UK Plod Squad Want More Stun Guns

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Broken Britain’s fuck-up of a Libservative Coalition government is considering a proposal floated by the bonkers Police Federation to arm every borderline psycho sadist Plod in the country with a 50,000 volts DC discharge handheld Taser weapon.

Sir Genghis McGnasher, Chairman of the Plod Squad Federation, which represents 124,000 of the rank-and-file uniformed thugs in England and Wales, has written to our super-snob of a PM, Posh Dave Scameron, pitching a bid to have the number of stun guns trebled and hence equip every frontline Neandethal with the means to inflict a fatal heart attack on Bolshie pro-democracy and human rights protesters that have the brazen audacity to disagree with aberrant government policy.

“Really, we can’t continue relying on the 2009 G20 April Fool’s Day style ‘Harwood Manoeuvre’ or similar gratuitous acts of violent aggression to disable uncooperative news vendors or Bolshie cripples in sodding wheelchairs. What our officers require for the coming waves of public discontent demonstrations is something that will floor protesters instantly with paralysing convulsions, so they bite their own tongues off then go into a coma.”

There are currently 12,000 Tasers too many in the hands of the not-fit-for-purpose uniformed Plods loitering around Britain’s street corners, and now the Police Federation, in its unqualified arrogance, wants to increase this to 36,000.
Under current statutes officers are only sanctioned to use the weapon in circumstances where they face defiant suspects resisting arrest when caught in criminal acts: such as poaching carp and swans from community park ponds, shoplifting or double parking.

Conversely there has been a series of disturbing cases which have raised questions over the arming of Plods with anything more dangerous than a sock filled with decaffinated blancmange.

Ms Chlamydia Mingerot QC of Upshot, Bagrot & Shitpot (Solicitors) has represented the families of several victims who were unintentionally murdered by Plod Squad officers – including Brazilian electrician Jean Charles de Menezes - accidentally shot nine times in the head by one of the Met’s SO13 super-morons after being mistaken for the Jolly Jihad Muslim terrorist, Mohammed al Ka-Boom.

“How can we trust these clowns with weapons when so many suspects and innocents alike – the mentally ill, vulnerable and elderly – and last month one Alzheimer’s sufferer in his home when he refused to go into care - have suffered fatal heart attacks and strokes after being literally ‘fried’ with the controversial mega-voltage stun guns.”

“Hence sod the Police Federation and their demands as this is all being rushed through without any public consultation or Parliamentary scrutiny and oversight. Just a Freemason pals letter from Genghis McGnasher to Cabbage Patch Cameron saying “Hi Dave, my lads need more Tasers – and a couple of those ‘Pikey-Wash’ water cannons.”

Thought for the day: We, the People, are stuck with a Plod Squad whose ranks are comprised of officious intimidators and thugs - (but that’s the type of person the uniform attracts) - that have proved time and again they cannot be trusted while unarmed – hence providing the clots with more guns and Tasers amounts to an act of first degree insanity.
Further, fuck the Plod Squad and Big Brother (and his sister) and the New World Order.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

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