Quantitative Easing Solves Debtocracy Ills

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

A moronic statement issued from ‘Eye of the Needle Street’ by the Bank of England yesterday claiming that pensioners are ‘quids-in’ better off as a result of Uncle Mervyn’s insane money-printing policy copped a most derisory reception and elicited shouts of “Bullshit!” from senior citizens to whom it was addressed.

Spencer Dale, purported to be the Bank’s top dog economist, (which doesn’t say much for the intelligence or competence of lesser staff) and a career tosspot who boasts of graduating summa cum laude from Zurich’s prestigious Wilkins Micawber Institute for Financial Guesswork, further claims that while pensioners were perhaps justified in having a whinge over their destitute lots in life they’d be even worse off if the Bank hadn’t been burning the proverbial midnight oil and printing £375 zillion quids-worth of ‘readies’ to be ‘quantitatively eased’ into Broken Britain’s de-industrialised, failed economy in an effort to forestall a Greek euro style ‘Malthusian catastrophe’ - aka ‘SHTF Syndrome’ - and avoid the common herd going into nihilistic revolutionary mode when the welfare giros stop coming in and the TV sets fall silent.

Conversely, Ron McScrote, himself a 96-year old pensioner and head of the Save the Wrinklies campaign group had this public sentiment demarche of righteous indignation to relay to one press hack from the Insolvency Gazette.
“Who the fuck is this Spencer Dale character with a jack-ass back-to-front name, eh – didn’t his parents like him? Really, Keynesian economics this is not, and I’ll bet Adam Smith is turning in his grave if he overheard Mr Dale’s little homily on conjuring money out of thin air being the answer to the UK’s economic ills.”

“This is a crap line of talk that QE helps out us pensioners – although for sure it helps out the Rothshite bankster crime syndicate when the BoE’s printing currency at a faster rate than the UK’s devastated GDP can generate it. Let’s get this right – the entire fubar is a Debtocracy – and the whole Crapitalist system model is wrong and has been from Day One thanks to the Shylock banksters and their usurious rates of interest – along with the fatally-flawed principles of fractional reserve lending.”

“Seriously, if quantitative easing is the answer to the UK’s financial problems as this Bank of England clot Spencer Dale claims, then why not simply keep on printing £20 quid notes and handing them out willy-nilly to every fucker and their dog, then we’ll all be rich and can afford to move abroad to somewhere they have a summer every year and not just our three seasons of ‘almost Winter’, ‘Winter’ and ‘April-May’ – wandering round in a pair of wellies and a raincoat, getting pissed wet through - and rowing down the local High Street in a sodding canoe every time you need a pint of milk or a loaf of bread.”

Former Lib-Dum Treasury spokesman Lord Oakeshitt, interviewed after having a ‘quickie’ with a Dragoon Guardsman in a Hyde Park public toilet, opined that “Resorting to metaphor to best describe this snafu, quantitative easing, at the rate King Mervyn’s been running the Bank’s printing presses, is simply an ever-expanding airbag – it might just protect us from the worst effects of our economic car crash but won’t put any fuel in the tank.”

So, what’s the difference between the Bank of England’s Monetary Policy Committee and a bunch of counterfeiters? Easy, the BoE print more – and faster.

Thought for the day. To misquote Richard Burton “If Spencer Dale truly believes that quantitative easing boosts an economy then he’s a moron and not fit for purpose - but if this is the disingenuous line they’re force feeding the public as fact and gospel truth, then he’s a fucking liar.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.