Monday, 8 October 2012

Meddling Hunt Targets NHS Abortions

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

After reading the latest moronic NHS review conjured up by the Ministry for What Can We Fuck With Next, the all-new Health Secretary Jeremy ‘BSkyB’ Hunt - (Tory MP for Goddamnit) - opined to one press hack from the Morons Gazette that he favours a change in legislation to radically slash the time limit restriction on abortions - from 24 weeks into a pregnancy to a mere 12.

Speaking to the media ahead of the Conservative conference, the smarmy Hunt, he possessed of the Brobdingnagian ego and sporting his customary shit-eating grin, stated for the public record that in his divine – albeit unqualified opinion as to date he’s never experienced pregnancy at a personal level - he considers 12 weeks is the cut-off point for abortions.

"Here in Britain we’ve created a veritable industry out of abortions and the statistics are a leprous blot on our national social escutcheon – almost as bad as the stigma of the collective legions of homeless and unemployed peasants that should be euthanized with one of Big Pharma’s Sneezy Pig or Coughing Duck flu virus pandemics to make room for a massive influx of minimum wage immigrants from the EUSSR community and all those nasty Asian countries ready and willing to work for sod all and boost our Debtocracy-ridden economy.”

The UK’s 24 week parameter, stipulated in the 1967 Abortion Act, currently applies only to England, Wales and Scotland as this medical procedure is still illegal in the Third World Proddy province of Northern Ireland due a ludicrous misinterpretation of the anti-bomb-chucking Offences Against the Person Act of 1861.

New Labour's shadow minister for racist shit-stirring and Yardie affairs, Diane ‘Hypocrisy’ Blabbott, informed media hacks that the bungling likes of Secretary Hunt should not be playing politics with medical issues that might affect the entire child benefit and single mother’s tax credit scheme – a controversial factor agreed by Downing Street, with PM Posh Dave Scameron’s spokeswoman, Scabby Bertin, informing reporters that Hunt’s misguided views on abortion were of a personal nature and the Libservative Coalition had no plans to change the law and further endanger their chances of ever winning the next election.

However, responding to Hunt’s controversial comments, the Tory’s ginger-mingin Women's Minister, Maria Miller, - formerly the Minister for Old Rope – opined to the Daily Smellygraph that in her menopausal opinion the legal abortion limit should be extended to 36 weeks so dim-witted teenage slappers could avail of the service right up to the time of delivery and prevent the UK being totally overrun with yobster NEETS in the coming decades.

Such sentiments were echoed by Chantelle McSkanger, a 16-year old mother-of-three, speaking on behalf of the Abortion Rights pressure group.
“Old snake-features Hunt needs ter stick ter his Mr Fix-It lobbyin’ jobs fer Ravin’ Rupert Mudrock an’ News International an’ keep his effin’ beak outa the NHS after makin’ a total fuck of everythin’ else he’s put his hand to.”

“Okay, Andrew Lansley an’ old scarecrow-features Anne Milton woz a right pair of dog wankers an’ a real effin’ disaster in the Health Ministry – but puttin’ the noxious Hunt in charge of the National Ill-Health Service has as much chance of success as Worst Group ever runnin’ the west coast rail franchise – or tryin’ ter get rich by exportin’ marmalade ter Japan.”

The Ministry for What Can We Fuck With Next report reveals there were a total of 190,000 abortions performed (mainly on women) in England and Wales during 2011 – all of whom were in various stages of pregnancy – with the majority – some 90% - carried out as the females involved considered they wanted to do their bit for the government’s austerity drive and didn’t wish their unplanned sprogs to be a further burden on our already overtaxed welfare state society – especially so when they didn’t have a clue who the father was.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

No comments: