Friday 31 August 2012

Kikesterland Slammed over Nuke Arsenal

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The Khazar-Ashkenazi secular Jews of convenience that comprise the ruling core of Israel’s outlaw regime and promote the insidious Zionist ‘Promised Land’ myth as their justification to terrorise the hapless and marginalised Palestinian populations of the occupied West Bank and besieged Gaza Strip, are up in arms and dummy-spitting infuriated by a fresh initiative of Arab member states of the International Atomic Energy Agency (IAEA), seeking to launch a global campaign to slam Israel’s possession of an illegal nuclear arsenal.

As ever, perpetual suffering and whinge-ridden victimhood remain the central philosophy at the heart of the Israeli culture, which galvanised their Ambassador to the IAEA, Shylock O’chel Batachat - a career scumbag known to friends and political associates alike as a right ‘meshuggenah’ – to resort to a pick n mix attack of hudaibiya, kvelling, hasbara and outright chutzpah in a blatant attempt to censure the initiative – moronically claiming the Semite representatives of the Arab nations have no moral right to point fingers at God’s ‘Chosen People’ – and ironically branding them all ‘anti-Semites’ - and ‘Holohoax deniers’ for good measure.

The motion, tabled by 17 Arab IAEA member states, is to be put to vote at the agency’s September meeting which will be attended by 154 countries, and is coming under a barrage of flack from the Zionist-kikester owned and controlled global media as a sinister Islamist heathen manoeuvre to distract attention from the campaign to thwart Iran’s non-existent nuclear WMD development projects.

Israeli PM, Bobo Nuttyahoo, himself a radical apartheid-promoting Jabotinskyist, informed one press hack from the Pound of Flesh Gazette that “Where the fuck do these Arab scumbags get off, I ask you – daring to criticise Israel and questioning our motives. Just because we might boast that we have nuclear weapons doesn’t mean to say we do – so why would we need to sign this Non-Proliferation Treaty?”
“These goyim scumbags need to take a care of what they say and do – for the last time anyone made a big stink over Israel’s right to have a nuclear arsenal for self-defence back in 1963, they ended up assassinated by Lee Harvey Patsy in Dealy Plaza for their audacity.”

Conversely, defending the Arab initiative, Jordan’s Ambassador to the IAEA, Sheikh Liwat ibn Zamel, argued that the rogue state of Israel was exposing the Middle East to the risk of nuclear war and threatening peace with its secretive military WMD program.

“These kikesters want thermo-nuclear bombs and missiles so they can intimidate us all into subservient compliance with their military hegemony and use them for this evil plan they have with their compliant bitch, this US of A Great Satan whore, to achieve their Protocols of the Greedy Bastard Elders of Zion agenda and rule the world - and make us all their slaves.”

“We are not stupid and too have our own spies and deep cover moles – just like the manky Mossad – and know since they built their Dimona nuclear reactor in the Negev in 1958 they have been processing weapons grade plutonium and enriching uranium, and secretly manufactured hundreds of nuclear warheads.”

“We are aware they own or control the global media machine – lock, stock and matzo – from Galilee’s St Shylock’s Gazette to Hollywood to Fox, CNN, Britain’s Biased Broadcasting Corporation - and Raving Rupert Mudrock’s heinous News Corporation.”
“We are not all hedonistic ‘camel jockeys’ wasting away our day butt-fucking a harem full of catamites or goats around some secluded desert oasis. We have watched with trepidation how the Rothshite bankster cabal and the Knesset have coerced the Great Satan’s politicians to pass into law this HR 4133: United States-Israel Enhanced Security Cooperation Act of 2012.”

“Now too they use Sheldon Alden’s yidster-run Mafia and Poxman’s ADL scum, alongside the shyster AIPAC lobby in the US to bribe and blackmail and threaten and corrupt the Senate and Congress and the cuckoo President in the White House – and too these other Zionist stooges in the European governments and NATO to concoct some lies and accuse Iran of pursuing military objectives in its nuclear energy program at their Parchin research complex by enriching uranium above 20%.”

“They use this false accusation as pretext to impose international and unilateral sanctions against Tehran’s legitimate Islamic Republic government and to call for pre-emptive military strikes so they can turn order into chaos and Balkanise our nations into itty-bitty bite-sized pieces then seize the lands and natural resources – just the same as Afghanistan and Iraq – and Libya – and next Syria – and on they go spreading their foul doctrine of mayhem into Yemen and Somalia and the rest of Africa with their remote murder assassination drones until they will choke and burst on all that they consume – this evil ZioNazi empire that has a total disregard for the tenets of international law – but their days of impunity are coming to a timely end.”

“Yes, ZioNazis – they have become all they rage on about – war criminals and abusers of human rights, just as they claim Hitler’s Nazis did to them. Zionism - Nazism – ZioNazi – the term simply rolls off the tongue with an assertive, literal poetic ease – the same way the IDF’s bulldozers roll over Palestinian homes and children – and the odd American human rights activist.”

Thought for the day. Regardless of their perpetual cultural obsession with things kosher, usury and foreskins, the tactics of the Israel lobby plumb the depths of dishonour and indecency, due their litany of character assassination, selective misquotation, the wilful distortion of the record, the fabrication of falsehoods, and an utter disregard for the truth.

To wit, fuck the Rothshite crime syndicate and their New World Order capital of Jerusalem. Plus fuck the outlaw state of Israel and the Great Satan and the Protocols of the Greedy Bastard Elders of Zion – or the Project for a New American Century – or the Foreign Policy Initiative or whatever they choose to label this game plan devoted to their Satanic Brotherhood of the Snake cult and insidious god of greed: Mammon.

Misquoting the French ‘Age of Enlightenment’ philosopher Denis Diderot: “There exists now a maxim agreed between Christians and Muslims, and too the real Sephardic Jews of conscience, that there will never be any form of peace for the dispossessed Palestinians or the Holy Land – or the Middle East – and perhaps the world - until the final Zionist usurper is strangled with the disembowelled entrails of the last Rothshite-Payseur-Baboon bankster crime syndicate’s military-industrial scumbag.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a politically-incorrect hostile environment infested with Māḡēn Dāwīḏ ZioNazi psychopaths and may contain elements of sickening Israeli schadenfreude, along with anti-Semitic paranoia, Holohoax ‘victims’ propaganda, unqualified arrogance, racist apartheid innuendo, lashings of yidster hudaibiya, kvelling, hasbara and chutzpah - and quantifiable amounts of utter lunacy – along with nano-particle traces exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and a chemtrail residue of bush telegraph innuendo - plus a total disregard for the statutes of international law, human rights and the niceties of a polite and civilised society.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Thursday 30 August 2012

Clegg Pushes Barmy Rich Twat Tax

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

For reasons best known to himself, the Lib-Dum Party leader / Deputy PM Mick Clogg has decided to go into lemming mode and embark on a course of political suicide, informing one press hack from the Self-Harmers Gazette that in his unqualified opinion the UK's wealthiest people should pay more tax – MPs and cabinet ministers included – and especially Queen Lizzie and the rest of her royal scrounger clan – along with the zillionaire ranks of the Rothshite / Payseur crime syndicate’s banksters.

Already as popular as a weekend mini-break at a leper colony for his legion of broken election campaign trail promises and general turncoatism – and under suspicion of becoming a closet case Tory blue – Clogg, the incumbent MP for Skullduggery – (until the next election) – is now known to friends and associates alike as a bona-fide dog wanker (a mutant sub-set genus in the fuckwit / tosspot classification index of Linnaean taxonomy) – and branded a pariah, even in his own constituency due the duplicitous, about-face apostasy over raising Uni’ tuition fees and nobbling a pledged mega-bucks government loan to his own backyard Sheffield Forgemasters engineering group.

Clogg, a master of self-magnification whose appointment with Destiny seems to be perpetually postponed, on Tuesday exercised his democratic right to talk and act like a fool by publicly declaring to the red top gutter press that he wanted to see not only a ‘mansion levy’ imposed on anyone with a wind turbine on their roof and a garden big enough to swing a cat round in – but a super-tax slapped on the absurdly wealthy – obviously a move that will go down well with the Tories’ mega-rich donors who hide their hordes of shiny pennies in offshore tax havens, out of sight of those nasty money-grubbing twats at HMRC.

“I’m not after re-inventing the wheel or promoting a Marxist system of wealth redistribution but these rich and shameless gits should contribute a bit more back into the economy. Really, let’s be fair and start at the very top of the abuse pyramid - how many castles does one old Queen actually need? Plus that funny hat she wears with all the jewels in it – with the price of gold right now that should be up for sale on eBay or Flog It – or taken down the scrapyard to get weighed in.”

“We expect pensioners to live on £107 quid a week and the unemployed on £60-odd quid, so I reckon MPs should be the first to go along with Posh Dave Scameron’s Big Society ‘austerity’ drive and volunteer to take a salary cut from £65,000 nicker per annum down to £10,000. Multiply that by 650 and it adds up to what these bankster types refer to as a lot of money – just what’s needed to cold patch all the potholes with Tarmite and give the nursery school kids a free bottle of Monsanto’s Frankenfoods GMO milk a day.”

In support and approval of the scheme, former Lib-Dum treasury spokesman Lord Oakeshitt opined to media hacks that “Cloggy’s right to push for a mansion tax - which isn’t going to affect the unemployed and homeless riff-raff living on landfill sites – but instead target the people who can afford a floating duck island and pagoda for Tich and Quackers – along with the ones who have moats around their country piles that they’ve been getting dredged at the tax-payer’s expense.”

Conversely Tory Chancellor George Osborne, another frog who dreams of being a toad and the type of person who thinks wood grows on trees, confided to media hacks that “Has Cloggy gone absolutely bonkers? All these sarky remarks of his about ‘silver spoons’ and ‘public school posh twats’ and Britain’s hereditary rich being a privileged elitist fraternity, stricken with an absurd sense of entitlement. Where does this working class oick get off, I ask you?”

