Tuesday, 14 June 2011

Volunteers to run Broken Britain

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Posh Dave Scameron’s faith in his fatally-flawed "Big Society'' and “We’re all up shitcreek together” Chaos Theory philosophy is to be given a real time litmus test after Smegmashire county council announced that the entire professional staff from six libraries in his own Shitney constituency are to be ‘retrenched’ to the local Jobcentre, leaving the edifices of knowledge to be staffed by ‘volunteers’ – more commonly known as people who work for nothing.
Yes, that’s correct – ‘volunteers’ – actually defined in the iconic Oxford English Dictionary as being a person who has totally misunderstood the question put to them.

The Libservative’s creep of a culture minister, the Rt. Hon. Edward Butler Vaizey Esq, MP for Outage & Dipshit, will also see several libraries in his neighbouring constituency of Ripoff Hamlets purposely and vindictively stripped of staff by the Conservative-controlled county council to emphasise with a vengeance the draconic effect of the local authority budget cuts - leaving a mix of intellectually-challenged volunteers, homeless pikeys and Big Issue vendors to run the whole shebang.

New Labour’s shadow libraries minister, Fellattia van der Gamm, opined with her customary unqualified arrogance to a press hack from the Book Burners Gazette that "Volunteers might well have a role to play in libraries – such as cleaning the bogs or brewing tea, but I would be flabbergasted if you could run libraries with a bunch of moronic volunteers alone as it’s a professional job that requires – er – people who can read – and quite possibly write as well.”

Conversely, Slumdale-on-Sea’s New Labour council leader Harry McGnasher insisted he would have to find savings – or supplementary income - elsewhere, possibly by selling off the town’s traffic lights and no parking signs that no fucker or their dog took any notice of anyway. “Posh Dave Scameron should stop fawnin’ before the statue of Mammon an’ get realistic concernin’ these cuts ter social spendin’ and the resentment an’ hardship they’re causin’.”

“Our libraries seem ter be the one thing that folk value above the local lap dancing bar an’ Mrs Wong’s Happy Ending massage parlour on Rub n Tug Lane, cos we have such a grand stock of DVD porno movies on the shelves – plus entire sections of literary filth ter suit the tastes of our onanist readers.”
"I suppose it's a peculiarly British thing, cos most of the fuckers haven't been near a library in years – just like the pub an’ church - an’ the pawnshop an’ pox doctor’s clinic in their village or town - they don't like change or want ter see ‘em go.”

Hmmm, it might be high time to inform – or at least remind – the overpaid jobsworths running our local councils that they are required by law to provide a ‘comprehensive and efficient’ service under the Public Libraries and Museums Act of 1964. Whoops, was that yet another one that some dipshit bureaucrat overlooked?

So, if this is where it starts, where the fuck does it all finish? In a super-fractal chain reaction disaster some distance down the road, when the system reaches critical mass, no doubt.
Anyways, let’s say ‘fuck it’ and go the whole hog - lay off the total occupancy of shifty overpaid MP’s in the House of Conmans – and the entire civil service – including every fatcat councillor, followed by poxy traffic wardens issuing their vile penalty tickets, then the police force, the fire brigade and the army – and end up with a bunch of volunteer amateurs posing as professionals – then we’re back to a do-it-yourself tribal-anarchist commune system - the veritable Malthusian catastrophe - a forced return to subsistence-level conditions, where survival of the fittest is the name of the game.

Fantasy aside, it’s a great pity we can’t get a couple of volunteers to take over from Dave Scameron and his Lib-Dum side-kick Mick Clogg – and that other clot Ed Millipede – as anything’s got to be an improvement on the clusterfuck shambles of a government we’re currently saddled with.

In this vein, Ms Candida McSkanger, a 15-year old mother of three from Manchester’s Stench Hill sink or swim council estate, interviewed outside her local Pestco Greedy Grocer supermarket by the BBC’s ‘Let’s Fix Broken Britain’ programme, related “Dead easy, I’ve watched ‘Today in Parliament’ an’ it’s all gobbin’ off at each other. I can read an’ write an’ got me NVQ1 diploma in Welfare Benefit Fraud so I’m no effin’ bimbo, an’ every time they has a council meetin’ down here at the civic centre me an’ me mate Slagella’s there hecklin’ an’ givin’ the bastards shit over their fucked up social services an’ the state of their poxy housin’.”
“I reckon I could do just as good a job in Downin’ Street as this Cabbage Patch Dave Scameron character is, even if I don’t talk as posh as him – like I’ve got a gob-full of jizzum – an’ went ter the Scallyshawe Asbo Central Academy an’ not Eton.”

Thought for the day: Okay, if Britain’s ‘Got Talent’ they why are we burdened with a bunch of moronic clots in Parliament who are definitely not out to serve the best interests of the voting and tax-paying public, and are hell bent on sacrificing Britain and our national identity to global interests – starting with the institutionally-corrupt kleptocracy running the EUSSR in Brussels.

Further, how the fuck is the UK ever going to recover when Europe and the West are being run on a permanent war economy basis – which benefits the common man naught.
Our incestuous clusterfuck of a Parliament and civil service is controlled by a sinister shadow government dominated by Zionist Chabad Jews of convenience and comprised of the intelligence agencies, the military-industrial complex and multi-national corporations: kikester-owned banks and media, big pharma’, the armaments industry, the major oil and energy companies – plus Old Uncle Tom Cobley and all.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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