Tory Chiefs toss Warthog to the Wolves

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Conservative Party co-chairperson, Lady Seedy Warthog of the Yorkshire Puds, looks set to become the sacrificial ‘distraction’ laid on the Altar of Tory Treachery to appease the feeding frenzy of the public and media, howling for the blood and guts of the fudging Culture Secretary Jeremy Kunt, the incumbent Tory MP for Slurry over his graft and corruption-ridden involvement with the News Corp BSkyB takeover deal.

From a stand-back vantage point the credibility-challenged Baroness Warthog appears to be accident prone to the point of being classed by the HSE as a total fucking liability, this most convenient – perhaps ‘contrived’ – second scandalous disclosure involving her probity - and being more at deficient than punctilious in declaring her business interests.

Plus coming on the heels of the as-yet unresolved dodgy ‘expenses claims’ issue – this moral turpitude scuttlebutt might be set to serve as mesmerising diversion from the ultra-embarrassing Jeremy Kunt / News Corp brouhaha which seems to have simply metastasised and festered into a pus-oozing nightmare of back-stabbing accusations and innuendo following his smarmy, shit-eating grin appearance last week before the Leveson Inquiry, to squirm his way out of all culpability and blaming the I-Spy espionage leaks solely on Adam 'Patsy' Smith.

“Aha!” cry the critics - yet another case of sinister double standards as they take scrupulous note of the contrary position that Posh Dave Scameron (a man who long ago pawned his moral franchise) refused to refer Jeremy Kunt’s case over the row viz News Corp's attempt to seize full control of BSkyB to Sir Armitage Shanks, Shitehall’s independent adviser on the Ministerial Code, as the scandal poses some very awkward direct questions incriminating the Prime Minister also – yet as Baroness Warsi's case does not, she will be the focus of Shank’s undivided, investigative attentions.

Not so, claims Scameron, foisting on the media this hackneyed illusion of his competence and credibility as a political leader – Sir Armitage’s probe will just be a matter of tying up a few loose ends (indeed – akin to the 'Gordian' knotting together of a plate of spaghetti if the whole truth be revealed).

While a stench of sleaze and indecision now permeate Number 10 it would further appear that the first Muslim ‘burka bitch’ to sit in the cabinet who isn’t a Freemason, wear an Eton tie or be a member of the Bullingdon Dining Club hence lacks the requisite Brotherhood pals among the Conservative high command - in a way Jeremy Kunt doesn’t.

Hence Libservative Coalition insiders claim Warthog has been deemed dispensable by Downing Street and is now subjected to a distasteful Chinese whispers campaign regarding her patriotism due a rumoured preference for Cantonese take-aways over traditional Paki homeland arse-scorching curries.

While Kunt and Warthog are both smitten with the same primary troika of character flaws – Unqualified Arrogance Syndrome, an absurd, exaggerated sense of entitlement ‘and’ no compunction regarding the abuse of privilege - Kunt is motivated by power while the bonkers Baroness is energised by the greed dynamic and worships before the tabernacle of Mammon.

To wit, both stand equal inasmuch they are morally corrupt and should have no position in UK politics – and the fact that Posh Dave Scameron promotes such people to high office raises questions concerning his own integrity and lack of judgement - with Warthog now resorted to a pathetic state of grovelling before Scameron’s feet, apologising for embarrassing his government, to escape career-damning censure for her ‘double jeopardy’ transgressions.

Editorial correction: Apparently Baroness Warthog and her second cousin-in-law three times removed, a certain Mr Rabid Jaffacake, do not have a joint venture business dealing in ‘Spics’ but ‘Spices’ – specifically ‘Rupert's Recipes’ – which has given wits and wags just cause to speculate is the ‘Rupert’ by any chance a wrinkled octogenarian Aussie dingbat media mogul connected to News Corp?

Thought for the day: Hey, bollocks to the Diamond Jubilee celebrations – National Scandal Week has it beat hands down. Jeremy Kunt, now Seedy Warthog – so who the fuck’s next we might well speculate – and nobody dare mention Dr Liam Pox and his poofter mate Adam ‘Zion’ Qwerty – or Adam ‘The Stooge’ Smith or Andy ‘Twice Damned’ Coulson.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

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