looking for a gay partner to cuddle up to.”

However the controversy is set to rage that by changing the institution of marriage from being solely between a man and a woman, fundamental parts of the aforesaid marriage, such as the ability to divorce on the grounds of adultery or failure to consummate the marriage, obviously cannot apply to same-sex marriages due the statuary legal definitions of ‘adultery and consummation’ being based on sexual contact between a ‘male and female of the human species’ and ‘not’ between ‘Adam and Steve’ or ‘Madam and Eve’ – or sheep or pet goats – as is the practice in such progressive and open societies that exist in Third World basket case shitholes like the Sudan.

With this being a free ballot, the Tory gang – in a desperate bid to prove to the Lib-Dums and New Labour that they’re capable of thinking for themselves, are expected to split three ways – an estimated 120 MPs voting against any such ridiculous plan that might get them in God’s bad books – with 50 more quite intrigued by the idea – but as yet undecided - if they could ever play the role of ‘wife’ to a male partner – and the remaining 153 rumoured to be voting one way or the other – depending on which way the wind’s blowing.

The majority of the 57 Librarian Dummercrat MPs are expected to back any plan that leader Mick Clogg has been ordered to vote on by Posh Dave Scameron – while New Labour’s 255 MPs are rumoured to be voting in favour of whatever’s likely to win them the next election.

Pastor Ron McScrote, founder of the Christ Kicks Ass fringe holy order, informed media hacks “The fact that Posh Dave Scameron went ter one of our sceptred isle’s most notorious sodomite-infested public schools an’ probably took it up the arse every night while he woz at Eton doesn’t mean ter say we have ter pass some effin’ law that allows ravin’ rug munchers an’ shirt-lifters ter walk up the aisle an’ get married – even if Dave does claim it’s all about equality an’ strengthenin' this tosspot Big Society they're pushin' down our throats.”

“Let’s not forget wot Leviticus sez about poofters bein’ an’ abomination cos God created an’ ordained the institution of marriage as an endurin’ social arrangement when He gave the first woman, Eve, ter the first man, Adam.”
“They pass this little bill wiv their tip-toe mission creep approach an’ then we’ve gotta wonder wot the fuck’s comin’ next – dropping the age of consent ter nine years old jest ter appease all the kiddie fiddlers wot’s infestin’ the upper echelons of our sick society?”

“I don’t know about that old broomstick merchant Theresa May, but both Osborne an’ Vague are widely regarded as bisexual closet cases – especially Willy Vague sharin’ a hotel room wiv his driver Chrissie Myers, wot’s now his Special Adviser on the Civil Service payroll – wiv no relevant experience fer the job an’ his only alleged qualification is the ability ter touch his toes an’ suck an’ swallow wivout gaggin’.”

Stop press (drop the dead donkey): House of Conmans final score : Poofs n Dykes 1 – Heterosexuals 0.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references along with lashings of nano-particle cynicism and genetically-modified bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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