Scameron Decimates UK Sovereignty

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Posh Dave Scameron yesterday travelled north of the border and committed treason against the state by taking up the cursed Mantle of Munich from the tomb of the disgraced Tory PM Neville Chamberlain to ‘appease’ Scotland’s First Minister, Alex ‘I Beat Bulimia’ Salmond by penning a deal setting out terms for a Scottish independence referendum – with a vote planned for autumn of 2014 and a single Yes / No question on Scotland’s future identity as a vassal of the English crown set to shatter the very concept of a ‘United Kingdom’.

The agreement, struck in Edinburgh’s St Hooligan's House, has paved the way for a certain vote for Scottish independence and further sanctioned anyone above the age of 5 who harbours an ambition for greater social mobility to engage in the ballot – with Flatbrokes, the ubiquitous High Street bookies giving 50 to 1 odds that this 2014 Battle of Culloden ‘ballot box’ rematch will see the porridge wogs finally shrug off the Sassenach yoke.

The Scottish Nonces Party secured a mandate to hold the ‘Braveheart’ referendum after its landslide election win in 2011. Hence the Westminster government, which has responsibility over constitutional issues, will grant limited powers to the Scottish Parliament to dip into their sporran purses and foot the bill for a legal referendum, under a mechanism referred to as ‘Kissing Your Arses’ - which might well herald the repeal of the Acts of Union 1707.

The grossly obese Salmond, appearing to all intents and purposes to be a single step away from suffering a fatal heart attack or stroke - or both - opined to a press hack from the Pigswill Gazette that the agreement sanctioned a referendum ‘Made in bonny Scotland’ - while PM Scameron – acutely aware of critics branding him a ‘testosterone-deficient surrender monkey’ - commented that keeping the United Kingdom together, and North Sea oil – plus the grouse moors and salmon streams - under Westminster control, were his top priorities.

“Hopefully Alex McSlob will end up in Edinburgh Hospital’s intense care unit this Christmas with a massive coronary and wither away to a mere 20 stones due being fed through a tube – or perhaps join Vince Cable and take Dignitas up on their euthanasia savings discount offer before 2014 - then this entire independence fiasco will go tits up. But regardless, just you watch out that now I’ve okayed the Jocks independence referendum I’ll bet those Welsh twats are going to kick off and start demanding a referendum as well.”

Conversely Salmond maintains the Edinburgh Agreement marks a significant step in Scotland's Home Rule journey, and "We in the ruling SNP have an ambitious vision for Scotland – lots of wind farms and Trump golf courses. We’ll become a prosperous and successful part of the EUSSR and a full member of the eurozone – and qualify for lots of bail-outs from Germany - reflecting Scottish values of tight-fisted parsimony and taking the opportunity to make a killing on the spot price futures market for our offshore oil and haggis crops.”

Hmmm, nice strategy Alex, out of the frying pan and into the fire. William Wallace must be turning in his grave.

Thought for the day. Mayhap it will be a good thing if Scotland achieves Independence as they will then no longer be able to venture into England and snatch English citizens from their homes and subject them to acts of cross border ‘erroneous rendition’ by transporting them against their will, north of Hadrian’s Wall to spend a weekend locked in a cell on suspicion that they personally had the audacity to question the plethora of double standard instances regarding the alleged criminal acts of establishment figures in Scotland and the lack of propriety by the police and Crown Office to investigate and prosecute these crimes.

To wit, fuck Scotland’s Speculative Society Masonic Brotherhood and their morbidly overweight muppet political stooges.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

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