Garbage Recycling Exposed as Scam

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The gospel according to a gob-smacking banner headline expose in last Saturday’s Flytippers Gazette gutter press tabloid, Broken Britain’s entire recycling industry is a con’ – with zillions of tons of assorted crap ending up on landfill sites for seagulls to peck over and provide roughage for rats as Defra officials are forced to admit the statistics heralding the success of recycling have been subjected to several degrees of manipulation and exaggerated to an extent that almost surpasses the global warming scam and those Faginesque fantasy Holohoax casualty figures.

Ron McScatt, manager at the Scumdale Hamlets-based Pikey Pete’s Recycling Emporium, informed media reporters that “90% of the rubbish we get delivered here is precisely that – fucking rubbish. Garbage in fact – and that’s why people throw the shit away – cos it’s good for nothing else. Really, who are these twats at Defra and this clot of a Department of Environment Minister, Owen Paterson, trying to kid.”

“To be real honest with yer - and don’t tell more than a dozen - the shit never really got recycled per se before. We just shoved it all in containers and the likes of the notorious international environmental piillagers and polluters Trafigura Beheer BV took the thirty pieces of silver an’ shipped the shit off an’ dumped it on the beach of some Third World West African shithole like Nigeria, Gabon or Cameroon’s ‘Duala Dustbin’ – with Abidjan in the Cote d’ Ivoire begging for our garbage for their own emergent Smokey Mountain landfill scavenging industry that keeps thousands of jobless darkies otherwise gainfully employed.”

“Like me Grandma used to say – you can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear – and trash cannot be turned into anything else – unless you want to be served your next McD’s chew n spew Dunkin Dobbin horsemeat burger in a recycled styrofoam box that was previously binned outside Cindy’s Salmonella Sandwich Centre.”
“Believe me, all it’s good for is going straight into the incinerator and generate a bit of electricity – even if we are polluting the living daylights out of the sodding environment and atmosphere with all the toxins and heavy metals getting airborne.”

Following years of disingenuous denials, the Con-Dem government are now faced with a burgeoning scandal that much of the domestic and industrial waste councils claim to have recycled has been turned away by the actual MRF (materials recovery facility) ‘recycling’ depots and ended up shipped out to some hapless developing basket case nation or dumped in landfills – or burned in the incinerators.

Bev Titwank, a 16-year old mother of three and spokeswoman for Greater Manchester’s Stench Hill sink or swim council housing estate residents association had this to say to an interviewer from the BBC’s ever-popular primetime Rag & Bone Hour programme.
“We’ve said from day one that Defra’s Waste and Resources Action project was a joke before it even took off – and look at it now - zillions of tons of rubbish carefully sorted by families for recycling to avoid the Damoclean blade of fiscal penalties for non-compliance has been buried in landfill.”
“Hence if the entire recycling program is scam-worthy then the actual coloured wheelie bins are a joke too – and the fines slapped on hapless home owners by the council are no more than licenced criminal extortion.”

One disgusted Smegmadale-on-Sea resident, the 96-year old Mrs Gladys Mingerot, informed press hacks that “The only success local authority jobsworths have had from the recyclin’ scam is the effin’ fines wot they’re bin rakin’ in from confused residents wot’s shoved the wrong thing in the wrong wheelie bin an’ got collared by the community Stasi thugs wot the Town Hall’s seconded from the Renta-Moron Security Agency ter spy on us. Now wot we need is a crap-brown wheelie bin ter shove the local council’s bullshit in.”

“I’ve got that many different coloured bins an’ boxes an’ bags I don’t know what they fuck goes where. There’s that much crap ter sort out that I had ter give up me job at the Happy Ending Rub n Tug Massage Salon on Tossoff Street ter deal wiv it - an’ we got an extension built on ter the house ter keep all the new bins in.”

“Fer fuck’s sake – wheelie bins my arse. Years ago the binmen weren’t a bunch of pansies wiv hi-wiv coats an’ gloves – they used ter strong-arm two fuckin’ big galvanised iron bins across their backs, cart them down the alleyways an’ empty ‘em by hand – no hydraulic tippin’ gear in them days – then return the fuckers ter where they got ‘em. An’ they woz full of all kinds of shite – hot cinders, broken glass, aborted foetuses, dead cats, hedge clippin’s – you name it.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references along with lashings of nano-particle cynicism and genetically-modified bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.