Thursday 30 June 2011

UK Gears up for General Strike

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

As England and Wales gear up this Thursday with a practice run for a General Strike to paralyse our once sceptred isle of Albion and make the morons in Parliament and Downing Street sit up and take notice, more than 3,000 schools in England and Wales will be closed for their regular business of education and some 2,200 partially closed (doors locked - only windows open) when the National Union of Teachers and the Association of Teachers and Lecturers stage drastic strike action to demonstrate their utter disgust with the way Posh Dave Scameron’s fatally-flawed 'No Compromise / Take No Prisoners' Libservative Coalition government of bureaucratic jobsworths is making a total fuck of the nation’s economy and social environment.

While Deputy PM Mick Clogg might well castigate the heretical dissidents as ‘treasonable Bloshie scumbags’ - informing gutter press hacks from the red top tabloids that “Striking isn’t going to help anyone” – the perspective of the 750,000 teachers and civil servants bent on this mode of industrial action over planned pension changes they claim - from the unique vantage point of being ‘the losers’ - will mean them working longer, paying more out, and earning less – it makes perfect sense and the only option available to getting the stupid government’s undivided attentions focused on their complaints.

Not alone in these sentiments that the proposed changes are not exactly the perfect recipe to generate socio-economic harmony in the voting public, they’ll be joined in radical reactionary body and spirit by a legion of Borders Agency immigration and HMRC customs officials – and hopefully any other bugger and their dog - who has a gripe over the way the government’s ‘Ministry of What Can We Fuck With Next’ is shagging around with their pensions and salaries and working conditions – and letting the corruption-ridden EUSSR monster in Brussels dictate socio-political policy on the UK, etcetera, et al.

Education Secretary Michael ‘Spotty’ Gove, the Tory MP for Slurry, who originally hails from Scotland’s crime and kiddie fiddling capital of Scaberdeen, informed an amused back bench and opposition audience in the House of Conmans that the strike would cause "massive inconvenience to hard-working families" – wholly missing the irony in his fractured logic that the Libservative’s proposed draconic pension and working conditions modifications would cause a parallel of ‘massive inconvenience’ for hard-working teachers – none of whom have a cat in Hell’s chance of ever equalling an MP’s – or cabinet minister’s – bloated level of salary and fat cat pension benefits.

PM Scameron also used the Parliamentary assembly to spit the dummy, censuring the entire public service spectrum – the marginalized and disaffected teachers, immigration and customs officers Jobcentre staff, DWP and tax office layabouts, local council jobsworths and the courts and probation services - who were contemplating this audacious display of disagreeing with his government’s plans to reduce the quality of their lives – now and in retirement – then specifically targeting immigration and customs officials with Old Etonian venom - labelling them ‘a bunch of sodding oicks’ - for downing tools (sic) and going out on strike which would simply create an illegal immigrant and smuggler’s bonanza holiday.

“You lot of gobby sods, all smirking there on the Labour benches, just watch out this Friday morning. There’ll be droves of pikeys that have sneaked across the Channel during the strike and be set for grooming your daughters as three hole sex whores – and the pubs and Jobcentres flooded with discount 50 gram pouches of Golden Virginia and reams of Embassy low tar ciggies that’s going to make a bugger of Chancellor Osborne’s tobacco duty revenues.”

“Then we have the negative effect on all these schools that opted to be academies due the moronic state of their pigshit-thick delinquent pupils – using the local Asbo Centrals as a perfect example – when they return to classes on Friday they’ll need to be retrained to hold a pen the right way round and wipe their own bums.”
“If it were up to me and not having to discuss this sort of thing with Mr Clogg, then I’d fire the lot and bring in an army of volunteers from our Big Society register to run the schools – then there’d be no bloody problems with squabbles and whingeing over salaries and pensions.”

“The next thing it will be your local Plod Squads and prison officers getting big ideas about industrial action – then where will everyone be – ringing up 999 and getting no answer – and having to stab burglars to death themselves?”

Are you planning to take part in the strike just for the fuck of it? Are you a parent who has volunteered to take classes and groom a few nice teenage schoolgirls? Will you have to take a day off and sit in a sunny beer garden swigging pints of Old Headbanger lager all afternoon while your kids guzzle Coke and crisps and play ‘Spot the Paedo’?
Send us your comments and experiences and you could win free membership of your local Libservative Coalition Party and receive a ‘Big Society Volunteer’ t-shirt.

Thought for the day: While 85% of schools in England and Wales are scheduled to be partially or completely closed due strike actions by teachers this Thursday – and this is a phenomenon that will affect multi-zillions of pupils – the kids all unanimously agree with and support the strike - as they get a day off from the usual drudgery and neuro-linguistic programming.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Wednesday 29 June 2011

Afghan’s Top Bankster Does Bunk

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The governor of Afghanistan's Central Bank, Abdul Qadeer Flitrat, has quit his post and fled the country – then handed in his belated resignation from the dubious safe haven of the United States, informing one reporter from the Ripoffs Review that his life was in danger for investigating ranking government officials involved in a criminal conspiracy of massive fraud.

Mr Flitrat claims that President Hamid Kami Karzai’s nepotism-ridden Kleptocracy Party government had meddled, hindered and finally stymied his efforts to pursue those responsible for corruption at the privately-owned Kabul Bank - which was unable to account for multi-zillions of US dollars in aid funds and went into tits-up insolvency mode in 2010 – only to be shored up by the Central Bank.

However, Achmed Karzai (no relation), the Afghan government’s Minister for Wasting Time & Money, informed one gutter press hack from the Embezzlers Gazette that Flitrat’s resignation amounted to treason.
Likewise, Waheed Scummbag, Afghan President Hamid Karzai's PR agent and spin doctor - and thus the one tasked with covering officialdom’s arses - opined that Abdul Flitrat himself should be placed under investigation for publicly labeling the President’s family and friends a ‘bunch of light-fingered dodgy gits’ – and accusing them of being involved in the receipt of zero interest ‘sweetheart deal’ loans handed out with a conspicuous absence of collateral cover or like security measures in place.

The embezzlement at Kabul Bank – previously Afghanistan's largest private banking institution - that handled 80-plus percent of the government payroll, including salaries for policemen, teachers, wheelbarrow mechanics and goat herders, led to its collapse last year after it was discovered that hundreds of zillions of dollars had gone missing in spectacular X-Files “now you see it / now you don’t” fashion - a trick that has so far baffled top notch auditor’s Cut-Price-Slaughterhouse-Coopers’ Afghan associates - AF Fleecem & Co LLP - and the world’s celebrity magicians - prompting sarcastic media wits to suggest it should be renamed ‘The Ali Baba Forty Thieves Bank’.

Central Bank investigators who haven’t yet fled the scene informed a journalist from Villainy magazine that the Kabul Bank - which was Afghanistan's largest private financial institution with over one million customers - set out on a systematic course of making hundreds of zillions of dollars of inappropriate loans following the bank’s founding in 2004 by Sherkhan Farnood, a ‘thick as thieves’ crony of President Karzai – and a ‘leading international poker player’ – (no laughing – that bit’s true).

The dodgy Farnood, the type of person who prompts you to count your fingers after shaking hands with him, is the owner of Pamir Airways and was the Chairman of the fiscally-raped bank, holding 28.16% of the shares in partnership with Khalilullah Tuti-Fruti, Mohammad Fuckemall and several other untrustworthy scally twats - until the bank’s 2010 collapse.

The gospel according to red top tabloid gutter press reports, by November 2010 Da Afghanistan Bank (Central Bank) insisted both Farnood and Kabul Bank chief executive Tuti-Fruiti be removed from the bank’s management. As of early 2011 both were effectively under house arrest and barred from leaving the country – even by sneaking out on one of Farnood’s own Pamir Airways planes.

Mustapha Karzai (no relation), the Minister for Graft & Corruption, and too President Karzai's younger brother Mahmood, each owned a 7% stake in Kabul Bank – along with the Third World shithole’s appropriately titled ‘Vice-President’, Mohammed Quasim Karzai (also no relation) and his two younger brothers, Ibn Zamel and Ibn Himar.

The bank was bailed out last September, when the Central Bank took control of its finances – with Abdul Flitrat, as head of the CB, in charge of an investigation into what the fuck had gone wrong – and President Hamid Karzai disingenuously pledging to fully investigate those involved in the crisis – as long as they weren’t related to him.

Conversely, Flitrat alleges that Karzai’s government specifically blocked, rather than assisted, the investigation into the ‘daylight robbery’ scandal’s politically-connected participants, nor provided any help in recovering the bank's plundered assets.
In April, much to officialdom’s embarrassment, Flitrat publicly named in Parliament a legion of high-profile figures who were allegedly involved in the collapse of the bank – 90% of whom were named ‘Karzai’ – and stated for the record that the improbity encountered due the government patronage and favouritism bestowed on relatives in granting unsecured loans for a pick and mix of incredible fantasy projects had been the direct cause of the collapse of the Kabul Bank.

Thought for the day: What’s the difference between Hamid Karzai’s nepotism and corruption-ridden government and an organised crime syndicate?
Absolutely none.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Tuesday 28 June 2011

Israel Tops International Pariah Charts

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Congratulations must go to the rogue terrorist state of Israel for the 63rd year running, who once again topped the Ox-Rat and Amnesty ‘ScumWatch’ charity’s 2011 International Pariah charts due scoring a legion of points ahead of other human rights and wrongs abusers and war criminal states through their belligerent and tyrannical behaviour towards the disfranchised Palestinians and other neighbouring sovereign nations.

Close contenders were Bahrain, Egypt, China and North Korea – and a host of African Third World despot-ruled shitholes – all vying for third place – just behind the second spot winner - everyone’s favourite global bully and hypocritical Defender of Freedom – the good ole United States of America.

