Saturday 30 June 2012

UK MoD Slammed for Hoarding

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The gospel according to whistle-blowing moles at the National Audit Office reveals the Ministry of Defence is spending zillions of pounds on security to guard hoards of questionable military supplies deemed unnecessary for the modern warfare theatre requirements of the 21st Century.

Among these stockpiles at the numerous arsenals that blight the landscape of our once green and pleasant land are innumerable canvas sails and miles of Manila hemp rope for rigging ‘Victory’ class galleons, used in Nelson’s day and the Battle of Trafalgar – plus hundreds of ‘long nine’ iron cannons, along with ball, chain, and grape shot – and thousands of casks of granulated gunpowder well past their respective shelf life dates by a couple of hundred years.

Baz McScrote, a press hack with the Daily Shitraker, wined and dined Posh Dave Scameron’s Downing Street spokeswoman and junior spin medic, ‘Soundbite Scabby’ Bertin, for lunch yesterday at Whitehall’s Snitch & Grassers Arms with a veritable feast of Slugg Island oysters and carafes of vintage Chateau de Catpiss 1998 - and over brandy and cigars cajoled her to confirm the NAO had submitted a damning report to the Cabinet that storing obsolete inventory was costing in excess of £277 million quid per annum.

On a ‘cross your heart and hope to die’ condition that McScrote not tell any more than a dozen, a slightly giddy Ms Bertin allowed him to read a copy of the NAO report stored on her iPad, which cited the need to dispose of war reserve contingencies dating back to the Battle of Agincourt – specifically ‘Long Bows (Yew) 1,465 pieces’; ‘Bow strings (Flax & Hemp) 3,850 pieces’; ‘War arrows (Poplar and Hazel) 51,350 sheaves of 24 mixed broadhead and bodkins’ – as being now surplus to requirements.

New Labour’s shadow defence secretary, Jim Murphy, raised the issue yesterday on the floor of the House of Conmans and accused the Tory Defence Minister Philip ‘Dandruff’ Hammond of suffering from ‘Hoarder Syndrome’ - then demanded that in pursuit of economic efficiency alone, assets must be more efficiently managed – and anything no longer required - and thus redundant - be dispatched forthwith to the nearest pikey car boot sale for disposal and generate income to finance the next ‘Foreign Policy Initiative’ / aggressive military misadventure staged against some hapless Third World shithole sitting atop a bounty of untapped natural resources.

“We don’t need to listen to any Tory spin slogans from the MoD’s ‘Squirrel Division’ attempting to make a pile of shite smell like roses – nor any mention of the philosophical adage regarding these stockpiles of archaic medieval weapons claiming that ‘they’re a handy thing to have even if we never use the sodding things’.”

“The MOD must have a team of Bower birds working for them. Just look at some of the ‘Antique Roadshow’ items the taxpayers are forking out to store and have guarded 24/7 by the G4S Renta-Thug Security Agency.”
“Scores of suits of armour and chain mail – sizes various - left over from the Wars of the Roses. Thousands of destrier horse shoes stored at the Army’s Throatcut Barracks in Leicester since the Battle of Bosworth Field. Halberds and pikes from the Battle of Culloden. Muskets and ball shot and powder flasks from Waterloo. Sabres and lances from Balaclava. World War One gas masks from the trenches of Flanders – and Christ knows what else of no use to any bugger or their dog.”

“Regardless of the MoD failing to dispose of stock it no longer needs, and all inventory being computerised for years, we still show a stockpile of 235 size 44 chest chain mail vests at the Old Scrotum Arsenal in Smegmadale – and what really troubles me here is the fact the MoD’s requisition department didn’t stop ordering these garments until 1996 – years after Kevlar had assumed a proven superior role as body armour.”
What’s more, our squaddies with the 21st Cannon Fodder Regiment, coming under daily Taliban fire in Afghanistan’s Bellend Province are crying out for ceramic strike plate insert for their flack jackets and all the MoD have in stock are medieval cuirasses.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Friday 29 June 2012

WTF! Banksters Immune from Prosecution?

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Much to the gleeful satisfaction of the UK’s cash-strapped common herd, still suffering the hangover throes of unemployment and the gutting of their quality of life following the bankster-initiated ‘Casino Investments’ financial crash of 2008 and their ensuing forced redundancies; the ubiquitous High Street rip-off merchants cum money lenders ‘Barclays’ have copped for a fine of £290 million nicker as a result of an investigation into accusations that several dodgy international banking institutions manipulated the daily setting of the London Interbank Offered Rate (Libor) and the Euro Interbank Offered Rate (Euribor) benchmark reference rates at which they lend to each other.

Together these represent two of the key interest rates in the global financial markets and directly influence the value of zillions of dollars of financial deals between banks and other institutions - and can further affect lending rates to the public regarding mortgage deals, the price of rice in China, and too the futures market for carbon friendly confetti.

Broken Britain’s super-snob Prime Minister, Posh Dave Scameron, interviewed by one press hack from the Scumbags Gazette, related that “The Barclays management team have been very naughty and should be made to stand in the corner for half an hour for manipulating the lending rates. Really, these people have got some serious questions to answer and it might just come down to doling out a few harsh slaps on the wrist and not the usual round of finger-wagging admonishments they’ve gotten away with in the past.”

Conversely New Labour’s feisty juvenile leader Ed Millipede informed the media “This waffle that Scameron’s going on about cannot end in a mere slap on the wrist. These shifty bastards are guilty of nurturing a culture of systematic dishonesty and should face the full force of the law - which means criminal prosecutions. Personally I’d like to see Sharia Law come into effect here and the guilty parties get their hands chopped off, the same as they would in Third World dumps like Saudi Arabia."

Bev ‘Pitbull’ McSkanger, the London-based director of enforcement at the Financial Services Authority, which imposed the hefty fines, told a reporter from the Scallies Review that "Barclays have been manipulating the core interest rates at which banks loan to each other – with the intent to benefit their traders and the bank's financial status.”
“These arseholes seem to have got it into their heads that they’re untouchable – and I’m out to prove they’re definitely not – especially so in the case of their head honchos, CEO Billy Bob Diamond and Chairman Marcus Agius– as these are the type of scumbags who intuitively prompt people to count their fingers after shaking hands with them.”

“Really, I don’t give a flying shit who they know or which Masonic lodge they belong to. Agius is just another deadleg Maltese pimp and as for ‘Buck-passing Bob’ Diamond, he might well be an adviser to London Mayor Bonkers Boris Nonsense and a big mate of ‘Austerity Dave’ Scameron and Raving Rupert Mudrock but I’m going to be filing a report with the Director of Public Prosecutions, Kier Stammerer QC and have these bastards behind bars as a deterrent to other shifty bankster types.”

“The entire caboodle are a nasty and dishonest bunch of bottom feeders who, along with their cohorts running the cutthroat Rothshite crime syndicate, seem to have revised the Malthusian concept of how to keep milking the cow while no longer feeding it – and that’s the reason for the financial mess Broken Britain’s in right now.”
“In the thick of the 2008 financial collapse the Barclays staff submitting estimates of their own interbank lending rates had ladders up against both sides of their Chinese Wall and were conniving with their own derivatives traders to put in figures that benefitted their trading positions, in order to boost the stock prices – plus their commissions and performance bonuses.”

For the uninitiated, Billy Bob Diamond is a child of the Great Satan who graduated summa cum laude in 1974 with an honours degree in Bean Counting from the prestigious Connecticut-based Wilkins Micawber Institute for Advanced Economic Guessology before moving on to work for First Boston and Morgan Stanley.

Other big names believed to be under investigation for their part in the criminal manipulation of the Libor benchmark reference rate include the US-based ShittyGroup and JP Moron Bank; Tel Aviv's St Shylock Bank of International Usury; the Royal Bank of Scumland; the Debtocracy Bank of Zurich; the International Bank of Hyper-Inflation and last but not least, the Cracow-based Polack Pikey Poachers Bank.

Thought for the day: So, what’s the betting that some hapless ‘Scapegoat Sally’ (or ‘Simon') gets it in the neck and leaves the top end boardroom types immune from prosecution?
But what else did anyone expect from a debt-based capitalist monetary system that produces end products of corporate greed, income disparities and social inequality – and a queue of supplicants worshipping before the altar of Mammon?

But hey, if it’s coming to criminal charges and prosecutions, then we might as well have Gordon ‘Incapability’ Brown and Lord Peter Scandalson indicted for their 2008 Bankster Bailout Bill - later amended by the Tory-dominated Libservative Coalition to become the Bankster Bailout & Guaranteed Bonus Act 2010.

While Barclays will be branded as 'Fast, Cheap and Out of Control' with the resignations of Agius and Diamond a certainty before the week's out, there's nothing less than this fitting Latin phrase to describe the current corrupt state of affairs: ‘Impunitas sempre ad deteriora invitat’ (Impunity always leads to greater crimes)

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Government Snooping Loyalty Card Data

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The details of a top secret report leaked to Ox-Rat, the government abuse watchdog charity, by whistle-blowing moles working inside the Ministry for What Can We Fuck With Next reveals how the Libservatives plan to use store loyalty card data to snoop on the eating habits of millions of hapless British shoppers.

The documents copied by Ox-Rat snitches expose a dystopian plot contrived by Shitehall civil servants working in unison with Common Purpose, the sinister social engineering / NLP brainwashing group, to pressure major Greedy Grocer supermarket chains, such as Pestco, Pukesburys, and Mammon & Snobfords to provide access to confidential data which can display a graphic record of not only what customers buy but which brands they give preference to.