“He’s after kick starting a sodding war between the 1% Have’s and the 99% Have Not’s, and this ‘let’s tax the rich’ pantomime scam is a pathetic attempt to cover his own arse for when Britain’s current state of ‘brokenness’ reaches the SHTF critical mass stage and the ensuing chain reaction incites common herd into tumbrel-rolling mode and Tory heads start to roll.”

Thought for the day. Regardless of Cloggy’s ill-conceived ‘Mission Impossible’ scheme to tax the rich before they all relocate to the International Space Station or the Lunar Alien Base (or Monaco) and claim non-resident status - double-dip depression-stricken Broken Britain will continue to sink lower into this miasma of insolvent misery, compounded by raging inflation due the Bank of England’s piss-ant zero percent interest rate and the insane quantitative easing policy of printing truck-loads of £20 quid notes.

And to cap this collective discontent, our once-sceptred isle’s weather has gone tits-up, with this year’s monsoon-madness summer-less Summer proving the predictions of climate change alarmists from East Anglia University’s Chicken Little Institute for Advanced Scaremongering perfectly correct – that we now have three seasons – ‘almost Winter’, ‘Winter’, and ‘April / May’.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Citizen Khan Gets Beeb Firebombed

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The Biased Broadcasting Corp has been slapped with accusations of stereotyping Broken Britain’s Muslim immigrant communities as a bunch of bomb-chucking extremists in its new sitcom, Citizen Khan.

The Beeb has received thousands of complaints in a lobbying campaign launched by a cadre of irate fundamentalist Muslims since the first episode aired on BBC One last Monday evening, claiming the sitcom treads too close to the embarrassing truth – that they really do hate our Democratic freedoms.

The six-part series follows a Muslim mosque’s madrassa cleric in Birmingstan's Jaffacake Hamlets housing estate and his efforts to recruit the Faithful to join the muhijadeen ranks of his Jolly Jihad militia and declare holy war on the Zionist stooge Tory government of PM ‘Shylock Scameron’ and his cabinet of Rothshite crime syndicate lackeys who all kowtow to the US Great Satan – a theme already milked dry for comedy effect by the 2010 movie ‘Four Thick Twats’ and their moronic efforts to bring Western civilisation to its knees and establish a 14th century Islamic Caliphate in Bradford.

While the Muslim community might well be justified in crying “Foul!”, the series is the ‘brainchild creation’ (sic) of a British Muslim, Aldi ibn Himar, who also stars in the show as Citizen Khan’s hapless tosser of a brother-in-law Shaheed al Ka-Boom who gets fired from his job as a suicide bomber with Al Qaeda’s Semtex Saracen Brigade in Leeds after bungling four consecutive attempts to blow up the local Pestco Greedy Grocer supermarket and strike terror into the hearts of the infidel Christian masses nationwide.

Other members of the cast include Babes in Burkas star Sharmuta Bala’a il A’air as the bungling Shaheed’s slapper of a sister who refuses to wear a hijab and leads a double life, working as a lap dancer - and the comely Neekni Sahrawi, who played Brenda Titwank in Bell-Enders, as Mrs Zeenat Khan – with the portly Ras al Shitbag cast in the role of Citizen Khan - plus the Oscar-nominated Liwat Manuke Khara portraying the sinister Qatari terrorist financier Sheikh Fizzy Al Kaseltzer.

Candida Mingerot, spokeswoman for the media watchdog, Ofcom, informed press hacks that their switchboard and Twitter services had been jammed solid with complaints over the content of the programme, which she personally considered was a fair indicator of its popularity as a success for the BBC – especially so when they had three Molotov cocktails tossed through their Media City office windows in Manchester on Tuesday night.

BBC programmes director Ron McScrote said the first episode of Citizen Khan attracted a viewing audience of some 3.6 million, which he described as “a most positive start – so we’ll be ready for the response to next Monday night’s screening of Episode 2 by having lots of buckets of sand and asbestos blankets on hand – and the local fire brigade standing by for when the firebombs come hurtling through the windows again.”

Thought for the day. Flatbrokes, the UK’s ubiquitous High Street bookies, are giving odds-on that the BBC’s Director-General, Marky Mark Thompson is the joint favourite, along with Beeb Chairman Michael Lyons, to have fatwas issued against them for sanctioning the screening of Citizen Khan and thereby insulting the tenets of Holy Islam – with Thompson’s incoming replacement DG, Georgie Bentwhistle, rumoured to be having second thoughts over the job if he has to live with the threat of some crazed fanatical suicide bomber jumping in the jacuzzi with him one dark night.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Wednesday 29 August 2012

Quantitative Easing Solves Debtocracy Ills

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

A moronic statement issued from ‘Eye of the Needle Street’ by the Bank of England yesterday claiming that pensioners are ‘quids-in’ better off as a result of Uncle Mervyn’s insane money-printing policy copped a most derisory reception and elicited shouts of “Bullshit!” from senior citizens to whom it was addressed.

Spencer Dale, purported to be the Bank’s top dog economist, (which doesn’t say much for the intelligence or competence of lesser staff) and a career tosspot who boasts of graduating summa cum laude from Zurich’s prestigious Wilkins Micawber Institute for Financial Guesswork, further claims that while pensioners were perhaps justified in having a whinge over their destitute lots in life they’d be even worse off if the Bank hadn’t been burning the proverbial midnight oil and printing £375 zillion quids-worth of ‘readies’ to be ‘quantitatively eased’ into Broken Britain’s de-industrialised, failed economy in an effort to forestall a Greek euro style ‘Malthusian catastrophe’ - aka ‘SHTF Syndrome’ - and avoid the common herd going into nihilistic revolutionary mode when the welfare giros stop coming in and the TV sets fall silent.

Conversely, Ron McScrote, himself a 96-year old pensioner and head of the Save the Wrinklies campaign group had this public sentiment demarche of righteous indignation to relay to one press hack from the Insolvency Gazette.
“Who the fuck is this Spencer Dale character with a jack-ass back-to-front name, eh – didn’t his parents like him? Really, Keynesian economics this is not, and I’ll bet Adam Smith is turning in his grave if he overheard Mr Dale’s little homily on conjuring money out of thin air being the answer to the UK’s economic ills.”

“This is a crap line of talk that QE helps out us pensioners – although for sure it helps out the Rothshite bankster crime syndicate when the BoE’s printing currency at a faster rate than the UK’s devastated GDP can generate it. Let’s get this right – the entire fubar is a Debtocracy – and the whole Crapitalist system model is wrong and has been from Day One thanks to the Shylock banksters and their usurious rates of interest – along with the fatally-flawed principles of fractional reserve lending.”

“Seriously, if quantitative easing is the answer to the UK’s financial problems as this Bank of England clot Spencer Dale claims, then why not simply keep on printing £20 quid notes and handing them out willy-nilly to every fucker and their dog, then we’ll all be rich and can afford to move abroad to somewhere they have a summer every year and not just our three seasons of ‘almost Winter’, ‘Winter’ and ‘April-May’ – wandering round in a pair of wellies and a raincoat, getting pissed wet through - and rowing down the local High Street in a sodding canoe every time you need a pint of milk or a loaf of bread.”

Former Lib-Dum Treasury spokesman Lord Oakeshitt, interviewed after having a ‘quickie’ with a Dragoon Guardsman in a Hyde Park public toilet, opined that “Resorting to metaphor to best describe this snafu, quantitative easing, at the rate King Mervyn’s been running the Bank’s printing presses, is simply an ever-expanding airbag – it might just protect us from the worst effects of our economic car crash but won’t put any fuel in the tank.”

So, what’s the difference between the Bank of England’s Monetary Policy Committee and a bunch of counterfeiters? Easy, the BoE print more – and faster.

Thought for the day. To misquote Richard Burton “If Spencer Dale truly believes that quantitative easing boosts an economy then he’s a moron and not fit for purpose - but if this is the disingenuous line they’re force feeding the public as fact and gospel truth, then he’s a fucking liar.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Tuesday 28 August 2012

Virgin to Run West Coast MainLine for Nowt

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

In the face of Transport Secretary Justine ‘Piranha Jaws’ Greenthing suffering another of her spasmodic ‘blonde moment’ episodes and depriving Virgin Trains of their core asset / stock-in-trade Inter City West Coast Mainline operating franchise - which they’ve held and successfully run since 1997 – steadily improving services and increasing passenger numbers from sweet fuck all to 31 million per year - Sir Richard Branston-Pickle has offered to run the whole shebang for free to give hapless rail travellers a well-deserved break from being leeched dry by having to remortgage homes or pledge their first born to the Virgin Group as collateral for a full year season ticket.

The franchise, which was up for rebid, has seen the winning tender awarded by Minister Greenthing, the closet gay Tory MP for Slutney, to the Scaberdeen-based WorstGroup, who have basically pulled the rug from under Branston’s feet by stating they can operate the West Coast Mainline service for half of what the Virgin / Slowcoach partnership does – offering the public the greatest discomfort n inconvenience at the highest prices, and are set to take over – lock, stock and barrel as of the 9th December 2012 – unless Branston’s dummy-spitting, do-or-die lobbying ploy to delay the signing of the new contract while Parliament reviews the grossly under-priced franchise bid’s award to WorstGroup pays off.

In its relentless global acquisition feeding frenzy the WorstGroup empire has in this case made a series of sweeping statements that belie the realms of reality: specifically that they will introduce improved on-board Wi-Fi services and airline style armrest screens capable of accessing the ‘Pay-As-U-Wank’ streaming webcams of a legion of eastern European pikey skangers stripping and rogering themselves – and each other - on demand.

Additionally, for passengers equipped with cast iron constitutions and the ability to eat and digest stinging nettles and broken glass, a gourmet line of semi-edible sandwiches will be available in the E-Coli Catering’s dining car – along with more frequent trains and lots of seats and fold-away stools to provide a wider range of creature comforts for hapless travellers awaiting NHS knee joint surgery and hip replacements.

