Sunday, 21 October 2012

Osborne Pulls a Mitchell ‘Mandarins’ Stunt

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

In the wake of Andrew ‘Pleb Plods’ Mitchell’s so-recent disgraced departure from the mandarin ranks of the Tory hierarchy, the muddle-headed moron of a Chancellor of the Exchequer, Georgie Osborne, steps up for the next round of public pillorying due indulging in the venial sin of pride (exaggerated sense of self) and assuming he too is above the rules and regulations that govern the rest of society as he arrogantly grabbed a seat in a Virgin Trains Manchester to London first class carriage while holding a regular cheapo ‘Stand or Squat’ ticket.

The gospel according to the red top tabloid Daily Shitraker press hack Fellattia Gammer, who was aboard the same train, Osborne refused to move from his seat when the ticket inspector informed him he had to fork out an extra £189 quid for the first class upgrade – when a sycophantic aide stuck his oar in and insisted his blue-blooded Brahmin boss was a government VIP and as an ex-public school ‘first class person’ with an Oxford Uni’ degree in Advanced Vandalism from the Bullingdon Club simply couldn’t possibly be expected to travel in the standard fare ‘mosh pit’ carriages with the unwashed rabble.

Responding to this ‘snob pulling rank’ conundrum, ticket inspector Ron McScrote, a former cormorant strangler and obviously not a servile, cap-doffing brown-noser or one to be intimidated by those presuming to be his social betters - replied “I personally don’t give a shit cos I didn’t vote fer his Excellency, so yer Lord Muck gaffer can cough up the difference fer two first class ticket fer himself an’ the slapper he’s sat wiv - or they can both fuck off an’ stand up wiv the rest of the plebs down in cattle class.”

Oh well, always a problem when others – such as minimum wage train service ticket inspectors – come into conflict with the elevated opinion a person holds of themselves: this ‘cut above the rest of the human herd’ delusional belief - and refuse to kowtow or assume the subservient knee-bending, forelock-touching position of contrite compliance.

Denials by Downing Street spokeswoman Scabby Bertin and a battalion of Tory spin doctors besides, a score of fellow passengers supported the Daily Shitraker journalist’s version of events – that the haughty Osborne had refused to leave the first-class carriage and stand up with the rabble fighting over the standard fare cheaper seats – (rabble - the type of oicks who never went to Oxford or gained membership of the Bullingdon Club like Georgie Boy and Posh Dave Scameron – and London Mayor Bonkers Boris Nonsense and the Rothshite crime syndicate’s scion, Nutty Natty) – and eventually, in their hearing, ordered an aide to pay the excess charge with his credit card, then dispatched both the aforesaid aide and his police close-in protection officer to suffer two hours plus of standard class discomfort while he stayed put in first with his personal assistant, Ms Chlamydia Mingerot.

Interviewed by a gaggle of round-shouting boozy press hacks in the saloon bar of Euston’s Rat & Pikey Arms, Virgin Trains well-oiled ticket inspector Ron McScrote confided “As far as I’m concerned, as a lifetime socialist an’ Labour voter, today’s events were yet another display of unqualified Tory arrogance cos this Osborne character comes across as a right gormless tosser – just another cheap twat in a dark suit – especially when the prat’s goin’ ter claim the cost of the tickets back on taxpayer-funded expenses. But that’s the effin’ Tory Party for yer – a privileged elitist fraternity wiv an absurd sense of entitlement.”

And that folks, is our political masters, who conjure up the laws and regulations we are forced to live by, but which don’t seem to apply to them. A bunch of overpaid, arrogant underachievers possessed of narcissistic personality disorders - coupled with a deranged sense of self-righteousness – and their own ‘more scent than substance’ importance.
The type of bloated scumbags who thinks wood grows on trees and cry ‘Foul!’ when others fail to share and endorse the same inflated opinion they have of themselves – which is forever a problem when ego surpasses intellect.

These twats gain election to public office via manipulating the illusion of competence yet are stricken with severe credibility issues – for their true constituencies are those listed in the Fortune 500 company index - (the corruption-ridden corporate political duopoly that allows big business interests to dominate government) – and will do anything to get into power - then sink to acts of criminal coercion to keep it. To wit, jukebox politicos – slip a few coins in and they’ll play any tune you like.

Well, silver spoon Georgie is one Tory zillionaire that, unlike the rest of the cash-strapped sheeple, won’t have to worry about selling his home to fund residential care when he reaches the sedentary age of incontinence, starts dribbling, and dementia sets, and his diminished mental ability equals that of a small potted plant. Hang on, that describes Osborne already.

Thought for the day. Doubtless this faux pas will blow over in the coming days but wouldn’t it be nice if it was another nail in George ‘First Class’ Osborne’s coffin lid and bringing to a close his thirty months ‘Reign of Error’ as Broken Britain’s Chancellor.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.


Bazzer said...

Brill' pisstake - and Osborne really deserves it.

Anonymous said...

Osborne's Tatton constituency must be a Tory scumbag magnet seat as Nasty Neil Hamilton - he of the cash-for-questions scandal notoriety for taking brown envelopes stuffed with £50 nicker notes off Harrod's phony pharaoh Mohammed al Fayed was the MP some years back before being forced to resign for his money-grubbing indiscretions.

Anonymous said...

Osborne's a twat - like the rest of the Tory cabinet pondscum. Nice one, keep sticking the boot in.