Even the prophetic Orwell didn’t perceive that his fictional Big Brother totalitarian state government would ever sink so low as to spy on the shopping habits of Britain's 25 million supermarket loyalty card holders – especially using the pathetic excuse the data will be used in an attempt to halt the UK's burgeoning obesity crisis.

Fellattia Titwank, spokeswoman for the Downing Street Cabinet’s Behavioural Insights Team – the nutty ‘Nudge Unit’ – informed one press hack from the Grassers Gazette that “Supermarkets have more information on the diets of the common herd than their own doctors. Whatever the sheeple buy, then the Greedy Grocers have it all on computer file, and that’s what they issue loyalty vouchers for.”
“So if ‘Mr Smith’ only buys Pikey Pete’s ‘Black Mambo Tickler’ condoms – size 9, then Pestco aren’t going to send him a £3 quid discount voucher for Durex ‘Cornhole Reamers’ – size 7, now are they.”

“What we’re after are the lowlifes who buy too much alcohol, fatty foods or soft drinks full of that toxic aspartame shite. With more of their sprogs turning out to be NEETs and being dangerously overweight then these people will be getting a surprise visit from our all-new Diet Squad, currently being recruited from the same Renta-Thug Security Agency where we get the PCSO and Community Enforcement morons – who are scheduled to get a crash course in ‘Food Crime’ enforcement from none other than the government’s own healthy eating tsar, Jamie Oliver.”

“So, if you’re a healthy eater, then you’ve got nothing to hide or be concerned about. On the other hand, if the processed data reveals a consumer buys a copy of the Bolshie Bastard’s Review or the Jolly Jihad Weekly – or big bags of weed killer and fertiliser – and they don’t even have a garden, then the chances are we’ve just pinpointed a nasty anarchist type - or Muslim terrorist.”

Thought for the day: Oh yes, here we go again – the Totalitarian Tip-Toe – as Broken Britain is slowly transformed from an egalitarian society into a land of twitching curtains and slanderous fishwife gossip. The jackboot’s first steps on the path to fascism are always ‘Hush Puppy’ soft.

While Orwell’s 1984 provides both alarming and prophetic insights to what a Dystopian state might manifest as, perhaps it is time, and again prudent, to remind PM Posh Dave Scameron and his Dog & Pony Show Libservative Coalition that the revelatory text was a ‘warning’ aimed at the common people – and definitely not a blueprint and instruction manual – Totalitarianism for Dummies - for governments to impose on their own voting public.

Regardless, fuck Big Brother (and his sister) and the New World Order.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Thursday 28 June 2012

Pope Catholic – but is Putin Jewish?

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Israeli officials have urged visiting Russian President Vlad Putrid to have the end snipped off his cock, become one of God’s Chosen People, then adopt a more aggressive stance on curbing Iran's nuclear ambitions by joining the ZioNazi-led ‘Coalition of the Psychos’ to bomb the manky Mullahs and their Islamic Republic back to the Stone Age.

Ex-KGB attack dog Putrid, along with his Kremilin crime syndicate trade delegation, are risking a first Middle East tour since the Iraq war’s depleted uranium dust settled, and are aiming to secure a discount supply of fresh figs and dates for Russia's chronically constipated population – with a pit stop call in Damascus scheduled to discuss Basher Assad’s latest weapons requirements to gain a leading edge in the burgeoning civil war against the Western-backed mercenaries and rag-arsed rebel groups infiltrated from Libya and Iraq.

Following an invitation from the Russian migrant Rabbi Sheldon Scumbagsky to pay a visit to Jerusalem’s Wailing Wall and bang his head against the millenniums-old stonework while wearing a traditional kippah, Putrid met with the Coptic Orthodox Metropolitan of Jerusalem and jointly attended a Christian Aid ‘Common Sense Revival’ rally up on Calvary Hill, where he was presented with a personalised 'No Nails' crucifixion kit memento of his visit to Palestine.

Putrid later held a ten minute meeting with Israeli Prime Minister Bobo Nuttyahoo, who later informed one press hack from the Warmongers Gazette that "We didn’t quite see eye to eye on the Iranian issue but managed to agree to ‘disagree’ with President Putrid’s opinion that nuclear weapons in the hands of Tehran’s mad Mullahs would probably pose as grave a danger to world peace as nuclear weapons in the hands of Israel.”

The US, Israel and their European stooge allies have ganged up alike a cabal of schoolyard bullies to accuse Iran of pursuing military objectives in its domestic nuclear energy program – which all comes down to the sad fact that the rogue Zionist state perceives the Tehran regime as a threat to its illusionary military hegemony in the Mid-East (if the latent armed might and resolve of Hezbollah is fatally disregarded).

Putrid’s advice to Nuttyahoo and his racist Knesset was that Israel should think twice – or perhaps three or four times - before sticking their necks out and expediting a pre-emptive sneak attack on Iran - saying Jerusalem should learn lessons from the major fuck ups caused by the United States’ in Iraq and Afghanistan – and anywhere else they poke their war-mongering noses.

One highlight of his visit to the rogue Zionist state, President Putrid participated in the long-overdue unveiling of a World War Two ‘Let’s Forgive & Forget’ smiley face monument to the Holohoax - and on Tuesday travelled to the West Bank to witness for himself the litany of disgusting human rights abuses visited on the hapless and marginalised Palestinian population by the occupying Israeli military forces – specifically the violent acts of suppression doled out by the IDF’s Hafganat Koah Brigade whose bully boy thugs specialize in protecting illegal settlers - and slaughtering innocent Palestinian civilians.

During a lunchtime get-together hosted by Palestinian Authority President Mahmoud Abbas and Hamas’ Gaza Gangsters leader Khaled Meshaal at the Manger Bar and Grill, right next door to St Shylock’s Temple for Latter Day Neshekers in the occupied West Bank town of Bethlehem, Putrid held a Q & A session and discussed what it was like being besieged behind the Israeli’s 30 foot high Great Apartheid Walls in the biggest Nazi style concentration camps on the planet – ironically established on what was once their very own sovereign state of Palestine prior to the 1948 Yawm an-Nakbah (Day of the Catastrophe) which marked the start of the continuing Palestinian Holocaust and the 64 year spiral of injustice they continue to suffer.

In a meeting with Israeli President ‘Shifty Shimon’ Peres, Putrid dismissed a personal request that he join with Israel in the campaign against a nuclear Iran - and too Peres warning that a real danger existed of Russian chemical weapons of mass distraction supplied to Basher Assad’s Damascus regime reaching the hands of Hezbollah and al-Qaeda and being turned against the peace-loving state of Israel.

Putrid denied, with his customary ham-fisted diplomatic finesse, that they had supplied Syria with such weapons then stated for the public record "From the very beginning of the so-called Arab Spring revolutions initiated by the Great Satan, Russia has been persuading its partners that democratic changes should take place in a civilised manner and with a minimum of bloodshed – but, as the t-shirt says, ‘Shit Happens’."

Thought for the day. Yet another ‘First’ from the ZioNazi’s Hypocrisy Central Command.
Israeli PM Bobo Nuttyahoo, in an pathetic and brazen attempt to get Putrid and the Russians behind their latest Arab Spring regime change plans for Syria, told the media - Quote: “The killing and horrible suffering of the Syrian people must stop” – yet made no mention of the same privations his own military visit on the Palestinian populations of the West Bank and Gaza Strip on a daily basis.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

UK Plod Squad Want More Stun Guns

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Broken Britain’s fuck-up of a Libservative Coalition government is considering a proposal floated by the bonkers Police Federation to arm every borderline psycho sadist Plod in the country with a 50,000 volts DC discharge handheld Taser weapon.

Sir Genghis McGnasher, Chairman of the Plod Squad Federation, which represents 124,000 of the rank-and-file uniformed thugs in England and Wales, has written to our super-snob of a PM, Posh Dave Scameron, pitching a bid to have the number of stun guns trebled and hence equip every frontline Neandethal with the means to inflict a fatal heart attack on Bolshie pro-democracy and human rights protesters that have the brazen audacity to disagree with aberrant government policy.

“Really, we can’t continue relying on the 2009 G20 April Fool’s Day style ‘Harwood Manoeuvre’ or similar gratuitous acts of violent aggression to disable uncooperative news vendors or Bolshie cripples in sodding wheelchairs. What our officers require for the coming waves of public discontent demonstrations is something that will floor protesters instantly with paralysing convulsions, so they bite their own tongues off then go into a coma.”

There are currently 12,000 Tasers too many in the hands of the not-fit-for-purpose uniformed Plods loitering around Britain’s street corners, and now the Police Federation, in its unqualified arrogance, wants to increase this to 36,000.
Under current statutes officers are only sanctioned to use the weapon in circumstances where they face defiant suspects resisting arrest when caught in criminal acts: such as poaching carp and swans from community park ponds, shoplifting or double parking.

Conversely there has been a series of disturbing cases which have raised questions over the arming of Plods with anything more dangerous than a sock filled with decaffinated blancmange.

Ms Chlamydia Mingerot QC of Upshot, Bagrot & Shitpot (Solicitors) has represented the families of several victims who were unintentionally murdered by Plod Squad officers – including Brazilian electrician Jean Charles de Menezes - accidentally shot nine times in the head by one of the Met’s SO13 super-morons after being mistaken for the Jolly Jihad Muslim terrorist, Mohammed al Ka-Boom.

“How can we trust these clowns with weapons when so many suspects and innocents alike – the mentally ill, vulnerable and elderly – and last month one Alzheimer’s sufferer in his home when he refused to go into care - have suffered fatal heart attacks and strokes after being literally ‘fried’ with the controversial mega-voltage stun guns.”

