Wednesday 31 October 2012

EUSSR Membership Ratings Hit Zero

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Recent history has proven the likes of UKIP leader Nigel ‘Indestructible’ Barrage and a legion of other Euro-sceptics as being dead right – with an 81-strong cadre of back bench Tory MPs now in agreement with their political opposite numbers and proposing to field a private Member's Bill to repeal PM Ted ‘Kiddie Fiddler’ Heath’s treasonous European Communities Act of 1972 which sanctioned our once-sceptred isle joining the former European Economic Community, and extricate us from this festering Money Pit quagmire before it becomes a United States of Europe Federation and we end up a Third World begging basket case like Greece, Spain, Portugal, Italy and Eire.

The main mover behind the Private Member’s Bill is the incumbent MP for the Tory’s Claptrap constituency, Douglas ‘Maximus’ Carswell, who spoke to one press hack from the Ripoffs Gazette and likened the UK's continued membership of the 27 member state EUSSR community to ‘being an underage kid, shackled to a fudging paedo on a Viagra-fuelled rape-a-thon and being continually shafted up the arse’.

“This is why cash-flush Krautland and their Deutsche Bundesbank aren’t hampered with the same burgeoning economic problems as the EUSSR’s ‘mendiacnt states’ as they’ve never been coerced into de-industrialising their entire manufacturing sectors as that stupid, menopausal madness baggage Maggie Twatcher did across the UK in the 1980’s and exchanged Britain’s prefix of ‘Great’ for one of ‘Broken’ by outsourcing entire industries to shitholes like India and losing a generation of skilled engineering craftsmen simply due the fact she had a snot on with Old King Coal and the miners - and the rest of the sodding trade unions.”

“But what we have today is a far cry from the Common Market promised to UK voters when they were gulled into backing entry in 1975 - which has now morphed into an economic and political union that’s set, by conjured design through this engineered depression, to become the United States of Europe.”
“Of course you’ve got a bunch of common herd peasants convinced they have to stay in the EUSSR as that’s what the ruling elite and Brussels media propaganda machine has brainwashed them into believing.”

“So we don’t need what Posh Dave Scameron and his Euro-stooge accomplices are proposing - a manipulated multi-options ‘fresh consent’ ballot on continued membership - but a simple one-off ‘In-or-Out’ vote – and we’d like to see this materialise as a reality immediately, if not sooner.”

“Otherwise the creeping tip-toe infiltration of our entire socio-political and fiscal systems is going to see the multi-cultural dilution of our national identity to a mongrel pikey level state of being and us becoming a reluctant member of this proposed EUSSR Federation – and hence a subservient part of the New World Order global government - with its seat of power in a Jerusalem cleansed of Palestinians and Muslims – which of course will see the fulfilment of the Protocols of the Greedy Bastard Elders of Zion agenda.”

The only politico standing out in opposing defiance to the Private Member’s Bill like some proverbial sore thumb was Europe Minister David Lidington, the Tory MP for Aylesbury Ducks, who claimed that while Brussels’ graft and corruption-ridden EUSSR ‘kleptocracy’ of self-serving jobsworths was negatively hampered with a few flaws and drawbacks – (the dodgy Lidington personally claimed £115,891 in expenses in 2009 - almost double his salary) - continued membership was obviously in his personal best interests as otherwise he’d be out of a job and back in the dead end post of Minister for Necrophilia Affairs.

Thought for the day. Pity that repugnant old French twat and career Anglophobe Chazzer de Gaulle still isn’t around to continue vetoing Britain’s membership of the European Community.

While Carswell’s ‘wish list’ opt-out referendum might never materialise in the format he – and the voting majority of our once-proud, now blighted nation, wish to see enacted and return us to an insular socio-political state - such a move would be the cause of tens of thousands of scrounging, visa-less opportunistic European economic migrants being hoofed out on their arses, hence freeing up a swathe of vacant job opportunities for British born and bred unemployed workers.

Further, to express the sentiments of the many, for we are legion, fuck the EUSSR and the New World Order.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Tuesday 30 October 2012

Motoring Public to be Doubly-Shafted

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

In what has got to be the most moronic, tosspot of an idea they’ve come up with since the last moronic, tosspot of an idea, the Ministry for What Can We Fuck With Next, working in conjunction with Whitehall’s Department for Wasting Time & Money, has been evolving a scheme first conceived by the Cabinet’s ‘Nudge Unit’ – to cover a budget shortfall caused through the spendthrift funding of occupational military aggression operations in Afghanistan, and the proxy civil wars in Libya and Syria – (plus giving away zillions in aid to Third World shitholes ‘and’ the EUSSR kleptocrats in Brussels) - by introducing a ‘two-tier’ road tax system: specifically wherein motorists will have to fork out more to drive on the very motorways they’ve already paid for over the passage of many years via one form of official extortion or another.

To put the onus for the fatally-flawed scheme on someone else’s shoulders in case it morphs into a master class fubar, the ball has now been passed to the Ministry of Transport’s court where a team of bureaucratic jobsworths are examining plans for an overhaul of vehicle excise duty which currently rips off motorists for £6 billion quid per annum.

Under the proposed scheme all drivers will be constrained to pay the first charge, permitting them to use local byways and lanes - however motorists needing to access motorways and major A-roads will be stung with paying a higher schedule of road tax.

The primary public reaction is to question what end product this bunch of Libservative Coalition dipshits are hoping to achieve with their self-harm political suicide endeavour - to go down in history as the most despised and useless government on record – or instigate a bloody class war revolution that rids our once sceptred isle of the scrounging monarchy and governing elitist fraternity who seem intent on bleeding the working man dry?

To conceal the true reasons for this radical scam being scrutinised and thus exposed to the media and public at large, and divert attention from Chancellor Georg ‘First Class’ Osborne’s reign of error, the Treasury is claiming the budget shortfall has been caused by families switching to carbon friendly cars that incurred a lower schedule of road tax.

Que - surely the differential in road tax has achieved what was intended – or did the tossers who introduced the system not believe it would ever prove to be a success – and overlooked the sore thumb obvious fact that if it was a success it would result in lower tax revenues?

Hmmm, obviously no forward planning crystal ball was used on this one by our Treasury bean counters – all products of the Wilkins Micawber Institute of Advanced Economic Chaos Theory.

So this is what we’re to expect in the New Year from Dick Turpin, the Minister for Highway Robbery, when the Libservatives force their all-new ‘two-tier’ rip-offs system down our collective throats – along with the scheduled increase of fuel duty in January.

Not only are the motoring public being screwed up the proverbial arse viz gasoline / diesel prices, with it costing £50 quid to fill up from a quarter tank the average three door hatchback 1.4 litre – of which £40 is the cost of fuel plus duty (fuel = £17 / duty = £23) – and £10 in VAT at 20% = £33 nicker going to the Exchequer.

Then on top of that little lot of being ripped off by the oil companies ‘and’ HMRC, we have a crippling mandatory regime of vehicle insurance which runs into £££ mega-bucks even for mature drivers with no claims (and GDP / National Debt figures for the hapless under-25’s) - plus the regular road tax licence which averages out at £140 quid for a small family run-about.

Hey ho – with a first and second-class system imposed it will be cheaper to use the B roads – so travel chaos here we come - with vehicular accident injuries (and mortalities) occupying emergency services 24/7 and congesting a swathe of NHS A & E departments - and mortuaries.

Okay, instead of reforming the vehicle excise duty regime with this ill-conceived system, how about we apply a spot of common sense and stop wasting fucking money – perhaps that might plug the budget shortfall wormhole through which taxpaying electorate’s cash seems to get sucked and disappears into a shroud of ‘dark matter’ from which fuck all ever emerges.
Alas, as Will Rogers once stated “The one thing about common sense is the fact it ain’t too common.”

Fellattia van der Gamm, director of the Twat-Watch government mismanagement monitor charity, informed media hacks that “For too long British drivers have been extorted into paying over the odds for a potholed road network that isn’t up to scratch. Our useless government needs to privatise the entire road network, which will raise more than £150 billion nicker – then motoring taxes can be phased out altogether and replaced with highway tolls that would charge a mere six pence per mile for travelling on new motorway routes. Specifically users will pay less under a privatised road network and have a better quality network.”

“Let’s not lose sight of the lamentable fact that our A and B road systems were designed for horses and penny-farthings, then with the advent of motor cars one of Westminster’s bright sparks drew a series of lines on a map, which were followed by a bunch of Irish navvies who came along and filled them all in with tarmac – hence the fucked up highways and traffic congestion we have today.”

* Carbon Credit Offset / Cap & Trade Exchange (aka Global Warming / Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration: No trees, fish, cormorants, bumble bees or small furry mammals - otters or voles - were harmed in posting this message. However, a large number of electrons were temporarily inconvenienced.

Thought for the day: One way to abort this scheme - November 5th comes around next week – how about we go down the House of Conmans and finish off what Guy Fawkes started out to do before he got grassed up?

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Monday 29 October 2012

QE2 Slums it on School Slop

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Her Royal Majesty Queen Lizzie, the Mk 2 Windsor (read Haus Saxe-Coburg-Gotha) model, sat down to a six course lunch at a new Asbo Central Academy in north London’s Doggers Wood last Thursday, where deep fried ‘bad cholesterol’ chips and toxic turkey twizzlers were prudently excised from the Vomitarium’s regular menu for the regal visit.

HRH Queen Liz’s (call me Brenda) exalted presence, accompanied by her nonagenarian, useless eater Greek exile hubby, His Royal Rudeness, Prince Stavros of Edinburgh, was to officially open the new £25 million quid state school funded by the Rothshite bankster crime syndicate’s PFI education arm.