Securing the title for Israel, the noxious Knesset’s Prime Minister Bobo Nuttyahoo, himself an Ashkenazi-Sabbatean ‘Jew of Convenience’ and a die-hard Jabotinskyist, this week issued a timely announcement that he’s putting an end to ‘perks’ (sic) for the 11,000-plus Palestinians crammed into Israeli prisons.

This statement apparently sent the incarcerated Palestinian prisoners into paroxysms of raucous laughter – especially so those jailed as guests at Israel’s notorious ‘Facility 1391’ – the extraordinary rendition and re-education centre located in the midst of the Negev Desert, where the inmates struggle to survive on an Auschwitz style slimming diet of non-kosher pork scratchings and Marmite.

However, political analysts and consultants at the Flatbrokes online bookies have been giving 5 to 4 odds that Israel would maintain its position as the global top dog human rights abuser while adhering to the self-destructive principles of Chaos Theory and the Malthusian Catastrophe concept in both its domestic and foreign policy ‘loser’ strategies.

Isaac Slobbermann, on-site manager of Flatbrokes’ Tel Aviv offices, informed one gutter press hack from the Hasbara Gazette “As long as the Knesset allow the IDF’s Hafganat Koah Brigade to commit acts of piracy against these Freedom Flotillas trying to break the blockade of Gaza – and Gaza remains besieged behind this Great Apartheid Wall - then Israel will stay at top place.”

”I mean, they’ve so much going for them since the Nazis were defeated in 1945 and the Soviet’s Evil Empire collapsed in on itself. They’ve got AIPAC controlling the US government to fight their foreign wars of aggression for them. They have these distasteful cultural Schadenfreude and Kvelling things - laughing and rejoicing at the Gentile’s misfortunes and boasting how they caused them.
Then there’s the pick and mix blend of chutzpah and hasbara to silence their critics and justify the genocidal ethnic cleansing of the Palestinian populations of the West Bank and Gaza Strip.”

“They treat every Gentile as scum and their slaves and call them ‘goyim’ – and delude themselves into believing they’re God’s Chosen People – and it’s their Manifest Destiny to expropriate the lands of others - and whoever criticises them gets instantly labelled as an ‘anti-Semite’ – and a ‘Holohoax denier’.

“So this latest piece of human rights abuse, with PM Nuttyahoo announcing he’s going to have the Palestinian prisoner’s ‘perks’ cut off. What a joke, when they’re kept caged alike battery hens - to be used as reluctant ‘donors’ to supply the kikester’s global reach transplant organ black market – and doubly serve as guinea pigs for testing bio’ and chemical warfare weapons and antidotes developed by the IIBR at their ultra-secret Rishon Litsion complex.”

“Alas, the tactics of Israel's rabid government plumb the depths of dishonour and indecency on a global scale – perpetuating themselves as the perennial ‘victims’ – while engaging in free-style character assassination, selective misquotation, the wilful distortion of the record, the fabrication of falsehoods, and an utter disregard for the truth.”
“It is said that “Cometh the time, then cometh the man” – and their unqualified ZioNazi arrogance has most certainly marked them for a double measure of karma when all turns full-circle.”

Thought for the day: Are you one of God’s ‘Chosen People’? Do you believe God has a good laugh when the Shylocks observe the Abrahamic ‘Covenant’ and snip the ends off their willys? Are you a devout ‘sinner-gogue’ attendant? Are you involved with usurious loan sharking? Do you agree with nailing carpenters to big pieces of wood?

Send us your comments on the online reply form below and you could win a half-price kidney transplant – same day donor-fresh from the IDF’s Gaza Strip Organ Donor Farm.

Oh, and by the way, fuck the Protocols of the Greedy Bastard Elders of Zion and the Rothshite kikester’s New World Order.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Monday 27 June 2011

UK Peers Treasonable Corruption Exposed

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

A villainous alliance of former Eurocrat scumbag British peers who receive mega-bucks pensions from the EUSSR of up to £100,000 quid per year apiece – which they’ve kept schtum about to the UK Parliament’s ‘Registry of Interests’ – are currently being showered with seven kinds of shit and criticism for sabotaging an attempt by the Libservative Coalition to curb the burgeoning Orwellian powers of the graft and corruption-ridden kleptocracy that’s running the Brussels-based criminal enterprise and dominating the once-sovereign affairs of the 27 member nation states.

This condescending clique of fat cat politicians and diplomats, all of whom have held lucrative posts in Europe, inflicted a series of conspiratorial defeats on the Government’s EUSSR Bill in the House of Lords over the past two weeks with a decisive handful of votes – an action biased to the benefit of the few and detriment of the many – and most definitely against the national interest.

The checkmating of the legislation, drafted to guarantee British voters a referendum on any further loss of sovereignty, was achieved by a powerful cabal of self-interest Freemason-types who receive gilt-edged Brussels-awarded pensions – along with ex-civil service mandarins paid large sums to work inside the EUSSR – and act against the best interests of the British tax-paying public.

These treasonable shits have been backed by pro-EUSSR former Ministers including such career slimes as the bonkers Michael Heseltine – a man who inspires one to count their fingers if unfortunate enough to have shaken hands with him – and who made one his blue moon visits to the Lords last week, specifically to vote against Posh Dave Scameron’s Conservative-led Coalition.

Heseltine was joined in this perfidy by a pick n mix bag of crooked cronies, including ex-Tory Chancellor Lord Geoffrey ‘Porky’ Howe and the despicable shirt-lifting ex-Tory Cabinet Minister John Bummer, now Lord Dreggs – who as a Fellow of the Institute of Actuaries armed with an MA from Cambridge is entitled to the honorific of MAFIA after his name.

Further traitors to our once sceptred isle include that notorious low-life cottager, Tory ex-EUSSR Commissioner Leon ‘Cuddles’ Brittan – and ex-Labour EUSSR Commissioners Stanley Clinton-Davis, Ivor Seward Richard and Lord Neil Pillock – plus his ex-Labour Euro MP slapper of a wife, Lady Glenys Pillock – who gained celebrity fame and entered politics following her years as a Page 3 girl in Farmer’s Weekly.

No eyebrow-raising surprises of who might be at the centre of this unscrupulous campaign to undermine Britain’s sovereign autonomy and insular identity, right there alongside the infamous Maastricht traitor, Lord John ‘Under the Table’ Kerr, but Tony Bliar’s chief backstabbing arse bandit - none other than old ‘Vermin in Ermine’ himself – Lord Peter Scandalson – a person you can take anywhere twice – the second time to apologise and give the pilfered silver back - and say ‘sorry’ for trying to bugger Carlos, the Venezuelan au pair.

As exposed during the House of Conmans and Lords expenses fiasco which resulted in a pick n mix collection of petty theft MPs and peers smeared with deserved ignominy, and either publicly ridiculed and pilloried for their duck islands and moat dredging claims – or prosecuted and imprisoned on various counts of embezzlement – these worshippers at the altar of Mammon are not to be trusted where the lure of lucre is concerned.

The gospel according to one of the EUSSR loyalty clauses, any person – peer or peon – who’s worked for the criminally-corrupt organisation and has the self-immolating audacity to criticise or speak out against the concept of a united Europe, can be stripped of their fat cat pensions.
These lickspittles must abide by such obligations both during and after their term of office - including maintaining loyalty to the EUSSR’s ‘Debtocracy’ communities – with any breach of this carrying the threat of the loss of their right to a pension and ‘other’ benefits.

Hmmm, well, that obviously gives patriotism a big kick in the bollocks when those in receipt of these pensions have a vested interest in voting to defend the EUSSR’s dystopian and totalitarian control over a sovereign state’s domestic affairs – and are coerced into voting against the best interests and welfare of their own homelands.

Alas, such is the state of the human condition when corrupted by greed – to become venal money-grubbing political animals, devoid of fidelity, virtue and gravitas - the likes of which prompted the ultra-cynical Diogenes to leave his barrel at mid-day, lighted lamp in hand, and scour the streets of Athens in search of an honest man.

Thought for the day: Diogenes would be fucked looking for an honest man in Brussels or Strasbourg – or anywhere else the EUSSR’s web of corruption, under the fatally flawed leadership of its incumbent President, Herman ‘Catweazle’ van Rumpy, has reached.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Sunday 26 June 2011

Mossad’s Unlikely Coincidence Machine

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Well, leaving the mystifying roots of coincidence to one side for a moment, the spate of ‘accidental mortalities’ - by violent means – among the elite community of Iranian nuclear physicists and engineers over the past year has just been surpassed in the Guinness Book of World Fuckups by the deaths of five Russian nuclear scientists in a single one-off snuff job – all of whom were among the 44 hapless passengers who died earlier this week when their plane crashed in northern Russia.

The five nuclear engineering specialists were killed when the Russian-built Shitolev-134 plane they were flying broke up and caught fire after an explosive device detonated in the cargo hold, just prior to landing at the northern Siberian city of Gulagograd on Monday.

Now this is where the Koestler coincidence factor kicks in. FSB security sources in Moscow confided to gutter press hacks, for a mere thirty pieces of silver, that the team of five had been deeply involved in the design and operation of Iran’s controversial nuclear facilities.

The science team, which included lead atomic designers Sergei Fuckoff, Gennadi Pissoff, and Russia's top nuclear technology expert, Andrei Jackoff – had worked at the Iranian Bushehr reactor facility after the contract for the plant's construction passed, following extreme US / ZioNazi political pressure to halt construction, from Siemens of Germany to Russia’s state nuclear industry.