“Hence sod the Police Federation and their demands as this is all being rushed through without any public consultation or Parliamentary scrutiny and oversight. Just a Freemason pals letter from Genghis McGnasher to Cabbage Patch Cameron saying “Hi Dave, my lads need more Tasers – and a couple of those ‘Pikey-Wash’ water cannons.”

Thought for the day: We, the People, are stuck with a Plod Squad whose ranks are comprised of officious intimidators and thugs - (but that’s the type of person the uniform attracts) - that have proved time and again they cannot be trusted while unarmed – hence providing the clots with more guns and Tasers amounts to an act of first degree insanity.
Further, fuck the Plod Squad and Big Brother (and his sister) and the New World Order.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Wednesday 27 June 2012

Sutherland Pushes Cultural Chaos

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The gospel according to super-slug Peter ‘I Beat Bulimia’ Sutherland, claims that the EUSSR Commissars in Brussels should "Get off their complacent socialist lardy arses and do more to undermine the homogeneity of the 27 member states”.

And here we have the unqualified opinion of the superbly arrogant United Nations Special Representative for Migration who, looking grossly obese and to all intents and purposes one step away from a fatal heart attack or stroke – or both - informed the 2012 Bilderberg conclave members of this disturbing fact at their June gathering in Chantilly, Virginia – right in the heartland of the Great Satan and only a few miles from Dulles International Airport and the Washington DC Capitol – a couple of strides for those Illuminati Masters of the Universe – the Overlords of Darkness - who wear seven league boots.

Sutherland believes the future prosperity of the EUSSR’s 27 nation community depends on them becoming multicultural and totally ‘indigenised’ – which goes far beyond the original subversive concept of a bunch of Polacks and Albanians sneaking into Britain to poach carp and roast a few swans, and needs to advance at a geometric rate to achieve the desired total devastation of cultural identity and a wholly Dystopian society where you can’t tell a Slovak in Sweden from a Dane in Dublin or a Greek refugee trying to claim jobseekers allowance in Gosport.

The grossly porcine Peter Sutherland – (a former ‘Jabba the Hutt’ impersonator prior to becoming a High Priest of the cult of Mammon, for whose pondscum worshippers there is no such thing as ‘enough’ – only ‘More!’) – is an obedient gopher up to his double chins deep in a variety of nefarious Illuminati / PTB elitist schemes.
To boot, he’s a non-executive chairman of the kikester-owned Gold-in-Sacks International Usury Bank and a former head honcho of the world’s number one ‘most hated’ polluter - oil giant British Petroleum – and still remembered fondly in the BP executive dining suite as ‘the man who ate all the pies’.

Much to the Third World’s disadvantage, Sutherland also heads the UN’s Global Forum on Migration and Development, which brings together the bottom feeding representatives of 160 nations to swap and share a ‘pick and mix’ selection of insidious schemes on how to implement the Club of Rome’s / UN-approved global genocide Agenda 21 ‘Super Snuff’ project and not leave lots of blood and guts to clean up after the fact – as all the 99%’s common herd manual labour peasant types who hadn’t been eradicated with radiation leaked from Japan’s sabotaged Fuckupshima reactor, or US drone attacks, or Israeli false flag terrorist strikes, or droughts and simple starvation - will have succumbed to one of Big Pharma’s scheduled bio-weapons mass extinction level events.

The conspiracy rumour mill is churning out reports thick and fast that the either Saturday, August 4, the busiest day of the Games with an extra four million people expected to visit the capital and 700,000 spectators crisscrossing London to see events at 11 venues – or the closing ceremony assemblage of athletes, IOC officials and the unwashed public of the 2012 Olympics (some 80,000 plus) have been targeted for a Pandora’s Box weapons grade Sneezy Pig or Coughing Duck – or perhaps the reconstituted Spanish Slut flu virus – false flag Islamic terrorist attack to be delivered in air-borne form on the thousands in the stadium – all then heading off for Thiefrow and flights home – north, south, east and west – to the four corners of the globe – the unwitting carriers of the slate-wiping Fourth Horseman of the Apocalypse.

A word to the wise – whistle-blowing snitches working inside the Metropolitan administration claim London Mayor Bonkers Boris Nonsense (supposedly a man in the know and a finger on the pulse) has recently had his family GP jab him with every available vaccine on the market.

However, rumours besides, in the interim, we’re faced with Sutherland’s aspirational, racist waffle on the GFMD plans to devastate the four major collective forces of Race, Religion, Family and Nation - the four historical pillars of our human identity.
On this score the elitists are burning the midnight oil and scheming 24/7 of ways to indigenize the entire population of the Earth and facilitate the creation and maintenance of a dysfunctional global society – with the wholesale disruption of European culture and ethnic identity the primary target on the agenda.

So, will the meek inherit the Earth? Chances are ‘no’ – but neither will Sutherland and his Bilderberger / Committee of 300 gang either.

Thought for the day. We ponder to ourselves - does this class act scumbag Sutherland even qualify for a slot in the mammalian / human category of the classification index of Linnaean taxonomy – or be better suited to the ‘gastropod’ section?

Regardless, fuck ‘Cellulite’ Sutherland and the UN’s Global Migration and Development Forum - and Big Brother (and his sister) and the Rothshite crime syndicate’s ZioNazi New World Order.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

UK Kikesters Spike ‘Peace with Iran’ Bid

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The rabid Rothshite Zionist lobbies, operating as a subversive force against the nation’s established democratic process, have coerced via a stream of insidious threats, Broken Britain’s House of Lords into cancelling a seminar dubbed “Peace with Iran” that was scheduled for later this month - with the pro-Zionist Jewish Chronicle assuming a veritable neo-Nazi Brownshirt role by threatening individual members of the Lords with physical violence.

The seminar was organized by the All-Party Parliamentary Group of the House of Lords with the ultimate aim of healing ties with the much-maligned Islamic Republic of Iran through restoring normal diplomatic relations and ending the current threat of war against the country being perpetuated by the belligerent likes of Foreign Secretary Willy Vague and his war-mongering pals in wicked Washington and Tel Aviv.

To the uninitiated the closet case Vague is a Rothshite crime syndicate gopher and a career apologist for the outlaw state of Israel - and cheer leader for the Tory Party’s Friends of Israel Club, who betrayed the voting public’s trust and best interests by obeying the dictates of a foreign terrorist state to have British law changed to facilitate the travel of Israeli war criminals to visit our once-sceptred isle without fear of getting collared and detained through the medium of an International Arrest Warrant issued against them.

According to an editorial in the Daily Shitraker the organizers of the seminar sought to expose the deception and hypocrisy steering British political policy against Iran and to implement a legal and peaceful process to solve the Zionist contrived crisis with the country.

The dedicated chair of the House of Lords debate was to be Lord Nazir Ahmed, the UK’s first Muslim peer, who the Jewish Chronicle threatened would be dealt with by ‘violent hands’ if he pushed ahead with any debate that sought to sanitise the Iranian regime or legitimise their nuclear programme.
As if to prove this was no empty threat Ahmed received a text to his private cellphone stating “Paki goyim scum – forget Iran or we’ll have Mossad’s Kidon assassination squad pay you a visit and stick your infidel Muslim head in a plastic bag then taser you to death – a la Mahmoud al-Mabhouh style”.

The ultra-biased ‘Chosen People’s’ Chronicle also contacted New Labour’s ‘Friends of Israel Club’ to have one of their customary ‘victims / anti-Semitic’ whinges and complain over what they claim to be the extremist views of some of the prospective ‘Holohoax denier’ participants in the seminar, including Lord Ahmed himself.

The Zionist Centres for Global Hypocrisy pressure groups - such as the shifty Shylock Scattstein’s AIPAC over in the Great Satan US of A - hold powerful ‘Kurumaku’ leverage in the British politics and have been pushing a covert anti-Iranian agenda down the throats of Whitehall civil service and Parliament since the Shah and his kleptocracy dictatorship was deposed back in 1979 and the Green Islamic Revolution took power.

Their infiltration is hardly surprising when we consider the fact that the Rothshite crime syndicate’s Shulhani Bank of International Usury and their equally-crooked Nesheker Investments SA own the Bank of England lock, stock and pisspot – and hence are able to dominate government policy to a greater degree than even Rupert Mudrock’s News Corporation.

Lord Ahmed’s stance has been one of moral magnanimity towards both Iran and the marginalised Palestinians - refugees in their own country now become.
Ahmed has sought to expose the perpetuated pantomime myth of Israel being the beacon of Mid-East democracy with the most moral army in the known Universe - whereas it is controlled by a cabal of belligerent Ashkenazi crypto-Jews of convenience that promote the insidious cult of Zionism – slaves to their self-demeaning cultural obsessions with usury, foreskins, building apartheid walls and all things kosher – and in their treatment of the usurped Palestinians have a human rights record that would shame Hitler, Stalin, Mao and Pol Pot.

The working dissertation of the now-postponed House of Lords ‘Peace with Iran’ seminar to diffuse Israeli and US aggression and truculence ran like so:
“The Islamic Republic of Iran is a signatory to the 1968 Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty and allows the IAEA inspectors access to their uranium enrichment sites and associated nuclear research facilities – whereas the rogue state of Israel does not allow IAEA inspectors access to their Dimona nuclear facility, is not a signatory to the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty and sublimely boasts a covert arsenal of some 300 thermo-nuclear warheads and suitcase nukes – the likes of which were used in a false flag terror attack to blast the Sari nightclub in Bali in 2002 and coerce the Australian government into joining the US-led Coalition of the Aggressors and their neo-colonial war on terror – and the subsequent illegal invasion of the sovereign state of Iraq.”

