Archbishop: ‘Big Society’ is a Joke

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

In an caustic article scribed while occupying the guest editor’s chair for this week’s Shitstirrers Gazette, Dr Rowan Williams, the Archbishop of Cunterbury, openly questioned the democratic legitimacy of the incumbent Libservative coalition, then went on to dismiss Posh Dave Scameron’s Big Society as nothing more that a soundbite slogan and an opportunistic coverup for spending cuts.
Williams further stated for the public record that government ministers have adopted a craven strategy of blaming Britain’s economic and social problems on the last government – a morally reprehensible acquittal of their own short-comings - even if New Labour were – and perhaps still are - a mixed bunch of bungling losers, war criminals and quick buck opportunists.

“All this babble and cackle about creating a Big Society, it’s just going to turn out a whopping ‘Big Mess’ – chaos in motion. Really, I ask you, running the local authority services with volunteers indeed – amateurs posing as professionals. We all know what a volunteer is – some sod who’s totally misunderstood the question put to them.”
“Britain’s in such a dire economic state due all these sponging immigrants comprising this ‘multicultural society’ of ours – and servicing IMF debts and footing the cost of maintaining the country’s membership of this criminal kleptocracy that poses as the EUSSR government.”

“Now we have Scameron doing the same as Tony Bliar did for his Zionist masters – getting us involved with another military quagmire with this aggressive conflict being waged against Libya when they can’t even sort out the Afghan pickle. Their actions are morally reprehensible – sabre-rattling against Gaddafi and now Syria for reported repression of democratic protests while the despotic scumbags ruling Bahrain receive nary one ounce of criticism or reproach for butchering social reform demonstrators and arresting the doctors and nurses who provide medical treatment.”
“Just like their latter day Nazi mates running Israel and their inhuman war crimes visited daily on the Palestinians in the West Bank and besieged behind their Great Apartheid Wall in the Gaza Strip – never a word of reproach or sanctions imposed against the kikester Jews of convenience in the Knesset.”

“Then we have the economic recession – a deepening ‘depression’ if the truth be told – which is the catch-up cost of the Tory government’s Slaggie Twatcher de-industrialising Britain in the 1980’s – the country that birthed the Industrial Revolution – just because she got a snot on with the trade unions. I seem to recall with amusement that one of my predecessors, Bob Runcie, wound old Slaggie up with his criticisms of her government policy short-comings – much as I intend to do with Cabbage Patch Dave.”

The Archbishop further warned that Scameron’s cunning plan to burden family GPs and voluntary groups with a greater role running social services, such as health and education, has created the opportunity for the Government to abandon its responsibility for tackling unemployment, homelessness, child poverty, illiteracy, and the lack of hospital beds – and hospitals to put them in.

“What I’m saying is that the common sheeple are in fear for their futures – and should they be afraid? Well, in my exalted opinion, yes – very afraid – as the cliché goes. And there again, by the same rule, if the government are after farming out all responsibility to volunteer groups then what do we need Downing Street and Parliament for? Get rid of them and that’s a big saving – just on what the MP’s fiddle on expenses alone – never mind their bloated salaries.”

However, Dr Williams reserved his harshest criticism for the programme of benefit reforms drawn up by the intellectually-challenged Tory Minister for Wasting Time & Money, Ian Duncan Smutt.
“Just take a look at what old egg-head’s doing here – holding the sword of Damocles over disadvantaged folk, who he so arrogantly classifies as the ‘deserving and undeserving poor’, and will arbitrarily decide via the wholly inexact science of physical and mental means testing who is fit enough to do a day’s work and who gets their welfare pay slashed.”

“It’s all well and good that Posh Dave and his duplicitous, halitosis-stricken deputy PM Mick Clogg have Wallace and Gromet working 24/7 just thinking up these radical socio-economic policies to impose on us all, but what about the promises made on the pre-election campaign trail when these scumbags were in opposition? Where’s our promised referendum on EUSSR membership? What happened to Mr Clogg’s Lib-Dum solemn oath, sworn on the body of a dead heron, to scrap higher educations fees – when he turns around and okays their hiking to an impossible £9,000 quid a year?”

While the Prime Minister, speaking in the House of Conmans, dismissed the Archbishop’s criticisms as ‘snidey backbiting’ from someone who doesn’t know his arse from his elbow, Whitehall civil service mandarin Sir Irwin Bogbrush commented to the media that “Scameron needs to watch his back if he’s going to start contradicting and dissing Archbishop Williams as he’s the only man in Britain that’s on first name terms with God and has his cellphone number on speed dial.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

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