Professor Jackoff had been personally responsible for solving the problems caused by the Stuxnet computer virus in February of this year – and the one who postulated it had been created by Israel’s rogue Mossad intelligence agency and the US CIA to sabotage Iran's centrifuges, deployed with IAEC approval and oversight at the Natanz uranium enrichment plant.

The nuclear science team were returning to Russian after completing their work on the Bushehr reactor, where they’d been tasked with ensuring it would be able to survive one of the Yank’s HAARP-generated earthquakes – or an attack from a similar scalar type directed energy weapon - (which caused the Japanese Fuckupshima power station disaster with a shitty little tsunami wave) – or a direct hit from one of Israel’s cloned US bunker-busting B-83 dial-a-yield tactical nuclear bombs.

Russian State Security officials have this afternoon placed odds-on bets with the Flatbrokes bookies website that the explosive residue on the inner surfaces of the aircraft’s fuselage will doubtless point back to Israel as the source of manufacture – after discovering the actual device had been wrapped in a Tel Aviv printed copy of last Saturday’s ‘Haaretz’ newspaper – then duct-taped inside a Mama Miriam’s ‘’Hamantaschen Cookies’ wrapper – with ‘Hamas was here’ scribbled amateurishly on the cryptic crossword page in pencil.

Meanwhile, back in Moscow, Dr Trudi Trollenberg - the former oral hygienist credited with curing the Murmansk Halitosis Club of GTR (Galloping Tongue Rot) – and now spokeswoman at the Kremlin’s Ministry for the Apportionment of Blame, informed one reporter from the International Daily Shitraker that “Israeli Prime Minister Bobo Nuttyahoo needs to keep a tighter leash on his rabid Mossad dogs and their Kidon assassins.”

“Every time there is an ‘accident’ such as this, or the blatant snuffing of a Hamas commander in a Dubai hotel with some IIBR-concocted poison, or another false flag terrorist op’ to demonise the Muslims - like 9/11 or the Sari Club micro-nuke in Bali, or the London Tube bombing attacks of 7/7 - then it’s no longer a matter of speculating who was responsible anymore – such as the Taliban or Al Qaeda or Jemaah Islamiyah - or some hi-fiving kikesters dancing on top of a removals van - but one of pointing the finger directly back at Tel Aviv.”
“We know the outlaw ZioNazi state of Israel will strike at anything that threatens to challenge their military – and nuclear – hegemony in the Middle East.”

Thought for the day: (Go to renta_gabble@shit_talk.com for Russian translation link). The tried and tested Israeli airport security team of ICTS were on duty last week when the pre-doomed / sabotaged Shitolev-134 flight took off from Moscow. This is the very same Israeli-owned corporation that permitted the passport-deficient Nigerian self-harmer and wannabe terrorist, Umar Farouk Muttonleg, to board a plane in Amsterdam and fly to Detroit - where he attempted, without much success, to detonate an explosive device concealed in his own skiddies.

Further, ICTS were running ‘security’ (sic) at various airports in the US on 9/11 – and contractually tasked with safeguarding the Transport for London underground tube system on 7/7 /2005 when Mohammed al Patsy and his suicide bomber buddies managed to defy the laws of physics and explode their ridiculous peroxide and black pepper backpack bombs ‘under’ the floors of the carriages.

Is it worth asking – from a narrow and naïve point of view: are these guys actually worth the money – or is the Trojan horse enemy already inside the gates?

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Saturday 25 June 2011

Doc Disses Downing Street Dipshits

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The senior orthopaedic surgeon who displayed a rash measure of blatant audacity by interrupting a photo opportunity for Downing Street’s Dynamic Duo - David Scameron and Mick Clogg - with asinine complaints over ‘hygiene’ has been dispatched on indefinite gardening leave with ‘extreme prjudice’ by the hospital management board for causing what one official termed ‘extreme embarrassment’ by referring to the PM and his Deputy as ‘a pair of grungy cunts’.

Dr. David Nunn, a leading hip replacement specialist, went into lemming mode and burst in on the posing pair of morons while they were at London’s Guy's Hospital on a whistle-stop ‘Let’s Look Good’ publicity walk-about to glad-hand a few ‘sickies’ last week and got caught in the act of poking at one patient’s leg surgery, admiring the stitchwork.

The gospel according to Downing Street’s Propaganda Unit, leaked to a gutter press hack from the Daily Shitraker, Dr Nunn complained that several of the Prime Minister's aides and journalists covering the visit didn’t have their sleeves rolled up - a hospital hygiene stipulation - before being silenced and ushered outside by members of the close-in security detail on hire from Renta-Thug.

However, be the truth known, Dr Nunn’s ire was further raised by journalists picking noses, scratching their arses, and sticking chewing gum under window sills.
As the BBC news team’s cameras were running at the time the incident occurred, the concerned doctor’s verbal objections and protests were then drowned out by a perplexed-looking Scameron and his aides who rushed forward to smooth things over – shouting to the security detail “Get this effing oick out of here – he’s fucked up the entire shoot!”

The security team put a swift stop to Dr Nunn’s objections with the 'post-G20 protests' regulation ‘Harwood Manoeuvre’ belt across the back of the legs with a steel baton, followed by a violent shove to the floor - then dragged him out of the room, away from rolling cameras and microphones – which still managed to record the medic’s screams as the security boys gave him a sound kicking in the corridor.

In a bid to prevent doctors speaking to the media about the issue, the Guy’s and St Thomas’ NHS Foundation Trust has sent staff an internal memo warning them to keep quiet – or else.
It read: “At this stage we do not know when silly Dr Nunn will return to the Trust. It is imperative staff not answer any questions or provide information or personal opinions to the gutter press and media that will make Messers Scameron and Clogg look even more foolish and get our Department of Health budget slashed.”

The Trust’s official spokeswoman, Fellattia van der Gamm, informed media hacks that “As of now we are prepared to confirm that Dr Nunn is currently caring for his elderly mother who was taken ill with E.coli after having sex with a Spanish cucumber. However, while Dr Nunn is widely applauded for his bedside manner, his grasp of political correctness – like keeping schtum – has on this occasion been less than appropriate.

Conversely, Dr Bazzer McScrunt, director of the Unison Health Care Union, told reporters “David Nunn was spot on in his actions. I mean to say, who’d want a bunch of grungy media hacks and festering politicians mooching about their hospital, prodding at patients – as if things aren’t bad enough with MRSA already.”
“Bloody photo-op’ publicity stunts indeed. It’s little wonder the NHS is derided as the ‘National Ill-Health Service’ when your have the PM and his deputy playing politics at the expense of patient care.”

Senior orthopaedic surgeon David Nunn, who qualified as a doctor in 1978 and is now regarded as one of the top hip replacement specialists in the country - is also no stranger to media attention and a past thorn in the Ministry of Health’s foot.
Nunn, who has performed millions of hip revision replacement operations, once accused the Government of setting 'arbitrary targets' for the NHS – and added that the moronic culture of political correctness and no longer being able to call a spade ‘a spade’ caused the issue of communication problems with foreign staff from being recognised and thus rectified.

Nunn stirred up a shit storm of controversy in 2002 when he criticised foreign nurses for failing to understand his instructions nor knowing the names of surgical instruments – stating in a letter to the BMA at that time: “If I go on holiday to Spain, they have signs up in the hotel informing visitors that ‘English-speaking medical staff are available’ – now why can’t we have the same in the UK?”

Stop press: (drop the dead donkey) Controversial orthopaedic surgeon, Dr David Nunn, who has been a consultant at St Guy's Hospital since 1990 and last week bollocked a party of Libservative Coalition politicians and their sycophantic team of media lickspittles for breaching hygiene regulations while on a photo-publicity shoot visit to Guy’s Hospital – has been found dead in the Grassy Knoll Woods near his Oxfordshire home.

Preliminary police and forensic reports indicate that Dr Nunn took his own life by swallowing several packets of Co-Proxamol tablets and slashing the ulnar artery in his left wrist with a blunt pruning knife – then stabbed himself several times in the back – an act one paramedic attending the scene claimed was the most determined case of suicide he’d ever seen.

Thames Valley police force Inspector Jack Bogbrush told reporters “The old Grassy Knoll Woods is a bit of a favourite spot for celebrity self-harming types due the view over the fields. Apparently Dr Nunn had been depressed and on medication after realising his mistake of bollocking the Prime Minister Scameron at Guys Hospital last week.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Friday 24 June 2011

Taliban Morale Boosted as NATO Quits

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Following a series of dummy-spitting diatribes and generalised criticism from the ingrate President of Afghanistan, Hamid Kami-Karzai and his government of nepotistic appointees, over the burgeoning catalogue of ‘unacceptable collateral damage’ incidents in which legions of orphanages, hospitals, schools and peasant hovels have been accidentally targeted by NATO forces since 2001, resulting in the deaths of tens of thousands of non-combatants, the US-led Coalition of the Willing is to be renamed the ‘Coalition of the Unwilling’ and are preparing to repatriate their surviving troops en masse.

This latest Vatican-approved ‘strategic withdrawal’ strategy by NATO is seen in some Western military tactician’s eyes as the best positive morale-booster the Taliban forces have received since the Soviets said ‘fuck it’ on Christmas Eve in 1989 and pissed off back home to Russia for Yuletide, leaving the Taliban Dan Gang free to take charge and publicly castrate and butcher the Communist President Mohammad Najibullah - before giving him a high speed Top Gear style tour of Kabul – by being dragged along naked behind a truck – which resulted in the coroner filing a verdict of ‘Death by Gravel Rash’.