It was originally intended to invite the Royal Plant Whisperer, Prince Chazzer to perform the ribbon-cutting ceremony, along with his chain-smoking troll of a missus Gorgonzilla, the Duchess of Cornhole, but apparently he had a previous engagement at Kew Gardens, giving a personal empowerment lecture to a greenhouse of depressed tropical bromeliads suffering from lack of self-esteem and other arboreal-related psychosis issues.

Her Majesty was joined by senior staff along with several classes of scally pupils and served from a menu which included a starter of white rhino hock terrine, with baby plum tomato relish and basil dressing; followed by a rack of unborn Persian lamb garnished with baby grey whale puke; fillet of Madagascan coelacanth steamed in armadillo urine – plus heaped tureens of Dauphinoise potatoes, buttered lark’s eyeballs, meerkat testicle puree and pinot noir jus – plus a special request serving of greasy souvlaki kebabs and moussaka for Prince Stavros.

For dessert there was no jam roly-poly and snotty custard but a flambé of aardvark foreskins and ginger creme brulee with tuile biscuit.
Wine was provided for the over-11’s, who washed down the meal with some of Bargain Booze’s finest vintages – a Montagny 1er Cru La Grande Roche al la Tesco 2010 and a Chateaux Le Dogpiss 2005 – with the half-sozzled assembly proposing a toast of “God save Queen Liz – wish she was here every day fer lunch cos it’s back ter the usual shit - twizzlers, chips an’ beans tomoz.”

Mr Sal Monella - the former Poisoner-in-Chief for the catering division of the National Ill-Health Service Liverpool Care Pathway ‘Snuff-an-Oldie’ project - and now a consultant for E. Coli Catering - the PFI contractor who laid on the scrumptious lunch – spoke to one press hack from the Chunderama Gazette and made reference to Naked Chef Jamie Oliver's campaign for healthier school meals - joking they no longer served Biffo’s Barf Burgers, Pol Pot Insta-Noodles or Pukerella’s Pizza - or any other brand of chew n spew junk food.

“From here on it’s going to be all organic and free of any genetically-modified crap – none of those toxic Monsanto Mutant Meals or Syngenta Frankenfoods that have a similar half life to plutonium. Our ingredients are hand-picked from one of the Greedy Grocer chains on a daily basis – Pestco or Pukesburys, or Mammon & Snobfords.”

“A big plus for us to meet with the requirements of PM Posh Dave Scameron’s Big Society concept is of course the ability to comply with the dietary preferences of a multi-cultural pupil population here at Doggers Wood Asbo Central Academy, specifically the novel introduction of our avant-garde ‘Ethnic Eats’ halal / kosher carvery that caters to every palate – including the Albanian pikey kids with roast swan, Hedgehog Wellington for the Gyppo contingent, and poached carp in vodka for the Polacks.”

During the lunch sitting Her Majesty was bombarded with a legion of candid questions from pupils wanting to know “Are you really a shape-shifting lizard that drinks baby’s blood when the moon’s full?” and “Why do all your children have big ears?” plus “Why did you have Princess Di’ murdered?” and “Is the ginger-mingin Prince Harry really a royal cuckoo?” – along with the inevitable “Why did you marry that nasty, ill-mannered old bastard Stavros?”

Following the banquet style repast, Queen Liz and her entourage of disposable food tasters and close-in security were treated to a tour of the school’s facilities and watched as Muslim pupils in the science class experiment with a blend of black pepper and peroxide to build a sub-nuclear IED - then stuffed it in a backpack and blew up the kiddie fiddling chief janitor’s Volkswagen Golf in the car park.

To cap the royal visit – and much to Lizzie’s mirthful delight - sixth form drama students Feryl Beryl McSkanger and Toxic Tessie Trollenberg staged scenes in the school hall from the musical ‘Little Shop Of Horrors’ in which the incontinent Prince Stavros played a cameo role as the reincarnated ‘Virus Man’ and single-handedly caused a global pandemic.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

How Not to Run a Rail Franchise

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

If Virgin Trains boss Richard Branston-Pickle reckons that the Scaberdeen-based WorstGroup aren’t up to running the West Coast Mainline rail travel franchise – how about this clusterfuck excuse for a government-approved train service operator doing their utmost to impersonate some incompetent Third World basket case public service company and make sure Britain remains ‘Broken’ with a large capital B.

London Midland Express, sporting a bankster style ‘too big to fail’ aura of zero accountability, have cancelled more than 400 train journeys over the past three weeks period due a shortage of drivers - then aborted a further 58 last Saturday, encumbering the British public in transit not only with massive inconvenience but a fusillade of travel chaos – with critics suggesting the not-fit-for-purpose company’s advertising slogan of ‘Buy cheap tickets now!’ should be amended to include the words ‘and travel by bus!’

Chlamydia Mingerot, the head office spokeswoman for the company, which was contracted to run 1,300 services a day, informed one press hack from the Lame Duck Gazette that 410 trains had been cancelled since the 7th October and other services disrupted when drivers quit halfway through a journey and caught a bus home due a dispute over conditions and pay – with a further 38 trains cancelled on Friday and 58 on Saturday.

The London Midland website carries a self-condemning statement that "Due to a temporary shortfall of qualified train drivers (over 400) we have had to cancel a number of trains in recent weeks – so we extend our apologies to all passengers who have been affected by this shortfall, which will hopefully be addressed by mid-December 2013.”

The Lib-Dum Rail Minister Norman Baker, well equipped to oversee Britain’s rail services with his London University degree in German, has warned the erring company he has his ‘beady eye’ on their lackadaisical performance – specifically the vital rail link service between London and Brummystan – the Venice of the West Midlands.

Ron McScrote, a member of Brummystan’s Chamber of Commerce and the passenger group Travel Snafus, informed media hacks that "The situation’s gettin’ worse wiv every effin’ day wot passes an’ calls inter question the competence of London Midland wot’s definitely not up ter meetin’ their contractual obligations.”

“Wot we have here is yet another bunch of PFI amateurs posin’ as professionals, an’ offerin’ double the discomfort an’ inconvenience at twice the price – an’ it’s simply not acceptable cos it’s affectin’ services across the West Midlands region an’ it’s like Russian roulette wiv travel cos people can’t get ter work – an’ if they do then they can’t get home again. Buyin’ a ticket wiv this outfit should carry an effin’ health warnin’.”

“Seriously, this is a right old dog an’ pony show - a circus wivout a tent – an’ we’ve seen better organised riots. I kid you not, havin’ this company hangin’ on ter a commuter rail franchise they cannot service is like the entire Midlands community bein’ shackled ter an effin’ corpse.”

“The poxy London Midland group’s bein’ run by a bunch of dog wankers cos yer got this Patrick Verwer bloke wot’s the company CEO, now runnin’ a passenger train service followin’ a career in uniform on the Rotterdam Plod Squad.”
“The yer got their Human Resources Director, this Geraldine ‘Pepsi’ Goddard character wot in my mind’’s ter blame fer bein’ a couple of truckloads short of effin’ train drivers – qualified or otherwise.”
“The entire boardroom shebang should hang their effin’ heads in shame, then go out and give their annual performance bonuses ter charity – an’ do like wot their Japanese contemporaries does an’ commit ritual seppuku.”

So, is London Midland fated to go the same way as other under-performing service providers alike Practical Pig Rail which ceased trading in 2003 following the Baconsfield disaster?
Following the recent Virgin Trains West Coast Mainline service challenge we now have the competence of Worst Group called into question – same as predecessors Ripoff Rail, Rattle-Track, Sardine Mainline, Notwork Rail, First Crapita Connect, Jarvis Junk Rail, Inter-Shitty Excess, Snail-Rail and Caledonian Creeper who, derailments besides, seem to have forgotten what a timetable encompasses.

Thought for the day. Come back British Rail – all is forgiven – and may Dr Richard ‘Baldy’ Beeching rot in the eternal fires of Hades for his sins of fucking up a system that worked. Okay, so British rail lost money – same as our government do every day - but in their case provided a stellar public service.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Sunday 28 October 2012

Recession Over? Would Posh Dave Lie?

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The gospel according to an optimism-enthused Posh Dave Scameron it’s going to be a traditional ‘laugh and grow fat’ Merry Christmas for one and all now the double-dip recession (read ‘depression’) is officially over and London Mayor Bonkers Boris Nonsense is busy overseeing the capital’s streets being once again paved with Whittingtonesque gold leaf.

Official figures besides, unfortunately nobody’s bothered to inform the recession of this fact – or super-moron Chancellor Georgie ‘First Class’ Osborne for that matter - who is still hell bent on slashing welfare benefits to fund the war-mongering government’s fatally-flawed foreign military adventures in such shitholes as Afghanistan – plus donating hard-earned taxpayer’s money in aid to despot-run Third World basket cases.

Thus regardless of two and a half million of the common herd’s number being unemployed – and that’s just those on the quango Jobcentre’s books still eligible for bread-line dole payments - the longest recession since the last recession will be declared officially over to much Busby Berkeley style fanfare in the House of Conmans next week as the cornucopia of plenty once again overflows with its munificent bounty.

This of course manifests as being wholly contrary with the very negative 'reality' paradox of price-rigging energy companies hiking the tariffs of gas and electricity to the ‘unaffordable’ range – and the Ford Motor Company announcing the closure of two ‘white van’ plants in Southampton and Dagenham, along with the lay-off of some 1,400 hapless skilled workers who now face a Dickensian Cratchit family style ‘two jumps at the cupboard door’ Yuletide and will be forced to reinvent themselves in the employment wilderness as beggars or skip scavvies or canny, sleight of hand Jack Flash shoplifters.

