Mitchell Funded Rwanda Military Invasion

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The beleaguered Tory MP for Slut & Coldfeet, Andrew ‘Coco Pops’ Mitchell - a party apparatchik now stricken with the credibility of a one-armed paper-hanger since pulling his arrogant VIP ego power play on Downing Street plods - is the current target of New Labour’s child prodigy leader, Ed Millipede, who in a points-scoring display of juvenile petulance claimed Posh Dave Scameron’s newly-appointed 'Plebgate' Chief Whip is ‘toast’.

The remarks, made during Prime Minister’s Questions, are thought to be a direct reference to Mitchell’s political future being a ‘past tense’ issue due him lying through his teeth over the context of his profane and insulting remarks to Met’s officers involved in the asinine ‘pissing contest’ altercation over not having Downing Street’s main gates opened for him to ride his bike through unhindered.

Well, perhaps not a bad thing that the obnoxious Mitchell is in Millipede’s cross hairs for this display of brazen hubris (quite typical of his customary rudeness) – and not for the major fubar committed on the final day of his tenure as Minister for International Development – when he casually awarded £16 zillion quid’s worth of British taxpaying ‘plebs’ money in an aid package to fund Tutsi President Jaffacake Kagame’s Rwandan military adventures into the Democratic Republic of Congo – where their litany of human rights and wrongs abuses are close to surpassing even those the Israelis commit against their Palestinian victims in the occupied West Bank territories and besieged Gaza Strip on a daily basis.

The gospel according to Twat-Watch, the international human rights sentinel group, Rwanda had gone from home-spun genocide and disaster to being a territorial bully and, taking a leaf from the United States of Israel’s Manifest Destiny book of war-mongering excuses, has now joined Uganda to invade neighbouring Congo and grab a major slice of their mega-bucks ‘unobtanium’ rare element natural resources – such as coltan and tantalum - by backing their proxy M23 separatist rebels in the North Kivu Province.

Here the imported ‘conflict minerals’ warfront pits Kagame’s machete-madness forces not only against renegade General Bosco ‘The Terminator’ Ntaganda and the troops of the incumbent DRC President Joseph ‘Kadogos’ Kabila - who prefers to keep his craven black arse safely in Kinshasa – but also the UN blue cap peacekeeping force that seem to be tasked with a passive observance status and are thus as much use as tits on a bull.

Hence Rwanda had effectively annexed the mineral-rich eastern Congo region thanks to their proxy rebel forces who have now established a de facto Tonton Macoute style administration in the North Kivu Province, collecting taxes and controlling the movements and industries of the peasant demographic by keeping the proverbial jackboot on the neck of any social mobility aspirations they might harbour in the covert cerebral synapses of their deluded imaginations.

The latest report by the UN Security Council's Group of Experts (no laughing - sic) provides more details of Rwanda's continued involvement, with M23 leaders receiving direct military orders from Rwanda's chief of defence staff, Gen Wormhole Kayonga, who in turn acts on instructions from the Minister of Defence, Gen N’kunta Chuckabutty – who, in turn takes his orders directly from Presidents Kagame in Kigale and Museveni in Kampala.

Nice one Andrew Mitchell, so even if Ed Millipede and the Police Federation do succeed in getting your arrogant arse fired, doubtless a grateful Joseph Kagame will always be in need of a Chief Whip to lash the Hutus into further submission – and too motivate their Congolese slave workers to keep digging out the mega-bucks unobtaniums.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.