The defeatist ‘Quit and Depart’ threat was initiated by the US Kenyan cuckoo, President O’Barmy, who directed his rug-munching Secretary of Sleaze, Hilarious Rodent Clinton, to inform Afghanistan’s Kleptocracy Party government that due Karzai’s demand for NATO to stop killing anyone old enough to bleed, they intend to perform an about-face with Operation Surge and are withdrawing the 30,000 GI’s currently staffing the ranks of the 21st Cannon Fodder Regiment and the 18th Body Bag Brigade.

Not wishing to be left out, and once again opening his big mouth before engaging brain, France’s short-arsed ‘Mini-Me’ President Sarkozy informed one gutter press hack from Paris’s prestigious Le Twatte magazine that he also now intends to employ a copy cat strategy and pull out 4,000 French troops by the end of July – an announcement which prompted raised eyebrows at NATO HQ in Brussels from the British military commander, Field Marshall Sir Irwin Bogbrush, that he wasn’t aware the French actually had any troops deployed in the Afghan combat theatre – and if so, where the fuck were they hiding – in the abandoned caves of Tora Bora, along with the Italian military contingent and a flock of shell-shocked goats?

Posh Dave Scameron’s UK government, via the naïve lips of the Foreign Secretary Willy Vague, who is currently in the war-torn shithole to meet with Hamid Kami-Karzai - and boost the British troop’s morale by informing them they’re getting hit with further pay cuts, had only days prior to all this ‘Let’s Get the Fuck Outa Here!’ hysteria kicking off, pledged to stay as long as they’re needed in the Graveyard of Empires.

Hence this totally duplicitous turncoat manoeuvre by the UK’s Libservative Coalition to go along with the US military’s ‘Operation Retreat’ and withdraw 10,000 British troopers – if Special Forces are also included – (Special Forces - the ones lucky enough to be equipped with body armour and real guns) - will essentially pull the plug on both their ongoing Plan Fubar and Project Snafu campaigns in Bellend Province and force the Afghan Army to get on with guarding their own poxy opium crops and TAPI gas pipeline.

The congenitally-disingenuous Vague tried to diminish the actual depth of crisis that will erupt when NATO forces are withdrawn, and informed one press hack from the Warmongers Gazette that Britain had led the way in persuading US President O’Barmy that ‘negotiation’ with the hard-arsed Taliban was the best potential solution to the conflict.
The Taliban responded to Vague’s moronic announcment by promptly dispatching a score of suicide bombers from their 13th Semtex Vest Battalion to blow up government offices around Kabul – along with themselves – and issued an accompanying press statement of “Negotiate This, Motherfuckers!”

In contrast, Taliban spokesman Ras al Shitbag told a journalist from the Goat Bonkers Review that the insurgency would continue until all foreign forces were killed, expelled or left of their own accord – and President Barky O’Barmy’s announcement was typical of the Great Satan – and symbolic of a quitter.

“The Taliban patriots of the Islamic Emirate of Afghanistan have Allah the All-Powerful on our side, not some second-rate God who sits on his arse and watches his son Jesus get crucified on the orders of the heathen Sanhedrin Jews. We shall drive out the infidels with their tails between their legs and cast them into the eternal fires of Jahannum, to be tormented for all time by Iblis and his cohort of demons.”
“So, it is good that they are quitting. Now we can at last draw up a vacation roster for our mujihadeen fighters and go surfing in Hawaii.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Thursday 23 June 2011

Scameron Slams UK Military Chiefs

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The UK’s Libservative Coalition leader, the ultra-narcissistic Posh Dave Scameron, has castigated - ‘with extreme prejudice’ - erring military chiefs who dared speak out to the media concerning Britain's lack of strategic planning and fatally-flawed roles in Afghanistan and Libya – and in opposition to the scheduled ground invasions of Gaddafi-land and Syria later this summer - once the CIA’s black propaganda machine ‘hots up’ the humanitarian intervention factor across the Western media and secures UN approval.

Scameron’s ‘spit the dummy’ reaction follows what the Tory boss deemed a major faux pas by the RAF's second-in-command, Air Chief Marshal Sir Dinsdale Bogbrush, who confided in gutter press hacks during a session in Whitehall’s Fudgers Arms pub – on the proviso they didn’t tell more than a dozen - that impossible demands were being placed on what bit of equipment and apathetic personnel the UK military still possessed and were able to afford to replace from car boot sales and Pound Stretcher outlets – and the Jobcentre.

Such treasonable, albeit factually true, talk prompted a critical mass chain reaction outburst of dummy-spitting brazen hubris from the irate Scameron, so typical of his elitist and over-privileged class, stating for the public record, while totally devoid of any military training or battlefield strategy experience himself, that "There are moments when I wake up from one of my Irish power naps and read the newspapers and think: 'I’ll tell you what, you do the fighting and I'll do the talking'."

Last week, the chiefs of the RAF and Royal Navy imprudently questioned, in the public arena, whether the operation in Libya could be sustained now the Senior Service’s last aircraft carrier, the iconic Ark Royal, has been flogged off as a floating casino to some Third World shithole’s drug cartel via an e-Bay auction – with the proceeds going towards paying off the UK’s burgeoning IMF 'Debtocracy' burden - and financing the purchase of Big Pharma’s mercury-laden toxic vaccines to dose up and compromise the immune systems of stick insect sprogs in the pox-ridden Sudan and Ethiopia.

Apparently Sir Dinsdale later informed one reporter from the Warmongers Gazette that “All these bullshit statements by Tory ministers about Britain’s end of the Libyan fiasco costing no more than a few quid in loose change – which is purportedly set aside in some mythical ‘contingency fund’ - the bill is set to run into hundreds of millions of pounds – on bodybags and personal injury claims by wounded troopers alone – and never mind the bill for ordnance to maintain our current campaign of ‘humanitarian intervention’ to protect the civilian population.”

So, the cat was finally out of the bag – that the total cost of the UK's involvement in NATO's military action in Libya could cost multi-miilions, if not billions – with Sir Dinsdale’s revelation being confirmed by the ultra-naive ginger-mingin Treasury Secretary Danny Alexander, to a reporter from the Neo-Colonial Review – which prompted a further outburst from Scameron to Chancellor Georgie Osborne to “Tell that little ranga oick of yours to keep his big gob shut!”

Unfortunately Secretary Alexander, known to friends and associates alike as ‘Dozy Danny’ spilled the beans in entirety and admitted that while the Libya campaign was currently costing "ten million quid per day”, spending would rise as operations were stepped up to target every granny flat in Tripoli that might have been seconded as a missile battery by Gaddaffi’s forces.
This admission was wholly contradictory to the disingenuous statement released by the government previously who claimed the entire campaign was being met by a Treasury reserve ‘contingency fund’ – otherwise known as ‘taxpayer’s money’ and ‘public pension reserves’.

Regardless of Scameron’s denials, claiming that Danny Alexander didn’t know his arse from his elbow, and Air Chief Marshal Bogbrush had ‘supped’ too much of his prescription medication when he further revealed - “It’s no bloody wonder half the armed forces are opting for voluntary redundancy. Here we have an air force supposed to fly these Operation Ellamy bombing sorties over Libya to take out army posts disguised as Happy Hamid’s kebab outlets, hospitals and orphanages – while wholly devoid of the dubious luxury of a sea-based aircraft carrier runway - and have to fly up and down the Med’ to Italy to refuel. I mean to say, who’s got the crystal ball and planning these operations at the Ministry of Defence – Wiley T. Coyote, with back-up from Wallace and Gromit?”

Alas, and to compound Posh Dave’s festering chagrin, both Bogbrush’s and Danny Alexander’s embarrassing comments were later independently confirmed by the discovery of a wad of discarded top secret MoD briefing notes found dumped on Battersea’s Scumdale Hamlets landfill site.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Bahrain: Climate Change Hits Arab Spring

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The seeds of democratic reform sown during Bahrain’s blighted Arab Spring have borne a most bitter harvest after being hit by the political climate change effect and unseasonable icy blasts of government retribution.

Hence so much for any chance of socio-political reform or regime change when the Shia pro-democracy movement activists are further denied the right to stand and plead before a court of civil law – are presumed guilty until proven innocent - and then arbitrarily tried by a martial law style military tribunal.

To date, in a display of judicial abuse that will go down in the annals of human rights and wrongs infamy - and make the Israeli’s barbaric treatment of the Palestinian population of the occupied West Bank and Gaza Strip look like some minor euthanasia transgression at a Nazi German old folks care home - twenty-one opposition figures - people who disagreed with their despotic King’s idea of fair play and protested for reforms to Bahrain’s Dark Ages kleptocratic and authoritarian system of government - have been tried in camera by a special security court.

This has resulted in eight pro-democracy activists of the ‘minority’ Shia faith sentenced to eternity in one of the regime’s Happy Face prisons for plotting to overthrow the piss-pot government with nothing more dangerous than an ‘I disagree’ poster – while the lucky ones got away with more lenient ‘first offence’ sentences of a mere 15 years apiece.

Bahrain's naive Shia protesters became fatally enmeshed with the concept of revolution last February in the effervescent enthusiasm of the Western-Zionist funded and controlled Arab Spring protest movements that were sweeping North Africa.

They too then set out to demand radical democratic reforms and more sectarian rights for the country's Shia Muslims in Sheikh Ras al Shitbag’s Sunni sect ruled and dominated kingdom after viewing the results achieved by their Arab Muslim brethren in Tunisia and Egypt, hoofing out the corrupt dynasties – and replacing them with military juntas – a situation that has prompted condemnation inasmuch as “Out of the frying pan and into the fire” – and “Ali Baba might have gone but the Forty Thieves are now running things.”

For Bahrain’s marginalised and disaffected Shia population, they have long complained of systematic discrimination, and point to high unemployment, poor housing and the fact that they are denied decent positions in government departments and access to sweet ‘baksheesh’ deals to earn a few extra shekels for their retirement funds.