Thought for the day: Flatbrokes, the UK’s ubiquitous High Street bookies, are giving top odds on Bobo Nuttyahoo and his Israeli military psychos kick-starting World War Three with an unprovoked sneak attack on Iran in the run up to the Great Satan’s Presidential election – which AIPAC and the kikester-owned media will guarantee drags the US into the conflict and secures pro-Zionist stooge Mitt Romney his White House bid over the Kenyan cuckoo.

Hmmm, wonder what odds Flatbrokes are giving for a military coup taking place in the US, and the White House administration and the Congress and Senate – and all Bush era neo-cons being arrested en mass under martial law directives if Obama and Co dare side with the outlaw state of Israel and expedite an unprovoked attack on Iran? Pogroms anyone?

Regardless, history will not treat Israel nor the Great Satan kindly, so fuck the ZioNazi neo-cons and their New World Order.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Tuesday 26 June 2012

UK Welfare State now a ‘Sick Joke’

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Much to the angst of Lib-Dum leader and Coalition Deputy PM, Nick ‘Back Seat’ Clegg, Broken Britain’s Slime Minister, Posh Dave Scameron, has adopted the bright idea that people under the age of 25 will henceforth lose the right to housing benefit as part of the government’s continuing moves to reduce the nation’s welfare bill to absolute zero - and if possible achieve Chancellor Osborne’s wet dream fantasy – by turning a steady profit out of the unemployed, homeless masses of hapless, marginalised Brits.

Scameron’s announcement comes after reviewing yet another fatally-flawed hare-brained scheme conjured up by the necromancers at the Ministry for What Can We Fuck With Next – a plan once more fraught with unintended, drastic consequences that will come around 360 and eventually bite them squarely on the arse – especially so in the next election.

In an interview with the Penny Pincher’s Gazette, Austerity Dave revealed that scrapping housing benefits for the under-25’s age group would save almost £2 billion quid per annum – which could then be used to further finance the New World Order’s foreign wars of aggression and fighting Islamic terrorism – plus bailing out the Rothshite crime syndicate’s insolvent banks.

On behalf of the Lib-Dums, their ginger-mingin Treasury Secretary Danny Alexander – suspected by many to be a ‘closet Tory’ – informed press hacks that his department was right behind any radical move of Scameron’s that cut public spending and this proposal to slash housing benefit besides, he would like to see the policy include the wasteful welfare payments made to senior citizens – from the already-diminished winter fuel allowance to old age state pensions.

“Really, it’s about time these useless eater wrinklies came to their sodding senses, got with the programme and embraced the UN’s Agenda 21 euthanasia campaign – along with the chronic sickies and disabled and any other sod and their dog who’s no longer a contributing member of polite society – especially so all these young single mothers who should be forcibly ligated and back living with their parents.”

Conversely, Jack Armitage-Shanks, the Lib-Dum MP for Borkum Riff, warned that the priority was to get young people into work, training or further education, thus avoid repeating the mistakes of the Twatcher era 1980’s and prevent them being stigmatised as ‘the generation of the unemployed’ as they had in the 1980’s under the misrule of Mental Maggie’s Tory government.

“The Conservatives are now harvesting what they’ve sown, as this jobless landscape is the direct result of the Twatcher era de-industrialisation policy when a union-hating menopausal harpy with more than one screw loose was unleashed on Britain to eradicate the prefix ‘Great’ and replace it with ‘Broken’.”

“In my opinion Scameron and Clegg need to rethink this half-baked scheme through and have a show of hands-up ‘mea culpa’ – same as they did with the pasties and pikey ‘no-roll’ caravans VAT – and the intended 3 pence rise on fuel duty in August - before they drive young people to desperation – shoplifting and a host of other profitable criminal activities – and end up as an unwanted financial burden on the state in the guise of HMP jailbirds that only benefits the G4S Renta-Thug Security Agency.”

“The government slash benefit payments, so welfare dependents have less to spend on decent food items, then people start to get malnourished and depressed over the reduced quality of their lives when they can’t pay their Sky Sports subscriptions or afford an ounce of rolling tobacco or a couple of cans of Old Headbanger lager - and that immediately has a very negative knock-on effect on the NHS GPs and hospitals when they get sick and start committing suicide – even if it does boost profits for undertakers and the Big Pharma corporations.”

“Further, a silver spoon elitist of Scameron’s breed should have the survival instinct naunce to reflect back on the events of 1789 and 1917 and the causes of those incendiary class mutinies before he and his over-privileged ilk push the common herd into a corner of socio-economic privation that kick starts Revolution 2012.”
“None of this augers well as the arrogant Tories have overlooked the fact their policies have driven the established middle class to the point of mass extinction, and now there’s no buffer zone between the 1% Haves and the 99% Have Nots.”

Chantelle McSkanger, an unemployed 16-year old mother of three living on Greater Manchester’s Stench Hill sink or swim council housing estate, and studying on the Open University for an NVQ1 Diploma in Welfare Benefit Fraud, had this to say to the BBC’s roving news team.
“Austerity Dave’s a right twat, an’ out ter slash young couples, an’ single mother’s housing benefits - ter force us ter sell our kids ter some swan-roasting Balkans gyppo sex slave traffickin’ gang an’ go out floggin’ our gollies ter a bunch of Paki taxi driver pimps round Rochdale if the Jobcentre has got sweet fuck all ter offer.”

Thought for the day. Well, so much for Delusional Dave’s electioneering core pitch to voters of Compassionate Conservatism and his Big Society - run by lots of subservient, unemployed volunteers. All proved to be yet another verbal outpouring of aspirational waffle that has manifested as more at scent than substance as they ditch the ‘Compassionate’ experiment in the ‘failed’ bin and return to the traditional pursuit of nasty Tory ‘Them and Us’ social divide policies.

After being dragged into two world wars during the last Century and innumerable conflicts – major and otherwise – wouldn’t a person think that our once-sceptred isle deserves a better class of politician than the moronic deadwood we are forever cursed with?

To wit, in March the government's Welfare Reform Act received ‘Royal Assent’, which applies to England, Scotland and Wales, and introduces an annual cap on benefits and welfare payments.

Yes, ‘Royal Assent’ – approved by Brenda, aka Queen ‘Big 60’ Lizzie, who, along with her tribe of idle-arsed sponging relatives, has never done a day’s work in her life and between the scrounging lot of them represent the largest group of top-dollar welfare benefit recipients in the known Universe.

Housing benefit cuts indeed - let’s start with slashing the funding of Buck’s Palace, then Windsor Castle, Kensington Palace, St James’s, Clarence House, Sandringham, Frogmore, Holyrood House and Balmoral Castle. Then we’ll focus on unemployment benefits and pensions as it’s a fair bet Brenda and Stavros have more that £16,000 quid banked away somewhere safe.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Monday 25 June 2012

UK Olympics: Human Rights Duplicity

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The UK’s Zionist-dominated Libservative Coalition government, kowtowing in customary fashion to the demands of the Rothshite’s New World Order crime syndicate, has refused to issue an entry visa to Mowlawn Jubbly, the head of Syria's National Olympic Committee - but in a wholly hypocritical ‘double standards’ move yesterday sanctioned a red carpet ‘welcome’ to the homicidal maniac chairman of Bahrain's Olympics team to travel to London for next month's 2012 Games.

Home Office rhetoric claims that Mr Jubbly is a close friend of Syrian President Basher al-Assad, whose Ba’athist government is fighting an armed insurgency inside the country and refusing to comply with Western demands for regime change – and hence considered, in the biased, lickspittle opinions of Home Office, Foreign Office and Department of Culture officials, to be persona non grata.

Conversely, numero uno on Ox-Rat and Amnesty’s international war crimes pariah shit list - Bahrain’s Prince Nasser bin Hamad al Fat Git - the son of Sheikh Fizzy Al Kaseltzer (a Cro-Magnon moron who claims the hereditary grazing rights to every hotel lobby carpet in the Gulf region) - was fingered by hapless Arab torture victims as being personally engaged in the beating, flogging and raping of male and female pro-democracy protestors arrested during peaceful demonstrations against the piss ant Persian Gulf island’s abusive monarchy and their ‘Kleptocracy’ style of government.

Prince Nasser al Fat Git, a bath salts snorting addict and alleged raving pederast who maintains a harem of kidnapped Palestinian catamites supplied by Mossad and the Yassam riot police via Israel’s Facility 1391 ‘Smiley Face’ interrogation and torture centre, now wears a sexual pervert’s cloak of notoriety since being filmed engaging in a cross-dressing goat abuse orgy which was subsequently posted on YouTube.

The poxy Prince was further besmeared by controversy due claiming ‘diplomatic immunity’ to escape prosecution when arrested in Switzerland last year by the local Vice Squad while loitering with intent around Geneva’s St Sodom’s Park and the ‘tot-lot’ playground with a bag of dolly mixtures and phallic-shaped lollipops.

Documents submitted to Broken Britain’s PM, Posh Dave Scameron and his closet case Foreign Secretary Willy Vague by Ox-Rat and the Daily Shitraker describe how Prince Nasser al Fat Git launched a punitive campaign to repress Bahraini athletes who had demonstrated their support for the pro-democracy movement, with 150 professional athletes, coaches and referees subjected to arbitrary arrests, detention and abuse - and tortured with Tabasco enemas.

However, the reports went ignored, with the British Home Office and Foreign Office declining to comment further on the ban of Syria’s Mowlawn Jubbly, claiming it was not policy to discuss individual cases where such might be viewed as double standard hypocrisy.