It is hoped these ‘little extras’ will help to offset passenger ‘rail rage’ incidents when the train breaks down and they’re stuck on board overnight in the middle of no-fucking-where – an expanded service that will include drop-down ‘Sit n Shit’ chemical toilets ‘and’ an adequate supply of bog rolls, plus sleeping bags, pillows and a selection of Tog 16 disposable duvets.

Conversely, in their endeavours to win back the contract Branston and his Virgin cabal claim WorstGroup have resorted to a mix of ‘boasts and bullshit’ which are more at scent than substance – with further pledges to introduce a dozen new ‘Mach 10 / Speed of Light’ fifty-car nuclear powered trains on the Birmingham-to-Glasgow ‘Rattle-Track’ route; provide more direct services between destinations - and to ‘cap the crap’ will slash standard fares by 15% as they pass ‘Go’ and head straight round the Monopoly board towards the Bankruptcy Court slot.

Virgin’s ego-centric boss, speaking via a cybernet media link from Knackers, his private Caribbean island, informed one press hack from the Crock of Shit Gazette that this series of outrageous promises made by WorstGroup’s PR agents ‘Propaganda Parrots’ to win the franchise tender bid were a pile of unrealistic crap and would lead to his rival usurper’s certain bankruptcy faster than shit through a seagull with a prolapsed sphincter.

“These very same DfT civil servants got their maths wrong with National Excess and GNER – and they've got their maths wrong with the WorstGroup bid. I might have said “Fuck it” with the East Coast Mainline bid but we’re going to oppose Secretary Greenthing’s award decision in the courts on this occasion.”
“WorstGroup are on a dead cert’ lemming suicide mission – a definite self-harming intent for financial seppuku – then when they throw their hands up after twelve months and declare bankruptcy they can get a massive government bailout and screw the taxpayers up the arse.”

Branston has addressed a very clear message to Louise Smellman, the Labour MP for Scouseland - and more pertinently in her role as the chairperson of the House of Conmans Transport Committee - to get the message across that WorstGroup are not fit for purpose – whereas Virgin Trains and joint operating partners Slowcoach are willing to run the franchise for sweet fuck all after December 9th - when they’re due to hand over the West Coast Mainline service, if more time was needed for a review – with a selling point of “How’s that for a spot of real time quantitative easing?”

In response to Branston’s munificent offer, the ginger-mingin Smellman, has written to Transport Secretary Greenthing to request the signing of the lop-sided 13-year duration contract with WorstGroup be postponed until Virgin’s Martin Luther style ‘Forty Questions’ expose / accusations are fully appraised and investigated by Parliament – and answered by WorstGroup – and further pointing out that the offer to run a public train service for nothing was a pretty good deal all round as far as Posh Dave Scameron’s austerity-bent Libservative Coalition government ministers were concerned.

Replying to Smellman’s communication, Mingeeter Godermiche, the PA for Secretary Greenthing, read out a press release to media hacks prepared by the arrogant hand of her obnoxious boss stating "I’m very disappointed with Richard Branston’s accusations and Virgin resorting to legal action to challenge the award, which casts a cloud of suspicion over my credibility and professional competence – and I wholly resent him referring to me as having the IQ of a potted plant.”

“The winning bidder was decided by a fair and established process - behind closed doors - and no decent ‘cross my palm with silver’ reason has been advanced to convince me to consider an alternative offer and not sign the agreement for my good American friend, WorstGroup’s CEO, Tim O’Tosser.”

Ironically, Branston’s campaign to have the decision reviewed has been backed by businessman Lord Alan Sugarlump, Naked TV chef Jamie Oliver, double Olympic gold medallist Mo Farah - and the stupid Russian meerkat that flogs car insurance on the telly – in all a gang of numpty twats who know less about rail passenger services than WorstGroup do.

To boot, well in excess of 100,000 of the common herd’s long-suffering rail travellers have signed an online petition against the decision to change the franchise operator – with such heartfelt, expressive comments as “Fuck WorstGroup!” comprising the core opinion.

Contemporary failed bidders for the West Coast’s Mainline service franchise included Rattle-Track, Notwork Rail, First Crapita Connect, Inter-Shitty and Caledonian Creeper - along with Snail-Rail and a late bid from Jarvis Junk Trains.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Monday 27 August 2012

Raub Sectioned under ‘Ezra Pound’ Clause

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

One of the Great Satan’s ex-Marine Corp boot necks, Brandon J. Raub, involuntarily detained by closet super-dyke Janet Napolitano’s Department of Homeland Insecurity thugs for psychiatric evaluation after posting anti-establishment messages on the panopticon surveillance-intrusive Facebook website, has sparked a shit storm of support from a legion of Bolshie protestors, aggie radicals and socio-political activists alike, who claim the move is in breach of Raub’s First Amendment right to freedom of speech - to not only question government motives but also restate and echo a common-held opinion that an Indonesian Muslim cuckoo - impersonating a Kenyan with a forged Hawaiian birth certificate - has no right being in the Oval Office.

The 26-year old Raub, who served in the Great Satan’s illegal invasions and ensuing criminal occupations of both Afghanistan and Iraq, was seized by authorities in Virginia’s Bonkersfield County last Thursday for posting his radical political views which also referred to an imminent popular revolution that will see the common herd galvanised into ‘mayhem mode’ and the tumbrels roll – along with the heads of the ruling elitist scumbags when the US’s insolvent financial institutions shut their doors, declare a nation-wide bank holiday so no fucker or their dog can access ATM cash nor their savings accounts, or use credit cards.

After his arrest and being subjected to a nasty dose of the ‘Three I’s’ – Incarceration, Intimidation and Interrogation - by a motley collection of morons from the DHS and FBI, along with a bevy of Secret Service waterboarding agents, Raub was dragged into an in-camera hearing before a judge and under the concocted statutes of the Ezra Pound Act 1945 ordered to be detained in custody for as long as he disagreed with current government policies and refers to Barky Obama as a cuckoo.

Many nations employ the tried and tested Stalinist Soviet formula of emergency psychiatric commitment (disappearance) to gag anyone who has the audacity to dare question or disagree with their graft and corruption-ridden state apparatus in the public arena, on the grounds they must be mentally deficient – and hence ‘a nutcase’ – and should be indefinitely confined to some Siberian style gulag - to be protected from themselves and the rest of the compliant common herd.

The US shadow government’s police state enforcers manipulate the law to sanction the sectioning of any dissident types on the opinion of a health professional – and in this case used the damning diagnosis of a veterinarian to incarcerate the straight jacketed Raub at the St Elizabeth’s Institute for Political Dissidents and the Criminally Insane - regardless of the fact he wasn’t charged with any crime.

Oh well, habeas corpus kiss your ass goodbye – just the same as is going to transpire for the hapless population of Broken Britain with Posh Dave Scameron’s Big Society nightmare and the dystopian concept of pre-crime detention.

So this is what transpires when a nation fails to adopt a Montesquieu tripartite system of government - and the accumulation of all powers: legislative, executive, and judiciary end up in the same corrupt hands - whether of one oligarch or the many, and whether hereditary, self-appointed, or elective – a fubar that can only be pronounced to present the very definition of despotism and tyranny.

Welcome to the New World Order of things for any and all who dare disagree with the government and question a graft and corrupt-ridden officialdom and their Agenda 21 / eugenics / mass human cull motives and lies – only to be labelled as professional agitators / anarchists / domestic terrorists – or whatever.
Aye, the country’s military veterans – many now stricken with physical and / or psychological disabilities – or both: branded as freaks and non-conformist rebels, dissidents, radicals, reactionaries, anarchists, nihilists and revolutionaries simply due their inherent uniqueness – the fact they have the training and skills to kick ass and no need nor desire to go ‘Baaa’ and follow the rest of the common herd.

Hence it is the opinion of an authoritarian regime that patriotism is compromised by a psychological state of Oppositional Defiance Disorder – which emanates from surfing alternative news websites, asking awkward questions, thinking for oneself and hence totally disbelieving what the government and mainstream corporate-fascist controlled media tell you – an aberrant ‘Ezra Pound’ type mental condition that requires internment in some mental institution and treatment with veritable cocktail of full strength psychotic medications on a thrice-daily basis until the brain is cooked to the constituency of porridge and the offender’s IQ drops to the level of a potted plant.

That’s the Big Brother Nanny State – cradle to the grave compliance - and what’s more, from now on if you don’t eat your Manky Mutant insta-tumour GMO ‘Frankenfood’ sweet corn then Monsanto’s Jolly Green Giant’s going to come round and stamp all over your house and family – and really make a total fuck of your day.

Thought for the day: Ezra Pound might have been incarcerated in St Elizabeth’s ‘Hell Hole’ for years due the fact that ordinary mortals were not sufficiently intelligent to understand his aims and motives – plus due reasons of backing a couple of fascist losers and publicly broadcasting an opinion that Il Duce Mussolini and Herr Hitler and their National Socialism panacea were the bee knees / dog’s bollocks answer to the world’s socio-political ills.

However we take conspicuous note that none of the good ole US of A’s (Henry Ford, Prescott Bush, Rockefeller, etcetera, et al) nor Britain’s Hitler-hugging elitists and Nazi-sieg-heiling royal dross ever went to jail for backing the Austrian racist lunatic and his genocidal regime.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

NYPD Morons a Homicidal Liability

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

In an all-out effort to deprive American citizens of their God-given right (sic) to bear arms and shoot each other with their Saturday night specials, the US Secretary of Sleaze, Hilarious Rodent Clinton, has been tasked by her Zionist neo-con shadow government masters with pushing the US-sponsored all-encompassing UN Arms Trade Treaty which, if passed and implemented, will be the harbinger of a ban on the private ownership of firearms for the American colonists.