Initially a wave of peaceful protests swept the country in February and March, which were put down with extreme brutality by the government, who called in troops from the Gulf's Emirate states and their barbaric next door neighbours in Saudi Arabia, who obliged by dispatching a brigade of Neanderthal thugs from their Blood n Guts Regiment to disperse with extreme prejudice any protesters old enough to bleed – then arrest – or body-bag - all those remaining in the protest areas once the bullets had stopped ricocheting and the CS gas had dispersed.

Further draconic orders were issued to scour the hospitals for any and all wounded protesters – and not only arrest them but also the doctors, nurses and affiliated medical staff (ambulance drivers / paramedics) who had the audacious bad judgement to treat their injuries.

Some 24 doctors along with 23 nurses were slapped with Kafkaesque style ‘guilty until proven innocent’ charges of lying and exaggerating the political situation on satellite channels – plus the Twatter and Facebook social networking websites - with the aim of tarnishing the international image of the country (sic) – which according to officialdom’s fractured logic casts the Hippocratic oath to the four winds and equates as participation in efforts to overthrow the pondscum monarchy.

Hmmm, such are the immoral depths that despots will sink to remain in power – especially when backed – and armed – by the ZioNazi Rothshite-dominated Western powers – who have unanimously bestowed a 5-star approval rating on the fascist, supressive actions Bahrain’s ruling despot, King Ras al Shitbag, and his government of fawning nepotistic appointees – with nary a concern expressed regarding ‘humanitarian intervention’ to protect the civilian population – as per Libya and Syria.

Alas Bahrain, and too the barbaric Kingdom of Saudi Arabia, fail the rudimentary tests of progressive society when their only response to socio-political dissent by their marginalised peasant populations - who meekly beg, in Dickensian fashion, ‘may we have some more?’ – is to brutalised them, crush all opposition and civil disobedience through violent means and imprison the proponents where their contrary demands can no longer be heard.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Wednesday 22 June 2011

Brit Army Opt For Mass Redundancy

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The gospel according to the Ministry of Defence (formerly the Ministry for War) the overall size of the British Army is to fall from the current figure of 100,000 strong to 70,000 not-so-strong due a mass exodus after thousands of its fittest officers and soldiers applied for voluntary redundancy.

Without recognising the pantomime significance of the date, last April 1st, the Army announced it was contemplating making 1,000 soldiers redundant as part of its reaction to the 2010 Strategic Defence and Security Review - forecasting that half of that number would be voluntary - but in fact was barn-stormed with over 30,000 applicants wishing to get the fuck out of harm’s way before they too ended up as body bag fillers after falling victim to snipers or an IED on one of the UK’s ever-expanding fields of conflict.

According to a critical report in this week’s Warmongers Gazette, the British Army is in disarray and facing collapse due the surge in applications for redundancy – with thousands of highly experienced colonels, majors, and senior NCOs from the 18th Cannon Fodder Regiment, currently deployed in Afghanistan’s Bellend Province, opting for voluntary redundancy.

This has raised fears at the MoD that the Army will be unable to preserve the right balance of experience to maintain its commitments for future conflicts - specifically the planned autumn 2011 ground invasions of Libya and Syria – and the Pakistan and Iran campaigns scheduled for 2012.

Ministry of Defence spokesman Sir Jarvis Bogbrush informed gutter press hacks that “Obviously the bloody idea’s gone overboard. Now we have troopers from all ranks that are dissatisfied with pay and conditions – especially the slashing of their traditional head-hunting ‘scalp bonus’ which Cabbage Patch Dave Scameron’s Libservative coalition government put the stops to last March. The traditional attractive opportunities for travel and sport, water skiing in the tropics and picking up cheap three hole foreign whores, have all gone now too – and the entire military machine is running on a shoe string and over-stretched with getting ourselves entangled in these US-led neo-colonial wars of aggression since the 9/11 false flag attacks in 2001.”

Speaking for the Army’s representative Warmongers Union, Jacko Scrote explained to the media that many squaddies have become disillusioned with the returns and career prospects of British military life – contracting Gulf War syndrome from battlefield contamination with depleted uranium - and want the same deal as the Muslim terrorists fighting for Big Al Qaeda’s gang and the Taliban’s Jolly Jihad muhijadeen receive – the promise of 72 perpetual virgins on completion of service – or death in combat – whichever comes first.

Sgt Genghis McSkanger, from the 21st Blood & Guts Brigade, interviewed on the BBC’s ‘War Criminals Hour’, revealed “ There’s just not the same idealistic challenges wot there used ter be – now it’s all killin’ civilians an’ water boardin’ some hapless goat herdin’ twat called Achmed who might know where Bin Laden’s mates are hidin’ out.”

“Wiv me it woz a ‘Road ter Damascus’ type of ‘Pauline conversion’. There we’d be, guardin’ the poppy crops up at Kandahar an’ smokin’ a couple of pipes of opium, then we’d get bored an’ go an’ gang bang a couple of sheep – then call up the NATO HQ in Kabul an’ report Taliban rebel activity at one of them effin’ hovels down in the valley an’- just fer a bit of a laugh – light up some poxy hospital or school wiv the targetin’ laser an’ the next thing there’s this effin’ big “Ka-fuckin’-Boom!” as one of the Yank’s UAV MQ-9 Reaper drones would flatten the fucker wiv a pair of Shitehawk missiles.”

“An’ that’s when it got ter me – all these little kids runnin’ around screamin’ an’ burnin’ an’ covered in willy-pete – an’ never gonna play hopscotch in the minefields again or practice their soccer footwork wiv them little explosive bomblet balls wot comes out of the cluster munitions.”

“Anyways, I turns ter me mate Pitbull an’ sez “This is fucked, I gotta get me an honest job” – an’ that’s why I’ve put in fer redundancy so I can hang out at the Jobcentre wiv me civvy pals an’ shoot the breeze down at Troublespot Taverns all afternoon, gluggin’ pints of Old Headbanger lager.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Tuesday 21 June 2011

Scameron: UK Cash for Third World Health

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The UK’s leader of the fatally-flawed Libservative coalition government, Posh Dave Scameron, yesterday copped for fresh bouts of severe criticism from public welfare activists and trade unions after seeking to defend and rationalise his earlier pledging of a further £814 million quid of British taxpayers’ hard-earned money to a Third World child vaccination programme run by the demented eugenics / Agenda 21 population cull fanatic, Microsoft head honcho Bill Gates, taking the country’s total contribution to £1.5 zillion.

Britain's burgeoning overseas aid budget came under fresh scrutiny last weekend
as it emerged Scameron has, without House of Conmans consultation or debate, decided off his own back to donate five times more than the United States to Gates’ multi-billion-pound international toxic vaccine initiative.

‘Bolshie Bazzer’ McScrote, the director of Ox-Rat, the government abuse watchdog, opined to a press hack from the Spendthrift Gazette that “Wot the fuck does this twat Scameron think he’s up ter, eh? Givin’ one an’ a half billion nicker of our effin’ money away ter a pick n mix selection of Third World shitholes ter improve their health services at a time when our own 'Third Rate' NHS (National Ill-Health Service) has gone ter the dogs.”

“As it stands right now British patients have ter jump on an effin’ bus ter Poland and get a discount deal on havin’ their suppuratin’ haemorrhoids banded - as opposed ter waitin’ in agonisin’ eternity fer the Ministry for What Can We Fuck With Next ter sort their ideas out wiv these NHS reforms - whether healthcare trusts or local GPs – or a clusterfuck of both - will be the ones wot decides on patient priorities and schedulin’. I ain’t jokin’, we’ve seen better organised riots an’ the NHS Reforms Bill should be allowed ter die a dignified death.”

“Okay, if, as they keep gobbin’ off about, Britain’s ‘Got Talent’ they why the flyin’ fuck are we stuck wiv a bunch of moronic clots in Parliament wot’s definitely not out ter serve the best interests of the voting – and tax-paying – public? The UK’s bein’ run on a permanent war economy footin’ – supporting’ this Project fer a New American Century campaign of neo-colonialism ter establish bases right across the Middle east an’ control the oil - wot doesn’t serve the common people well at all – here or over there.”

“It’s a load of old bollocks, I’m tellin’ yer, ring-fencin’ the government's overall aid budget like these bastards have at a time when draconic austerity measures are bein’ imposed on a population wot’s comprisin’ greater numbers of the ranks of unemployed and homeless peasants who don’t even have a pot to piss in. Wot we need is an effin’ end ter the UK military spendin’ abroad cos them funds should be prioritized fer domestic consumption only an’ not tryin’ ter bomb old bonkers Gaddaffi an’ Libya back inter the Stone Age like wot they’ve done in Afghanistan an’ Iraq – under this bullshit rationalisation that it’s all down ter ‘humanitarian intervention’ ter protect civilians.”

“In my book Scameron don’t even qualify fer a slot in the index of Linnaean taxonomy an’ is possessed by this hereditary unqualified arrogance that he’s bin given some divine mandate ter use an’ abuse the taxpayer’s funds as he wishes, spending on aid projects in Third World dumps when those could be wholly funded by their own corrupt kleptocrat-infested governments wot’s got more money than us. Fer fuck’s sake, wot’s the point of vaccinatin’ all these skinny sprogs cos 90% of ‘em are gonna be dead from malaria or malnutrition or playin’ soccer wiv cluster bombs – an’ games of Chicken Hopscotch in minefields.”

In contrast Scameron castigated what he termed ‘aid sceptics’ and defended his decision by applying a hypocritical portion of bizarre rhetoric versus stark reality, informing Fourth Estate gutter press hacks “I mean, some of these kiddies are so deprived they’ve never even heard of or tasted one of Starbucks superb Kopi Luwak decaffeinated lattes – or had a Christmas visit from Santa or been in Hamleys Toy Shop on Regent Street – never mind being denied the right to attend a good school like Eton – or join Oxford’s Bullingdon Club like Bonkers Boris Nonsense and Georgie Osborne and myself.”