Downing Street spokeswoman Scabby Bertin – an ‘extreme political incorrectness’ sports fanatic, in what might prove to be a fatal career move, informed one press hack from the Whistle Blower's Gazette “Well, let’s be fair here, while Bahrain is one of our ‘Most Favoured Nation’ listed buyers of British armaments to suppress these protests and quell rebellious acts, we also supply arms to Syria – although to the rabid rebels trying to overthrow Basher Assad’s government.”

Meanwhile, over to the good ole United States end of the Syrian gross hypocrisy front where this week the Great Satan’s rug-munching Secretary of Sleaze, Hilarious Rodent Clinton (wife of the notorious premature ejaculator ex-Pres’ Dodger Bill) tore into the Russians for having the audacity to supply Basher Assad with his own repaired helicopter gunships – a statement made without first engaging brain prior to opening her big gob and spitting venom, which brought forth sharp condemnations from both Russian President Vlad Putrid and his Foreign Minister Oleg Scumbagsky.

Clinton, the Mena Mafia’s Matriarch, claimed this move could drastically escalate the burgeoning civil war conflict, and was counter productive to the Great Game strategies of the US and Israel, along with Qatar and Saudi Arabia, of supplying arms to the rebel militias tasked with massacring as many civilians as possible to blame on the Syrian army and further demonise the Assad regime in the eyes of the international community and the UN’s Security Council.

Conversely, according to a report in this morning’s Warmongers Gazette, Syria has reportedly arrested forty-plus Kraut nationals for attempting to smuggle arms into the country – with the alternative news False Flag Review weblog citing one Berlin-based journalist that the German nationals were employees of a security firm - specifically the Brussels-based Renta-Psycho Agency, an Israeli Mossad front that deals exclusively in homicidal mercenaries up for committing dirty deeds on foreign shores and who harbour zero moral constraints concerning war crimes.

Apparently the hapless Huns have been reportedly jailed along with over 300 other foreign mercenaries – including Portuguese paratroopers, Saudi Semtex vest suicide bombers and an assortment of unwashed Libyan thugs.

Since the US-ZioNazis instigated the kick start of the Arab Spring turmoil in Syria last year with the intended end product being to achieve a regime change through violent means, the smuggling of arms, foreign mercenaries and grungy Arab terrorist groups into the country has been on the rise.

General Ras al Shitforbrains, a former Damascus taxi driver and current leader of
the Free Syrian Army rebel forces, informed Pox News that “Of course we have foreign mercenaries fighting for us. Do you think we’re stupid enough to go up against the regular army? Are you mad – the government’s troops have got even better weapons than we do – so the false flag political game plan strategy that Mossad have come up with is to commit a few acts of sabotage and kill a shitload of women and kids, then blame it on Basher Assad’s 21st Barbarian Regiment so the UN will sanction a Libyan style ‘humanitarian intervention’ military campaign by NATO to get rid of Assad and his gang of Ba’athists for us.”

Thought for the day: Bahrain's athletic team will only participate in a single event at the London 2012 Olympic Games – the Freestyle Political Protester Crippling event.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Disgraced MP Laws Preaches Austerity

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The former Lib-Dum Chief Secretary to the Treasury, David ‘Dimples’ Laws, (aka ‘Laws unto Himself’) has stated for the public record that in his egoistic sadistic sociopathic opinion the government should push their public spending hack and burn ‘scorched earth’ policy even further into the welfare benefits sphere despite the economic devastation the austerity measures have already inflicted on the common herd.

Obviously Laws has long since pawned his moral franchise and whatever credibility he might have once possessed due the documented record of embezzling public funds to ‘feather’ a shirt-lifter’s love nest and so maintain the privacy of his illicit sexual affair with another male of the species. Here the closet case Laws illegally claimed an excess of £40,000 quid in Parliamentary expenses to pay for a flat he rented from James Fudgie, with whom he had what the Holy Bible’s Old Testament Book of Leviticus refers to as an abominable beast with two backs relationship.

To wit, the hypocrisy-ridden Laws appears to flaunt his corrupt, dishonest notoriety and harbours no problem with pontificating on adopting further draconian measure to slash welfare benefits and public spending for the marginalised unemployed and homeless proletariat who are unable to claim Parliamentary expenses to fund their ‘second homes’ – or even subsidise the exorbitant costs of a ‘first’.

The pinch-faced Laws - who is believed to be preparing himself to do a ‘Peter Scandalson’ (Lord Vermin in Ermine of Fartlepool) and shamelessly shrug off his past ignominy of being repeatedly sacked from the elitist upper echelons of government for being a crooked twat and placing his own dodgy agendas before the public’s good - was forced to resign as MP for Old Fudgers (the seat previously represented by former Lib-Dum leader Paddy Pantsdown) over the afore-mentioned expenses scandal in 2010 - and claimed during an interview with the Embezzler’s Gazette that the government should reduce its handouts to peasants from 35% to a flat rate of zero.

After he was found guilty of being a thieving twat by Parliament’s Standards and Privileges Committee, the ginger-mingin Laws was suspended from the House of Conmans for seven days and sent home with a copy of Prince Chazzer’s ‘Plant Whispering for Dummies’ on gardening leave, to tend to his love nest’s window box and aspidistra.

New Labour MP, Genghis ‘Pitbull’ McGnasher, the shadow secretary for extraordinary rendition, demanded that New Scotland Yard mount a criminal investigation into the matter, informing a press hack from the Ripoffs Review at the time "If any other fucker or their dog had fraudulently claimed for £50,000 nicker in expenses and fielded a pathetic defence that they only did it to conceal the fact they were a shirt-lifting bumboy, then they’d have got the book thrown at them."

Thought for the day: Around the time of the disastrous 2010 general election, it was alleged that Laws, with his head so far up his own arrogant arse as per usual, confided in a Conservative colleague, Sir Dinsdale Spatchcock, the MP for Old Scrotum, on the promise he wouldn’t tell more than a dozen, that he would have joined the Tory Party if not for the fact of the Twatcher government's introduction of Section 28 of the Local Government Act 1988, which forbade local authorities from intentionally, or otherwise, promoting the questionable joys of homosexual sodomic relationships.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Sunday 24 June 2012

Rio+20 Summit Okays Corporate Greed

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The United Nations farcical Rio+20 sustainable development conference in Brazil has turned out once again to have been a total waste of time and money, with multi-national corporate stooge world leaders adopting the tried and tested ‘Gordon Geko’ political declaration that ‘Greed is Great’ – a press statement hammered out the previous evening over the sanguinary bodies of those socio-moralistic morons foolish enough to tread the path of dissent and object to the genocidal aims of the New World Order’s Zionist bankster-dominated forum.

The major stumbling block to achieving accord on sustainable development goals also proved to present the same Catch 22 situation as in previous years. In the words of U.N. spokesman Shylock Scattstein, interviewed on the Sky Plunder Channel’s ‘Environmental Pillagers Hour’ programme, “How can we achieve any form of sustainability when there are nigh on seven billion people on Earth comprising the human herd, with 99% living beyond their means, on credit – and the remaining elitist 1% living off them in the time-honoured ‘Divine Right’ parasite fashion?”

“While we do need to implement Agenda 21 sooner more so than later, and eradicate 95% of the useless eaters with one of Big Pharma’s weapons-grade bird or swine flu viruses, then we simultaneously cut our own throats and wipe out corporate profits as there will be no fucker left to buy anything and keep up with the exorbitant PPI payments and usurious heaps of interest on their bank loans and credit cards every month - and where will the mega-bucks corporate performance bonuses come from then, I ask you?”

“Plus we have over a billion people living in extreme poverty around the Third World, who, zero credit ratings besides, don’t even have a pot to piss in – and the voracious banksters are still pushing their flawed global warming scam to impose the money-spinning carbon credits cap and trade exchange market on these very nations based on the dodgy, manipulated data churned out by Al 'Hypocrisy' Bore and that Neanderthal moron Rajim Jaffacake and his gang of corporate-funded stooges at the graft and corruption-ridden Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change - and too the University of East Anglia’s Chicken Little Institute for Constructive Weather Forecasting.”

“And let me tell you, that is proving to be one of the greatest propaganda challenges of our time, especially so with 10% of the common herd waking up to the fact they’re getting shafted and starting to think for themselves.”

Both Ox-Rat and Twat-Watch, the international environment and development monitor charities, claim that the Rio+20 agreement is more scent than substance and too weak to tackle social and environmental crises – and the best they could possibly achieve viz ‘green issues’ was to release a statement declaring that multi-national corporations shouldn’t be so greedy – which equates to expecting the Devil to attend Mass and Confession and repent his sins.

Proposals to enshrine the God-given right of the Third World’s poverty-stricken peasants to have access to clean water, adequate food and modern forms of energy – (especially in the case of the marginalised Palestinian population of the Gaza Strip, besieged inside their own once-sovereign nation) - raised rounds of raucous laughter from the ranks of US, Israeli and European delegates.

Alas, it all comes down to the same old status quo: at best a constant fight to get a foot on the first rung of the social ladder – and at worse, a battle for survival between the Have’s and Have Not’s of this cruel world – the 99% versus the 1% - the bottom feeders and pondscum who worship before the altar of Mammon, and for whom there is no such thing as ‘Enough’ – only ‘More!’

The U.N.’s Scattstein concluded “There will always be some malcontent and their dog whingeing and complaining over natural resource exploitation and pollution, but what they don’t realise in their congenital ignorance is the fact that if we clamp down on illegal logging in the rain forests or building nuclear reactors for the Japanese, or manufacturing depleted uranium munitions and cluster bombs and land mines, then look at all the people that’s going to put out of work and see queuing up at the Jobcentre.”