Conversely, LSE economist Sir Jarvis Spatchcock informed a press hack from the Spendthrifts Gazette that “This clot Scameron is distorting the true facts to suit his smiley face political agenda as Britain is still as broken as ever and far from being out of what he refers to as the ‘economic woods’ when the so-called positive ‘economic indicators’ he refers to manifest as an empty purse in the hand of the struggling housewife.”

“The Bank of England’s base interest rate of sweet fuck all is the stumbling block to investment and getting the economy moving – plus old Mervyn’s quantitative easing policy of simply printing more money to keep Britain afloat is simply a lifebelt full of holes and fraught with the spectre of drastic consequences – such as hyper-inflation.”

“In all truth we’re still bollocks-deep in an economic quagmire and the underlying health of the same looks terminal if these fools don’t call a halt to this EUSSR community drain on our national resources.”

Obviously Spatchcock isn’t privy to Scameron’s secret plan to boost revenue through the non-payment of state pensions and the 2012 winter fuel allowance to thousands of senior citizens currently suffering the privations of our National Ill-Health Service’s hospital care.

Apparently the Libservative Coalition’s cabinet ‘Nudge Unit’ has come up with what one Tory insider referred to as a ‘spiffing plan’ to disenfranchise pensioners under NHS care as hospitals are to be paid millions to hit new target figures for the number of patients who die on the ‘dehydration / starvation’ Liverpool Care Pathway – a euphemism for ‘premeditated murder’.

These incentives will be paid to hospitals that ensure a set percentage of oldies who die on their wards have been put on the controversial LCP ‘forced euthanasia’ regime - which pro-life critics rightly claim mirrors the policy of Hitler’s Nazi crime syndicate to hasten the deaths of non-productive ‘useless eater’ patients who are denied nutrition and fluids by tube and croak within 24 hours – thus freeing up hospital beds and predicted to save the Chancellor a fortune in cancelled pension payments – and rake in mega buck in death duties - when the ‘terminator’ scheme is fully implemented and snuffing in excess of 100,000 oldies per annum.

However Bev Titwank, director of the Ox-Rat human rights and wrongs watchdog charity, castigated the scheme to an Assisted Suicide Review reporter.
“This is going to turn out like Atrocity Week when the government is laying the ground rules for a culture of euthanasia coupled to financial incentives where the more wrinklie patients doctors and nurses send down to the mortuary the bigger their bonus kickbacks.”
“Really, it’s going to manifest as a homicidal turnkey clusterfuck with body bags and coffins lined up in NHS car parks – and fast track crematoriums becoming a major industry - and graveyard space topping the real estate market.”

“What’s more, nor do I concur with this bullshit reasoning that the LCP alleviates the agony of elderly patients who are left with no choice but to suffer NHS chew n spew meals three times a day - and the indignity of being groped by celebrity DJ’s on an ego-trip – or further abused by pikey nurses and support staff who can’t speak English.”

Thought for the day. How do you know when Posh Dave Scameron or Nick Clegg are lying? Easy – their lips move.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Saturday 27 October 2012

UK Snubs US Call for Iran First Strike

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The gospel according to whistle-blowing moles embedded in Whitehall’s bureaucrat-impaired civil service, the UK’s Attorney General, Dominic ‘Two Jobs’ Grieve, who also holds the part-time post of Tory MP for the Baconfat constituency in Fuckinghamshire, has circulated a highly confidential legal assessment to Austerity Dave Scameron at Downing Street, Willy ‘Fudge’ Vague at the Foreign Office and Philip ‘Dandruff’ Hammond at the Defence Ministry, warning that a pre-emptive military strike on the Islamic Republic of Iran will most certainly violate international law – and really piss off the Republican Guard and every other Jolly Jihad Muslim with a bent for a spot of self-harm suicide bomb terrorism.

That is –‘if’ the Libservative Coalition are seduced by the Dark Side of the Force (International Zionism) to follow the 2003 stooge example of Tony Bliar and the shambles that passed for a New Labour government - by complying with the Great Satan’s demands to wipe out any threat to the outlaw state of Israel’s Mid-East regional military hegemony and use the conjured opportunity to usurp and forcibly occupy another nation’s strategic geo-political location - and simultaneously seize their natural resources - specifically lots and lots of oleaginous black gold.

Armed with the facilities of subjunctive retrospect and 20/20 hindsight, Grieve, unlike his Bliar-era muppet predecessor - the prevaricating Peter Goldshit - has undertaken a self-preservation risk assessment study and hence adopted this most contrary attitude towards the Conservative Friends of Israel Club’s ‘Let’s all bomb the Mullahs’ lobby - and now refuses the calls of homicidal maniacs to lower the threshold for what justifies war to suit the paranoid neurosis ‘comply or else’ demands of the neo-con kikesters in the White House woodpile, or the Rothshite crime syndicate's European and Arab lobbies, or the war-mongering psychopaths running Israel’s doomed apartheid regime.

Doubtless Grieve is only too cognisant of Tony Bliar’s ‘Reign of Error’ and the ‘sine qua non’ dodgy ‘45 minutes to Armageddon’ dossier which led to him being branded an international war criminal with the morals of kiddie fiddling Catholic priest – and also Attorney General Goldshit’s myriad of confused legal opinions of what was – and was not – legitimate – or otherwise – regarding Saddam Hussein’s non-existent weapons of mass distraction and the invasion of the sovereign state of Iraq – that in the end Bliar and Co just gave up on him – along with the equally-dithering UN Security Council - and invaded anyway.

Hence the existence of this ‘not-so’ top secret document bearing Grieve’s official chop puts PM Posh Dave Scameron on a sticky wicket with his psychotic ZioNazi masters as it’s based on concrete evidence that Iran’s IAEA-approved and legitimate nuclear research and enrichment projects do not meet any conjured criteria that manifests as a legal threshold under international law for the required sub-rosa nuclear weapons ‘clear and present danger’ signal which might merit – but far from legally justify - such a sneak attack while mad dog Israel has a covert and illicit nuclear arsenal ready to decimate anyone who incurs their paranoid ire.

Well at least Grieve has taken a step back from the path of conventional political stupidity to embrace one of political forethought and common sense - and is disinclined for Broken Britain to engage in a military misadventure with Iran that is fraught with the spectre of unintended consequences – even more so than the mosh pit fubar of Afghanistan – and that of Iraq which the UK eventually walked away from – after taking an equal share of responsibility with the Great Satan for devastating the country’s infrastructure and turning order into chaos – a state of sectarian bedlam and tribal / clan anarchy which still reigns now the hand of Saddam’s disciplinarian authority has been removed.

So the sideline war-mongers are advised - any pre-emptive military strike on Iran will have far-reaching repercussions of global proportions for the Great Satan and the rogue state of ZioNazi Israel – and too any other fucker and their dog who sign up for the fatally-flawed attack: France, Saudi Arabia, Kuwait, Qatar, the UAE – or Old Uncle Tom Cobley and all.

Pretty much the usual suspects who Balkanised Libya and reduced their North African showcase nation to rubble in the bogus name of humanitarian intervention – and are now hell bent on committing the same in Syria (and Lebanon) but for the Russians and Chinese refusing to play ball – but Mossad bide their time to use the FSA foreign terrorist merc’s and al Qaeda ratlines to pull a false flag chemical weapons attack to be blamed on the Assad regime and then get World War Three underway.

To conclude, as a stark warning to Scameron, Vague and Hammond - and others of their craven ilk - for his past sins of promoting the launch and execution of these bully boy aggressive foreign conflicts, Tony Bliar should be dragged before Nuremberg II to face human rights abuses and war crimes charges - and made to answer such enigmatic questions as who killed Cock Robin - and why did Dr David Kelly commit suicide and not go postal to take a few of his political detractors with him first?

Of course this won’t happen as there’s no justice in this world. The concept is a total fallacy, much like the moronic predication writ large across the New Testament’s pages that the meek shall inherit the Earth. Instead we have to rely on Karma, and to all intents and purposes it appears that Karma’s gone AWOL.

Thought for the day: So, is Grieve now coming across as the ‘good guy’? Don’t believe it for a single nano-second – for he, along with Scameron, still has the stench of the Carroll Foundation Trust scandal cover-up all over him – along with so much more.

Further, fuck the Great Satan and the rogue apartheid state of Israel and their Protocols of the Greedy Bastard Elder of Zion ‘New World Order’ – plus their global government’s planned capital based in Jerusalem.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Friday 26 October 2012

MP Claims Downing St is Paedo Central

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Downing Street’s iconic Number 10 has been lambasted with a veritable legion of sobriquets over the years, and none of them complimentary. A doss house; a den of iniquity; riddled with graft and corruption – and shirt-lifting fudgers (Heath / Douglas-Home); being infested with craven ditherers (Chamberlain) - to staffed by homicidal maniacs (Bliar) and treasonous twats (Major / Maastricht) – to name but a mere sampling of the rightfully-affixed ignominies.

However, while speculation has been rife in the past it is only now, in the tumultuous wake of the decades-long Jail Bait Jimbo Savile / BBC kiddie fiddling scandal that the fickle finger of fate has been pointed directly at Number 10’s front door with the levelled accusation that it has been (and may well still be) – a hive of venal pederasty.

The shit-stirring Deputy Chairman of Ed Millipede’s New Labour Party, Tom ‘Pizza Wheel’ Watson, yesterday braved all odds, stood erect in the back benches of the House of Conmans and interrupted Austerity Dave Scameron’s Prime Minister’s Questions to use Parliamentary privilege and double-dare the not-fit-for-purpose Metropolitan Plod Squad to reopen a conspicuously closed criminal inquiry into a powerful paedophile network that operates in Britain, protected by its ranking Freemason connections in Whitehall, Parliament and Downing Street - and by bent, secret handshake Masonic Speculative Society politicians in Scotland’s Holyrood seat of government.