Posh Dave then went on to deliver an impassioned speech to justify increased spending on international aid, arguing that Western countries have a moral duty to help save children in the poorest nations (excluding Britain) from entirely preventable deaths – stating for the public record that the two biggest killers of infants in the developing world were galloping pneumonia and the feared ‘Screaming Shits’ strain of ballistic diarrhoea – aside from drought and famine, depleted uranium contamination - and the genocidal ethnic cleansing campaigns waged against them by their own governments - but unfortunately overlooked the fact that the Western powers, under the aegis of NATO, are currently bombing the shit out of these same children’s homes and schools.

Cameron further made it clear that he would not allow the fucked up state of Britain’s domestic economy and deficit to be used as an excuse to duck out of obligations to the most needy across the world – such as supplying Bahrain’s despotic regime with the tools of brutality required to suppress political dissent – and backing NATO in their drive to protect Libyan civilians from the Viagra-fuelled rapists comprising the ranks of Colonel Gaddafi’s military.

Regardless of Posh Dave’s rhetorical rationalisations and excuses besides, the contribution by the reluctant British taxpayers clocks up at more than five times the £274 million quid pledged by the US; 30 times higher than Germany’s piss ant £44 million; and almost 50 times the £30 million given by Spain – now facing bankruptcy due the engineered collapse of its cucumber agro-industry. Glow in the dark Japan spared a mere £5.5 million from its Fuckupshima nuclear disaster funds; while China – alike Greece – exercised prudent judgement that ‘charity begins at home’ – and coughed up sweet fuck all.

Sheldon Scumberg, head of the U.S. Agency for International Development, informed the media that “America can’t afford to give more because we’re facing a very difficult budget environment – trying to finance all these foreign wars of aggression. I mean to say, what’s the point of wasting money on projects to vaccinate children in dumps like Afghanistan and Pakiland when at the same time our military are dropping bombs on them?”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

US Boast Taliban Peace Talks

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Outgoing US Defence Secretary Robert Gates, a career-orientated pro-ZioNazi apologist and former bass yodeller with the Moron Tabernacle Choir, has confirmed that the US is holding outreach talks with members of the Taliban in Afghanistan – and while such were preliminary, a political solution was the way most of these wars ended (they hope and wish) – just as did the highly embarrassing strategic ‘Peace with Honour’ retreat from Vietnam in the 1970’s.

Yet another major fubar display of American military aggression against a bunch of Stone Age Asian peasants whose indomitable will forged a guerrilla army that kicked the global bully’s hypocritical ‘Defender of Freedom’ arse out of the Vietnam peninsula and brought the North and South political division to a timely end.

This is the first time the US has publicly acknowledged any such contact with the die-hard Islamic fundamentalist rebel group - which they helped create and fund during the Soviet occupation - and comes a day after Afghan President Hamid Kami-Karzai let the proverbial cat out of the bag by spreading a nasty rumour that peace talks had been initiated.

Karzai pulled a double whammy by going one further and announced that the US military presence in his country - the Graveyard of Empires - was an ‘occupation’ – a statement that immediately drew the ire and fire from the rug-munching Secretary of State, Hilarious Rodent Clinton via her PA Mingeeter Cameltoe and the Kabul-based US Ambassador Shylock W. Gongleberry who informed reporters “When we hear ourselves being labelled as ‘occupiers’ - and worse - just for snuffing a few civilians by mistake, then our pride is offended and we begin to lose our inspiration to carry on guarding the gas pipeline and opium crops.”

This little whinge session by Gongleberry elicited a swift response from President Kami-Karzai that “Well, if they’re offended then withdraw your troops and piss off back to America – we never invited you here in the first place.”

The US is due to start withdrawing its 97,000 troops, comprised of the 21st Cannon Fodder Regiment, from Afghanistan in July – apparently a speeding up of the current repatriation scheme of a couple of dozen GI’s per week in body bags shipped back to the Department of Defense's Charles C. Carson Center for Mortuary Affairs at Dover AFB in Delaware.

As the 90,000 troops will be needed for the Autumn 2011 scheduled ground invasions of Libya and Syria and the ensuing 'Operation Arab Spring' quagmire that’s bound to follow, the US aims to hand over all security operations to the pantomime ranks of the Afghan security forces as soon as they learn to point a gun in the right direction – and swear on a stack of Korans that they won’t just up and fuck off to join the Taliban as soon as the Yanks are gone.

Gates, yet another ex-CIA head honcho with an Extraordinary Rendition diploma in ‘Advanced Eyeball Twisting’ now ensconced in the White House, but due to quit his office at the end of the month, informed one press hack from the New World Order Gazette that primary intelligence steps had been taken to ensure the contacts with rebel muhijadeen forces were genuine and those involved were actually influential members of the organization and not just some rag-arse cunts called Achmed or Mustapha kitted out in ‘Taliban Rules’ t-shirts whose uncle knows this bloke from Tora Bora who belongs to Mullah Omar’s Facebook buddies.

Gates gave no details as to whether the discussions involved Taliban officials with US authorities, or some Walter Mitty style go-between from one of the many conflict arbitration consultancy firms infesting all the US-dominated global war zones and out to rake in a fast buck by brokering a pick n mix peace accord.

In response to this so-called ‘truce initiative’ by US G2 military agents and diplomats, the Taliban - who ruled Afghanistan before being driven from power by US-backed forces in 2001 in reprisal for sheltering the non-existent al-Qaeda terrorist group and their leader Osama bin Laden – showed their interest by promptly carrying out several suicide attacks in Kabul, killing nine people and injuring a dozen more. Police claim the insurgents also attacked two convoys supplying NATO troops in the eastern province of Ghazni with truck-loads of armaments ordnance - killing the security guards and hijacking the full monty.

Thought for the day: The bell now tolls for the US puppet President Hamid Kami-Karzai and his National Kleptocracy Party government – just as it did for Communist President Mohammad Najibullah when his Soviet protectors pulled out and the Taliban eventually seized power, imposed the draconic rule of Sharia law – then promptly labelled him a traitor, dragged him out of the UN compound, where he was publicly castrated and his fingers broken, then dragged to death behind a truck around the streets, with his blood-soaked body hanged for all to see and smite with curses in Kabul’s Aryana Square.

Oh, and by the way, fuck the US warmongers and their ZioNazi New World Order.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Monday 20 June 2011

US Bombing of Libya Falls Short of ‘Hostilities’

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

In the biggest crock of bullshit ever to be uttered since his last big crock of bullshit, President Barky O’Barmy yesterday announced that the US involvement in the NATO campaign to bomb the living hell out of Libya does not contravene Congressional laws of approval for such action as it falls well short of actual ‘hostilities’.

The Kenyan cuckoo currently occupying the White House Oval Office had the audacious arrogance to stand in front of his ubiquitous teleprompter and inform a press hack from the Porky Pies Gazette – while keeping a straight face – that US participation in the conflict was more at promoting a black propaganda campaign using the CIA’s character assassination hit squads, to incite civil unrest and spread nasty rumours that Gaddafi’s Viagra-fuelled government forces have orders to rape anything that resembles a female of the species.

The hypocritical controversy stems from the Pentagon’s General Counsel, Billy Bob Warmonger and the acting head of the Justice Department's Office of Legal Counsel, Candida Krapp, advising O’Barmy that the US involvement in the Libyan air campaign constituted ‘Hostilities’ with a large capital H.

However, in the typical double-dealing corrupt fashion that has besmeared and discredited the Mena Mafia-run Clinton, Georgie Boy Dubya Bush and Barky O’Barmy administrations with disrepute and infamy (rug-muching wives, brain dead incumbents and forged birth certificates besides), the President opted to heed his Washington-based AIPAC controllers, relaying orders from their ZioNazi masters in Tel Aviv, and followed the advice of White House counsel Cazab Weaselberg and State Department legal adviser Seymour Scattstein, who argued the US involvement, when gauged on the International Collateral Damage Index scale of one to ten, actually registered a mere three – and hence fell short of what could be termed ‘hostilities’.

Regardless of questionably legal legerdemain by Shite House counsel, the War Powers Resolution of 1973 states Congress must authorise participation in hostilities longer than 60 days, although the president can seek a 30-day extension to further terrorise the Libyan population with ‘non-hostile military action’ to further the Project for a New American Century – which prompts one to contemplate a campaign of Bismarckesque sabre-rattling and Realpolitik intimidation – with a few dirty tricks tossed in for good measure.

GOP Republican members of Congress have accused the shifty O’Barmy of violating that law since the 20th May, when the 60-day deadline ended – with last Sunday – Father’s Day - marking 90 days since the US led the UN-approved no-fly zone mission over Libya and commenced bombing the shit out of everything that moved.

This has since been expanded via the usual tip-toe strategy into Operation Kill Every Fucker and no longer simply a disingenuous bunch of hypocrisy – selling the case of ‘humanitarian intervention’ to protect the civilian population – scores of whom were blown away in NATO’s latest ‘Whoops – missed again’ snafu of bombing the Souk al-Juma residential district of Tripoli over the weekend.

NATO’s public relations / propaganda office spokeswoman Fellattia Titwank, informed press hacks that the target was actually a missile battery that had been disguised as a ‘Granny flat’ and concealed behind one of the ubiquitous Happy Hamid’s Chew n Spew camel burger outlets – and with the total head count of civilian casualties being less than twenty, this was regarded as ‘acceptable collateral damage’.

