Recession Over? Would Posh Dave Lie?

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The gospel according to an optimism-enthused Posh Dave Scameron it’s going to be a traditional ‘laugh and grow fat’ Merry Christmas for one and all now the double-dip recession (read ‘depression’) is officially over and London Mayor Bonkers Boris Nonsense is busy overseeing the capital’s streets being once again paved with Whittingtonesque gold leaf.

Official figures besides, unfortunately nobody’s bothered to inform the recession of this fact – or super-moron Chancellor Georgie ‘First Class’ Osborne for that matter - who is still hell bent on slashing welfare benefits to fund the war-mongering government’s fatally-flawed foreign military adventures in such shitholes as Afghanistan – plus donating hard-earned taxpayer’s money in aid to despot-run Third World basket cases.

Thus regardless of two and a half million of the common herd’s number being unemployed – and that’s just those on the quango Jobcentre’s books still eligible for bread-line dole payments - the longest recession since the last recession will be declared officially over to much Busby Berkeley style fanfare in the House of Conmans next week as the cornucopia of plenty once again overflows with its munificent bounty.

This of course manifests as being wholly contrary with the very negative 'reality' paradox of price-rigging energy companies hiking the tariffs of gas and electricity to the ‘unaffordable’ range – and the Ford Motor Company announcing the closure of two ‘white van’ plants in Southampton and Dagenham, along with the lay-off of some 1,400 hapless skilled workers who now face a Dickensian Cratchit family style ‘two jumps at the cupboard door’ Yuletide and will be forced to reinvent themselves in the employment wilderness as beggars or skip scavvies or canny, sleight of hand Jack Flash shoplifters.

Conversely, LSE economist Sir Jarvis Spatchcock informed a press hack from the Spendthrifts Gazette that “This clot Scameron is distorting the true facts to suit his smiley face political agenda as Britain is still as broken as ever and far from being out of what he refers to as the ‘economic woods’ when the so-called positive ‘economic indicators’ he refers to manifest as an empty purse in the hand of the struggling housewife.”

“The Bank of England’s base interest rate of sweet fuck all is the stumbling block to investment and getting the economy moving – plus old Mervyn’s quantitative easing policy of simply printing more money to keep Britain afloat is simply a lifebelt full of holes and fraught with the spectre of drastic consequences – such as hyper-inflation.”

“In all truth we’re still bollocks-deep in an economic quagmire and the underlying health of the same looks terminal if these fools don’t call a halt to this EUSSR community drain on our national resources.”

Obviously Spatchcock isn’t privy to Scameron’s secret plan to boost revenue through the non-payment of state pensions and the 2012 winter fuel allowance to thousands of senior citizens currently suffering the privations of our National Ill-Health Service’s hospital care.

Apparently the Libservative Coalition’s cabinet ‘Nudge Unit’ has come up with what one Tory insider referred to as a ‘spiffing plan’ to disenfranchise pensioners under NHS care as hospitals are to be paid millions to hit new target figures for the number of patients who die on the ‘dehydration / starvation’ Liverpool Care Pathway – a euphemism for ‘premeditated murder’.

These incentives will be paid to hospitals that ensure a set percentage of oldies who die on their wards have been put on the controversial LCP ‘forced euthanasia’ regime - which pro-life critics rightly claim mirrors the policy of Hitler’s Nazi crime syndicate to hasten the deaths of non-productive ‘useless eater’ patients who are denied nutrition and fluids by tube and croak within 24 hours – thus freeing up hospital beds and predicted to save the Chancellor a fortune in cancelled pension payments – and rake in mega buck in death duties - when the ‘terminator’ scheme is fully implemented and snuffing in excess of 100,000 oldies per annum.

However Bev Titwank, director of the Ox-Rat human rights and wrongs watchdog charity, castigated the scheme to an Assisted Suicide Review reporter.
“This is going to turn out like Atrocity Week when the government is laying the ground rules for a culture of euthanasia coupled to financial incentives where the more wrinklie patients doctors and nurses send down to the mortuary the bigger their bonus kickbacks.”
“Really, it’s going to manifest as a homicidal turnkey clusterfuck with body bags and coffins lined up in NHS car parks – and fast track crematoriums becoming a major industry - and graveyard space topping the real estate market.”

“What’s more, nor do I concur with this bullshit reasoning that the LCP alleviates the agony of elderly patients who are left with no choice but to suffer NHS chew n spew meals three times a day - and the indignity of being groped by celebrity DJ’s on an ego-trip – or further abused by pikey nurses and support staff who can’t speak English.”

Thought for the day. How do you know when Posh Dave Scameron or Nick Clegg are lying? Easy – their lips move.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.