“So these malcontent socialists need to see the big picture and get with the New World Order programme. Forget asking all these awkward questions and get out and find a job, pay their bills and taxes, have their winter flu jabs – and embrace the culture of the Liverpool Care Pathway euthanasia policy for a sustainable society. They need to be part of the solution and not the problem.”

* Carbon Credit Offset / Cap & Trade Exchange (aka Global Warming / Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration: No trees, fish, cormorants, bumble bees or small furry mammals - otters or voles - were harmed in posting this message. However, a large number of electrons were temporarily inconvenienced.

Thought for the day: Hmmm, no mention of CO2 for a change. As George Carlin stated so eloquently, the Earth doesn't need saving. Old Mother Earth and Nature, the Gaia Principle, have survived billions of years of upheavals, volcanoes, earthquakes, asteroid strikes, gargantuan tidal waves and the ensuing mass extinctions – and ten Millenniums worth of human activity is a blink of the eye in geological, cosmic terms – we haven’t even made a dent.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Saturday 23 June 2012

Pob Ignites Libservative Coalition Breakup

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

To state Deputy Prime Minister Mick Clogg ‘reacted angrily’ to the shock and awe news that Tory Education Secretary Michael ‘Pob’ Gove had announced plans to scrap GCSE exams in England would be a euphemism fraught with understatement considering the manner in which he spit the proverbial dummy and had the unfortunate messenger shoved inside a North Face spy-size holdall, given a sound kicking, then drowned in his hotel suite’s bathtub.

Clogg, who is currently in Brazil (where the nuts come from – and the Nazis go to hide) on a trade mission junket, informed a press hack from the Numbskulls Gazette " If it isn’t bad enough having the ridiculous slack-jawed Gove hanging around the sodding Cabinet Office looking like a refugee from Fraggle Rock, now he’s dreamed up some scheme to bring back O-Levels for the smart arses – and CSEs for kids who don’t have two brain cells to rub together.”

“Pob’s a typical Tory oick, and I just wish he’d engage brain before opening mouth – especially to the gutter press media. Seriously, the clot’s not capable of thinking for himself without causing a blood and guts confrontation on several fronts, and thank Christ Scameron never put the twit in charge of the Foreign Office or we’d be at bloody war with some bugger. Hmmm, on second thoughts, we are already – thanks to Willy Vague and his little clique of Friends of Israel Zionist stooges kissing Ja’ackoff Rothshite’s arse at every available opportunity.”

“Seriously, when Austerity Dave gets back from his Mexico junket and the G20 summit at Los Cobblers - and trying to get a leg over Cristina Fernandez, the Argentine’s slapper of a president - then he and I will be having strong words concerning the future of this fuck up of a ‘Libservative Coalition’ where the sodding Tories get to make all the decisions and our Lib-Dum MPs have to kowtow and agree and break all our election campaign promises to the couple of dozen faithful voters we still have.”

“Little wonder our party’s ‘credibility deficient’ since the tuition fees treachery we copped the blame over and who knows what else we get fingered for at every turn. But on the latest ‘two-steps backwards’ plan to implement this ridiculous GCE O-Level exams scheme of slack-jaw Pob’s, then I’ll be putting my foot down with a firm hand.”

“I’m just waiting to see the banner headlines in Broken Britain’s red top gutter press tabloids tomorrow: “Lib-Dums Betray Public Trust Again” – and you can imagine what a six course Lucullan banquet feast New Labour’s Ed Millipede is going to make of that – especially following on the heels of the Channel islands K9 tax avoidance loophole that the Tories created for themselves years ago - and Posh Dave's brazen hubris, to publicly brand Jimmy Carr as having the sewer rat morals of a penny-pinching expenses-fiddling MP.”

But here Mick Clogg might just be wrong – as usual. Ed Millipede, New Labour’s infant wunderkind of a party leader, alike the Lib-Dum’s Clogg - while having no actual de facto political relevance in the greater scheme of things - has set his sights on other matters political to get himself mired in controversy - giving the exam affray a wide berth and staying with his latest concocted EUSSR rallying cry of ‘British jobs for immigrant workers’ that has caught a hail of critical grapeshot from unions who want to see immigration curbed to the levels proposed by Nick Griffin’s ultra-racist ‘Hate-a-Wog’ Party and the EDL’s venom-mongering fascist scumbags.

This pair of misanthropic, jingoist organisations are pushing for a ban on the UK’s myriad of Renta-Pikey employment agencies hiring only low-wage overseas workers who can’t speak English and therefore are unable to read HSE safety signs – and thus should be automatically barred from any UK workplace – along with foreign cockle pickers who can’t swim.

The EDL’s chief spokesman Genghis ‘Pitbull’ McGnasher told one reporter from the Xenophobes Review “It’s about effin’ time we started lookin’ after our own across the entire expanse of the employment market – especially when yer got the UK’s advertising an’ insurance industry dominated by an effin’ bulldog wot only sez “Oh Yes” and a gaggle of meerkats wiv Polack accents.”

Back with 'Flipper' Gove’s plans to turn the entire education system arse over tit, the man himself was summoned before the House of Conmans assembly to answer questions from MPs concerning his scheme – which he attempted to justify with a double helping of his customary rhetorical gibberish.

Gove claims that if his master plan is given the go-ahead students would begin studying for tougher O-level style exams in English, Maths and Rocket Science from this year’s September term ready, for their exams in 2016.
Less academic pupils (thickies) would sit a different - more straightforward - exam, like crayoning in Dot to Dot colouring books and if gifted enough to be able to read and write, then practice filling out welfare benefit application forms in preparation for a life of reporting to the Jobcentre every two weeks.

Conversely, on behalf of New Labour, shadow schools minister Arthur Moron opined to Parliament that Pob’s flawed scheme would take the exam system back to the Dickensian days of Dotheboys Hall, receiving brimstone and treacle and a good clout with an ashplant from head teacher Twatford Squeers Esq.

Moron, a former economics advisor to Gordon Brown, not content with being thought by contemporaries to be a complete turkey, then went on to prove them correct and caused a veritable riot of laughter through his flawed grasp of elementary arithmetic by stating for the public record that the GCSE system was working just fine - as in 1997 three in ten pupils scored excellent grades – the equivalent of 60%.

Thought for the day: So, Lib-Dums versus the Tories: this equation also comes down to basic maths really – two political parties into one policy simply won’t go.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Council Investments: Profit vs Morals

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

In what the UK’s anti-smoking lobby GASH (Group Action on Smoking and Health) are slamming as a case of profit versus hypocrisy, local authority councils across the length and breadth of Broken Britain that pledged to perform a leading role in the National Ill-Health Service’s anti-smoking campaigns, are investing more than £167 million quid from their pension funds in tobacco company shares.

Ron Barker, director of research and policy at GASH, informed one press hack from the Emphysema Gazette that "Local councils have responsibility for leading efforts to reduce the burden of death and disease from smoking, yet every single one of the sneaky bastards are the largest tobacco corporation shareholders on the FTSE 100 stock market index.”

“So isn’t it nice to know our council tax surplus is being invested in the social conscience-deficient likes of British American Tobacco, the world's second largest cigarette maker – and not one penny’s going into the alternatives bourse, such as those manufacturing smoking placebos like Nicorette gum or nicotine patches or the nicotine-loaded false fingernails that you stick on then chew, but in actual stinking cigarette and cigar tobacco products.”

Conversely, responding to GASH’s moral reprehensibility theme, Alderman Frank McScumm of the Smegmadale-on-Sea Council Authority informed one reporter from the Penny Wise Review that “Ron Barker wants ter keep his effin’ gob shut on this social conscience issue crap as no other investment can match the value an’ share price stability an’ dividend returns we’re getting’ of the tobacco investments.”

“Okay, wot if we invest in summat like BAE Systems or some other kiddie-cripplin’ outfit wot makes land mines an’ white phosphorous an’ sells them on ter some bunch of Third World despotic dictatorships ter use against their own people – like wot’s happenin’ in Bahrain an’ Saudi Arabia an' Israel. Would his gang be happy then?”

“Fer fuck’s sake, it’s all down ter free will. I just wish we had the opportunity ter invest in the tobacco industry of fifty years ago when it were really boomin’ and every sod and their dog smoked, and yer woz considered an effin’ sissy if yer didn’t. Then the pension funds would have blossomed.”

“As yer probably aware, they’ve slapped a ban on tobacco products advertisin’ now but people are still smokin’ their soddin’ heads off regardless. Really, if they stuck a picture of some dead twat’s cancerous lungs on the front of the packet an’ called them king-sized 'Tumours’, folks would still be queuin’ up ter buy the things.”

“So, do we stick the pension fund in Iceland’s Ripoff Invest Bank an’ watch the lot go tits up again? How about Monsanto’s Frankenfood GMO crops an’ toxic pesticides an’ fertilisers – or the adult sex toys industry? Finance a bunch of Yardies an’ split the profits on their next big drugs deal, perhaps? No matter wot we invest in some twat’s gonna whinge an’ throw a wobbler. Some of these Bolshie do-gooder scrotes need a good smack round the back of the effin’ head wiv a stockin’ full of common sense.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Friday 22 June 2012

Adidas Slammed for Promoting Slavery

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Fielding what might prove to be a fatally-flawed PR ‘advertising first’ delivered via the tried and tested routes of ‘controversy’ and ‘political incorrectness’ - sports brand manufacturer Adidas have come under a potpourri hail of ultra-critical ethnic / racist / sectarian flack for unveiling a new style of new trainer fitted with plastic orange shackles – a copy of the rough-hewn wrought iron brand riveted closed around the ankles of black African slaves on “dem good ole Confederate cotton field plantations” of the Great Satan - and so favoured by bondage fetishists and sado-masochism aficionados alike.

