Saturday, 23 February 2013

Saudi Priorities Arse-About-Face

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

In what seems to be turning into a juvenile Arab pissing contest (mine’s bigger than yours), the builders of London's Shard skyscraper have been contracted to oversee the construction of a tower in Saudi Arabia set to be the tallest structure in the known Universe

The UK-based Nimrod Attic Conversions will team up with Bob Babel (Builders) to create Jeddah’s Kingdom Tower (Burj al Mamlakah)‎ – projected to begin this summer and take 5 years to complete – and will measure in at 3,280 feet – spot on one kilometre high – 550 feet taller than the current record holder – Dubai’s 2,717 feet Burj Khalifa – and more than three times taller than that pointless Qatari-owned architectural abomination, the London Shard – a vertical monstrosity that civil engineers and window cleaners alike refer to as ‘very, very high’

Construction of the Kingdom Tower, which will overlook the rest of the world from north to south – with visitors to the intended lofty viewing platform able to wave to penguins on the Ross Ice Shelf in Antarctica - is expected to cost (pre-corruption payouts) around £780 million quid and take more than five years to complete.
It will consist of a ten-star hotel – the penultimate zenith in ostentatious waste and hedonistic luxury – along with apartments, office space and a revolving restaurant from which nasty Arabs can spit on their business rivals below – and every Friday after prayers, get a literal bird’s eye views of beheadings in the local square.

Ron McScrote, head of property and social infrastructure at Nimrod Attic Conversions joined with Achmed al Qaeda, CEO of the Saudi BinLaden Group, to inform media hacks that “The Kingdom Tower is a landmark building intended to demonstrate Saudi Arabia's true ambitions to the world – so they’re not simply viewed as a bunch of oil-rich sand niggers who kiss Zionist Israel’s arse by ignoring the cries of their marginalised fellow Muslim Palestinian brothers and instead make great industry of financing and stirring up nasty little proxy wars around the Mid-East with their Qatari cohorts – such as the current clusterfuck in Syria - and supporting (read ‘perpetuating’) the shelf life expired homicidal regime of King Hamad bin Barbarian al Khalifa in Bahrain.”

Sheikh Mohammed al Kickback, the Saudi Minister for Graft & Corruption, introduced the main investors in the project at a press conference – whose shifty money-laundering ranks include Sheikh Fizzy al Kaseltzer - a man that claims hereditary grazing rights to every hotel lobby carpet in the Gulf region – along with Prince Al-Waleed bin Talal, head of the Jeddah Baksheesh Corporation who just happens to be married to Princess Dalal bint Slutt, a daughter of King Abdullah bin Fat Git al Saud.

Hmmm, yet another Third World basket case shithole ruled by a monarchical regime with a gossamer thin veneer of civilisation (electricity, running water, flush toilets – and roads – which their disenfranchised women folk are not permitted to drive on) - whose progressive justice system still consists of chopping the hands off felons caught shoplifting – with beheading for third time losers - and whose Monty Pythonesque ‘Mutaween’ religious police arrest people for adultery – for which the penalty is death by stoning.

Oh yes, you read it right the first time - death for adultery – a ‘crime’ that’s almost classed as a competitor sport in the Western world.

But what the fuck can one expect from a bunch of cultural Philistines - these nouveau riche vulgarians – forever stuck in a Dark Ages 'Groundhog Day' circa 1433 – and whose nepotistic kleptocracy government administration (sic) is so mired with graft and corruption that no part of the fubar system can operate without it – with the upper echelons of their sick society climbing on their national Hypocrisy Airlines jets to fly to the safer confines of Europe and Asia to get pissed, gamble and screw around with impunity from the reach of their own cultural restrictions and draconian laws.

Thought for the day. Hmmm, hopefully a crew of Mossad’s hi-fiving removals men and art students don’t pilot a remote UAV passenger jet into the Kingdom Tower then turn it to dust with their micro-nukes and DEW molecular dissociation weapons of mass distraction – just like the WTC Twin Towers that Mohammed al Pasty and his non-existent Jolly Jihad hijackers got blamed for back in 9/11.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references along with lashings of nano-particle cynicism and genetically-modified bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

1 comment:

Fastbyte69 said...

Brilliant piece of satire Rusty n just what the arrogant Saudi scumbags deserve plus more of the same.