Latest MPs Expenses Abuse Coverup

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Never a dull moment around the House of Conmans as the chilling wind of discontent changes direction and blasts Ed Millipede’s Opposition with a shower of shite as the triple-chinned Linda ‘Bagpuss’ Riordan, New Labour’s MP for horrid Halifax, is exposed as a money-grubbing scumbag with the scruples of a rutting tomcat.

The ginger-mingin Riordan, previously only known for her three figure BMI index, has been revealed as one of a cadre of twenty seven bent MPs involved in the questionable and morally-bankrupt practice of renting out their public purse funded second homes in London to fellow MPs – and any other fucker and their dog - for personal gain while simultaneously leasing property in the capital for themselves – at the taxpayers’ expense.

However under established Parliamentary ‘Loophole Laws’ the controversial practice is technically permitted and seen as a way of bypassing the scrutiny of the ‘stricter’ (sic) expenses regime imposed by the Independent Parliamentary Standards Authority in the wake of the last expenses scandal which will remain fresh in the public’s minds for the next decade or so.

According to reports spread across the front pages of the gutter press Daily Shitraker and Rippoffs Gazette banner headlines, Riordan’s fellow Labour MP Iain McKenzie pays her £1,560 quid per month in rent (which he claims back in expenses) – hence she is pocketing £19,000 nicker per annum from the taxpayer by leasing her second home – a £400,000 London flat - to McKenzie while claiming thousands in expenses to rent a third property for herself.

To wit, with her house in Scallyfax, the grasping vulgarian bitch has three properties - two of which were purchased and refurbished with taxpayers’ funds - hence she is now making £1,000 quid per month in clear profit from the rental payments to supplement her MPs’ salary of £65,738.

At the same time the unscrupulous Riordan claims £1,473 a month – equal to £17,676 a year – from the taxpayer for renting a separate flat in London for herself – and to add insult to injury and really rub the voting public’s noses in the brown smelly stuff, she further transgresses the nepotism regulations by employing her 51-year-old partner Stephen Roberts as a senior researcher on a taxpayer-funded salary of £42,000 quid. Nice set up, Bagpuss.

In a futile attempt to contain a shit-storm of backlash which is bound to hit all three major parties involved in the dodgy practice, the House of Conmans spendthrift Speaker John ‘All Are Equal’ Bercow has now launched a bid to block the publication of details of MPs’ landlords that would reveal which other MPs are involved – invoking all manner of Data Protection statutes that aren’t worth the paper they’re scribbled on.

Cash-strapped MPs, struggling to pay their mortgages and for duck island pagodas - and having their country pile moats dredged - out of a measly £65,000 odd quid a year in salary - broke the golden rule by claiming for the same – and too much more – on Parliamentary expenses.
Thus as part of a bid to clean up their collective acts, they now get an allowance of £20,000 a year for housing alone – which obviously still doesn’t cut it as official records show around 50 MPs still claim rental expenses from the taxpayer while renting out their own homes in London or their provincial constituencies.

Records reveal that the taxpayer coughed up an excess of £35,000 nicker to the cost of Riordan’s mortgage between 2007 and 2010 – with total payments estimated to top £50,000 – plus ‘extraneous’ claims relating to her flat including £1,310 for a sofa bed, £219 for bedding, and £1,936 for carpets.
Riordan also hammered the toxic Parliamentary expenses wheeze for all it was worth and routinely claims the maximum £400 quid per month for food – all without receipts – and logged £100 quid a month for a cleaner until the practice was banned.

Candida Mingerot, director of the Taxpayers’ Alliance, opined to one press hack from the red top Ripoffs Gazette that “What gets me is this cry of ‘it’s all within the rules’ - combined with the vainglorious Bercow – another ego-stricken profligate squanderer of public funds on the promotion of his own self-glorification - attempting to suppress the publication of claims on security grounds. Little wonder he always comes across as the type of person who gets a hard on reading the Daily Shitraker’s obituary column.”

“Now we have this lard-arsed Yorkshire pudding Linda Riordan playing Monopoly games at the expense of the public purse – and claiming for such trivialities as Rich-4-Life scratch cards – which is a laugh in itself as she’s already rich for life with the hapless taxpayers funding her shabby spendthrift existence.”

“Hence we need to ask ourselves, what the fuck is this batshit bitch attempting to covertly achieve with both trotters in the trough – rip off the expenses system for all it’s worth – which now her money-grubbing antics have been exposed equates as the political career equivalent of clearing a mine field with a pogo stick.”

“Really, while there is not such thing as ‘conventional political wisdom’ there does exist ‘conventional political stupidity’ – as this over-privileged elitist fraternity with their absurd sense of entitlement piss me right off when they gain election to public office via manipulating the illusion of credibility and competence, promising a cornucopia of unicorn horns, hen’s teeth and rocking horse shit, then turn out to be yet another bunch of money-grubbing tosspots and dog wankers.”

“Of course the reasoning behind Posh Dave Scameron’s ‘Austerity First’ programme hasn’t quite sunk in yet with New Labour’s dingbat party apparatchiks as they were the knobheads whose policy of ‘spend, borrow, spend’ has manifested this nightmare of an inextricable Debtocracy shambles we’re stuck with today – which Uncle Mervyn at the Bank of England on Eye of a Needle Street isn’t helping with his next to sweet fuck all percentage interest rates and the printing presses rolling 24/7 to expedite the ‘quantitative easing’ lunacy.”

“Poor old Britain is broken – beyond repair and is in its death throes and here are these twats like Riordan still squeezing the life’s blood out of a stone – plus how many MPs renting out their London homes and staying in hotels at the taxpayer’s expense. Okay, the practice might well be within Parliamentary rules but it’s still wrong.”

Ironically the now star-crossed McKenzie – the porridge wog MP for Inverclyde, slithered into office during a by-election last year on the campaign sound bite promise of ‘winning back the trust of the people’ by honest and transparent political dealings. Hmmm, ain’t life a bitch in the fast lane.

One for the record: Posh Dave Scameron and sexy Sammy run four homes – three of which are taxpayer-funded.

Thought for the day: Hmmm, the urban myths that history seems to be clogged with like some public crapper’s drain hold that Nero fiddled while Rome burned – as opposed to Broken Britain where our House of Conmans MPs simply fiddle.

As to fat cat MP Linda ‘Bagpuss’ Riordan, no metaphor can aptly describe her base human condition – so we’ll stay with an easy brand name. She’s a cunt – in cunt’s clothing.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.