This UN-sanctioned ban being petitioned for adoption by the Arkansas-based Mena Mafia’s rug-munching Matriarch is intended to materialise into a full global clampdown, not just on handguns, 12 gauges and sporting rifles, but all weapons – which will include paintgun pistols, billy clubs, catapults, bows and arrows, assegais, hunting boomerangs, baseball bats, piano wire garrottes, blowpipes, and the Irish spud-bashing favourite ‘shillelaghs’.

To wit, in the good ole continental US of A itself, such a UN- approved ban will provide the Great Satan’s Kenyan-Indonesian Muslim leader, ‘Teleprompter Man’ Barky O’Barmy, - aka ‘Bandung Barry’ Soetoro - with a legal excuse to abuse the facility of Presidential privilege yet again and circumvent the 2nd Amendment with another ‘Executive Order’ – not only further trashing the Constitution and totally emasculating the Bill of Rights but paving the way for the armed resistance-less imposition of martial law when the manky Mossad’s latest Kike-Spy cyber-virus is loosed over the internet.

This Stuxnet Mk IV worm has been designed to provide the required excuse for US and European banksters to shut down operations and declare a holiday by fielding the disingenuous excuse they have to clear their computer databases of cyber-attack viruses – which will doubtless make zillions of bucks simply disappear into some numbered account at one of their shifty Shylock banks in the Rothshite crime syndicate empire’s capital of Israel - while they’re busy having an in-house Shred-Fest to cover their own criminally-liable arses.

So, to help the obnoxious Clinton’s efforts along in persuading the UN – and the rest of the known Universe – to do what the Great Satan wants – a few more Edmond / Columbine / Oikos Uni’ – (and ideally a Breivik copycat Utoeya Island) - ‘gone postal’ Slaughterama incidents are the order of the day to supplement the latest Batman premier-inspired ‘kill-a-thon’ in Aurora and further stigmatise the concept of loose firearms in the hands of brainwashed homicidal patsies – and any other fucker and their dog that’s not wearing a military or official civil intimidators police uniform.

To achieve this end and trash the 2nd Amendment, the NYPD’s grossly incompetent Plod Squad are doing their bit to prove to both the ‘Hope n Change’ US President and ultra-Zionist NY Mayor Shylock Bloomberg that guns in the wrong hands are a clear and present danger – unfortunately in this particular case by putting a bevy of bystanders and commuting pedestrians in hospital – and the morgue – in all truth through their inability to shoot straight and hit any fucking thing they’re aiming at – and ‘not’ the disingenuous fact the collateral damage pedestrians were hit by ricochets.

Although this latest sanguinary calamity wasn’t quite a Batman premier homicidal amok revisited but rather the NYPD’s trigger-happy uniformed morons engaging in one of their classic Dodge City shootouts, it serves regardless to forward the Great Satan’s gun control agenda – and one that the O’Barmy White House administration will utilise to the full in their continuing pantomime drive to make the world safe for hypocrisy.

So, what’s behind the gory story brouhaha that’s been dominating headlines since Friday and distracting the world’s attentions from focusing on the media disinformation campaign and blatant lies regarding the US / Israel funded civil war inside Syria - where their proxy psycho foreign merc’s comprising the ranks of the FSA are busy adding to the litany of human rights abuses and war crime massacres of civilians they and a compliant Western Zionist-controlled media are intent on blaming on the Ba’athist Assad regime.

The gospel according to a report in the Headbangers Gazette claims this latest incident took place outside the Big Bad Apple’s Empire State Building where yet another ‘lone gunman’ with a grudge – 96-year old t-shirt designer Billy Bob Redneck - ambushed ex-co-worker Hiram J. E-Coli III, vice-president of a clothing firm and pumped several bullets into him while shouting “Die, you motherfucker, die!”

Redneck’s assault was then rudely interrupted by a passing NYPD foot patrol who instead of hailing him to “Drop the weapon!” simply started loosing off Black Talon expanding rounds from their 9mm Glock and .357 Colt Python handguns, striking not only Redneck but a total of nine hapless civilians – four women and five men – who failed to duck or exit stage left fast enough to avoid the barrage of flack loosed by the shit-for-brains cops – a circus without a tent fiasco recorded for posterity on a veritable battery of CCTV surveillance cameras mounted along 5th Avenue and the corner of East 34th Street.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Sunday 26 August 2012

UK Councils go RIPA Overboard

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

In response to a report compiled jointly by Ox-Rat and Twat-Watch, the UK's civil rights abuse / snitch and grassers groups, from documents leaked by whistle-blowing local authority moles revealing that 345 of Broken Britain’s town hall councils have launched an astonishing 9,600 spying missions on the public over the past three years, the communities secretary, Eric ‘I Beat Bulimia’ Pickles, has sharply castigated the BBC (Biased Broadcasting & Coverups) and a legion of other public bodies for attempting to conceal their abuse of covert surveillance powers – hence avoiding transparency and any form of judicial oversight.

Bazzer McScrote, director of the Twat-Watch civil liberties charity, informed one press hack from the Totalitarian Gazette that the controversial Regulation of Investigatory Powers Act 2000 was being abused by a bunch of Town Hall jobsworths along with other power-mad bureaucratic toe-rags and low-life tosspots out to boost council incomes through on-the-spot fines - and further criminalise every aspect of normal human behaviour.

“This dog an’ pony show of a Libservative Coalition government needs ter put the block on councils exploitin’ RIPA cos it amounts ter nowt more than a fatally flawed piece of crap legislation wot woz ostensibly passed ter fight Muslim terrorist fanatics wot hates our democratic freedoms – wotever the fuck they are."
"Now we got these local authority fuckwits embarkin’ on a virtual surveillance orgy, usin’ the RIPA statutes ter launch some effin’ ‘Snark Hunt’ an spy on any fucker an’ their dog fer minor offences such as floutin’ the smoking ban, droppin’ litter an’ shovin’ their wheelie bins out too early – or too effin’ close ter the kerb – an’ usin’ motion-activated cameras mounted on lamp posts an’ hidden in garden hedges.”

“The yer got these council spies disguisin’ themselves as parkin’ meters and road signs in an attempt ter trap disability welfare claimants out joggin’ marathons an’ playin’ in golf tournaments an’ winnin’ gold medals in the Olympic equestrian events – along wiv gettin’ access ter the phone records of families suspected of cheatin’ on school catchment area rules so their kids don’t have ter travel 20 miles ter get an education cos the not-fit-fer-purpose government haven’t built enough schools – or have turned their local one inter one of these Asbo Central academies fer some buddin’ teenage anti-Christ an’ their yobster disciples. Let’s not forget that this outcome-based teachin’ system is nowt ter do wiv education – it’s neuro-linguistic programmin’ – wot yer call social engineerin’.”

Responding to the joint Twat-Watch / Ox-Rat report, the grossly obese ‘Six Chins’ Pickles - who caused a news sensation last year while on holiday in Spain and was mistaken for a beached whale when lying on the sands at the Costa del Yobbo - condemned a host of publicly-owned bodies including the UK’s local authority councils in their entirety - along with the BBC, Ofsted, the JoblessCentre and the Royal Mail, for abusing RIPA powers to spy on the same hapless public tax-payers who funded their very existences.

Pickles informed media hacks “What we need is a system of robust accountability imposing on all state bodies, not just these pettifogging local authorities, to ensure anti-terrorism powers are never arbitrarily abused without a good reason, and I personally welcome Ox-Rat and Twat-Watch’s diligence in providing an independent source of continuing scrutiny and challenge."

Accountability besides, these powers have been used by a breed of Stasi-minded, surveillance-addicted techno-bureaucrats that are pushing for CCTV cameras - connected to the GCHQ’s Big Brother ‘Triple Six’ computer database – to be installed on every one of Broken Britain’s highways and byways, and too in every home - to tackle trivial issues such as catching telly licence evaders watching the X-Factor on their goggle box, committing trading standards offences, benefit fraud and fly-tipping, along with trivial issues – like stalking dog owners suspected of not scooping the poop – with Smegmadale-on-Sea council mounting 315 operations since 2010 involving MQ-9 Reaper drones tasked to circle overhead for days at a time and photograph cyclists biking on the town’s promenade pavements.

Further local authority abuses included Fuckborough Council deploying a unit of PCSO’s 24/7 over a six week period to spy on a hillside farmer suspected of organising sheep-shagging orgies for a cabal of London zoophiliacs – and infiltrating female staff at the town’s Happy Ending rub n tug massage parlour to expose ‘dirty deeds’ concerning the establishment being a front for an unlicensed golly-flogging bordello: with both spying operations resulting in zero arrests or prosecutions.

In response to Pickle’s criticism of their abuse of RIPA powers the BBC, Ofsted, Royal Mail, UK Border Agency, the Prison Service and UK Trade and Investment refused to comment or make any disclosure, citing an illusionary exemption that the information would reveal the sneaky methods employed to catch offenders of whatever they wished to class as an offence.

Legislation about to be enacted, which critics claim will prove to be as much use as tits on a bull but is designed to ensure that from November 2012 local council über-fascists are compelled get ‘judicial approval’ – which will quite possibly materialise into being no more than a note signed by one of their fellow Freemasons posing as a magistrate - to abuse the RIPA powers and mount covert surveillance operations on some 90-odd year old Grandma who thinks all this talk about ‘household waste recycling’ involves riding round on a bike with a bag of garbage on your back.

Conversely the Local Government Association spokesman Fizzy al-Kaseltzer opined to media hacks that “The old nosy parker neighbourhood spy culture of twitching curtains and slanderous fishwife gossip is outdated, hence we need to employ trained snoops kitted out with the latest technology. Never mind what old ‘Beef Dripping Billy’ Pickles - Mr Cellulite – says, we need these powers to catch offenders and fund our budgets with on-the-spot fines.”

