Clegg Pushes Barmy Rich Twat Tax

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

For reasons best known to himself, the Lib-Dum Party leader / Deputy PM Mick Clogg has decided to go into lemming mode and embark on a course of political suicide, informing one press hack from the Self-Harmers Gazette that in his unqualified opinion the UK's wealthiest people should pay more tax – MPs and cabinet ministers included – and especially Queen Lizzie and the rest of her royal scrounger clan – along with the zillionaire ranks of the Rothshite / Payseur crime syndicate’s banksters.

Already as popular as a weekend mini-break at a leper colony for his legion of broken election campaign trail promises and general turncoatism – and under suspicion of becoming a closet case Tory blue – Clogg, the incumbent MP for Skullduggery – (until the next election) – is now known to friends and associates alike as a bona-fide dog wanker (a mutant sub-set genus in the fuckwit / tosspot classification index of Linnaean taxonomy) – and branded a pariah, even in his own constituency due the duplicitous, about-face apostasy over raising Uni’ tuition fees and nobbling a pledged mega-bucks government loan to his own backyard Sheffield Forgemasters engineering group.

Clogg, a master of self-magnification whose appointment with Destiny seems to be perpetually postponed, on Tuesday exercised his democratic right to talk and act like a fool by publicly declaring to the red top gutter press that he wanted to see not only a ‘mansion levy’ imposed on anyone with a wind turbine on their roof and a garden big enough to swing a cat round in – but a super-tax slapped on the absurdly wealthy – obviously a move that will go down well with the Tories’ mega-rich donors who hide their hordes of shiny pennies in offshore tax havens, out of sight of those nasty money-grubbing twats at HMRC.

“I’m not after re-inventing the wheel or promoting a Marxist system of wealth redistribution but these rich and shameless gits should contribute a bit more back into the economy. Really, let’s be fair and start at the very top of the abuse pyramid - how many castles does one old Queen actually need? Plus that funny hat she wears with all the jewels in it – with the price of gold right now that should be up for sale on eBay or Flog It – or taken down the scrapyard to get weighed in.”

“We expect pensioners to live on £107 quid a week and the unemployed on £60-odd quid, so I reckon MPs should be the first to go along with Posh Dave Scameron’s Big Society ‘austerity’ drive and volunteer to take a salary cut from £65,000 nicker per annum down to £10,000. Multiply that by 650 and it adds up to what these bankster types refer to as a lot of money – just what’s needed to cold patch all the potholes with Tarmite and give the nursery school kids a free bottle of Monsanto’s Frankenfoods GMO milk a day.”

In support and approval of the scheme, former Lib-Dum treasury spokesman Lord Oakeshitt opined to media hacks that “Cloggy’s right to push for a mansion tax - which isn’t going to affect the unemployed and homeless riff-raff living on landfill sites – but instead target the people who can afford a floating duck island and pagoda for Tich and Quackers – along with the ones who have moats around their country piles that they’ve been getting dredged at the tax-payer’s expense.”

Conversely Tory Chancellor George Osborne, another frog who dreams of being a toad and the type of person who thinks wood grows on trees, confided to media hacks that “Has Cloggy gone absolutely bonkers? All these sarky remarks of his about ‘silver spoons’ and ‘public school posh twats’ and Britain’s hereditary rich being a privileged elitist fraternity, stricken with an absurd sense of entitlement. Where does this working class oick get off, I ask you?”

“He’s after kick starting a sodding war between the 1% Have’s and the 99% Have Not’s, and this ‘let’s tax the rich’ pantomime scam is a pathetic attempt to cover his own arse for when Britain’s current state of ‘brokenness’ reaches the SHTF critical mass stage and the ensuing chain reaction incites common herd into tumbrel-rolling mode and Tory heads start to roll.”

Thought for the day. Regardless of Cloggy’s ill-conceived ‘Mission Impossible’ scheme to tax the rich before they all relocate to the International Space Station or the Lunar Alien Base (or Monaco) and claim non-resident status - double-dip depression-stricken Broken Britain will continue to sink lower into this miasma of insolvent misery, compounded by raging inflation due the Bank of England’s piss-ant zero percent interest rate and the insane quantitative easing policy of printing truck-loads of £20 quid notes.

And to cap this collective discontent, our once-sceptred isle’s weather has gone tits-up, with this year’s monsoon-madness summer-less Summer proving the predictions of climate change alarmists from East Anglia University’s Chicken Little Institute for Advanced Scaremongering perfectly correct – that we now have three seasons – ‘almost Winter’, ‘Winter’, and ‘April / May’.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.