Friday, 22 June 2012

Adidas Slammed for Promoting Slavery

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Fielding what might prove to be a fatally-flawed PR ‘advertising first’ delivered via the tried and tested routes of ‘controversy’ and ‘political incorrectness’ - sports brand manufacturer Adidas have come under a potpourri hail of ultra-critical ethnic / racist / sectarian flack for unveiling a new style of new trainer fitted with plastic orange shackles – a copy of the rough-hewn wrought iron brand riveted closed around the ankles of black African slaves on “dem good ole Confederate cotton field plantations” of the Great Satan - and so favoured by bondage fetishists and sado-masochism aficionados alike.

US Black Panthers spokesman Jefferson Jackson Jaffacake III and civil rights leader Washington Wilberforce Chuckabutty headed the legions of permanently sun-tanned critics that are crying “Foul!” and comparing the Adidas ‘JS Serfdom Mids’ - unveiled this week on the company’s Facebook page and to hit the sportswear store shelves in August - to the shackles and chains worn by black slaves to stop them doing a runner when they got fed up of working for less than the minimum wage, zero vacations, crap healthcare and an unattractive pension plan.

The outrageous trainers and their offensive bondservant accoutrements have, regardless of being crafted from orange plastic, sparked an angry debate online with 2,000,000 brain-dead Facebook users commenting that the design is in ultra-vulgarian bad taste and the firm has sunk to new lows with its ‘slave wear’ product – albeit the Ku Klux Klan website has positively endorsed the product with a ‘holy blessing’ from their Imperial Grand Wizard, Billy Bob Scatterotti.

While Adidas are keeping schtum and have yet to comment on the resulting negative public reaction brouhaha, it appears to all intents and purposes they were trying to outdo their fierce competitor Nike in the scandalous shoe design stakes - and regardless of any mention of the trainers being made in one of Adidas’ numerous Indonesian sweatshops by some hapless ‘bumi putra’ peon earning 40 cents an hour - still managing to score a first in offending a swathe of ethnic sensibilities with the added ‘orange manacles’ factor.

Last March Nike was accused of gross professional impropriety for launching a £70 quid beer-themed trainer called 'The Black and Tan' in time for St Patrick's Day - a historical affront reviving bitter memories of the barbaric British military unit of the same name, dispatched to Ireland in the 1920’s to suppress revolt against the rule of a foreign power by killing every bomb-chucking pikey and their dog.

Ron McScrunt, director of the human rights and wrongs abuse charity Twat-Watch, opined to one press hack from the Vassalage Gazette “So wot’s the intended cryptic message here then - a ‘slave’ ter fashion and designer labels? Doubtless they’ve got a fitting jingle ready for the launch: “Could a slave outrun the bloodhounds wearing a pair of their lightweight plastic shackle JS Serfdom Mids? Really, I asks yer, who the fuck in their right mind’s gonna go joggin’ wiv shackles on?”

“Seriously, they’re like the chain gangs wear in the Great Satan’s redneck-infested Deep South an’ wot the Palestinian prisoners were hobblin’ round in when we went wiv the International Red Cross ter Israel ter present Mahmoud Sarsak wiv the Hunger Strikers Club ‘Slimmer of the Year’ award at the IDF’s Facility 1391 interrogation and torture centre last Nakba Day.”
“Now here’s a thought, why don’t they give away a free whip wiv every pair of their poxy trainers as well?”

Thought for the day: Who’s have ever have guessed that Adidas, with their moronic proclivity for upsetting racial sensibilities, was actually a German company (Gebrüder Dassler Schuhfabrik) - based in Herzogenaurach and founded by Adolf ‘Adi’ Dassler (Adi-Das) in 1924 with his brother Rudolf – who both went on to become stellar donors to, and members of, Hitler & Co’s nasty Nazi Party.

Oh well, is the Pope a Catholic? Hmmm, is the Pope a Kraut? Was the Pope (aka Joey Ratflinger) in the Nazi Youth, running around in a pair of Auschwitz slave labour-made trainers?

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

1 comment:

Fletch said...

Nice one. They deserve every sharp shard of satire.