Sunday, 19 June 2011

UK now Haven for Balkan Scrotes

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The gospel according to a secret dossier sent to Scotland Yard by police in Albania’s crap capital of Tirana, claims that ‘lots and lots’ of their most dangerous criminals could be in hiding in the UK – with some blatantly living right next door to the neighbourhood Plod Squad shop – or up trees in the local park - or out on the Yorkshire moors, roughing it and foraging through the bracken, gorse and heather for that tasty gourmet delicacy rival of ‘Kopi Luwak’ (civet shit coffee) – specifically ‘sheep dangleberries’ – otherwise known as ‘wooly crud clinkers’ – an epicurean delight when toasted on kebab spears over glowing peat embers – especially so if one’s suffering from that old fugitive’s bugbear - starvation.

Sir Morton Bogbrush, the head of the Brussels-based Inter-Plod police agency, informed gutter press hacks from the Fourth Estate’s red top tabloids that most of the fugitives are wanted for a litany of quite serious crimes – including non-payment of council tax, driving without insurance, welfare benefit fraud, kidnapping, torture - and multiple murders.

One of those in hiding was Genghis ‘Pitbull’ Nosdork, chief enforcer for the coastal Sarande-based Skanger Gang, who claimed asylum in the UK pretending to be a Muslim refugee from war-torn Kosovo.

Whistleblowers working for NATO and the EUSSR’s ‘Inter-Plod’ leaked information to Ox-Rat, the scumbag watchdog charity, that the 48-year-old Albanian national lived on Neanderthal Terraces at Scally Hamlets in south east London, with both his wives, Toxic Trudy Trollenberg and Feral Beryl McSkank, under the assumed name of Ronnie Villain.

Up until the time of his arrest last week on charges of genocide, ‘Ronnie’ appeared to his neighbours as a quiet, family man who helped out the locals by strangling Community Enforcement snitches, Bolshie binmen and debt-collecting bailiffs - and snuffing local scallies and yobs that dared give anyone grief with their car-bashing games of street soccer and similar acts of anti-social behaviour.

Neighbourhood drug dealer Lenny McSpliff told a reporter from the Twatwatch Gazette that “Ronnie wozn’t one of yer typical, run-of-the-mill swan roasting scrotes – even though he might well have bin a right cruel and nasty bastard – but he woz a fair bloke cos he woz nasty ter every fucker wot got on his bad side.”

Also arrested by a joint team of armed officers from Inter-Plod and the UK’s Border Agency were past members of the Tirana Ethnic Cleansing Bureau – Otto Vulgarian, Gnasher McScrunt and ‘Piltdown’ Pyotr Pissedoffsky – all of whom gained international notoriety during the 1990’s Bosnian-Balkans conflict for their same-day genocide skirmishes after merging with Ratpiss Mladic’s Renta-Thug Agency.

Due to appear before Sir Dinsdale Rigour-Mortis at Bow Street Magistrates Court on Monday to appeal against a deportation order is the former harpy leader of Albania’s infamous Gramsh Garrotters’ - the feared pikey hellcat Gorgonzilla Coprolalia - who reputedly tore her Serbian victim’s scrotums off with her bare teeth.
Ms Coprolalia was arrested in the Tourettes Bar at Troublespot Taverns following a Millwall FC soccer match home game in March, while claiming Jobseekers Allowance yet working full-time as a membership secretary and recruitment agent for Nick Griffin’s socio-political hate machine – the British National Party.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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