So, with O’Barmy, it all comes down to rhetoric versus reality – with the First Amendment (the entire Constitution and the Bill of Rights, in fact) - and dissenting opinion - meaning sweet fuck all to the impostor President – and the continued hypocrisy of Defender of Freedom and Nemesis of Injustice masking the all-American way of ‘global bully’ – with the Libya / Syria war propaganda drives creating novel depths of cynicism, depravity, and an embarrassing lack of credibility.

Meanwhile, regarding the loss of human life tragedy manifested by the fubar bombing of civilian properties in the Souk al-Juma district, the Libyan government spokesman Moussa Ibrahim informed one reporter from the Snafu Gazette that "NATO and the Great Satan are planting the seed of hatred in the hearts of Libyan people for generations to come. Neither we nor the rebel forces will allow foreign armies to decide our future. Insha’ Allah."

NATO has, to date, flown more than 10,000 septic murderous sorties since operations began, including almost 4,000 strike attacks against supposed government targets across Libya – specifically Colonel Gaddafi’s Kevlar-armoured tent and an indiscriminate pick n mix selection of his family members - including children and grand-children and anyone else old enough to bleed.

NATO spokesman Wing Cdr Barrymore ‘Bazzer’ Fuctifino told the BBC "We were operating over Tripoli last night and it’s just one of these things when all the buildings look the same in the dark and our spotters have targeted a Granny flat that appeared to be used by G2 Libyan intelligence personnel. While we regret the civilian loss of life and injuries caused by this unfortunate incident, what do they expect – this is a war and shit does happen – especially so with these precision smart bombs and laser-guided missiles bought from Pound Stretcher.”

No sooner done with ‘Apology One’ then NATO issued another statement of contrition for an air strike on the eastern city of Brega that struck a column of Libyan rebel forces – claiming “This incident occurred in an area of conflict between Gaddafi’s troops and opposition forces, and as they all look the same, it’s not really our fault.”
“However, just wait until we pressure the UN into sanctioning the pre-primed go-ahead for our planned ‘Operation Grab all the Oil’ ground invasion later this summer. Then we can really protect civilian lives and stop bombing them ourselves once we have twenty thousand NATO troops loose on a turkey shoot to take out the Gaddafi gang.”

Thought for the day: Anyone ever thought of getting Bono, the U2 frontsman ‘Failed Messiah’ in here to negotiate a peace treaty – or stick him on the masthead of the lead boat in the next Gaza-bound Freedom Flotilla?

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Verdict Confirmed: Israel Gone Mad

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Not content with being unanimously condemned by the international community of nations (apart from the AIPAC-kikester dominated government of the good ole US of A – that gross hypocrite Defender of Freedom and Nemesis of Injustice) for their rabid war crimes and human rights and wrongs abuses inflicted daily on the Palestinian populations of the occupied West Bank and the Gaza Strip - besieged behind the nutty Knesset’s racist Great Apartheid Wall – Israel’s Jewish Eda Haredit rabbinical court has sentenced to ‘death by lapidation’ (stoning) a stray dog they claim is the reincarnation of a shifty Shylock lawyer who once insulted the judges by labelling them as a bunch of meshuggenah scumbags.

The dog, now named by court press hacks as ‘Yetzer Hara’, sneaked into the Jerusalem court complex last week after being fed titbits of hamantaschen cookies and kosher foreskin-fortified matzo by an attorney grabbing a quick lunchtime snack around the court building’s fountain - and has since refused to leave.

Historically a race possessed by ridiculous superstitions – such as believing they’re God’s Chosen People and still abiding by the Abrahamic covenant of snipping the end off their willies, the rabbinical judges, led by Rabbis Zayin ben Zonah and Sheldon Scattstein, have, in their fatally flawed rhetoric versus reality logic, decided the dog is the reincarnated evil spirit of the 20-years deceased secular lawyer, Lech Lehizdayen whom the judges of the day cursed for his accusations of graft and corruption against them – bidding his soul to enter the body of a dog.

The canine, man’s iconic ‘four-legged friend’ - in all their diverse breeds, shapes and sizes, are, like the Gentile goyim (Christians, Muslims, Buddhists, Hindus etc et al), considered impure animals under the statutes of the Pentateuch and the squirly traditional cabbalistic code of Chabad Judaism.

However, after ordering the court’s Hafganat Koah security guards to arrest the hapless dog, the animal is said to have escaped before the ‘stoning’ sentence could be carried out by a court-appointed gang of blood-thirsty schoolchildren in Jerusalem’s ultra-Orthodox Mea Shearim neighbourhood. Nice one, go for it Fido.

Ms Sharlila Weaselstein, director of the Jerusalem-based ‘Be Kind to Dogs’, an animal-welfare organisation, filed a complaint with the local police against the head of the court, Rabbi Mamzer O’chel Batachat – who in turn advised her to fuck off sharpish as they didn’t even investigate grievances filed by the ‘Be Kind to Palestinians’ displaced refugees organisation.

Ah well, as the Israeli Prime Minister, Bobo Nuttyahoo (aka the Failed Messiah) and his crime syndicate Knesset government throw the big finger up at the complaints, reprimands and censures of human rights activist organisations and moral jurists voicing the statutes of international law following every barbaric outrage the IDF and illegal settlers commit against the usurped Palestinian population and Freedom Flotilla activists, then no doubt the RSPCA have got no fucking chance of filing and pursuing a successful case against the rabid Rabbinists for wanting to stone a mere pooch to death.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a nut-infested area and may contain traces of lunacy and/or squirrel shit

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Sunday 19 June 2011

UK now Haven for Balkan Scrotes

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The gospel according to a secret dossier sent to Scotland Yard by police in Albania’s crap capital of Tirana, claims that ‘lots and lots’ of their most dangerous criminals could be in hiding in the UK – with some blatantly living right next door to the neighbourhood Plod Squad shop – or up trees in the local park - or out on the Yorkshire moors, roughing it and foraging through the bracken, gorse and heather for that tasty gourmet delicacy rival of ‘Kopi Luwak’ (civet shit coffee) – specifically ‘sheep dangleberries’ – otherwise known as ‘wooly crud clinkers’ – an epicurean delight when toasted on kebab spears over glowing peat embers – especially so if one’s suffering from that old fugitive’s bugbear - starvation.

Sir Morton Bogbrush, the head of the Brussels-based Inter-Plod police agency, informed gutter press hacks from the Fourth Estate’s red top tabloids that most of the fugitives are wanted for a litany of quite serious crimes – including non-payment of council tax, driving without insurance, welfare benefit fraud, kidnapping, torture - and multiple murders.

One of those in hiding was Genghis ‘Pitbull’ Nosdork, chief enforcer for the coastal Sarande-based Skanger Gang, who claimed asylum in the UK pretending to be a Muslim refugee from war-torn Kosovo.

Whistleblowers working for NATO and the EUSSR’s ‘Inter-Plod’ leaked information to Ox-Rat, the scumbag watchdog charity, that the 48-year-old Albanian national lived on Neanderthal Terraces at Scally Hamlets in south east London, with both his wives, Toxic Trudy Trollenberg and Feral Beryl McSkank, under the assumed name of Ronnie Villain.

Up until the time of his arrest last week on charges of genocide, ‘Ronnie’ appeared to his neighbours as a quiet, family man who helped out the locals by strangling Community Enforcement snitches, Bolshie binmen and debt-collecting bailiffs - and snuffing local scallies and yobs that dared give anyone grief with their car-bashing games of street soccer and similar acts of anti-social behaviour.

Neighbourhood drug dealer Lenny McSpliff told a reporter from the Twatwatch Gazette that “Ronnie wozn’t one of yer typical, run-of-the-mill swan roasting scrotes – even though he might well have bin a right cruel and nasty bastard – but he woz a fair bloke cos he woz nasty ter every fucker wot got on his bad side.”

Also arrested by a joint team of armed officers from Inter-Plod and the UK’s Border Agency were past members of the Tirana Ethnic Cleansing Bureau – Otto Vulgarian, Gnasher McScrunt and ‘Piltdown’ Pyotr Pissedoffsky – all of whom gained international notoriety during the 1990’s Bosnian-Balkans conflict for their same-day genocide skirmishes after merging with Ratpiss Mladic’s Renta-Thug Agency.

Due to appear before Sir Dinsdale Rigour-Mortis at Bow Street Magistrates Court on Monday to appeal against a deportation order is the former harpy leader of Albania’s infamous Gramsh Garrotters’ - the feared pikey hellcat Gorgonzilla Coprolalia - who reputedly tore her Serbian victim’s scrotums off with her bare teeth.
Ms Coprolalia was arrested in the Tourettes Bar at Troublespot Taverns following a Millwall FC soccer match home game in March, while claiming Jobseekers Allowance yet working full-time as a membership secretary and recruitment agent for Nick Griffin’s socio-political hate machine – the British National Party.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Saturday 18 June 2011

Plod Squad Flog Crim’s Assets on eBay

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Applying the statutes of the Proceeds of Crime Act (2002), the Cheshire County Plod Squad administrators have opened an account on the eBay internet auction website to flog off the Faginesque assets of convicted criminals.

Det Sgt Kazzer Titwank of Cheshire Police's ScallyWatch Investigation Unit informed a press hack from the Ill-Gotten Gains Gazette that under the act offenders can be deprived of any and all financial benefits derived from their nefarious crimes.
"By selling off their personal items in this way, we intend to generate some sort of income from criminal assets to cover the massive hole in our budget caused by Posh Dave Scameron’s poxy Libservative Coalition government slashing local authority funding - which in turn might well benefit the victims of crime and be reinvested in local policing initiatives – like nights out on the piss and down the local curry house for me and the lads."