US Black Panthers spokesman Jefferson Jackson Jaffacake III and civil rights leader Washington Wilberforce Chuckabutty headed the legions of permanently sun-tanned critics that are crying “Foul!” and comparing the Adidas ‘JS Serfdom Mids’ - unveiled this week on the company’s Facebook page and to hit the sportswear store shelves in August - to the shackles and chains worn by black slaves to stop them doing a runner when they got fed up of working for less than the minimum wage, zero vacations, crap healthcare and an unattractive pension plan.

The outrageous trainers and their offensive bondservant accoutrements have, regardless of being crafted from orange plastic, sparked an angry debate online with 2,000,000 brain-dead Facebook users commenting that the design is in ultra-vulgarian bad taste and the firm has sunk to new lows with its ‘slave wear’ product – albeit the Ku Klux Klan website has positively endorsed the product with a ‘holy blessing’ from their Imperial Grand Wizard, Billy Bob Scatterotti.

While Adidas are keeping schtum and have yet to comment on the resulting negative public reaction brouhaha, it appears to all intents and purposes they were trying to outdo their fierce competitor Nike in the scandalous shoe design stakes - and regardless of any mention of the trainers being made in one of Adidas’ numerous Indonesian sweatshops by some hapless ‘bumi putra’ peon earning 40 cents an hour - still managing to score a first in offending a swathe of ethnic sensibilities with the added ‘orange manacles’ factor.

Last March Nike was accused of gross professional impropriety for launching a £70 quid beer-themed trainer called 'The Black and Tan' in time for St Patrick's Day - a historical affront reviving bitter memories of the barbaric British military unit of the same name, dispatched to Ireland in the 1920’s to suppress revolt against the rule of a foreign power by killing every bomb-chucking pikey and their dog.

Ron McScrunt, director of the human rights and wrongs abuse charity Twat-Watch, opined to one press hack from the Vassalage Gazette “So wot’s the intended cryptic message here then - a ‘slave’ ter fashion and designer labels? Doubtless they’ve got a fitting jingle ready for the launch: “Could a slave outrun the bloodhounds wearing a pair of their lightweight plastic shackle JS Serfdom Mids? Really, I asks yer, who the fuck in their right mind’s gonna go joggin’ wiv shackles on?”

“Seriously, they’re like the chain gangs wear in the Great Satan’s redneck-infested Deep South an’ wot the Palestinian prisoners were hobblin’ round in when we went wiv the International Red Cross ter Israel ter present Mahmoud Sarsak wiv the Hunger Strikers Club ‘Slimmer of the Year’ award at the IDF’s Facility 1391 interrogation and torture centre last Nakba Day.”
“Now here’s a thought, why don’t they give away a free whip wiv every pair of their poxy trainers as well?”

Thought for the day: Who’s have ever have guessed that Adidas, with their moronic proclivity for upsetting racial sensibilities, was actually a German company (Gebrüder Dassler Schuhfabrik) - based in Herzogenaurach and founded by Adolf ‘Adi’ Dassler (Adi-Das) in 1924 with his brother Rudolf – who both went on to become stellar donors to, and members of, Hitler & Co’s nasty Nazi Party.

Oh well, is the Pope a Catholic? Hmmm, is the Pope a Kraut? Was the Pope (aka Joey Ratflinger) in the Nazi Youth, running around in a pair of Auschwitz slave labour-made trainers?

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Celeb’ Role Model Culture Slammed

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

A high school head teacher speaking to Andrew ‘Bat Ears’ Marr on the BBC’s Narcissists Hour programme, stated that in her personal, unqualified opinion the common herd waste too much time, money and effort focusing on their appearances – which Marr took as a personal insult when she had the gall to say she wasn’t actually making a reference to his huge ‘Chiroptera’ auditory appendages – although had he ever considered corrective plastic surgery?

Dr Chlamydia Mingerot, head of St Sappho’s Academy of the Sacred Godermiche at Smegmadale-on-Sea was being interviewed by old ‘Wingnut Head’ concerning her recently published best-selling ‘Flattery for Fuckwits‘ which deals with the perceived negative impact that reality television stars and media celebrity figures have on young people – and too their brain-dead parents.

Mingerot, a bit of an all-round troll herself and badly in need of a shot of industrial strength Botox (or the cheaper version silicon vulcanising tyre sealant marketed by Kwik-Fit) claims that the highly shaggable Kim Kardsashian is a poster girl for ‘almost everything that is wrong with modern society’ – excepting the eurozone crisis, the drought in Somalia, and Syria’s burgeoning civil war.

Conversely the majority of healthy virile males around the globe who haven’t yet succumbed to the rampant ‘Fudger Virus’ (and too a legion of lipstick lesbos and butch dykes) would tend to disagree entirely and consider Kim a great piece of ass - and a fair feminine example of masturbation fantasy material – along with bimbo sisters Kourtney, Khloé, and her mum, Kris ‘Super Slapper’ Jenner.

In Mingerot’s biased opinion, friends, family and teachers are shit out of luck when it comes to influencing young children over the attraction and daring-do deeds of celebrity role models such as TV personalities, movie actors, footballers, Bolshie tennis prima donnas, international war criminals and Somali pirates sporting crossed bandoliers full of shiny 7.62 full metal jackets, an AK47 and a black eye patch.

“The surveys we’ve carried out with kiddies as young as five and up to sixteen prove conclusively they do see celebs with their faces plastered all over the TV screens as their ideal role models.”
“Then we watch a group of nine-year old soccer fans out in the playground at lunchtime, huddled round a copy of Daily Shitraker, reading how sports stars such as Wayne Rooney can afford to pay some whore in Manchester’s notorious Renta-Slut lap dancing bar £1,000 quid for a blow job and a knee trembler – plus we have the other clot with the perma-sun tan who plays for the Arab Blues, Balotelli, setting fireworks off in his toilet and burning down half of Mottram St Andrew. Role models indeed.”

“During the survey on personal image goals a group of twelve-year-old girl pupils related “We want to be like Michelle Obama” and when asked to clarify “Do you mean ‘coloured’ and self-opinionated”? – they replied “Course not, stupid – we want one of those silicon Botox jobs on our buns so we have a nice big Hottentot designer arses too.”

“This of course is the problem with reality television – an over-abundance of chronically-constipated bitchy bottle blonde slappers with Neanderthal IQs wearing ‘Scorpio Rules’ amber necklaces and quaffing magnums of Pestco Greedy Grocer Chateau le Dogpiss vino, while prattling on with loads of the usual ‘troll’ shite gossip to some raving poofter posing as a talk show host.”

“It all comes down to the likes of that lowlife down-under dingbat, Raving Rupert Mudrock and corporate-owned television - the core pillar of a corrupt media that props up a corrupt political system and is destroying our culture.”

“And it’s not just the TV celebs either – just look at the role models we have with Prince Chazzer, the Plant Whisperer and his horrid chain-smoking hag of a missus Gorgonzilla, the Duchess of Cornhole.”
“Mind you the first wife, Princess Di was a real deal role model – land mines and kiss my arse, Mrs Windsor – and she got knocked off in a Paris car smash by MI6 and that poor little Muslim foetus carved out of her tummy in the back of an ambulance while being euthanized on the long way round to the nearest hospital. Hence so much for life as a royal role model.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Thursday 21 June 2012

Tax-Dodging Tories Call Kettle ‘Black Arse’

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

In response to repeated spasms of heckling concerning Broken Britain’s latest tax-dodging scandal from a group of inebriated gutter press hacks drinking in the La Putas Bar, Posh Dave Scameron, while attempting to ‘chillax’ over a jug of Marguerites with Argentine President Cristina de Kirchner following a hard day’s slog at the G20 summit in Los Twatos, Mexico, lost his rag and spit the dummy – telling de Kirchner to “shut the fuck up about the Falklands – you’re not having them back” - then turned on one reporter, Ron McScrote of the Ripoffs Gazette, and declared for the public record and posterity that the personal tax arrangements of comedian (sic) Jimmy Carr were ‘morally repugnant’.

Now there’s a classical piece of hypocrisy – ‘morally repugnant’ indeed. Posh Dave, aka 'Austerity Man' needs to take another look at the petty criminal embezzlement antics of the personal expenses-fiddling MPs in the House of Conmans before the frying pan starts calling the kettle ‘black arse’.

Typically - with Scameron being over in Mexico and Mick Clogg running the Downing Street ‘Dog & Pony Show’ – and his finger being off the pulse of the nation, he copped unawares the shock revelations over thousands of celebrity and rich list scumbags being exposed in the UK media as serial tax dodgers using a Jersey-based aggressive avoidance scheme known as the ‘K9 Ball-Breaker’ to cheat HMRC and the Treasury out of £168 million quid a year in revenue.

The hapless Carr copped for the main barrage of incoming media flack viz offshore tax dodges after he was confronted over his financial arrangements during a show at Smegmadale-on-Sea, when one Bolshie audience member, unimpressed with Carr’s brand of humour shouted "Yer an effin’ dog wanker wot’s about as funny as a course of chemotherapy – an’ yer don't pay taxes either, yer fiddlin’ kunt."

Interviewed by the Tax Dodgers Weekly at the G20 summit, Scameron elaborated on his previous evening’s outburst, stating “These K9 style schemes for doing Chancellor Osborne out of due taxes - and here I’m think particularly of this dodge of Jimmy Carr’s - regardless of the fact he’s just another pikey peon who never went to Eton – they are morally wrong.”

