Monday, 13 August 2012

Language of Love: at Taxpayers’ Expense

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Nicholas Edward Coleridge Boles Esq, the incumbent Tory MP for Grantham & Twatford - Maggie ‘Menopausal Madness’ Twatcher’s old constituency – has slapped a bill for £678.80 quid on his House of Conmans Parliamentary expense account for language lessons – so he can learn to speak Hebrew like a true kikester and whisper ‘sweet nothings’ into his kabibble faggot partner’s ear while they’re cuddled up in the jacuzzi together for their nightly pre-coital ‘tevilah’.

Boles, yet another master of self-glorification and a frog who dreams of becoming a toad, is known around Westminster haunts as one of Posh Dave Scameron’s personal oick gophers and a tacky spiv - and perhaps best remembered for his grossly moronic televised statement committed to the annals of embarrassing ‘opening mouth before engaging brain’ gobslips during an interview with Jeremy Axeman on the BBC’s Newshite programme back in July 2011 that in his unqualified opinion the News Corporation phone hacking scandal was - quote: “a little local difficulty puffed up by New Labour’s black propaganda merchants” – a dismissive howler that has to rate as the ‘Understatement of the Year’ –even for a junior rank politico.

Hmmm, doubtless his constituency voters will be as overjoyed with this latest scandalous news of personal expense allowance abuse as the rest of the taxpaying common herd are – collectively sick to the back teeth with the fucking Tories and their exaggerated elitist sense of entitlement and abuse of Parliamentary privilege.

Last month the egoistic Boles dropped yet another major clanger when he attempted to win political brownie points by coming up with a spiffing money-saving scam that pensioners should be stripped of their welfare benefits – specifically the already-diminished winter fuel allowance, bus passes and free medical prescriptions - and the Sure Start children's centres shut down - along with the closure of the Remploy work facilities for the disabled – claiming them all a waste of good money that could be put to better use by the Foreign Office in funding weapons shipments for the Free Syrian Army terrorists.

Public cries of “Foul!” besides, according to Boles’ unqualified arrogant opinion he’s entitled to claim the £678 cost of lessons to learn his live-in poofter lover's language on his Parliamentary expenses, he further justified this latest dodgy expense claim with the equally felonious fact that the Tory’s smarmy, influence-peddling Culture Secretary Jeremy ‘Mr Fix-It’ Kunt was permitted to bill the taxpayers’ purse well in excess of £3,000 quid to learn Mandarin when he got shacked up with some Chinese troll – who he later discovered spoke Cantonese.

Boles took the Tory Party’s 'Friends of Israel Club' concept a step beyond the pale last May by getting shacked up to one, Mr Shlomo O’chel Batachat, in a gay civil partnership and says MPs are entitled to claim for language lessons if it helps with their job. Their job, maybe – but not their personal beast with two backs ‘marital’ arrangements.

Ron McScrote, director of the TaxPayers’ Alliance, informed one press hack from the Pound of Flesh Gazette the “This soddin’ Boles bloke has abused the essence of a publicly-funded perk in order ter learn how ter say things like ‘blowjob’ an’ ‘rim me’ an’ ‘did the earth move for you too?’ in Hebrew. Hence in light of Boles’ unapologetic response I reckon if MPs want ter learn the language of some iron hoof foreign partner then they should pay fer it their effin’ selves an’ not go rippin’ off the public purse.”

Thought for the day. Hmmm, hopefully if Boles decides to go the whole hog and convert to Judaism, as well as living in sin with a member of the Chosen People as his lover, then it won’t be the taxpayer forking out for the Royal Plant Whisperer’s (Prince Chazzer) mate, Rabbi Sheldon Snipcock - the chief London ‘moel’ - to do the circumcision bit.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.


Anonymous said...

Like the cock-snip expense reference - very subtle.

Fletch said...

Hilarious: 'whispering sweet nothings in his ear' - and 'did the earth move for you too?' - in Hebrew.
Almost choked on my coffee when I read those bits.