Sunday, 5 June 2011

Sino Teen Flogs Kidneys on e-Bay

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The gospel according to a gutter press report in the Organ Donors Gazette claims a teenager in the People’s Marxist Utopia of China has sold both his kidneys to the chronically ill wife of a wealthy Shanghai sandal factory mogul so he could afford to buy one of Apple’s poxy iPad 2 units.

The 15-year-old boy, identified only as Sum Dum Fuk, explained to Sky TV’s ‘Transplant Channel’ presenter, Qui Tam Sam, that he had arranged the sale of both his kidneys to Mr Flip Flop Fong’s moribund missus, Sue Doku, over the internet for cash up front - with her second-hand dialysis machine thrown in as a bonus.

A certain Mr Kun Kare Less acted as the middle man for the buyers and organised a trip to Dr Fuk Yew Tu’s back garden shed clinic in Wanking – where the student was paid £2,000 quid in bundles of nice crisp £20 notes for his kidneys. With the cash Dum Fuk bought an iPad 2, as well as a micro-components stereo system and a Wang Brothers laptop – plus a set of new filters for the dialysis machine.

The story only came to light when Dum Fuk’s mother became suspicious after noticing the dialysis machine hidden behind the door in his bedroom and subsequently discovered the surgical scars on his back.
Dum Fuk, a political science student, told the media he wanted the money to buy things he would never be able to afford otherwise, living under the yoke of a suppressive Communist regime where each received unto his needs – which didn’t include an iPad 2 or copies of Falun and the Gongs’ - his favourite radical activist pop group - latest hit album – ‘Burn the Politburo’.

Apparently Sum Dum Fuk and a group of his contemporary students at the Jesuit-run St Chong’s School for Latter Day Pikeys saw an online advert, placed by Kun Kare Less, offering big money for organ donors.
Several students seized at the opportunity to improve the financial status of their lives – albeit at a cost to their physical beings – and flogged off such “why do I need two?” expendables as corneas, kidneys – and testicles – to the transplant organ donor clinic.

Sixteen-year old student Shao Mai Sam, sold his foreskin to a moneyed Jewish apostate who had totally rejected the principles and practices of Judaism – and his circumcision ‘covenant’ with Yahweh - after viewing the human rights abuses and war crimes the Israeli government were guilty of committing against the Palestinian peoples by applying the vindication of manifest destiny and being God’s Chosen People – and hence tarnishing the Jewish faith through their ultra-Zionist doctrine.

The Sum Dum Fuk case highlights China's black market in organ trafficking, where a scarcity of organ donors has led to a flourishing trade, resulting in people going a bit too far in what organs they can do without.

In 2007 Chinese authorities banned organ trafficking and introduced a ‘voluntary’ donor scheme run out of the state’s Smiley Face prisons to try and combat the black market trade - with the reluctant cooperation of ‘volunteer’ convicts who are happy to do anything to get a few years knocked off the draconic sentences dished out for such heinous offences as double parking, dissing the government and non-payment of council tax.

In an interesting aside, an article in this week’s Coincidence Review makes mention of an unemployed UK man who, literally sick to death of waiting for a kidney donor on the NHS, actually did the unthinkable and sold his Apple iPad 2 so he could afford to pay for a trip to Poland and have his transplant performed there the same day at one of their ‘Walk In / Limp Out’ clinics.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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