“The common herd work very hard – well, if they have jobs and pay their taxes, and they save up all year to buy tickets go to one of his boring shows, and Carr’s taking the money from those tickets and putting all of that into some very dodgy tax avoiding schemes in sodding Jersey – and that is very naughty – even if it is legal.”

"Frankly, in my opinion, people like this Carr character who dodge the tax system are the moral equivalent of kiddie fiddlers and serial killers and should be tagged and on curfews – and have their names in the Sex Offenders Register so the HMRC know where to find them if they don’t file their tax returns on schedule.”

To add to the burgeoning brouhaha, New Labour MPs are after the scalp of ‘Take That’ band member Gary Barlow, who has just been awarded an OBE for his £26 million quid contributions to the K9 Ball-Breaker offshore tax evasion scheme.

Following reports of Scameron’s outbursts, the BBC (Biased Brainwashing Corporation) News Channel's chief political correspondent Norm Scrunt opined that having failed to engage brain prior to opening mouth and wading into the tax avoidance row, there will be a wave of political pressure aimed at both Scameron and Chancellor Osborne to take action against the individuals and schemes concerned – including their own scumbag Tory rich list donors.

Speaking with a press hack from the Numb Kunts Review over a couple of pints of Topless Totty real ale in the House of Conmans Stranglers Bar last night, the ginger-mingin Lib-Dum Secretary to the Treasury, Danny Alexander, a born and bred penny-pinching, parsimonious porridge wog, claimed he found it outrageous that the wealthiest people were using ever more obscure and underhand methods to avoid tax. "Abuse of the tax system for personal gain is, of course, never acceptable," then concluded his diatribe with what might well prove a drastic self-immolating career-crucifying comment of "No matter how rich or famous you might be, our HMRC heavies are coming to get you."

To quote the moronic Alexander: “Abuse of the tax system for personal gain is never acceptable.”
Let’s be honest as this is the entire purpose of it – for personal enrichment and keep it out of the wastrel hands of the HMRC and the spendthrift Exchequer.
Hmmm, yet another ‘hypocrisy first’ as it was the Conservative elitists, those possessed with this absurd sense of entitlement and abuse of privilege who conjured these laws up and implemented them to protect their wealth in the first place.

Laughably, Alexander’s revelations come a mere fortnight after Peter Cruddball, the former Tory party co-treasurer, was forced to resign after he was filmed doing a spot of influence peddling and flogging ‘up close and personal’ meetings with Posh Dave Scameron for £250,000 per shot.

Tory Party Treasurer Lord Stan ‘The Man’ Ratfink who made zillions as head of the First Shylock Bank of International Usury before moving on to become known as the Capo dei Capi ‘Godfather’ of the UK’s hedge-cutting industry, confided to press hacks that “Just wait and see who’s donating anything to our party coffers if they stamp down on the K9 Ball-Breaker tax dodge scheme.”

“The party’s ex-deputy-chairman, Baron Gashcroft’s going to be staying over in that Third World jungle shithole of Belize, shacked up with his toyboys and whores - and there’s going to be a flight of investment capital and business registrations.”

“We’ve already got that moron Osborne clamping down on the practice of wealthy people minimising their tax bills to zero through charitable donations. Hence previously uncapped tax reliefs - including charitable donations – will be capped at £50,000, or 25% of a person's income – and this is a factor fraught with unfathomable consequences.”

A total of forty-six ‘Rich & Shameless’ charity donors recently wrote to the Daily Shitraker stating that tax relief was not their only motive for donating, and the cap would prove a brake on acts of voluntary philanthropy.
High and mighty signatories to the Daily Shitraker letter include Lord Mammon of the Mammon & Snobfords retail chain and Clare Pukesbury of The Three Stoogies Trust – along with Lady Candida Ffinch-Gargoyle of the Pikeys Crotch Institute; Sir Dinsdale Spatchcock; Aldous de Sleazebag-Mountebank; Baron Hamon de Mattoid; and Lord Angus Stairrod, chief of Scotland’s Axminster and Wilton clans.

Venture capitalist Jon Moulting, the chair of Flatbroke Investments, who has donated more than £30 quid to the Conservatives since 2004 on the off-chance of securing a life peerage - or at least a mention in a future Birthday Honours list - also expressed his disagreement with George Osborne's economic strategy.

“I sent the Treasury a memo tellin’ them my opinion on the donations thingy an’ the K9 tax-dodge scheme wot’s run outa Jersey an’ sez why don’t yer do a U-turn like wot yer done wiv the effin’ pasties an’ the caravans coz of political pressure from yer pikey voters but they’ve taken no effin’ notice.”
“Typical, me Mum always said I should have donated ter the Lib-Dums – an’ if yer hadn’t had all them poofters like that Jeremy Thorpe bloke runnin’ things then I might have done.”

Thought for the day. With the HMRC tax code handbook consisting of 11,500 pages – the longest in the world – and riddled with conflicting regulations and complexities, then it’s of little surprise that anyone with two brain cells to rub together will discover ingenious loopholes to exploit the system and avoid paying their full whack of (or any) taxes to the HMRC.

Regardless, let the HMRC outlaw tax dodges and see who on the Rich List – corporate and individuals - continues to donate to the kamikaze political party which is suicidal enough to implement that moronic reform.

Broken Britain in a 1930’s slump, so forget the euphemistic blather about ‘double-dip mini recessions and other such bullshit, the sad state of affairs this once-proud nation finds itself in are perhaps better described as a ‘Depression’ – with a large capital ‘D’.

And as for the antics of politicians and banksters alike – they’re lower than a gopher’s bollocks – and like all bottom feeders and pondscum who worship before the altar of Mammon there is no such thing as ‘enough’ – only ‘More!’

Now for a ‘Hypocrisy Moment’: This week Posh Dave Scameron has the brazen audacity to label Jimmy Carr as an immoral tax-dodging scumbag - yet only ‘yesterday’ when challenged on the £285 quid per annum ‘Flash Harry’ tax-dodging antics of Tory Party super-donor Sir Philip ‘Sweatshop Shylock’ Green replied for the public record “I’m not getting into an individual’s tax affairs”.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Wednesday 20 June 2012

Israel's Great Apartheid Wall Beats China’s

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Construction workers and their Yamam border guards, assigned to building yet another extension of Israel’s never-ending Great Apartheid Wall – with this 30-foot high stretch proposed to run from the Negev Desert shithole of Eliat on the sewage-ridden Gulf of Aqaba a hefty 165 miles NNW along the border with Egypt to the besieged Gaza Strip enclave – came under ambush from Egypt-based Jolly Jihad muhijadeen freedom fighters who apparently don’t agree with the land-grabbing Chosen People usurpers policy of partitioning up their Muslim brothers’ once-sovereign state of Palestine and flogging it off to a bunch of illegal kikester settlers.

Yetzer Hara, the Israeli Minister for Hasbara, informed the Hudaibiya Gazette that scores of heavily armed Arab gunmen had infiltrated from the turbulent Sinai Peninsula into southern Israel and opened fire on a convoy of vehicles carrying workers and building materials from Eliat to ‘The Wall’ and had also detonated an explosive device – described by Colonel Ratsach Shochet of the IDF’s Half-Cock Brigade as “something that went ‘Bang’ - possibly a bomb.”

It was later discovered that this incident was quite possibly due one Islamic Jihad militant detonating his suicide vest after Rabbi Sheldon Sheenyberg chased off a pack of scavenging dogs seen feasting on a mix n match assortment of dismembered arms and legs at the site of the explosion - behind the St Shylock’s Synagogue for Latter Day Nekeshers.

As per their customary ‘schadenfreude’ vicious response to any such military action – regardless of actual culpability - Israeli PM Bobo Nutyahoo ordered the IDF’s 21st Ethnic Cleansing Regiment to carry out a series of vicious punitive strikes against the hapless civilian population of the Gaza Strip, besieged behind the infamous Great Apartheid Wall in the biggest Nazi style concentration camp in the known Universe.

Under cover of darkness the 21st ECR were joined by a force of the IDF’s Hafganat Koah Brigade and drove their Meshuggenah IV battle tanks and CAT D8 bulldozers through the Rosh Tahat checkpoint into the marginalised Strip and devastated the Shaheed al Semtex Mosque, the Limping Cow Dairy, the Rachel Corrie Memorial Hospital, two schools, a nursery and the last remaining orphanage – along with squashing the orphans and a gaggle of foreign human rights activists under their tracks.

The resulting trail of gratuitous chaos and havoc was described by UN medics and the Red Cross workers as the worst war crimes committed by the IDF since the genocidal Operation Kill Every Fucker 22-day duration military blitzkrieg was visited upon the ‘captive hostage’ coastal enclave over the Festive Season (Peace of Earth and Goodwill to all Men) Christmas holiday of 2008 / 2009.

The knee-jerk reaction from Hamas Gaza Gangsters and the Al-Qassam Brigade took the international Boycott, Divestment and Sanctions campaign a step further towards militarisation by then targeting the southern Israeli town of O’chel Batachat and blasted Felix Fagin’s kosher matzo and hamantaschen cookies stall with a barrage of their home-made ‘Kikester Killer’ rockets.

Thought for the day: Questions raised in this week’s copy of the Pound of Flesh magazine focus on where the Zionist psycho’s Great Apartheid Wall building will end.
Critics claim Israel’s war-mongering PM Bobo Nuttyahoo – a die-hard follower of Ze’ev Jabot the Hutt - the founder of the most radical, racist, and militant form of fanatical Zionism devoted to an ideology of Jewish supremacism, racial and religious segregation, and the creation of Greater Israel stretching from the Nile to the Euphrates (and far beyond) – who called for an "Iron Wall" to be built in Palestine – is dedicated to achieving the Jabotinskyist dream.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.