Monday, 11 June 2012

Round of Applause for DagoBank Bailout

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

While every fucker and their dog in the 17 member eurozone – and too the ten other EUSSR client states not tied to the star-struck currency – are calling the Greeks rotten for their penurious state of mendicancy and demanding they either 'shit or get off the pot' regarding the adoption of further ‘revolution-invoking’ austerity cuts – or default and go back to printing devalued Drachmas – Spain’s delayed hysterical screams for a mega-bucks bailout have been greeted with a round of applause due their good sense in dusting off the begging bowls and crying “Help!”

Spain's ‘backs to the wall’ decision to request a loan of €125 zillion euros from the International Bank of Hyper-Inflation, the Debtocracy Bank of Zurich, and the Shylock Bank of International Usury to help shore up its struggling DagoBank and Spic-Invest SA has won broad support – with the IMF’s managing director, the highly shaggable 69-year old Christine Lagarde, informing one press hack from the Chapter 11 Gazette the ‘quantitative easing’ bailout was big enough to restore credibility to Spain's banks for a couple of weeks – and keep them bollocks deep in debt and beholden to Brussels for generations to come.

Conversely, Professor Gunther Pratt, President of the prestigious Wilkins Micawber Institute of Financial Guessology in Zurich, opined to media reporters “Are we looking at a state of double standards here as all this euro bailout cash will be coming from the German Treasury?”

“To my mind, Lagarde is having another of her customary ‘blonde moments’ as the IMF should be evaluating the costs and benefits of a smaller euro zone since it is going to prove an impossible burden to maintain the citizens of Spain in the same manner as Greece - and in the style to which they have grown accustomed – unemployed, homeless and starving.”

The president of the European Council Herman ‘Catweazle’ van Rumpy said he was confident that through bank restructuring and other reforms – such as putting the block on daily bullfights and pulling their tiki-taka national soccer team out of the Euro 2012 tournament so Germany stands a chance of winning – then selling off Iker Casillas, Sergio Ramos, Santi Cazorla Jesus Navas and Fernando Torres to Cash Converters to raise the money for their first interest payment on the €125 zillion euro loan – would help them remain solvent regardless of their mega-bucks outstanding €1 trillion worth of debt to foreign investors.

Van Rumpy, a former scarecrow impersonator, told Pox News ‘Deadlegs Hour’ programme that the decision to lend Spain lots of money to keep their crippled economy afloat was a definite victory for the euro as it shackled the once-sovereign nation, along with Greece, Ireland and Portugal to Brussels’ EUSSR mandates and was yet another positive step towards bankrupting every member of the 27 nation community and heralding in the desired European Federation.

Thought for the day: European Stability Mechanism = more quantitative easing = printing mega-bucks = throwing more good money after bad. Don’t treat the symptom – excise and cure the cause.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

The Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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