Tuesday, 7 June 2011

Libservatives Cop Call for Plan B

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Cabbage Patch Dave Scameron’s Libservative Coalition has been defending its doomed economic policy after a radical group comprised of left-wing academics, bean-counting beardies and anoraks armed with advanced fiscal algorithms went public, announcing unanimously to salivating hacks from the gutter press – and any other sod and their dog interested - or bored enough to pay heed - that the government’s so-called road map and plan for the UK to extricate itself out of the bankster’s derivatives-generated shithole of a ‘recession’ (read ‘depression’) was a total fuck-up and called for ‘Plan B’ to be put into operation immediately – if not sooner.

While being described by certain Whitehall dinosaurs and jobsworths as a bunch of ‘domestic terrorists’, ‘radical anarchists’ and ‘latter-day fiscal Luddites’ intent on overthrowing the monarchy and the established status quo principles and practices of capitalist credit and debt offsets and quantitative easing, the group in turn branded Scameron and Chancellor Osborne’s ‘breakneck deficit-reduction plan" as more scent than substance and wholly self-defeating.

This damning independent review comes the day before the International Monetary Fund is due to deliver its verdict on the UK economy – one that will doubtless be at odds with the verdict of the British public, taxed to the point of extinction and suffering the trials and tribulations of galloping inflation and the dual agonies of pay freezes and cuts combined – to add to the tragic woes of unemployment, home repossessions, the constant whingeing of starving children - and the Sky Sports channel being cut off in the middle of the cricket season.

While the Libservatives have made much self-congratulatory ado of the support for its economic recovery ‘plans’ from dodgy international financial organisations – such as the IMF, the World Bank and Bank of International Settlements – (the self-same kikester-dominated usury outfits that were either devoid of oversight in allowing this mess of financial pottage to occur in the first place – or purposely planned it) – those adopting a more realistic and critical view proclaim that Britain is Broken with a capital B.

Further, they believe the government’s kerfaffling around with draconic spending cuts to local authority budgets is achieving sweet Fanny Adams and rubbing salt into the wounds of an already battered economy that can’t even afford to patch up the pandemic of potholes blighting the highways of our once green and pleasant land with injections of the all-new miracle Tarmite – (fills blacktop cavities and tastes good on toast).

When the IMF reported on the UK economy last September, it was, disingenuously, broadly supportive of the coalition's spending cuts, predicting that the measures to reduce the budget deficit would hit growth, but that the economy might just, with a favourable wind behind it, continue to recover at an equal pace to a snail doing the triathalon.

However, since then it has emerged that the stupid economy hadn’t listened to the IMF’s optimistic forecast and duly did precisely the opposite – and contracted faster than Antarctica’s Ross Ice Shelf under the throes of global warming.

"The disappointing figures we've had this week, particularly on manufacturing, seem to be further evidence that the economic recovery under the stewardship of this Tory / Lib-Dum coalition of Posh Dave’s is stalling.”

So spaketh the moronic Labour shadow chancellor Ed Bollocks – completely overlooking – or wholly ignorant of – the fact that his old buddy Gordon ‘Incapability’ Broon caused the economic catastrophe – and that Britain has manufactured fuck all of any worth or volume since Tory PM Slaggie Twatcher de-industrialised Britain in a fit of pique over trade union intransigence during the 1980’s – and to date the government continues to allow the closure of shipyards and steel mills etc et al, and their retrenchment to Third World sweatshop dumps like the Indian sub-continent where, for pittance wages, they turn out steel that’s the quality of tempered dogshit.

The global Industrial Revolution, pioneered and led by Britain, enabled the modern world to break out of the Malthusian growth model. Hence, now we are no longer an industrial nation but have devolved one step worse than Hitler termed us – ‘a nation of shopkeepers’ – into a nation of telemarketing pillocks, all flogging the same materialistic shite that no fucker or their dog really needs – or can afford – we’re now heading towards the Malthusian catastrophe - a forced return to subsistence-level conditions.

However, Foreign Secretary Willy Vague – (whose ingratiating public school toady “Please Sir! Me Sir!” manner defines him as the worst kind of snivelling oick – is actually a bludging career clot of immeasurable proportions who knows even less concerning matters financial than he does of foreign policy and should therefore display due prudence by engaging brain before opening mouth) - argued that changing economic policy now would be dangerous.
"If we waver for a moment over opting for a Plan B when we don’t even have a Plan A, then what little economic confidence exists is going to go tits up and the shit’s going to hit the fan big time - so it’s vital to continue on the course that we started – even if it does lead to a catastrophic disaster the likes of which has never been seen on a Monopoly board before."

Thought for the day: Joking aside, as Gordon ‘Incompetence’ Brown didn’t leave us with the luxury of a Plan B (or a Plan A) - or a workable economic strategy - Britain (formerly Great and possessed of an Empire upon which the sun never set) is now a ‘Poundshop’ economy.
Ah well, until the day some fucker or their dog comes down hard on the insane practices of fractional reserve banking, sub-prime loans and derivative speculations, then nowt’s going to change – for the better anyways. Welcome to Third World Britain.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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