Thursday, 30 June 2011

UK Gears up for General Strike

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

As England and Wales gear up this Thursday with a practice run for a General Strike to paralyse our once sceptred isle of Albion and make the morons in Parliament and Downing Street sit up and take notice, more than 3,000 schools in England and Wales will be closed for their regular business of education and some 2,200 partially closed (doors locked - only windows open) when the National Union of Teachers and the Association of Teachers and Lecturers stage drastic strike action to demonstrate their utter disgust with the way Posh Dave Scameron’s fatally-flawed 'No Compromise / Take No Prisoners' Libservative Coalition government of bureaucratic jobsworths is making a total fuck of the nation’s economy and social environment.

While Deputy PM Mick Clogg might well castigate the heretical dissidents as ‘treasonable Bloshie scumbags’ - informing gutter press hacks from the red top tabloids that “Striking isn’t going to help anyone” – the perspective of the 750,000 teachers and civil servants bent on this mode of industrial action over planned pension changes they claim - from the unique vantage point of being ‘the losers’ - will mean them working longer, paying more out, and earning less – it makes perfect sense and the only option available to getting the stupid government’s undivided attentions focused on their complaints.

Not alone in these sentiments that the proposed changes are not exactly the perfect recipe to generate socio-economic harmony in the voting public, they’ll be joined in radical reactionary body and spirit by a legion of Borders Agency immigration and HMRC customs officials – and hopefully any other bugger and their dog - who has a gripe over the way the government’s ‘Ministry of What Can We Fuck With Next’ is shagging around with their pensions and salaries and working conditions – and letting the corruption-ridden EUSSR monster in Brussels dictate socio-political policy on the UK, etcetera, et al.

Education Secretary Michael ‘Spotty’ Gove, the Tory MP for Slurry, who originally hails from Scotland’s crime and kiddie fiddling capital of Scaberdeen, informed an amused back bench and opposition audience in the House of Conmans that the strike would cause "massive inconvenience to hard-working families" – wholly missing the irony in his fractured logic that the Libservative’s proposed draconic pension and working conditions modifications would cause a parallel of ‘massive inconvenience’ for hard-working teachers – none of whom have a cat in Hell’s chance of ever equalling an MP’s – or cabinet minister’s – bloated level of salary and fat cat pension benefits.

PM Scameron also used the Parliamentary assembly to spit the dummy, censuring the entire public service spectrum – the marginalized and disaffected teachers, immigration and customs officers Jobcentre staff, DWP and tax office layabouts, local council jobsworths and the courts and probation services - who were contemplating this audacious display of disagreeing with his government’s plans to reduce the quality of their lives – now and in retirement – then specifically targeting immigration and customs officials with Old Etonian venom - labelling them ‘a bunch of sodding oicks’ - for downing tools (sic) and going out on strike which would simply create an illegal immigrant and smuggler’s bonanza holiday.

“You lot of gobby sods, all smirking there on the Labour benches, just watch out this Friday morning. There’ll be droves of pikeys that have sneaked across the Channel during the strike and be set for grooming your daughters as three hole sex whores – and the pubs and Jobcentres flooded with discount 50 gram pouches of Golden Virginia and reams of Embassy low tar ciggies that’s going to make a bugger of Chancellor Osborne’s tobacco duty revenues.”

“Then we have the negative effect on all these schools that opted to be academies due the moronic state of their pigshit-thick delinquent pupils – using the local Asbo Centrals as a perfect example – when they return to classes on Friday they’ll need to be retrained to hold a pen the right way round and wipe their own bums.”
“If it were up to me and not having to discuss this sort of thing with Mr Clogg, then I’d fire the lot and bring in an army of volunteers from our Big Society register to run the schools – then there’d be no bloody problems with squabbles and whingeing over salaries and pensions.”

“The next thing it will be your local Plod Squads and prison officers getting big ideas about industrial action – then where will everyone be – ringing up 999 and getting no answer – and having to stab burglars to death themselves?”

Are you planning to take part in the strike just for the fuck of it? Are you a parent who has volunteered to take classes and groom a few nice teenage schoolgirls? Will you have to take a day off and sit in a sunny beer garden swigging pints of Old Headbanger lager all afternoon while your kids guzzle Coke and crisps and play ‘Spot the Paedo’?
Send us your comments and experiences and you could win free membership of your local Libservative Coalition Party and receive a ‘Big Society Volunteer’ t-shirt.

Thought for the day: While 85% of schools in England and Wales are scheduled to be partially or completely closed due strike actions by teachers this Thursday – and this is a phenomenon that will affect multi-zillions of pupils – the kids all unanimously agree with and support the strike - as they get a day off from the usual drudgery and neuro-linguistic programming.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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