Frothing at the gills and anxious to score political brownie points with his accusations that there exists an institutionalised, establishment cover-up stretching far beyond the Beeb’s concealment of Savile’s disgusting and criminal peccadilloes for child groping, statute rape and necrophilia, Watson referred to the case of Peter Righton, who was convicted in 1992 of importing and possessing illegal homosexual and child sexual abuse pornographic material.

Righton, who, with criminal malice aforethought, abused his positions of trust as consultant at the National Children’s Bureau and a lecturer for the National Institute for Social Work, was forced to confess to the illegal importation charges, and of possessing obscene material.

Typical of the establishment elitist’s brand of justice being dispensed, Righton, an active Freemason, pulled a few Old Boy network strings and got a slap on the wrist with a £900 fine – and nary a mention of jail time, probation or his disgraced name being entered into the-then non-existent Sex Offenders Register – aka the kiddie fiddler tracking database.

In the aftermath of Watson’s remarks, media outlets speculated that the references fingered the late former Prime Minister Sir Edward ‘Fudge’ Heath – (who was repeatedly warned by MI5 over his public exposure for cottaging and soliciting sex with under-age boys around public toilets – and taking defenceless and trusting kiddies from Jersey’s Haut de le Garenne orphanage for boat rides on his ‘Catamite Calypso’ yacht and bringing them back with ruptured sphincters) - and too Sir Peter ‘Faggy’ Morrison, a former Downing Street cabinet inner circle aide who also conveniently shook off his mortal coil and went directly to Hell for his sins back in 1995.

Conversely the gutter press Daily Shitraker today ventured that Watson’s comments were not aimed at either ‘Uncle Ted’ Heath or the despicable Morrison but rather living persons associated with ‘menopausal madness’ Maggie Thatcher’s 1980’s disastrous administration - and further involved the activities of the Paedophile Information Exchange and the Paedophile Action for Liberation – both pro-kiddie fiddling groups that, like a pestilent blight on Britain’s social landscape, managed to defy moral stricture and condemnation, and existed through the 70’s and 80’s, using their political clout and connections (just Google Labour’s Harriet Harman / Lolita Charter) pushing for legislation to nullify not only the age of consent but also incest.

Responding to Watson’s damning, complicity-ridden remarks, Posh Dave was forced to concede that the MP, along with the Beeb’s Snitch & Grassers Department, had raised some very awkward questions that might come in handy for the spin doctors to divert the common herd’s media-mesmerised attentions from the fucked up state of Broken Britain’s economy and unemployment situation - and criminal involvement in wars of foreign aggression.

Further seizing on the opportunity to engage in a spot of ‘nonce-bashing’, Scameron continued “While I simply cannot believe any such criminal activities ever took place within the hallowed halls of Number 10 – well, not while a Tory PM was in office - these allegations do leave many institutions - particularly the Beeb - with serious questions to answer concerning Savile’s antics – and above all the enigmatic 'How did Jimmy the Groper get away with his underage molesting for so long?'.”

Oh that’s easy Dave – his arse was covered by a succession of corrupt deviant twats – just like your public schoolboy self - and the 'penis-grabbing' Minister Without a Job, Ken ‘In Denial’ Clarke - and that incompetent bitch of a former Health Minister Edwina ‘Piranha Teeth’ Currie - who sanctioned Savile’s appointment as Chief Groper at Broadmoor and then faced the media resembling a half-deflated child’s blow-up toy – the scary Halloween variety in need of a cosmetic bucket-full of Botox – and goes into holier-than-thou denial mode that she did anything wrong.

Hmmm, West Brom’ Watson’s sudden fervour to hoist high the banner of morality has raised certain Whitehall eyebrows a few degrees due his notoriety as being a triple-chinned Parliamentary expenses abuse trough hog – and the only one to receive free gifts from Mammon & Snobfords for the amount of taxpayer’s money he spends there on digestible delights, maxing out his extortionate £4,8000 quid Parliamentary annual tucker allowance.

Thought for the day: Hopefully the impassioned Watson, tear-arsing into the House of Conmans at a full gallop, mud-splattered and high in oath, to advance this iconoclastic holy crusade - is fully cognisant of the fact that his New Labour Party Commissar, PM Tony Bliar, slapped a gag on the media reporting of Operation Ore (aka Project Kiddie Fiddler) back in 2002 at the alleged insistence of Peter ‘Mr Fix-It’ Scandalson (now Lord Scandalson of the Felchers – and affectionately known in the Upper House as ‘Vermin in Ermine’) – with the sole purpose of reigning in further public exposure of the party’s child porno voyeurs and rampant pederasts infesting Parliament following the arrest of his personal aide Philip ‘Fudge’ Lyon on charges of the same.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Links:
http://holliedemandsjustice.org/content/the-bell-begins-to-toll/
Tony Blair Caught Protecting Elite Paedophile Ring
http://thetruthseeker.co.uk/article.asp?ID=8258
Cremation of Care: The New World Order and the Dunblane Shootings
http://www.cremationofcare.com/the_nwo_dunblane.htm
Dunblane - Secret Documents
http://www.thetruthseeker.co.uk/article.asp?ID=600
Operation Planet
http://www.ukcolumn.org/article/operation-planet-abuse-justice-crown-office-scotland
Andrea Davison, Jimmy Savile, SERCO and Child Abuse.
http://google-law.blogspot.co.uk/2012/10/andrea-davison-jimmy-savile-serco-and.html
The sheer scale of child sexual abuse in Britain
http://www.nickdavies.net/1998/04/01/the-sheer-scale-of-child-sexual-abuse-in-britain
The Kincora scandal.
http://www.missingpersons-ireland.freepress-freespeech.com/archive-kincorascandal.htm
What really happened at Jersey’s Haut de la Garenne
http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2009/mar/14/haut-de-la-garenne

Thursday 25 October 2012

Benefit Scroungers Cop Booze n Cigs Ban

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

It has now been confirmed that 120,000 dysfunctional families across the length and breadth of Broken Britain are to be legitimately banned from spending their drastically-depleted welfare benefits on the odd half ounce of smuggled Old Rope rolling tobacco or a six pack of Meths Breezers under a fresh batch of draconian Big Brother ‘womb to tomb’ regulations set to be fielded by the Department of Works and Pensions.

Work shy individuals now branded with the social stigmata of being a live-in member of an FUF unit (Fucked Up Families) and living high on the social benefits hog will henceforth be legally barred from spending welfare money on booze, baccy or drugs, under plans being drawn up in Whitehall.

DWP Minister Iain Duncan Smith, the incumbent Tory MP for the Chigley and Camberwick Green constituency, is pushing legislation in the House of Conmans that will see so-called ‘problem’ families receiving their welfare payments on smart cards, rather than in cash that can be flittered away in Bingo halls or squandered over the counter at one of Flatbrokes betting shops – or used to buy goods from Bargain Booze or the Yardie drug-pushing pimp that has a pitch outside the local corner Paki shop on most sink or swim council housing estates.

The proposed cards will contain coded restrictions to authorise payments for ‘priority’ items such as Sky TV subscriptions, Red Bull, iPhone 4 apps and top ups, multi-packs of Walker’s crisps, toilet rolls, sanitary towels and dog food for the baby-biting family Pitbull terrier.

For some moronic reason Smith, formerly Shadow Minister for Firewood, has got a skewed notion into his pointy bald head that these troubled families will have their lives turned around if he prevents alcoholic parents, who enjoy a daily drug boost, from using welfare payments to fuel their addictions – and since Communities Secretary Eric ‘I Beat Bulimia’ Pickles has done fuck all to solve the problem, to achieve this end Smith’s tasked a team of hapless DWP civil servants with the job of conjuring up a bevy of strategy proposals to field before Parliament in the next month.

Working in unison with Smith’s DWP, Louise ‘Three Chins’ Casey – a one-time coal heaver’s mate who rebranded herself as the Libservative Coalition’s ginger-mingin gobshite excuse for a ‘Dysfunctional Families Tsar’ – has informed local councils they won’t receive a single penny from the £440 million quid social rejuvenation kitty to tackle problem families until they can show that their interventions have secured a positive change, such as less underage pregnancies, truanting, antisocial behaviour, booze and drug addiction - and have implemented a complete stop to the culture of incest and breeding even more brain-dead mongrel NEET kids.

Conversely, and Smith’s fascist cradle to grave compliance ideas besides, the Government cannot currently stipulate how people spend their benefits money and the law will have to be changed to implement such a Nanny State policy.

In the immediate aftermath of the 2011 riots in English cities, caused by the UK’s out of control Plod Squad summarily executing a Tottenham-based coloured male scally to avoid the inconvenience of arrest paperwork and a trial, Prime Minister Posh Dave Scameron gave up on his misconceived Hug a Hoodie scheme and instead pledged to turn around the lives of an estimated 120,000 dysfunctional families by 2015.

As to the so-called ‘dysfunctional families’ themselves, Chantelle McSkanger, a 15-year old mother of three and resident of Asbo Avenue in the chaotic social nightmare marked on the Greater London area map as Slumborough Hamlets, had this to say to one press hack from the Scroungers Gazette.
“So the DWP’s gonna start issuin’ us wiv Oyster or Lobster style cards wot’s topped up every two weeks so we get eff’ all cash. Well that’s not gonna work down the local market or at Pikey Pete’s car boot emporium, now is it. Where does this bunch of shit-fer-brains twats come up wiv these fuckin’ ideas.”