“This is what RIPA was drafted for – and anyone who doesn’t clean up their pooch’s crap is a domestic terrorist in my book. One day it’s dogshit, then next the same scally’s doing a Guy Fawkes and blowing up the House of Conmans with one of those nasty black pepper and peroxide bombs, the same as MI5 and Mossad used to blast the shit out of those three tube trains and the bus in the 7/7 false flag terror attacks.”

“Not so”, was the response from Ox-Rat’s Bev Titwank, “We’re sick to the effing teeth with local council’s one-size-fits-all approach to every fucking thing and fielding squads of these Community Enforcement Officers on hire from the Renta-Thug Security Agency – a bunch of NLP-indoctrinated zombies turned out piecemeal by the likes of that sinister Common Purpose social engineering syndicate – that amount to nothing more that a bunch of career tossers bent on lowering the threshold for what justifies a civil or criminal offence.”

“My personal experience of this gang of renta-morons acting as community snoops - and too the reports of abuse of powers that we investigate, expose in the media and defend in courts – reinforces an opinion that a thing they are not is friendly neighbourhood enforcers.”

“One of the officious CEO fascists we have patrolling our streets is a renowned social outcast – galloping halitosis, pebble-dash acne and the personality of a leper colony - who got herself recruited to the job through some relative who’s an Alderman – and this lard-arsed butch dyke parades herself around kitted out with the all-empowering uniform, a Batman utility belt, ‘Stay-Brite’ shiny badge with its own micro CCTV camera, a radio – and the intellect of a potted plant.”

“These uber-hypocrites spout streams of pontificating bullshit concerning our civil rights, freedom of expression and liberty, and the dangers posed by the illusory menace of militant Islam to this political farce referred to as a democratic system of government, yet adopt oppressive, authoritarian methods to keep the common herd in line – and batter into submission any and all who would question the government’s fascist methods.”

“Hence we have to speculate, what’s next if we continue to allow these totalitarian technocrats to have their wicked way and walk all over us - Trapwire and facial recognition systems manned by some latter-day Gestapo behavioural detection officer? Hitler, Stalin and Mao would be proud of today’s over-zealous fascist brownshirts and what this draconian I-Spy panopticon surveillance society of ours has become.”

Thought for the day. While Orwell’s 1984 provides both alarming and prophetic insights to what a Dystopian state might manifest as, perhaps it is time, and again prudent, to remind PM Austerity Dave Scameron and his Libservative Coalition that the revelatory text was a ‘warning’ aimed at the common people – and definitely not a blueprint and instruction manual – Totalitarianism for Dummies - for governments to impose on their own voting public.

To wit, fuck the Freemasons and Big Brother – and his sister – and the New World Order.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Saturday 25 August 2012

A Politically Correct Definition for Rape?

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Gorgeous George Galloway has insisted he regards all acts of sex – whether hetero or homo - as rape unless the second party (and ‘third’ in cases of a ménage à trois) begs the dominant Alpha male / female to ‘give them a good seeing to’ – though in total contradiction stands by the controversial statement he made to the Doggers Gazette regarding sexual assault allegations filed against the Wicked-Leaks super-grass website founder Julian Blancmange.

Galloway, the Respect Party MP for Yorkshire’s Old Scrotum constituency, has copped for lashings of criticism for failing to engage brain before opening gob and publicly stating that to his mind Blancmange was merely guilty of a case of poor sexual etiquette – by not engaging in post-coital after-play due simply rolling off and then surfing TV channels with the remote and not even whispering polite ‘sweet nothings’ in his lady playmate’s ear – such as “Did the earth move for you too, darling?”

Regardless of his formidable intellect, Galloway is still stricken with this fatal shit-for-brains habit of sticking up for political pariahs after the rest of the known Universe has condemned them to perdition – as evidenced by his past flawed defence of Genghis Khan, Atilla the Hun, Idi Amin, Pol Pot, Saddam Hussein, Jolly Jihad Muslim suicide bombers - and now Julian Blancmange – an act while being noble in itself often sounds the death toll for politicians.

In a podcast earlier this week Galloway created a shit storm by suggesting that one of the women concerned had consensual sex with Blancmange then woke him and assumed the ‘reverse cowgirl’ position to give herself a good rogering - arguing that in no way could this constitute rape – then added that in his unqualified opinion the Wicked-Leaks editor’s case bore all the hallmarks of a Western intelligence services set-up by the Great Satan’s CIA and the rogue state of Israel’s manky Mossad, both chomping at the bit to make an example of him for publishing leaked diplomatic cables and correspondence, and exposing the crimes of their evil ZioNazi empire.

"What occurred on both these occasions did not constitute acts of rape as the law defines such, plus neither of the women have made a claim that they were raped – these charges stem from Sweden’s moronic Public Prosecutor’s interpretation of the law due allegations that Blancmange failed to slip a rubber on his willy.”

For his troubles of getting involved in an issue that doesn’t concern him, Galloway has come under a barrage of flack from within his own party’s hierarchy, specifically due his flippant comment regarding Blancmange’s precarious ‘legal position’ - to wit: “Legal position? – never tried that one – yet.”

The burka-clad Respect Party leader, Salma Yackgobble, informed one press hack from the Three Holers Review that "Let us be clear on this, just because these women climbed into Julian Blancmange’s bed of their own free will doesn’t mean they consented to having his cock stuck up them while they were asleep.”

“Really, there’s nothing worse than waking up in the middle of the night with your boy friend’s erection jammed between the cheeks of your arse and him whispering in your ear “Let’s have bum sex, darling” - especially if you’re suffering from constipation to start with.”

Hmmm, the garrulous George Galloway besides, on the other side of the Atlantic pond, in the good ole US of A, they too have problems with their own politico’s schoolboy ideas concerning acts of rape committed by males against the weaker sex of the species.

As if Mitt the Moron didn’t have enough personal negative credibility issues with his Presidential candidacy election bid that no amount of big bankster / shadow government funding can cure, he selects a Jonah like Paul Ryan as his running mate – or some fucker did – and now has this clot of a congressman Todd ‘Mr Personality’ Akin, contesting the Missouri Senate seat for the GOP, kick-starting a nation-wide brouhaha by claiming a woman’s gynaeo’ sub-conscious can auto-abort a foetus if she becomes pregnant after being raped.

Really, where the fuck do they get these cretins – by shaking the trees? Obviously need to start shaking them a bit harder.

The American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists spokeswoman, Fellattia van der Gamm, informed the media that Akin or anyone else with so little understanding of basic human biology wasn’t fit to be in a position of ranking political office where their personal opinion – and hence vote – could negatively affect the outcome of a bill sanctioning abortion in cases of rape and incest.

Whereas, ironically, the National Republican Senatorial Campaign Committee has informed Akin that if he refuses to stand down as the Senate candidate following this embarrassing fubar then the $5 million bucks worth of advertising finds set aside for Missouri would be spent on a human reproductive tuition literature campaign.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Friday 24 August 2012

Prince Harry: A Right Royal Embarrassment

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Prince Chazzer, the Royal Plant Whisperer, has confirmed he contacted the Defence Secretary, Phillip ‘Dandruff’ Hammond yesterday to have a couple of MI6’s psycho-goons or a squad of the 22nd Special Air Service troopers dispatched to Las Vegas, immediately if not sooner, and secure any loose photographs of Prince Harry cavorting around a pool table with his bollocks hanging out before the scandal-mongering British press got hold of them.

Apparently Chazzer spit the proverbial dummy after receiving a call from his irate mother, QE2, who had watched the ginger-mingin Harry’s ‘strip billiards’ birthday suit performance on YouTube ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U-vPB-z_7nc )
while scoffing a traditional Highland ‘grouse omelette’ breakfast at Balmoral – she apparently being logging in as ‘Viewer 1,784,629’.

Conversely Chazzer’s crevasse-faced concubine Gorgonzilla, the chain-smoking Duchess of Cornhole, thought it all a stellar wheeze and approvingly cheered the wayward ranga’s ‘naturist’ antics as youthful high spirits, informing one press hack from the Doggers Gazette: "What Prince Harry does in a private hotel room with some scrubber - or another bloke like these public school types do – or even a couple of sheep - is what we expect one of our rampant royals to be doing.”
“Obviously he’s following in the libidinous footsteps of his great-auntie, Princess Margaret, who had a bit of a problem keeping her legs closed for more than five minutes, and ended up with the sobriquet of the Royal Bike as everyone had been for a ride on her.”

Clarence House today admitted it is the Royal Cuckoo in the photos, posing with a naked female of the species, and not some scumbag impersonator setting Harry up for a spot of scandal or blackmail.
Royal Equerry, Sir Dinsdale Ffitch-Gargoyle, confided that he had contacted the Press Complaints Commission viz the photos due concerns that if the gutter press tabloids got hold of copies and published them in their notorious ‘Page Three’ slot in place of the usual 'Silicon Sisters’ boosted tits then this would constitute an act of Harry’s privacy being intruded upon, and a breach of the editors' code of practice.

In reply, Ron McScrote, editor of the UK’s red top Daily Shitraker, had this to say “Once again another incident so typical of the British royal family, wot’s a confederacy of wastrels and dunces. This latest pile of crap, cavortin’ around in a swastika-emblazoned jock strap, proves the delinquent little git’s possessed with a sense of asinine mischief that belies good judgement an’ makes yer wonder if he is actually a prince an' not the court jester?”

“He’s just like his dad, old Jimbo, pullin’ his cock out anywhere. So if the shit-for-brains royal cuckoo has no more sense than ter allow himself ter be copped in a compromisin’ situation an’ photographed in his birthday suit while havin’ it off with some low-life mosh pit skanger he picked up in the strip’s notorious ‘Sluts’ disco, or wherever, fer an all-night Viagra an' booze-fuelled rampant three-hole cluster-fuck session wiv him an’ his poncey mates – an’ all takin’ piccies wiv their smart phones - then wot the fuck does the silly twat expect? Of course it’s gonna ter be all over YouTube a couple of hours later.”

