Monday, 20 August 2012

Yuppie Tory MPs: UK Workers Slack-Arses

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

A cabal of five smarmy young Conservative MPs who slithered into their respective constituency offices during the 2010 election – collectively a bunch of shit-for-brains know-it-all’s, full of their own importance - claim the welfare dependency culture of idle-arsed British workers is damaging the economy by failing to compete with the hard graft (sweatshop slavery) of Third World Asian countries – entirely missing the core issue point that it was the 1980’s Tory government under the mad menopausal maniac mismanagement of Slaggie Twatcher who de-industrialised our once-sceptred ‘Iron, Steel n Steam’ isle and purposely, with malice aforethought, outsourced or lost our mega-manufacturing base to these very same Asian dumps.

The five, who are a yuppie-ish ‘wet-behind-the-ears’ 40 or younger and took their seats in the House of Conmans at the last election, are publishing a book in which they state for the public record that, in their unqualified arrogant opinions, lazy Brits prefer to lie in bed all day, scratching their arses and watching moronic reality shows on the goggle box than engage in any form of hard work.

Due to be published on the eve of the Conservative Party election, the book, aptly titled ‘Britannia’s Broken – A Tory Legacy of Debt’, further erroneously criticises the baby boomer generation for breeding so many welfare-cadging NEET sprogs who simply aren’t doing their bit to contribute to the lavish pension pots of the UK’s Parliamentary and civil service membership.

Kwasi Warthog, MP for Shithorne in Slurrey; Titsy Patel, MP for Shitham; Dominic Scabb, MP for Old Scrotum; Chris Skidmark, MP for Doggers Wood; and perennial ‘blonde moment’ Lizzy Hernia-Truss, the MP for East Bitchford, are all viewed by the back stage Tory fascist leadership as rising stars on the extremist-right of the party, and whose book brands British workers as among the worst idlers in the world – next to the Greeks, of course - and are urging the Libservative Coalition leader, PM Posh Dave Scameron, to push his Big Society ‘Volunteer or Else!’ project with a vengeance and reform work places along the forced labour lines of Stalin’s Soviet Union ‘5-year Plan’ model – or Mao’s ‘Great Leap Backwards’ template rather than the current Brussels EUSSR-dictated lackadaisical standard.

This egoistic and contemptuous ‘learned tome’ pontificates in the first chapter that “Too many people in Britain prefer the role of lazy couch potato to hard work and are unwilling to face the challenges posed by a legion of Polacks and other assorted pikey migrants flocking to the UK from the 27-nation EUSSR community, prepared to work for rat-shit wages and steal their jobs.”

“This is how the game’s played in the UK’s multi-cultural society – the Darwinian principle of survival of the fittest - and any unemployed man with the will to win and a ‘Can Do’ attitude should get off their lazy arse and head off down to one of the ubiquitous High Street Pound Stretcher shops, buy a handful of cheap and nasty tools and pretend to be a plumber or electrician or decorator – just the same as all these scrotes coming here from eastern Europe – and demand cash up front for the job before they screw it up and do a runner.”

“But no, once they enter the workplace, the British are among the worst idlers in the world, who work the shortest hours possible, then retire at 65 – hence national productivity is the pits.” (Hmmm, perhaps a bevy of bad habits picked up from politicians)

Their ‘Britannia’s Broken’ diatribe of condemnation for the working class and common herd in general continues with: “The skiving unemployed, along with the hundreds of thousands of disabled welfare benefit claimants and coffin-dodger pensioners – collectively a bunch of useless eaters - should do something to help our debt-ridden economy – such as getting euthanized and being turned into enviro-friendly green compost.”

And there we have a statement that encapsulates the recalcitrant ignorance of this cabal and further serves to illustrate their collective farrago of factual error and economic illiteracy. If this is the so-called ‘new generation’ of Tory politicians, then hope for the future is a doomed commodity.

Conversely, if it wasn’t for the Mother England mistakes of Empire’s Day then the tosspot likes of immigrant progeny Kwasi Warthog and Titsy Patel would still be wallowing in the graft and corruption-ridden cesspits of their parent’s origins, back in grotty Ghana and Uganda. How typical of their nature they turn on their hosts – the one’s that made the mistake of voting for them – and pay their bloated salaries.

To wit, if workers received anything like the extravagant remuneration that these very MPs do - £65,738 quid per annum - plus a lavish expense account that can be fiddled like an old Stradivarius – then they too might be galvanised to work longer and harder.

Kwasi Warthog, the Tory’s Junior Vice-Deputy Under-Secretary for Portaloo Affairs, whose head seems to be so far up his own arse it’s a miracle he can still breathe, informed one gutter press hack from the Daily Shitraker “We need to look beyond Europe to the likes of Communist China for our economic recovery model and elect London Mayor Bonkers Boris Nonsense as party leader - he’s all for big infrastructure projects, deregulation and cutting taxes.”
“Whether Posh Dave Scameron and the Millbank central office leadership like it or not, we of the 2010 younger MP intake are the zealous new Right and more international in our focus – and the old Tory Right are a busted flush.”

Thought for the day: Politicians: a bunch of overpaid, arrogant underachievers possessed of narcissistic personality disorders - coupled with a deranged sense of self-righteousness.
The type of bloated scumbags who thinks wood grows on trees and cry ‘Foul!’ when others fail to share and endorse the same inflated opinion they have of themselves – which is forever a problem when ego surpasses intellect.

This privileged elitist fraternity, stricken with an absurd sense of entitlement, gain election to public office via manipulating the illusion of competence yet are stricken with severe credibility issues – for their true constituencies are those listed in the Fortune 500 company index - (the corruption-ridden corporate political duopoly that allows big business interests to dominate government) – and are the type of people that will do anything to get into power - and sink to acts of criminal coercion to keep it.

What we need is the dissolution of Parliament and the investment of a Lord Protector. Better an Oliver Cromwell benign dictatorship than the crooked incompetents we have – as it was in Syria under Assad and his father, until the Western meddlers kick started this civil war and turned order into chaos. So too with Iraq under Saddam Hussein and Libya under Muammar Gaddafi.

Perhaps to get this gang of ‘austerity for you but not us’ tossers out of Parliament and have a fresh start we need to resort to the tried and tested ‘Smolensk Solution’ used back in April 2010 to get shut of Poland’s incumbent Kaczynski government - load the lot on a Tupolev-154 aircraft and use a Russian ghosting beacon to have the fucker crash in the middle of a forest – then double-tap the survivors.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

The Smolensk Solution is a hoot