“I’m gonna be e-mailin’ Shabby Acrobati down at Liberty later cos this is a right crock of shit an’ infringes on our human rights an’ dignity, tellin’ us that we can’t watch our BMI an’ waistlines an’ calorie intakes by missin’ a meal an’ havin’ a couple of Jaegerbombs or a bifta fer supper instead of some greasy Pestco Greedy Grocer microwave-ready slop wots full of effin’ preservatives an’ other shite wot’s not good fer yer ticker.”

“My kids are that shagged out from watchin’ telly or playin’ on the X-Box ‘til midnight then getting’ up fer school at seven o’clock in a mornin’ an’ they haven’t got the energy ter even play truant an’ need a boost ter motivate them ter get their arses off ter classes. So if we’re barred from spendin’ a few quid of our benefits money on a couple grams of snort ter give the kids a bit of a pre-school boost then they’re gonna be stuck in front of the effin’ goggle box all day as well.”

“It’s okay Scameron goin’ on about turnin’ Broken Britain’s dysfunctional families around. Some effin’ chance indeed – let’s start with our dysfunctional government – and the elitist over-privileged scumbags infesting Buckingham Palace first – them full of shit morons wot claims a ‘divine right ter rule’.

Thought for the day. So much for William Beveridge’s semi-utopian ideal of a welfare state when 60-odd years after such was implemented by a ‘Labour Government’, this bunch of Tory / Lib-Dum tossers running the dog and pony show fuck up of a coalition come along and devastate the founder’s good works.
The much-vaunted ‘welfare revolution’ manifests today as ‘welfare chaos’ – with Duncan-Smith declaring that school leavers will be barred from automatically claiming housing benefit and must suffer a couple of years living in a now-illegal squat – or camping out on a landfill site.

To wit, fuck Big Brother – and his sister – and the bonkers batshit Nanny State.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Wednesday 24 October 2012

Qatar Emir’s Gaza Trip Snubs Kikesters

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The waddling tub of halal lard wrapped in a duvet cover and wearing a gingham tea towel on his bonce – known affectionally to friends and enemies (foreign and domestic) alike as Sheikh Hamad bin Fat Git al-Thani, the Emir of Qatar - has become the first bulimia-beating head of state to visit the Gaza Strip since horrid Hamas came to power in 2007, fired by the aim of spreading his largess with a Samaritan zeal.

Sheikh Hamad and his entourage of catamite-fudging sycophants crossed into Gaza from Egypt in a convoy of camouflaged Chobham-armoured Hummer stretch limos - amid a tight security screen deployment - with M-PAD FIM-92 Stinger-armed lookout team outriders tasked to spot any high altitude Israeli Machatz-1 hunter-killer assassination drones likely to loose their airborne arsenal of Shitstreak missiles at the regal cavalcade.

On their safe arrival at the Rafah border crossing the Qatari party received no less than a 7-star red carpet ceremonial welcome inside a genuine Bedouin tent - stitched together by the weeping widows of the last Israeli ‘Jaysh al-Usra’ massacre - where the Emir and the Qatari Prime Minister Sheikh Fizzy al Kaseltzer were greeted with much decorum by their fellow Arab Muslim Semite brothers - Hamas PM Ismail ‘Ibn Himar’ Haniya and his Gaza Gangster cabinet of Jolly Jihad muhijadeen.

The glad-handing meet was preceded by an honour guard ceremony at which the Qatari and Palestinian national anthems were played in F Minor by Hamas’ All Steel Percussion Band - whose instruments are fabricated from the Israeli Kheil HaAvir’s spent Mk 77 incendiary munitions caissons and unexploded CBU-87 CEM cluster bomb casings dropped on hapless Gaza residential areas, hospitals and schools.

This was followed by a Third Intifada fireworks spectacular behind the Rachel Corrie Memorial Bulldozer Works, with a barrage of Qassam rockets fired over the Great Apartheid Wall into southern Israel by General Ras al Shitbag’s Al-Aqsa Martyrs Brigade – and concluded with a one-off self-immolation extravaganza display from Colonel Mohammed al Ka-Boom and his intrepid Shaheed Semtex Vest Suicide Squad’s martyrs running up to the hated separation barrier and covering it with blood and guts as they detonated their high explosive underwear.

The triple-chinned Emir’s visit is a sign of the increasing ties between the Gulf state and the beleaguered Gaza Strip enclave’s democratically-elected Hamas government, who, in a fit of selective memory, the Israelis have labelled a terrorist organisation while blatantly overlooking their own violent ‘born of bloodshed’ origins when they stole Palestine from the rightful Arab Muslim ‘Semite’ owners in the 1948 Yawm an-Nakbah (Day of the Catastrophe).

Oil and gas-rich Qatar, whose hedonistic ruling Al Thani family have more money than sense (and Croesus) has become an important source of revenue not only for the anti-Assad Free Syrian Army rebel terrorists but also Hamas - and the Emir, who claims hereditary grazing rights to every hotel lobby carpet in the Gulf region for his goat herds - has pledged US $400 million bucks for rebuilding in the marginalised Gaza Strip, which has been ravaged and devastated by continual bombing and military incursions by the homicidal Israeli aggressors pursuing their slow cook 'Final Solution' genocide campaign to rid the stolen lands of Palestine of ‘Hagarene Muslim Palestinians’.

The Israeli Knesset’s occupied West Bank stooge of a President, Mahmoud ‘Bala’a il A’air’ Abbas and his graft and corruption-ridden ‘Neekni Sahrawi’ Palestinian Authority cohorts have expressed reservations over the Emir's visit, and are green with envy, opining to the Hasbara Gazette that “Why have we been snubbed as Sheikh Hamad al Thani could have paid a flying visit here as well and sampled Mama Shylock’s matzo and meat pies – and contributed to our numbered Swiss bank accounts.”
“Really, it is all a waste of time and precious money – for what the fuck’s the point of rebuilding anything in Gaza if the Israeli’s psycho IDF keeps blasting the shit out of the place?”

Good point indeed, as career psychopath and all-round ‘hater’ Bobo Nuttyahoo, the incumbent Israeli PM - and too the rest of the nutty Knesset’s homicidal Ashkenazi Jews of convenience – have the Gaza Strip enclave besieged behind their racist 30-odd foot high Great Apartheid Wall – the despised Jidat a’Fas al’-Unsuri – in the biggest Nazi style concentration camp in the known Universe – which beats anything Hitler and his gang of barbaric maniacs ever conceived – Himmler would be proud of the rogue state of Israel’s efforts in emulating his containment and extermination example.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a politically-incorrect hostile environment infested with Māḡēn Dāwīḏ ZioNazi psychopaths and may contain elements of sickening Israeli schadenfreude, along with anti-Semitic paranoia, Holohoax ‘victims’ propaganda, unqualified arrogance, racist apartheid innuendo, lashings of kikester hudaibiya, kvelling, hasbara and chutzpah - and quantifiable amounts of utter lunacy – along with nano-particle traces exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and a chemtrail residue of bush telegraph innuendo - plus a total disregard for the statutes of international law, human rights and the niceties of a polite and civilised society.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Tuesday 23 October 2012

Tory Minister with Job Threatens Jobless

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Persons our dysfunctional Libservative Coalition’s Renta-Moron private finance initiative contractors now reassess and brand as unemployed welfare scroungers, who, in their unqualified opinions, do not make enough of an effort to find work in Broken Britain’s current ‘jobless’ environment, face a rude awakening from Monday, 22nd October, under new rules which will see them stripped of their welfare benefits for three years – even if they are no longer eligible to receive the pittance of a jobseekers allowance.

Tory MP Mark Hoban - recently-promoted to the post of Employment Secretary following PM Austerity Dave Scameron’s ‘ethnic cleansing’ cabinet reshuffle that left scores of former ministers shell-shocked and traumatised and running back to their provincial constituencies in tears, with self-esteem / ego quotients shattered - informed one press hack from the Totalitarians Gazette that he was set to deliver a warning to out of work slackers who fail to roll up their sleeves and think they can continue to screw the system and live off dole-outs from the taxpayer’s purse like House of Conmans MPs.

Hoban, formerly the shadow Minister for Bean Counting (yes, another blinkered ‘red pen’ accountant) and known to family, friends and political associates alike as a right nasty cunt, concluded with “I’ve got a surprise for them – as the benefits cornucopia wellspring is about to dry up when I introduce my tough new ‘three strikes and you’re out’ programme.”

“Of course, we are committed to supporting people who cannot work through ill health or disability, which our PFI contractors, Atosspots Wealthcare, have been tasked with reassessing after they’ve finished sorting out all these special needs and disabled slackers. But for people who can work yet refuse to go out when it’s raining or too cold, to do the rounds knocking on doors like the Boy Scouts for Bob-a-Job Week, and offering to cut someone’s hedge or lawn for a couple of quid – or take their dog a walk - then the new ruling is going to come as a rude awakening.”

This system of escalating penalties came into force on Monday and will kibosh the payment of Jobseekers Allowance to slackers from the current six months to three years – with social activist groups predicting a massive surge in crime as the cash-strapped and malnourished unemployed are left with no choice but to resort to mugging pensioners or shoplifting at one of the ubiquitous Greedy Grocer branches to get their daily fixes of junk food and Bitch Thumper lager.

According to figures from the Department for Work and Pensions, their jobcentre ‘jobsworths’ took punitive actions against half a million claimants for not finding work over the last year – a figure that included some 75,000 skilled workers who refused to strip themselves of all semblance of dignity and accept morale-destroying minimum wage jobs that required no more than the IQ of a treadmill-slogging hamster to fulfil.