“Okay, bollocks ter St James’ Palace complainin’ ter the PCC about our publishing the pix bein’ an invasion of Harry’s privacy cos the tosser doesn’t seem ter give a flyin’ fuck about compromisin' it himself – plus we can use the public interest defence – but, by the same rule who in their right mind wants ter see Harry Hewitt’s spotty botty?”
“Alas, as long as the common herd have this moronic obsession wiv the eccentric antics of the so-called rich and shameless / celebrity ranks of our immoral society then some red top gutter press tabloid is gonna to publish an exposé of their scandalous, hedonistic lifestyles – cos that wot sells newspapers.”

The gospel according to whispers from the Royal Mole inside Balmoral, Queen Brenda was overheard by the senior Snitch-in-Waiting bewailing the situation to Sir Rigby Ratstamper, the chief of royal security.
“Good gracious, can’t your bodyguards keep a closer eye on the dirty little pig, running around with his willy hanging out - and you can stop smirking too, Stavros or I’m not sending one of the guardsmen off in the helicopter to pick up your incontinence pads from Boots.”

“Really, I thought all this type of outrageous behaviour would stop after Margaret croaked and we had Andrew neutered, but now he’s emulating the old tricks his Grandfather Stavros used to get up to before male menopause set in – running around in Nazi uniforms and showing off his crown jewels.”
“So, I’m too dumbstruck to ponder what other mortifying indiscretions Harry’s going to commit. Perhaps we’d better have the MI6 thugs stuff the little ranga in one of those big black North Face holdalls they use and chuck him on the next flight back to Blighty.”

Now, speculations beside, let's get down to the nitty-gritty of the matter – who was the bit of totty that Harry was snapped playing ‘hide the wiener’ with? Was it Tekem Orloff, the celebrity Ukrainian stripper he was necking with at last weekend’s Wet Republic pool party at the prestigious 5-star Slappers Hotel – or part-time shag Titsy Trollenberg – or the de-lick-ious bisexual Mingeeter Godermiche – or super-model Slagella McSkanger?

Rumour has it that the lady (sic) in question was actually Chlamydia Mingerot, an escort from the Vegas strip’s notorious Renta-Troll Agency, who cast the principles of never kiss and tell to the four winds in exchange for thirty pieces of silver and confessed “Gee, that was a big ‘first’ for me as I’d never sucked a real Prince’s cock before – an’ it was jest like a normal penis – only a bit smaller – although not that small as my ass is still sore.”
“But he was such a gentleman and never came in my mouth, plus whispered he still respected me the next morning.”

Thought for the day: Well at least with having no wicked Windsor DNA from his Mum Diana - and real ‘Pater Naturalis’ Jimbo Hewitt – and the ‘ginger minger’ factor besides - young Harry’s a veritable ladies eye-catcher – not being cursed with the hereditary Saxe-Coburg-Gotha / Schleswig-Holstein-Sonderburg-Glücksburg fly-catching slack jaw and satellite antenna bat-ears – along with galloping haemophilia and schizoid-psychopathic tendencies - and a dozen other consanguineous interbreeding calamities that come from swimming for countless centuries at the shallow end of the gene pool like the rest of Europe’s royal families.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Thursday 23 August 2012

New Kikester Virus Hits Online Banking

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The Moscow-based computer security outfit, Kuntsky Lab, has finally decoded the black arts origin of the latest covert cyber surveillance virus that is being spread via e-mail contagion routes to spy on internet financial transactions – specifically targeting banks with lots and lots of other people’s money - and further designed with the sinister capacity to steal login information for PayPal accounts, e-mail and instant messaging – and for some unfathomable, moronic reason, password access for the nosy parker Facebook network.

Labelled by Kuntsky Lab with the moniker of Kike-Spy, it has been determined the new virus is a yet another state-sponsored cyber-espionage tool – and a more sophisticated form of the Israeli Mossad’s prototype Stuxnet virus which the rogue Promised Land state used in a futile attempt to cripple Iran’s uranium enrichment centrifuge operations and inadvertently overlooked the embedded ‘Shifty Shylock’ fingerprint in the core coding which gave away the authorship.

This new Kike-Spy virus’s focus on internet financial services bears all the trademarks of the Rothshite bankster crime syndicate’s involvement as it has the potential to fuck up monetary transfers and deposit / savings account security on a global scale - with the ShitiGroup Inc’s main flagship Shitibank being subjected to several cyber-attacks in the past week.

However, this has resulted in a reversal of the desire ‘crippling’ effect – by providing the bank’s branches with the opportunity to declare a ‘holiday’ and shut their doors, suspending all depositor payouts while they have a ‘Shred-Fest’ and cook the books to balance their massive in-house debits caused through years of untold ‘casino mentality’ speculation on the dodgy derivatives markets and sub-prime debt swaps – and then blame any fiscal irregularities that can’t be erased squarely on the cyber attack – and avoid a slap on the wrist from government regulators.

Kuntsky Lab believe the Kike-Spy virus is also equipped with weapon capabilities and could be used to attack industrial control systems, just like Stuxnet which targeted Iran’s Natanz nuclear power plant facility in 2010 – but the primary ‘bank worm’ function points the fickle finger of fate right back at the Great Satan and the ZioNazi kikesters money-grubbing, control freak Evil Empire.

Michael Barfsky, the cyber warfare research director of Kuntsky Lab informed one press hack from the Pound of Flesh Gazette that “After looking at Stuxnet, Duqu, Flame and Gauss virus structures, we can say with a high degree of certainty that the trouble the creators took to disguise its purpose by using sophisticated encryption codes, that Kike-Spy comes from the same CIA / NSA / Mossad factory, as the multi-functional embedded ‘attack toolkits’ represent the high end of nation-state-sponsored cyber-espionage and cyber war operations. What you might term the ‘dog’s bollocks’ of cyber malware viruses.”

“So, while a bit of rocket science does come into this, it’s more at Sherlock Holmes deduction - if it’s not us - the Russians – or the Chinks - then it has to be the Israelis and the Yanks – and the deep-embedded tell-tale Shifty Shylock narrow font that gets downloaded onto target computers is a dead give-away.”

According to Barfsky the US and Israeli governments have been monitoring Asian and Mid-East banks for activity traceable to Jolly Jihadist militant groups, and drug cartels with more money than they can shake a stick at.

“So, these scumbags in Washington and Tel Aviv have this successful Stuxnet platform they’ve developed, so now it gets a spot of re-design and evolves into Kike-Spy - not only with the ability to take a shifty cyber-peek at bank deposits but also make a few transfers in the process.”
“Hey, this has got to be easier – and safer – than wandering up to the cashier’s window with half a pair of tights pulled over your head and pointing a loaded pistol at the teller.”

Thought for the day. The Cybersecurity Act of 2012 was introduced and voted down by the Senate in July. What’s the betting Kike-Spy is designed to cause a false flag cyber-attack on US banks so they can declare a ‘banking holiday’ to purportedly clear the virus from their computer systems – then Barky O’Barmy, the Kenyan cuckoo impostor in the Oval Office, will be instructed by his Shylock bankster bosses to use the Executive Order prerogative to pass the rejected act and place federal control the internet in the hands of the DHS and FBI.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Wednesday 22 August 2012

Lonrho / Lonmin: Different Name / Same Scum

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Lonrho or Lonmin plc or Anglo-Platinum - call it what you will – with the recent scandalous homicidal events at the Marikana platinum mine near Rustenburg in South Africa this past week, to all intents and purposes it’s still the same old scumbag, fly-by-night, criminal syndicate incorporated in Britain in 1909 as the London and Rhodesian Mining and Land Company Limited - that super-Kraut Tiny ‘Fiddles’ Rowland ran with an autocratic iron fist for decades while shafting Africans up the back passage for generations – and was once so rightly branded by the Tories piranha-toothed paedo’ PM Ted Heath as “The unpleasant and unacceptable face of Crapitalism”.

And that closing condemnation from kiddie-fiddling Teddy Boy summed up Lonrho’s corporate morality – although the lyrics of Tennessee Ernie Ford’s 78 wax recording of ‘Sixteen Tons’ best described Lonrho as an organisation that not only wanted the worker’s blood, sweat and tears - but also their first born.

So, what’s changed since Tiny’s day, might we ask? Well, obviously not a lot when you start counting the head toll of bodies shot to death by the Lonmin-aligned trigger-happy Plod Squad, along with Lonmin’s own armed mine guards from the local Renta-Thug Security Agency.
Some 34 snuffed, with a further 78-plus wounded – and all for pulling a supplicant Oliver Twist and asking “Please, can we have some more” in their meagre £300 quid monthly pay packets for working all the hours God sends – and bollocks-deep in seven kinds of dangerous shit.

Doubtless Tiny would be rubbing his hands and saying “Shoot a few more of the black fuckers – teach them who’s boss” – if he were still around and not otherwise occupied, stoking the fires of Hell for the rest of Eternity.

But that was Tiny – the unacceptable face of Crapitaism – and for his sins repeatedly, and with conspicuous malice aforethought, denied a knighthood or life peerage - or an invite to join the Freemasonic Brotherhood. A German national born Roland Walter Fuhrhop in an Indian internment camp during World War One, then interred again on the Isle of Man during WW2 as an enemy agent.

Oh yes, a classical piece of work was old Tiny – and well remembered for his waltzing with dictators performances around Africa and using Lonrho-owned gutter press rags in London to sanitise the bloodthirsty homophobic likes of the despotic and clinically-insane Robert Rhubarbie - amongst a host of disreputable others.

Thus, the terrible Tiny protected and secured Lonrho’s mining interests by promoting Zimbabwe as a Marxist Utopia established through ZANU’s terrorist actions - and the expulsion – or murder - of white farmers in the programme of government licensed thievery that was promoted under the disingenuous misnomer of ‘land reform’ – all thanks to Tory PM Slaggie Twatcher and her fatally misguided Foreign Secretary Lord Peter Carrington.