Questioned if any of the cash raised from the eBay auctions will go to the Home Office or back to Chancellor Osborne, DS Titwank gave a negative reply. “You’ve got to be bloody joking – those pillocks would only waste it on vaccines for Third World sprogs that are dying of malnutrition anyway – or for bunging up the Greek’s ballistic diarrhoea economy.”

This week a seized BMW M3 sold for £26,000, while an ersatz Rolex watch with a genuine Seiko works went for £30 quid. Further items on auction offer to bargain hunters included a 90 inch plasma TV, DVD players, digital radios, Jolly Green Giant Jackrabbit vibrators, Kevlar vests, designer baseball bats and carbon fiber pickaxe handles, games consoles – plus thousands of MP3 players and iPhones – which topped up the force’s Paypal kitty with an amount of ready income best described by the Cheshire Police’s chief accountant as “Lots and lots of lovely money.”

The goods, confiscated under the Proceeds of Crime Act, were bought legitimately by criminals with dirty money and not stolen – and over the past week the sale of such has raised £80,000 – with the actual total exceeding £350,000 since it was initially kick started in May.

The Cheshire Plod Squad’s criminal seizures warehouse is rumoured to be chocker block full of swag that will be posted on eBay for auction in the coming weeks. The impounded goodies include a large selection of crow bars, bolt cutters, Kango rock hammers, Bosch drills, body bags, bales of marijuana, Tetra police band / multi-frequency air interface encryption radios, black ski masks, 12-guage sawn-off shotguns, 9mm Glock automatic pistols, thousands of rounds of pick and mix ammunition – plus crates of Polar Annum gelignite and military grade Semtex explosive.

So, all you eBayers looking for a sweet deal, log onto the Cheshire police’s auction page at ‘ScallyLoot-Is-Us’ and pick yourself up a criminal proceeds bargain – go on, it’s a real steal.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Friday 17 June 2011

Al Qaeda: The Hoax Continues

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The gospel according to Big Al Qaeda's General Command website – (actually a joint venture of the CIA’s black op’s Porky Pies Division and Rabid Rita Katz’s SITE Intelligence group - based in a shed behind the intelligence (sic) agency’s Langley, Virginia HQ) - the Islamic terrorist organisation’s non-existent second-in-command, Mohammed al Patsy, has been appointed its leader following the second-time around death of Osama Bin Laden, the previous head honcho of the tax-exempt organisation.

Bin Laden, the former boss of the equally non-existent Al Qaeda Jolly Jihad group, who originally died from complications of Marfan Syndrome coupled with kidney failure in 2001, prior to the Israeli Mossad’s ‘Hi-Fiving’ false flag terror attacks of 9/11, was reportedly killed yet again by US forces in Pakistan in early May.

Hence in spite of the US intelligence agencies disregarding evidence that his ‘Pimp my Kidneys’ dialysis machine was sold on e-Bay in a ‘Tora Bora ethnic goods summer sale’ auction in 2001 to raise money for the wake and funeral, the feared Saudi Arabian zillionaire bogey man, this Islamic Jihadi nemesis whose vilification as the Anti-Christ has been perpetuated by the US kikesters, in actual reality succumbed to the ravages of his compound physical ailments ten years previously and has been dead and buried for what horologists term “quite a long time”.

Thus the White House story of his demise last May is revealed to be absolute bullshit - that he died, like Davey Crockett before him, fighting to the last - in a social housing slum near Abbottabad, in the Orash Valley, some 90 miles north of the festering Pakiland capital of Islamabad - hurling handfuls of kidney stones at US Seals and shouting “Insha’ Allah – Allah Akbar” – as he hid behind his 14 inch black and white telly – and flock of burkha-clad wives and concubines.

Conspiracy theories besides, substantiated rumours have evolved on the internet since 9/11 that US and Israeli intelligence services have manufactured the Bin Laden statements to create an evil bogeyman and justify their so-called Project for a New American Century war on terror in Afghanistan, Iraq, Pakistan, Yemen, Somalia and Libya - and back home in the continental United States, with the passing of the draconic Patriot Act that will, when so required, allow FEMA (Federal Emergency Military Administration) to impose martial law and either lock up or snuff every Bolshie or anarchistic fucker and their dog who disagrees with whatever the Kenyan cuckoo and his AIPAC kikester-infested administration say or do.

Besides the Islamic terrorist creations of the CIA’s Porky Pies and Katz’ SITE Intelligence black propaganda we also have the works of Ādam Yaḥyā Ghadan - an American Ashkenazi Jew of convenience, who was actually born Adam Pearlman – and whose aliases include Abu Suhayb Al-Amriki, Abu Suhayb and Yihya Majadin – all Muppet Show fantasy creations purported to be Jolly Jihadists. Pearlman, the grandson of the late Carl K. Pearlman, a world-renowned prominent Shylock pox doctor and member of the Anti-Defamation League, operates out of Orange County, CA, and has been lauded by AIPAC for his authentic Big Al Qaeda video impersonations.

Conversely, known to friends and associates alike as a Walter Mitty type character and a total head-banger, the 32-year old intellectually-challenged Pearlman is definitely not a full shilling when it comes to the reality game but has achieved wonders in deceiving 300 million pigshit-thick media-addicted Americans into believing that for some strange reason the entire Arab-Muslim world hate their illusionary ‘Democratic Freedoms’ and want to visit brimstone and hellfire on ‘God’s own country’.

So, the West better watch out as according to our three-pre-mentioned black propaganda merchant sources, Big Al-Qaeda has warned that his boys will continue to fight their Jihad holy war against the ZioNazi US and Israel under Mohammed al Patsy’s direction.

Thought for the day: Shite House officials have mentioned in confidence that it barely matters who the new leader of the Al Qaeda Gang is following the pantomime cyber appointment of Mohammed al Patsy to replace the now-definitely dead and buried Osama Bin Laden.
US Secretary of Sleaze, Hilarious Rodent Clinton, told press hacks from the Jolly Jihadist Gazette that Mr al Patsy had nowhere near Bin Laden's credentials in human resource management handling skills – especially so in motivating Semtex vest suicide bombers with the tried and tested ‘effort and reward’ sales pitch philosophy and explaining away the job’s lack of long-term career prospects and pension options.

Thought number two: Fuck the Rothshite bankster-funded Georgia Guidestones – what about the zillions of ‘disposable’ plastic coffins stacked up around Interstate 20 in Madison, Georgia, waiting for ‘occupants’.

Oh, and by the way, fuck the ZioNazi kikester Freemasons and their soup-sandwich-flawed New World Order.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Thursday 16 June 2011

Brian the Snail: Sacked for Sloth

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

A hapless charity worker who crawled round the 26 mile route of the 31st London Marathon on his hands and knees last April while dressed as Brian the Snail, the ‘gay gastropod’ character from the BBC’s Tragic Roundabout children’s programme, has been sacked for being too slow and not reaping a sufficient harvest of financial donations.

The Action for Sprogs fundraiser Bazzer Fuctifino had hoped to rake in at least £100,000 for the charity but received just over £200 quid – with half of that being in Pestco Greedy Grocer vouchers and Pukesbury’s nasty Nectar points.

The 69-year-old former tortoise polisher who hails from Smegamadale-on-Sea - and candidly admits his fetish for bizarre, masochistic pursuits - has successfully raised what chartered accountants refer to as ‘lots and lots of money’ for needy causes over the years, yesterday confided to a gutter press hack from the Ingrates Gazette that he was ‘right gobsmacked’ by the charity’s Board of Trustees’ decision to terminate his services.

Conversely, Sir Dinsdale Spatchcock, the £250,000 per annum salaried CEO of Action for Sprogs, informed reporters that Mr Fuctifino was given notice and fired due taking too long to complete the marathon course – plus the subsequent financial losses incurred by the charity from publicity and support costs that his asinine stunt of crawling around the 26 mile route dressed as a snail had failed to reimburse.

Spatchcock rationalised that while ‘Brian’ was accompanied at the start of the course by other well-meaning morons dressed as characters from the Tragic Roundabout, including Florence the Naughty Nympho, Ermintrude the Cow, Dylan the Rampant Jack Rabbit, Dougal the Dog, Zebedee the Jack-in-a-Box Spring – and Mr Rusty, the kiddie-fiddling old paedo’ carousel operator, they actually completed the marathon several hours later and didn’t take a total of three and a half weeks apiece, like the snail.

“While we never expected ‘Brain’ to win the £1,000,000 nicker first prize, neither did we expect him to take 26 days to complete the course – crawling along at one mile per day regardless of being kicked in the arse to giddy him up.”
“Then we had all these unscheduled stops and unbudgeted medical costs when his knees got blistered,and to change clothes after being pissed on by passing dogs cocking their legs. Really, it’s incredulous, entering a marathon race as the slowest animal on Earth – why didn’t he choose to be that Mexican mouse character, Speedy Gonzales – or the Road Runner, instead?”
“Even Flatbrokes, the ubiquitous High Street bookies, while taking bets that he wouldn't complete the marathon course never thought to give odds that he’d take 26 days.”

In his own defence Mr Fuctifino – aka Brian - related to the media that this was the hardest marathon he’d ever undertaken – far surpassing the efforts required for previous madcap fundraising efforts when he took five days to complete the 2002 London Marathon in a deep sea diving suit – and his 2008 bid to swim the English Channel while dressed as Sir Lancelot - in a suit of medieval armour – failed due to him persistently sinking.

* Carbon Credit Offset / Cap & Trade Exchange (aka Global Warming / Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration: No trees, fish, cormorants, bumble bees or small furry mammals were harmed in posting this message. However, a large number of electrons were temporarily inconvenienced.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a nut-infested area and may contain traces of lunacy and/or squirrel shit

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.