Doubtless this fatally-flawed ‘one size fits all’ penalty scheme will add to the worsening relations on welfare policy between the Tories and their bourgeois Lib-Dum coalition partners – especially so amid reports that Chancellor Georgie ‘First Class’ Osborne is mulling if he can get away with freezing all benefits from April 2013 – if anyone is still around after December 21st 2012 when the enigmatic 5,125 year Mayan Long Count calendar runs out of ‘tomorrows’ and makes a total Apocalyptic fuck up of this year’s Christmas holiday.

The new round of benefit cuts, designed to pay for the Ministry of Defence’s planned military actions against Iran - and keeping 9,000 troops in Afghanistan as part of the ‘never-ending’ Operation Enduring Warfare campaign to safeguard the opium crops and act as targets for Taliban snipers and IED bombers, also includes proposals to remove housing benefit for those aged under 65 –along with the sadly diminished Winter Fuel Allowance – set to be ‘further diminished’ this Yuletide season to what one canny pensioner referred to as “sweet fuck all”.

Thought for the day. Fuck Mark Hoban and the horse he rode in on – and the entire Dog & Pony Show fubar now referred to as the Libservative Coalition. May they all live in interesting times.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Plods Go Bonkers: Shoot Runaway Calf

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Since receiving a legion of complaints that meet the CPS ‘Full Code Test’ the Independent Police Coverups Commission have launched a public interest inquiry into what the national gutter press redtop tabloids have now given the derogatory label of ‘Operation Knobhead’ – specifically relating to Welshpool’s dysfunctional Plod Squad being armed with sub-machine guns and stalking the town’s streets in broad daylight earlier this month – not so much hunting down Jolly Jihad Muslim terrorists out for causing a spot of chaos and mayhem by blowing up the Town Hall or DWP office – or McDonald’s chew n spew – but rather a runaway calf with an anti-social behaviour attitude problem.

Discarding the one-sided and evasive police version of events and instead relying on the independent reports of eye-witness bystanders with no reason to lie or obscure facts, apparently a heifer, obviously fed up with being prodded and poked to estimate its worth, threw a bit of a wobbler, jumped over a fence and did a mad dash escape from the town’s weekly livestock market.

A veritable legion of gob-smacked pedestrian shoppers in Welshpool’s High Street watched as their local Plod Squad’s SWAT Team turned up in force – and leaving nothing to chance, were kitted out to the nines in Kendo style body armour and helmets, brandishing Heckler-Koch G36C 5.56mm sub-machine carbines – at the sight of which the common herd’s headless chicken factor kicked in, with shoppers going into panic mode and running around screaming “Incoming – it’s an al Qaeda terrorist attack!”.

The plods were joined by farmers and an auctioneer after the distraught animal was eventually cornered in a private garden, where it proceeded to have a chew at the hedge and lawn.
The property was cordoned off and after more than two hours of having a vet try to negotiate with the animal to surrender and go quietly, a police marksman was called in to put the heifer down once the multiple Taser stun strategy failed and simply served to agitate the beast even more.

Welshpool police spokesperson WPC Bev Titwank informed media hacks “We received a report this morning that a cow had escaped from Welshpool Livestock Market and might make an attempt to jump over the Moon, like that one in the nursery rhyme. There were concerns for the safety of the general public and police personnel as the animal had obviously turned nasty and might have bitten one of our officers and given them rabies. Hence a tactical decision was made by our HQ to shoot it so we could all go for lunch.”

Conversely town residents condemned the police’s disproportionate reaction as being ‘over the top'.
Mrs Candida Muffitch, who saw the incident, informed one press hack from the Abattoir Gazette that the response was “An utter clusterfuck, wot wiv all them stupid plods runnin’ around like a bunch of nancy boys. Why did they have to shoot the poor fuckin’ animal, there was no need, it was only a little soddin’ heifer.”

Chantelle McSkanger, a 15-year old mother of three who watched the cornering and unwarranted slaughter of the calf from a bedroom window with her aghast children, had this to say. “Wot a set of stupid cunts, first they’re all shoutin’ at the cow, then throwin’ stones at it, then they tasered it, then some twat wiv a rifle comes an’ shot it four times before it fell over dead.”

“Fer fuck’s sake, it woz a massive over-reaction an’ completely unnecessary cos farmers have ter catch runaway cows all the time – an’ let’s not lose sight of the fact it woz cattle market day fer Christ’s sake, so how many farm labourer types an’ pikey rustlers woz there wot’s used ter man-handlin’ stubborn cattle that get a bit of a cob on, an’ could have solved the problem – an’ not call the effin’ Plod Squad whose only ‘one size fits all’ solution is ter shoot the poor thing.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Monday 22 October 2012

Rothshite Jnr Stung by Indo’ Crooks

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Rumour has it that Baron Ja’ackoff Rothshite, patriarch of the pro-Zionist crime cartel (and King of Israel in absentia) is spitting the proverbial dummy over the fact his only son, the sexually-confused nutty Natty, heir to the world’s most notorious kikester money lending dynasty, has been taken to the cleaners by a bunch of Indonesian joint venture rip-off artists and lost in excess of 700 zillion quids-worth of foreign investor’s cash.

According to one report in this week’s Loan Sharks Gazette, while 76-year old matriarch Ja’ackoff – (now endowed with more money than Croesus and the Royal Order of the Shifty Shylock from Queen Lizzie Windsor) - spends his twilight days worshipping at the altar of Mammon in his RIT Capital plc offices in London’s St James’s Place, son Natty is off in the pursuit of further obscene profits, abusing his family bankster / political networking connections ‘in extremis’ to achieve new heights on the international usury and acquisitions bourse via the route of insider trading.

Obviously this borderline criminality practice has seen Noxious Natty pick up a certain notoriety due walking the razor’s edge of questionable legality – specifically media-exposed brokering of a bent Mr Fix-It sweetheart deal for his Russian exile oligarch pal Oleg Mobsaroubles at the Rothshite’s family hideaway on Corfu with purposely invited guest Lord Peter Scandalson of the Felchers.

At the time Scandalson - aka ‘Vermin in Ermine’ - held the post of EUSSR Trade Commissioner and subsequently introduced legislation to exempt Mobsaroubles’ Scally Ally Corporation from the aluminium import tariffs that blighted the profits of every other fucker and their dog – and much to the ire of a cabal of other Russian mafia tycoons - including Isaac Barfsky of Alcop Industries, Michail Sackashit of Russtheft Energy, Igor Crooksky, CEO of Wankprom Oil - and Boris Bedsocks, owner of Gulag Gaz.

And here perhaps lies the root source of Natty’s current troubles – a spot of payback via a piece of planted confidential insider information leaked through Russian barbed wire and broken glass trading mogul Vladimir Pissedoffsky, that PT Bumi, an under-funded Indonesian company, was sitting on a 70 billion mega-tons rich vein of anthracite coal in East Kalimantan and crying out for a foreign investor joint venture partner to develop an open cast mining system.

Natty took the bait hook, line and sinker and began raising £700 million quid from his filthy rich and shameless City contacts and hedge fund managers – a ‘big players only’ game he informed fringe investors that expressed interest, with his customary brazen arrogance – albeit father Ja’ackoff sagaciously declined his moronic son’s offer for RIT Capital to participate in the venture.

By July of 2010, Bumi’s £10 quid shares had been stealthily absorbed into Natty’s own FTSE-quoted cash vehicle, a dodgy shell company titled Vallar plc, which was then renamed PT Bumi plc.
But here was the unseen sting that Natty Rothshite’s new Indonesian partners, the Bakrie family, had conjured into the deal – the fact it offered the back-door prestige of being quoted on the London Stock Exchange - a glittering prize for the crooked businessmen operating under the edicts Jakarta’s bent corporate culture.

No sooner was the money in and the deal sealed then things started to go wrong - with a large capital W for Wrong.
A campaign of acrimonious disagreements and accusations was launched from the PT Bumi boardroom by the Indonesian partners to undermine the position of the joint venture foreign investors, with company chairman Samin Tan accusing Natty of hacking his e-mails and making threats – and hence launched an internal investigation into allegations of financial impropriety, which last week forced Natty to disqualify himself as a director / partner – and his investors so far suffering a loss of 75% of their money, with the share price slumping to a measly £2.50 – and the only thing mined to date by the Bumi venture being two sacks of nutty slack.

So Natty’s eviction from PT Bumi’s board is a real a slap in the face for the Rothshite crime syndicate’s bankster wunderkind – as he chokes on his own unqualified arrogance. Oh well, it’s always a problem when ego surpasses intellect and a man harbours ambitions far beyond the capacity of his limited intellect.

But, now provided with the facility of 20/20 hindsight, what did the naïve clown think was going to go down? Obviously Natty and Co hadn’t done their research into the mafia gangsters behind PT Bumi that sucked in the joint venture foreign investment portfolio - Indonesia’s prominent Bakrie family, which founded a palm oil to property to a banking and drug-pushing / extortion criminal empire through collaborating with the Japanese invaders back in 1942 – and Presidents Sukarno and Suharto after - and the current matriarch Aburizal Bakrie, the majority shareholder of PT Bumi and political leader of the Golkar Party - who will be running for Indonesia's top dog office in the 2014 Presidential election.