So, what’s the problem, this ‘Trouble at Mill’ strike which caused the homicidal confrontation, might we ask? The gospel according to one report in the Ripoffs Review, the Lonmin-subservient National Union of Mineworkers officials were not forthcoming in negotiating the Marikana miners’ pay demands, hence they threw them the proverbial ‘digitus impudicus’ (big finger) and all signed up with the breakaway Association of Mineworkers and Construction Union to get the desired results.

These guys, the below ground mine workers / drillers, are getting paid what economists and banksters alike often refer to as ‘sweet fuck all’ - while Lonmin’s Mammon-worshipping Chairman, CEO, directors and exec’s are picking up six and seven figure annual salaries, along with performance bonuses and ‘lowest rate’ stock options –plus gold-plated pension pots.

To wit, the miners aren’t after anything like ‘equal pay’ parity, just a boost on their £300 nicker per month salaries – or a production bonus scheme initiating – a petition soundly stamped on by Lonmin’s Shylock finance director, Simon ‘I Beat Bulimia’ Snott – who had the audacity to claim the strike and replacing the dead workers could mean losing some 15,000 ounces of the annual projected 40,000 ounces of refined platinum production – quite a financial bite (£22 million quid down) with the precious metal currently priced at US$1,462:50c per fine Troy ounce.

Hmmm, perhaps Lonmin Chairman Roger Phillimore and CEO Ian Farmer might be worried how this year’s Christmas goodies are going to be funded if their performance bonuses dwindle to a mere trickle.

However, South African President Jacob ‘Trouser Snake’ Zuma has taken time off from his priapismic hunt for wife number seven to step in and save the day, ordering his moronic brother N’Kunta, head of the Ministry for Graft & Corruption, to organise a commission of inquiry into why the brain-dead psychos comprising the massed ranks of the Marikana Plod Squad opened fire with automatic weapons and massacred the core leadership of the Bolshie mob of some 3,000 irate miners who reportedly charged them, shouting “We want more pay!” and throwing large lumps of high grade platinum ore.

Political opponents of President Jacob Zuma’s ruling Kleptocracy Party have raised calls for Lonmin’s South African holdings to be nationalised – specifically the Marikana platinum mine at the centre of this violent pay dispute, exacerbated by tensions between two rival trade unions and a not-fit-for-purpose police force whose commanders they wish to see charged with murder in sanctioning the bloodiest police operation since the last bloody police operation.

And there you go - c'est la vie, and welcome to Black Africa. Sharpeville besides, anyone miss those good ole apartheid days?

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Ulster to get ‘Golly-Flogger’s Charter’

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Proposed changes to the laws on prostitution and human trafficking in Northern Ireland are due to go out to public consultation later this week - once Stormont’s Finance Secretary approves the Department of Justice’s purchase of a replacement black inkjet cartridge so draft copies of the bill can be printed.
If passed into legislation, the Human Trafficking & Exploitation Act – colloquially referred to around Dublin brothels as the ‘Golly-Flogger’s Charter’ - will see Northern Ireland take the lead in the UK on human trafficking laws.

In addition to providing protection for the younger and more vulnerable interns of the ‘second oldest’ profession, the bill aims to enhance support services for victims of sexual crimes as well as making it an offence to avoid paying the pre-agreed fee for services provided by a prostitute – going so far as to ensure a ‘minimum wage’ level is set for such amenities provided.

Buying or selling sex is perfectly legal across the UK – apart from where Sunday licensing laws are in place - however many activities related to prostitution, including kerb crawling, pimping, mass dogging and running a bordello next to a church, convent or primary school - are all outlawed.

Lord McTadger informed the media it was illegal to pay for sex in Northern Ireland from someone who has been coerced. "The majority of rescued victims of sex trafficking in Ulster are those found in pub car parks and nearby woods who have been coaxed into swilling back pint after pint of draught Guinness with chasers of potcheen by unscrupulous libertines, then taken unfair advantage of while they were in a soporific state of intoxication.”

“These poor lasses then come around the next morning, knickers missing, with a sore snatch and arse – and a bad hangover to boot, feeling like they’d had a cucumber stuffed down their throat – and elsewhere - only to find a mere ten euro note stuffed in their pocket – along with a knotted condom – if they’re lucky.”

“However, over in Sweden, they’re very strict on this issue and send out a clear message of zero tolerance on the purchase of sex that makes trafficking a criminal offence – with violators of the code very often fleeing the country and ending up seeking asylum in the Ecuadorian Embassy in London to avoid extradition and prosecution for their alleged sins.”

Candida McSkanger, a sixteen-year old mother of three who plies her trade of a night-time up and down Belfast’s Wankhill Road, informed one press hack from the Short Time Review that “Bejaysus, thank Christ they’re gonna pass a law at last, it’s what us good Catholic girls have bin prayin’ fer.”

“I’m fed up wiv blokes handin’ over a tenner note fer a quickie knee-trembler wiv me bent over a car bonnet, then shoving it up me arse an makin me blow em after – cos that’s a full ‘round the world’ three-holer wot costs fifty euros.”

Conversely, Irish Justice Minister Alan Shitter informed a media hack from the Pederasts Gazette that while there was a clear consensus on the evils of kiddie fiddling and the sex trafficking of sheep and goats, there were differing and genuinely held views, even in his own Masonic circles, on how criminal law should deal with child prostitution – if at all.

*** Second oldest profession. The ‘oldest’ is grave-digging.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Tuesday 21 August 2012

UK’s National Ill-Health Service Goes Global

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Ox-Rat, the government oversight watchdog charity, has slammed the Libservative Coalition’s latest hare-brained scheme to ‘globalise’ the National Ill-Health Service as the most stupid idea they’ve had since the last stupid idea.

Speaking to one gutter press hack from the Snafu Gazette outside London’s prestigious Harold Shipman Centre for Medical Excellence following a meeting with NHS bosses, Ox-Rat director Candida Mingerot opined “Wot a bunch of effin’ garbage these twats are comin’ out wiv. This little ‘consultation’ get-together woz designed ter put their feelers out an’ test the public reaction, so ter speak.”

“This government initiative’s bin thought up by that bunch of twats wot’s in the Cabinet’s think tank, the Behavioural Insight Team – them they calls the ‘Nudge Unit’. So now we got Posh Dave Scameron an’ his mate Mick Clogg pushin’ a profit-motivated foreign expansion scheme ter have the NHS go global an’ set up branches abroad.”

“Personally, an’ a lot of other folk will agree wiv this, I reckon it might be nice if they provided a fit-fer-purpose service here in the UK first instead of this MRSA-infested shambles wot we’re stuck wiv. Get their proverbial shit sorted out at home before they start buildin’ hospitals in some poverty-stricken dump where they’ve all got the screamin’ shits 24/7 an’ malaria an’ leprosy an’ what-have-yer.”

The Catweazel-coiffeured Anne ’Skeletor’ Milton, the incumbent MP for Tierra del Fuego and one of the Torie’s stable of Health Secretaries (rumoured to be a former body-bagger at Zurich’s Dignitas euthanasia clinic) appeared outside Richmond House in Shitehall looking like a Fraggle Rock refugee and wearing her favourite, albeit pejorative, “I Hate Fatties” t-shirt, where she promptly spit the dummy, threw a fit and sharply contradicted Ox-Rat’s press statements.

Milton informed a gaggle of snickering media hacks ““The NHS has a world-class reputation and some of Britain's best known hospitals, such as the ‘Freddy Patel Institute for Clinical Guesswork' - Scouseland’s ‘Alder Hey Hospital for Paediatric Organ Thefts’ - and the ‘Wallace & Gromit Cut n Tuck Transgender Surgery Centre’ are being considered to take part in the initiative - to raise funds for our insolvent government’s Big Society initiatives and promote the international profile of the UK’s health service and all our foreign doctors who’ve been trained to wash their hands and not smoke or chew beetle nut when in the operating theatre.”

“In fact we’ve run a pilot project for pikey immigrants at my ‘constituency surgeries’ – nothing too complicated like coronary by-passes but simple procedures such as haemorrhoid banding and vulcanising leaking breast implants – which was a joint venture with Kwik-Fit.”

Okay-dokey, just run that one by us again, Mrs Milton: “The NHS has a world-class reputation.” (er sorry, not in Broken Britain it doesn’t, sweetie).

Bev Titwank, chief executive of the Impatient Patients Association (IPA) had this to say during an interview with Jeremy ‘Mad’ Axeman on BBC2’s Newshite programme.
"The foundation stone of the National Ill-Health Service was to ensure care for patients, and that was a reality until a succession of moronic governments ‘exorcised’ the dominant and all-encompassing ‘Sergeant-Major’ Matron role that not only guided support staff and nurses but also doctors – and guaranteed the wards were clean and bacteria-free – and Mrs Jones with the kidney stones did not end up having a hysterectomy by mistake.”

“Now these clots are in the process of laying staff off while waiting times for an appointment to get a Band-Aid changed are being measured in months and not weeks. The Hippocratic oath is about treating the sick, not turning a profit to fund the government’s next foreign war of aggression against some hapless Middle East Muslim country.”

“Really, these grasping hospital trusts should be focused on treating patients in the UK and not sending off their staff to run around the 27-member EUSSR community – or any other Third World cesspits – with a first aid kit, an invoice pad and a credit card reader.”

Thought for the day. Hmmm, anybody trust Mrs Milton on this scheme? She who tried to pull a Slaggie Twatcher and steal the kindergarten kiddie’s milk back in 2010, to save a couple of bob – which prompts us to speculate if her own brood of four sprogs were denied the right to suckle at the breast due the restrictive statutes of Keynesian economics.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Greedy Grocers in New Ripoffs Scandal

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The ubiquitous Greedy Grocer rip-off supermarket chain majors, Pestco, Mammon & Snobfords, Pukesburys, Shiteland and Abra-Cadabra, have been caught running a bottled H2O scam and flogging common or garden ‘household’ tap water to zillions of unsuspecting customers.