What the fuck did Natty expect, dealing with the bent Bakrie family or any other scumbag involved with Indonesian politicos – the entire system’s a Kleptocracy and so riddled with graft and corruption it can no longer function without it.
The Bakries are that crooked if one of them dropped dead there would be no need for a grave-digger as you could screw them into the cemetery sod like a fencepost auger. These are a bunch of cut-throat scallies for whom the word ‘enough’ does not exist – they work on the philosophy of ‘more’ – and have a past notoriety of shafting foreign joint venture partners - an art form learned and practiced by Aburizal Bakrie under the tutelage of Suharto’s Rasputin: Bob Hasan.

The Bakrie clan, while controlling PT Bumi, also control PT Berau Coal Energy Tbk and PT Bukit Mutiara – along with fellow Jakarta-based Indonesian career criminals Rosan Roeslani and Sandiaga Uni.

These are the very same Indonesian scumbag partners of the super-rip-off Bre-X Minerals Ltd of Calgary who embroiled the company in a major gold mining scandal when it was reported back in 1995 to be sitting on a mega-rich gold deposit at Busang in East Kalimantan – which sent its penny stock price soaring to a peak of CAD $286.50 per share on the Toronto Stock Exchange - with a total capitalization of over $6 billion – which the Indonesian contingent walked away with when Bre-X Minerals collapsed in 1997 after the gold samples were found to be a fraud - and the company’s chief geologist, Filipino Michael de Guzman, was tossed out of a helicopter high over the jungle at the Busang mine site to ensure his silence concerning the salted gold samples when the shit hit the fan.

Hence nutty Natty and his Vallar plc were lambs to the slaughter, going myopically into a joint venture business deal for a coal mine with a cabal of Third World corporate pillagers, driven by material gain and devoid of all human compassion – with a litany of similar past sins they would visit upon their very own if profit provided motive – and without a second thought on the Christian outlanders that were once their colonial masters – and especially so those who salute the Māḡēn Dāwīḏ - the worshippers of Judah.

To add to the Bre-X ignominy, in May 2006 the Bakrie tribe were fielding a fly-by-night drilling company titled PT Lapindo Brantas, drilling the Banjar-Panji 1 exploration well for natural gas at Sidoarjo in East Java when a blowout caused the eruption of the largest recorded mud volcano in the world due cost-cutting dodges of not casing the drill hole – which has left the region uninhabitable and hexed with invisible clouds of deadly, seeping hydrogen sulphide gas that have caused significant devastation and loss of life. This environmental disaster, an act of gross negligence, was blamed not on unsound drilling methods - or leaving the hole uncased - but illogically an earthquake 275 kilometres away – hence payoffs and powerful political connections saw the Bakries walk away from the disaster unscathed.

The Malay / Bahasa Indonesian name for a coal mine is ‘danau mas hitam’ (‘black earth mine’) - a literal translation that these tossers have missed out on is ‘black hole – precisely where their £700 million nicker’s gone.

Thought for the day: Perhaps better rename PT Bumi as PT What a Bummer or PT Bum’s Rush. But the one thing Nutty Natty isn’t and that’s ‘Bumi Putra’ (Prince of the Earth).

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Latest MPs Expenses Abuse Coverup

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Never a dull moment around the House of Conmans as the chilling wind of discontent changes direction and blasts Ed Millipede’s Opposition with a shower of shite as the triple-chinned Linda ‘Bagpuss’ Riordan, New Labour’s MP for horrid Halifax, is exposed as a money-grubbing scumbag with the scruples of a rutting tomcat.

The ginger-mingin Riordan, previously only known for her three figure BMI index, has been revealed as one of a cadre of twenty seven bent MPs involved in the questionable and morally-bankrupt practice of renting out their public purse funded second homes in London to fellow MPs – and any other fucker and their dog - for personal gain while simultaneously leasing property in the capital for themselves – at the taxpayers’ expense.

However under established Parliamentary ‘Loophole Laws’ the controversial practice is technically permitted and seen as a way of bypassing the scrutiny of the ‘stricter’ (sic) expenses regime imposed by the Independent Parliamentary Standards Authority in the wake of the last expenses scandal which will remain fresh in the public’s minds for the next decade or so.

According to reports spread across the front pages of the gutter press Daily Shitraker and Rippoffs Gazette banner headlines, Riordan’s fellow Labour MP Iain McKenzie pays her £1,560 quid per month in rent (which he claims back in expenses) – hence she is pocketing £19,000 nicker per annum from the taxpayer by leasing her second home – a £400,000 London flat - to McKenzie while claiming thousands in expenses to rent a third property for herself.

To wit, with her house in Scallyfax, the grasping vulgarian bitch has three properties - two of which were purchased and refurbished with taxpayers’ funds - hence she is now making £1,000 quid per month in clear profit from the rental payments to supplement her MPs’ salary of £65,738.

At the same time the unscrupulous Riordan claims £1,473 a month – equal to £17,676 a year – from the taxpayer for renting a separate flat in London for herself – and to add insult to injury and really rub the voting public’s noses in the brown smelly stuff, she further transgresses the nepotism regulations by employing her 51-year-old partner Stephen Roberts as a senior researcher on a taxpayer-funded salary of £42,000 quid. Nice set up, Bagpuss.

In a futile attempt to contain a shit-storm of backlash which is bound to hit all three major parties involved in the dodgy practice, the House of Conmans spendthrift Speaker John ‘All Are Equal’ Bercow has now launched a bid to block the publication of details of MPs’ landlords that would reveal which other MPs are involved – invoking all manner of Data Protection statutes that aren’t worth the paper they’re scribbled on.

Cash-strapped MPs, struggling to pay their mortgages and for duck island pagodas - and having their country pile moats dredged - out of a measly £65,000 odd quid a year in salary - broke the golden rule by claiming for the same – and too much more – on Parliamentary expenses.
Thus as part of a bid to clean up their collective acts, they now get an allowance of £20,000 a year for housing alone – which obviously still doesn’t cut it as official records show around 50 MPs still claim rental expenses from the taxpayer while renting out their own homes in London or their provincial constituencies.

Records reveal that the taxpayer coughed up an excess of £35,000 nicker to the cost of Riordan’s mortgage between 2007 and 2010 – with total payments estimated to top £50,000 – plus ‘extraneous’ claims relating to her flat including £1,310 for a sofa bed, £219 for bedding, and £1,936 for carpets.
Riordan also hammered the toxic Parliamentary expenses wheeze for all it was worth and routinely claims the maximum £400 quid per month for food – all without receipts – and logged £100 quid a month for a cleaner until the practice was banned.

Candida Mingerot, director of the Taxpayers’ Alliance, opined to one press hack from the red top Ripoffs Gazette that “What gets me is this cry of ‘it’s all within the rules’ - combined with the vainglorious Bercow – another ego-stricken profligate squanderer of public funds on the promotion of his own self-glorification - attempting to suppress the publication of claims on security grounds. Little wonder he always comes across as the type of person who gets a hard on reading the Daily Shitraker’s obituary column.”

“Now we have this lard-arsed Yorkshire pudding Linda Riordan playing Monopoly games at the expense of the public purse – and claiming for such trivialities as Rich-4-Life scratch cards – which is a laugh in itself as she’s already rich for life with the hapless taxpayers funding her shabby spendthrift existence.”

“Hence we need to ask ourselves, what the fuck is this batshit bitch attempting to covertly achieve with both trotters in the trough – rip off the expenses system for all it’s worth – which now her money-grubbing antics have been exposed equates as the political career equivalent of clearing a mine field with a pogo stick.”

“Really, while there is not such thing as ‘conventional political wisdom’ there does exist ‘conventional political stupidity’ – as this over-privileged elitist fraternity with their absurd sense of entitlement piss me right off when they gain election to public office via manipulating the illusion of credibility and competence, promising a cornucopia of unicorn horns, hen’s teeth and rocking horse shit, then turn out to be yet another bunch of money-grubbing tosspots and dog wankers.”

“Of course the reasoning behind Posh Dave Scameron’s ‘Austerity First’ programme hasn’t quite sunk in yet with New Labour’s dingbat party apparatchiks as they were the knobheads whose policy of ‘spend, borrow, spend’ has manifested this nightmare of an inextricable Debtocracy shambles we’re stuck with today – which Uncle Mervyn at the Bank of England on Eye of a Needle Street isn’t helping with his next to sweet fuck all percentage interest rates and the printing presses rolling 24/7 to expedite the ‘quantitative easing’ lunacy.”

“Poor old Britain is broken – beyond repair and is in its death throes and here are these twats like Riordan still squeezing the life’s blood out of a stone – plus how many MPs renting out their London homes and staying in hotels at the taxpayer’s expense. Okay, the practice might well be within Parliamentary rules but it’s still wrong.”

Ironically the now star-crossed McKenzie – the porridge wog MP for Inverclyde, slithered into office during a by-election last year on the campaign sound bite promise of ‘winning back the trust of the people’ by honest and transparent political dealings. Hmmm, ain’t life a bitch in the fast lane.

One for the record: Posh Dave Scameron and sexy Sammy run four homes – three of which are taxpayer-funded.

Thought for the day: Hmmm, the urban myths that history seems to be clogged with like some public crapper’s drain hold that Nero fiddled while Rome burned – as opposed to Broken Britain where our House of Conmans MPs simply fiddle.

As to fat cat MP Linda ‘Bagpuss’ Riordan, no metaphor can aptly describe her base human condition – so we’ll stay with an easy brand name. She’s a cunt – in cunt’s clothing.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Sunday 21 October 2012

Osborne Pulls a Mitchell ‘Mandarins’ Stunt

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

In the wake of Andrew ‘Pleb Plods’ Mitchell’s so-recent disgraced departure from the mandarin ranks of the Tory hierarchy, the muddle-headed moron of a Chancellor of the Exchequer, Georgie Osborne, steps up for the next round of public pillorying due indulging in the venial sin of pride (exaggerated sense of self) and assuming he too is above the rules and regulations that govern the rest of society as he arrogantly grabbed a seat in a Virgin Trains Manchester to London first class carriage while holding a regular cheapo ‘Stand or Squat’ ticket.

The gospel according to the red top tabloid Daily Shitraker press hack Fellattia Gammer, who was aboard the same train, Osborne refused to move from his seat when the ticket inspector informed him he had to fork out an extra £189 quid for the first class upgrade – when a sycophantic aide stuck his oar in and insisted his blue-blooded Brahmin boss was a government VIP and as an ex-public school ‘first class person’ with an Oxford Uni’ degree in Advanced Vandalism from the Bullingdon Club simply couldn’t possibly be expected to travel in the standard fare ‘mosh pit’ carriages with the unwashed rabble.

Responding to this ‘snob pulling rank’ conundrum, ticket inspector Ron McScrote, a former cormorant strangler and obviously not a servile, cap-doffing brown-noser or one to be intimidated by those presuming to be his social betters - replied “I personally don’t give a shit cos I didn’t vote fer his Excellency, so yer Lord Muck gaffer can cough up the difference fer two first class ticket fer himself an’ the slapper he’s sat wiv - or they can both fuck off an’ stand up wiv the rest of the plebs down in cattle class.”

Oh well, always a problem when others – such as minimum wage train service ticket inspectors – come into conflict with the elevated opinion a person holds of themselves: this ‘cut above the rest of the human herd’ delusional belief - and refuse to kowtow or assume the subservient knee-bending, forelock-touching position of contrite compliance.

Denials by Downing Street spokeswoman Scabby Bertin and a battalion of Tory spin doctors besides, a score of fellow passengers supported the Daily Shitraker journalist’s version of events – that the haughty Osborne had refused to leave the first-class carriage and stand up with the rabble fighting over the standard fare cheaper seats – (rabble - the type of oicks who never went to Oxford or gained membership of the Bullingdon Club like Georgie Boy and Posh Dave Scameron – and London Mayor Bonkers Boris Nonsense and the Rothshite crime syndicate’s scion, Nutty Natty) – and eventually, in their hearing, ordered an aide to pay the excess charge with his credit card, then dispatched both the aforesaid aide and his police close-in protection officer to suffer two hours plus of standard class discomfort while he stayed put in first with his personal assistant, Ms Chlamydia Mingerot.

Interviewed by a gaggle of round-shouting boozy press hacks in the saloon bar of Euston’s Rat & Pikey Arms, Virgin Trains well-oiled ticket inspector Ron McScrote confided “As far as I’m concerned, as a lifetime socialist an’ Labour voter, today’s events were yet another display of unqualified Tory arrogance cos this Osborne character comes across as a right gormless tosser – just another cheap twat in a dark suit – especially when the prat’s goin’ ter claim the cost of the tickets back on taxpayer-funded expenses. But that’s the effin’ Tory Party for yer – a privileged elitist fraternity wiv an absurd sense of entitlement.”

And that folks, is our political masters, who conjure up the laws and regulations we are forced to live by, but which don’t seem to apply to them. A bunch of overpaid, arrogant underachievers possessed of narcissistic personality disorders - coupled with a deranged sense of self-righteousness – and their own ‘more scent than substance’ importance.
The type of bloated scumbags who thinks wood grows on trees and cry ‘Foul!’ when others fail to share and endorse the same inflated opinion they have of themselves – which is forever a problem when ego surpasses intellect.

These twats gain election to public office via manipulating the illusion of competence yet are stricken with severe credibility issues – for their true constituencies are those listed in the Fortune 500 company index - (the corruption-ridden corporate political duopoly that allows big business interests to dominate government) – and will do anything to get into power - then sink to acts of criminal coercion to keep it. To wit, jukebox politicos – slip a few coins in and they’ll play any tune you like.

Well, silver spoon Georgie is one Tory zillionaire that, unlike the rest of the cash-strapped sheeple, won’t have to worry about selling his home to fund residential care when he reaches the sedentary age of incontinence, starts dribbling, and dementia sets, and his diminished mental ability equals that of a small potted plant. Hang on, that describes Osborne already.

Thought for the day. Doubtless this faux pas will blow over in the coming days but wouldn’t it be nice if it was another nail in George ‘First Class’ Osborne’s coffin lid and bringing to a close his thirty months ‘Reign of Error’ as Broken Britain’s Chancellor.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Saturday 20 October 2012

NHS Finger 1 in 100 Oldies for ‘Death List’

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

In what has got to be interpreted as the most immoral act conjured by a sitting government since New Labour’s Tony Bliar had his MI6 stooges spice up a dodgy weapons of mass distraction dossier to justify the UK’s participation in the illegal invasion of Iraq (then had David Kelly ‘suicided’ for grassing them up), Broken Britain’s family practice GPs have been tasked to select one in every hundred of their patients to go on a list of those they judge to be likely to croak over the next twelve months – a programme that bears the dark spectre of unintended negative consequences – and too a stench of neo-Nazi euthanasia.

It is the homicidal intent of the Libservative Coalition-directed National Ill-Health Service that the patients will be singled out for ‘end-of-life care’ - (read ‘an empathy-bare hyped up extension of the current Liverpool Care Pathway – specifically a regime of dehydration / starvation’) – predicted to save the money-grubbing government more than £1 billion quid in the first year alone – and too provide an all-round economic boost to the mortuary and undertaking industries – with grave-diggers and crematorium stokers lapping up the promise of overtime.

This warped, morally-bankrupt policy providing doctors, health and social workers with new guidance on how to select suitable ‘sickie’ candidates was launched by the Lib-Dum’s Minister of State for Care Services, Norman ‘Albino’ Lamb at a UN sponsored Agenda 21 conference on expediting a national euthanasia policy to get shut of unproductive pension-raking useless eaters.

The punk-haired Lamb’s highly controversial ‘Death Lists’ report claims quite moronically that a quarter of all hospital beds are occupied by dying people - not actually a stellar reflection of NHS medical proficiency – with over 65% being senior citizens – and that four in ten are wasting hospital staff time and effort to keep them alive when they could quite easily be transferred directly to the mortuary or the nearest mass grave landfill site.

GPs and hospital doctors are henceforth tasked to select such patients during routine consultations that show ‘indicators of frailty and deterioration’ - with older people the priority targets – especially if a cross-linked NHS / HMRC service computer background assets check reveals their estate is due to cough up a mega-bucks fortune in death duties to the Exchequer.

The unlucky listed patients may be asked to select where they would prefer to die – while anaesthetised and undergoing transplant organ donor surgery to harvest any body bits still serviceable - or simply starve to death – or shit and spew themselves into a body bag state of morbidity from E-coli or salmonella poisoning due scoffing the slop that passes for hospital food.

Conversely, Bev Titwank, director of the human rights and wrongs abuse monitor Twat-Watch, had this to say to one gutter press hack from the Genocide Gazette.
“This arsehole Lamb’s off his effin’ rocker – probably due all that hair stylin’ putty soakin’ through inter his reptile brain.”

“Let’s not forget this is the same corporate-aligned political stooge wot argued Big Pharma’s case for promotin’ MMR vaccinations against all evidence it causes autism, an’ now he’s pushin’ a euthanasia policy fer the NHS. I mean ter say, wot record of competence or achievement has Lamb got fer this post as Care Minister, I ask yer when all he did before government woz work fer a solicitor.”
“Lamb needs ter stick ter conveyance and Employment Tribunal claims an’ leave off widenin’ this morally wicked Scouseland care highway ter the graveyard inter a four lane express route ter someone more qualified – such as God!”

“All that’s resoundin’ in my ears is echoes of Hitler’s Nazi Party ‘death lists’ – so is that what equates as ‘care’ under this fuck-up of a government - the approval and endorsement of a National Ill-Health Service-run oldies ‘Snuff-a-Thon’?”

“So, what’s next, might we inquire, once this venal 1 in a 100 selection policy gets rollin’ down a very slippery slope? 2 in 100, then 3, then 4 – an’ so on until the NHS morphs into Euthanasia Central an’ senior citizen genocide is an accepted practice in our warped 21st Century world – along wiv snuffin’ the disabled an’ special needs elements of society – then the street people an’ them wot the government automatically classes as affected wiv ‘oppositional defiance disorder' an’ brands as professional agitators an’ anarchists an’ domestic terrorists cos they question the self-servin’ motives of officialdom – an’ the streams of lies an’ bullshit?”

“Wot we’ve got here, an’ any fucker an’ their dog can sniff out a rat, is the first tip-toe steps of the globalist eugenics psychopaths’ plot - their demented Agenda 21 euthanasia programme - ter cull the sheeple – the useless eaters – from an unmanageable 99% ter a more easily dominated 5% - and all disingenuously justified via expoundin’ the flawed core philosophy wot trans-humanists invoke ter drive their dogmatic ‘continuum of evolution’ doctrine – an’ it’s all a right load of old bollocks as far as I’m concerned.”

Thought for the day: Hmmm, nice one, let’s expedite Lamb’s novel euthanasia policy and keep Chancellor Osborne’s budget costs down. But what the fuck’s next, might we inquire - a branch of Dignitas on every UK High Street corner?

Hopefully Norman Lamb’s Granny and Mum and Dad are topping his neo-Nazi euthanasia list – along with a selection of good-for-nothing ‘celebrity’ useless eaters – starting with that nonagenarian Greek mongrel outcast, His Royal Rudeness, Prince Stavros of Edinburgh, who seems to have evolved a bad habit of taking up vital hospital bed space every time he pisses razor blades.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.