Bottles of Pestco’s Everyday Value line’s ‘Thirsty Pikey’ and Pukesbury’s ‘Duckpond Delight’ are sitting on shelves squarely between big name brands of mineral water such as Evian’s ‘L’Eau de Maiden’, Perrier’s ‘Bubbly Jubbly’ and Al Qaeda’s Oasis brand ‘Nomad’s Nectar’ - devoid of any labelling to distinguish them nor indicate that the contents are the very same toxic chlorine and fluoride-loaded shite that comes out of taps and turns hapless goldfish a weird shade of translucent green after a few weeks.

Retail watchdog Ox-Rat have been quick to expose the pretence that stocking these items next to brand name mineral waters is, by implication alone, presenting a product of equal purity and beneficial content with no mention that customers can save money by simply turning on their own kitchen faucet and filling a glass (kitchen faucet, mind you, never water from the bathroom washbasin’s cold tap).

To wit, with mains ‘potable water’ (sic) pouring out of a household tap at 0:333 pence per litre and the Greedy Grocers flogging their product for 17p for a two-litre bottle, the public are getting ripped off with a mark-up price of 2,500%. Hmmm, profiteering - so nothing unusual there from a group of companies who send the bailiffs round to grab a family’s first born to settle store card debt.

Pestco sells their tap water under the name of ‘Everyday Value Thirsty Pikey’ which can be bought in a two-litre bottle for 17p or a six-pack of 500ml bottles for £1 quid – with the label simply stating ‘Water’ – with a CO2 boosted ‘Pikey Fizz’ version which sells for 40p a litre.

The acronym-blighted ‘H2O-UK’ trade body which are Broken Britain’s mains potable water suppliers, insist the product gushing out of household taps and garden hoses – and through the cracks in a legion of pavements - is cheap, healthy and safe, with absolutely no reason to filter out the mind-numbing fluoride additive that helps you forget about all the problems our dog-wanking government have got the country into.

The gospel according to a recent report from the Libservative Coalition’s quango-run Drinking Water Reassurance Department claims that 99.36 per cent of all samples are within health and safety standards.

Candida Mingerot of Water UK, informed one press hack from the Typhoid Gazette that “Just look at those test sample readings – 99.36% pure, so compared to Third World shitholes like the Southern Sudan, Somalia and Eritrea, our tap water is incredibly safe and people shouldn’t go wasting their money on this filtered bottled tap water rip-off from the Greedy Grocer stores – unless of course they want to avoid drinking the 0.64% of the water samples that were outside health and safety parameters - and could cause a nasty bout of the screaming shits – which could possibly turn out to be a dose of amoebic dysentery.”

Conversely, when asked by the Ripoffs Review about the origins of their Thirsty Pikey bottled water, Pestco spokeswoman Fellattia Portaloo initially reeled off a completely disingenuous explanation – perhaps better described as a 'pack of lies'.
“This is not filtered tap water. Our supplier confirms that the product originates from a spring in France but is bottled in the UK – probably somewhere they don’t have a hosepipe ban.”

After being threatened with exposure in the national press and reported to the Office of Fair Trading, Pestco management confirmed that while their Thirsty Pikey water does come from the UK mains, the Croydon-based supplier, Pierre le Mange & Co, filter it through a series of heavy duty rugby socks to remove impurities.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Monday 20 August 2012

Yuppie Tory MPs: UK Workers Slack-Arses

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

A cabal of five smarmy young Conservative MPs who slithered into their respective constituency offices during the 2010 election – collectively a bunch of shit-for-brains know-it-all’s, full of their own importance - claim the welfare dependency culture of idle-arsed British workers is damaging the economy by failing to compete with the hard graft (sweatshop slavery) of Third World Asian countries – entirely missing the core issue point that it was the 1980’s Tory government under the mad menopausal maniac mismanagement of Slaggie Twatcher who de-industrialised our once-sceptred ‘Iron, Steel n Steam’ isle and purposely, with malice aforethought, outsourced or lost our mega-manufacturing base to these very same Asian dumps.

The five, who are a yuppie-ish ‘wet-behind-the-ears’ 40 or younger and took their seats in the House of Conmans at the last election, are publishing a book in which they state for the public record that, in their unqualified arrogant opinions, lazy Brits prefer to lie in bed all day, scratching their arses and watching moronic reality shows on the goggle box than engage in any form of hard work.

Due to be published on the eve of the Conservative Party election, the book, aptly titled ‘Britannia’s Broken – A Tory Legacy of Debt’, further erroneously criticises the baby boomer generation for breeding so many welfare-cadging NEET sprogs who simply aren’t doing their bit to contribute to the lavish pension pots of the UK’s Parliamentary and civil service membership.

Kwasi Warthog, MP for Shithorne in Slurrey; Titsy Patel, MP for Shitham; Dominic Scabb, MP for Old Scrotum; Chris Skidmark, MP for Doggers Wood; and perennial ‘blonde moment’ Lizzy Hernia-Truss, the MP for East Bitchford, are all viewed by the back stage Tory fascist leadership as rising stars on the extremist-right of the party, and whose book brands British workers as among the worst idlers in the world – next to the Greeks, of course - and are urging the Libservative Coalition leader, PM Posh Dave Scameron, to push his Big Society ‘Volunteer or Else!’ project with a vengeance and reform work places along the forced labour lines of Stalin’s Soviet Union ‘5-year Plan’ model – or Mao’s ‘Great Leap Backwards’ template rather than the current Brussels EUSSR-dictated lackadaisical standard.

This egoistic and contemptuous ‘learned tome’ pontificates in the first chapter that “Too many people in Britain prefer the role of lazy couch potato to hard work and are unwilling to face the challenges posed by a legion of Polacks and other assorted pikey migrants flocking to the UK from the 27-nation EUSSR community, prepared to work for rat-shit wages and steal their jobs.”

“This is how the game’s played in the UK’s multi-cultural society – the Darwinian principle of survival of the fittest - and any unemployed man with the will to win and a ‘Can Do’ attitude should get off their lazy arse and head off down to one of the ubiquitous High Street Pound Stretcher shops, buy a handful of cheap and nasty tools and pretend to be a plumber or electrician or decorator – just the same as all these scrotes coming here from eastern Europe – and demand cash up front for the job before they screw it up and do a runner.”

“But no, once they enter the workplace, the British are among the worst idlers in the world, who work the shortest hours possible, then retire at 65 – hence national productivity is the pits.” (Hmmm, perhaps a bevy of bad habits picked up from politicians)

Their ‘Britannia’s Broken’ diatribe of condemnation for the working class and common herd in general continues with: “The skiving unemployed, along with the hundreds of thousands of disabled welfare benefit claimants and coffin-dodger pensioners – collectively a bunch of useless eaters - should do something to help our debt-ridden economy – such as getting euthanized and being turned into enviro-friendly green compost.”

And there we have a statement that encapsulates the recalcitrant ignorance of this cabal and further serves to illustrate their collective farrago of factual error and economic illiteracy. If this is the so-called ‘new generation’ of Tory politicians, then hope for the future is a doomed commodity.

Conversely, if it wasn’t for the Mother England mistakes of Empire’s Day then the tosspot likes of immigrant progeny Kwasi Warthog and Titsy Patel would still be wallowing in the graft and corruption-ridden cesspits of their parent’s origins, back in grotty Ghana and Uganda. How typical of their nature they turn on their hosts – the one’s that made the mistake of voting for them – and pay their bloated salaries.

To wit, if workers received anything like the extravagant remuneration that these very MPs do - £65,738 quid per annum - plus a lavish expense account that can be fiddled like an old Stradivarius – then they too might be galvanised to work longer and harder.

Kwasi Warthog, the Tory’s Junior Vice-Deputy Under-Secretary for Portaloo Affairs, whose head seems to be so far up his own arse it’s a miracle he can still breathe, informed one gutter press hack from the Daily Shitraker “We need to look beyond Europe to the likes of Communist China for our economic recovery model and elect London Mayor Bonkers Boris Nonsense as party leader - he’s all for big infrastructure projects, deregulation and cutting taxes.”
“Whether Posh Dave Scameron and the Millbank central office leadership like it or not, we of the 2010 younger MP intake are the zealous new Right and more international in our focus – and the old Tory Right are a busted flush.”

Thought for the day: Politicians: a bunch of overpaid, arrogant underachievers possessed of narcissistic personality disorders - coupled with a deranged sense of self-righteousness.
The type of bloated scumbags who thinks wood grows on trees and cry ‘Foul!’ when others fail to share and endorse the same inflated opinion they have of themselves – which is forever a problem when ego surpasses intellect.

This privileged elitist fraternity, stricken with an absurd sense of entitlement, gain election to public office via manipulating the illusion of competence yet are stricken with severe credibility issues – for their true constituencies are those listed in the Fortune 500 company index - (the corruption-ridden corporate political duopoly that allows big business interests to dominate government) – and are the type of people that will do anything to get into power - and sink to acts of criminal coercion to keep it.

What we need is the dissolution of Parliament and the investment of a Lord Protector. Better an Oliver Cromwell benign dictatorship than the crooked incompetents we have – as it was in Syria under Assad and his father, until the Western meddlers kick started this civil war and turned order into chaos. So too with Iraq under Saddam Hussein and Libya under Muammar Gaddafi.

Perhaps to get this gang of ‘austerity for you but not us’ tossers out of Parliament and have a fresh start we need to resort to the tried and tested ‘Smolensk Solution’ used back in April 2010 to get shut of Poland’s incumbent Kaczynski government - load the lot on a Tupolev-154 aircraft and use a Russian ghosting beacon to have the fucker crash in the middle of a forest – then double-tap the survivors.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.