Monday 31 May 2010

Free Gaza Aid Flotilla Strafed and Torpedoed

To enhance this Bank Holiday Monday’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Today the world’s politicians of all Infidel sectarian persuasions join with Pan Islam to stand unanimously united (obviously excluding the AIPAC / Kikester controlled US of America’s White House and Kenyan cuckoo impostor President whose crooked administration funds and arms Israel) in their condemnation of Israel over its deadly attacks on the ‘Free Gaza Movement’s’ humanitarian aid flotilla – manned by hundreds of pro-Palestinian activists.

The decision by Israeli mad dog troops to storm the ‘Freedom Flotilla of Moral Conscience’, comprising six ships carrying desperately needed medical and food aid to the beseiged Gaza Strip, resulted in the killing at least 15 people and was condemned as inhumane and unacceptable, according to independent news and media sources not owned or controlled by kikester Zionist sympathisers and apologists – or Rupert Mudrock.

Named the Freedom Flotilla and led by the pro-Palestinian Free Gaza Movement and a Turkish organization, Insani Yardim Vakfi, this convoy of six cargo and passenger vessels represents the most ambitious attempt yet to break Israel’s three-year blockade of the Palestinian coastal enclave.

Amnesty International, quoting the statutes of the Geneva Convention Act 1957, declared “We strongly condemn these inhumane practices of the Israeli leadership and call on the Court of Human Riights & Wrongs in Strasbourg to issue International Arrest Warrants against the Israeli war criminals involved in the attacks and the Knesset politicians responsible for ordering such.”

The Turkish Prime Minister Achmed Gobbler, told a reporter from the Warmongers Gazette "This deplorable incident, which took place in open seas and constitutes a fragrant breach of international law, may lead to irreparable consequences in our non-existent bilateral relations.”

Several of the ships were sailing under Turkish flags when they were attacked and Ankara has been swift to demand an explanation of the incident from Israeli ambassador Rashaim ben Mamzer, who was summoned to the foreign ministry still in his pyjamas.
Mamzer expressed his regrets concerning the attack on the aid flotilla, which took place during the hours of darkness and was meant to be one of their customary false flag op’s to be blamed on Al Qaeda and Hezbollah but unfortunately Al-Jazeera TV had live feed cameras on board one of the ships and gave the game away.

Ambassador Mamzer told reporters “These aid relief people were were throwing leaflets and shouting slogans at out commandos and called them Nazis responsible for the Gaza Holochaust - so obviously they opened fire. They must remember who the enemy is here – Hamas – and it is the Gaza Palestinians fault for this blockade for voting for Hamas. These people want political self-determination and this is wholly unacceptable as Palestine now belongs to we Khazars – the children of Zion.”

The Western non-Muslim casualties aboard the aid flotilla are likely to further damage the outlaw state of Israel's international image and confirm the fact they truly are a bunch of out-of-control psychotic belligerant agressors and war criminals.
Thus the sneak attack on the Freedom Flotilla has now served to put the activists and the Israeli psychopaths on a high-profile public relations collision course – with blood and guts spilled as evidence.

Fellattia Titwank, the Gaza-based spokeswoman for the Ox-Rat ‘Prisoners of Conscience’ charity informed Fux News “Whatever the reasons, such military actions against civilians involved only in peaceful activities is unacceptable, and Israel will have to bear the consequences of this behaviour, which constitutes a violation of international law.”
“Seriously, these kikester twats running the Knesset are not earning any brownie points within the realms of polite society.”

Earlier the Free Gaza Movement which organised the six-ship flotilla issued a press release stating that the Israeli naval vessels had commenced barrages of indiscriminate fire on the convoy.

Conversely Israeli Defence Force chief General Ochel Batachat countered this, stating for the record that he had been ordered to maintain the blockade of the Gaza Strip to enforce their policy of ‘ethnic cleansing’ via the route of starvation.
“My commandos boarded the convoy and were conducting searches for weapons of mass distraction and encountered violent resistance from Amnesty International type academics and other protestors of conscience waving Peace on Earth leaflets in their faces and shouting anti-Semitic slogans – which obviously provoked them into opening fire.”

The six-ship flotilla departed Cyprus and sailed into international waters on Sunday and was expected to arrive in Gaza this morning carrying 10,000 tonnes of aid in an effort to break Israel’s three-year criminal blockade.

The latest reports from Al Jazeera’s live news HQ in Qatar claiming to have lost all contact with the Freedom Flotilla have sparked rumours that an earlier sighted Israeli Dolphin class submarine – the ‘Rosh Tahat’ - had fired several DM2 A-4 type torpedoes into the convoy to prevent them docking in Gaza.

So, congratulations to Israel for their latest exhibition of politically incorrect gunboat diplomacy in unifying the differing factions of both the Western and Arab Islamic political arenas into a cohesive outraged body that at least will wreak moral condemnation on their military attacks on the humanitarian aid flotilla.

That which previously threaten to be a potential public relations disaster for Israel regardless, has now, due their unprovoked attack on vessels sailing under the flags of a foreign sovereign nation while 65 miles out on the international waters of the Mediterranean - resulting in the deaths and injuries of scores of unarmed pro-Palestinian activists – has turned the incident into a fully-fledged diplomatic calamity that will require the jurisprudence of an ‘honest and intent’ criminal court to resolve.

Hmmm, doubtless this will instigate an investigation that will produce yet another UN-generated Goldstone Report to be arrogantly ignored by the ratsach Knesset mafia and tossed in the trash can.

Thus, bravo for Baron Rothshite’s Monopoly game – more innocent goyim blood spilled to maintain the illegal state of Israel and achieve the insidious ambitions of the Protocols of Zion - at any price.
Yep, a great job of work by the trigger-happy kikester Sabras too – as a pitch to win the Shylock of the Month popularity competition, we’ve seen better organised riots.

Diplomatic remonstrance aside that Israel will have to endure the ‘consequences’ of this latest display of its customary barbaric behaviour towards those they can bully will doubtless manifest as more scent than substance and be ignored.

We ask what consequence did they shoulder or suffer – or display remorse or conscience - for the slaughter of the civilian population of Gaza during the 2008 festive season 22 day horror of Operation Cast Lead – or for the murder of Jesus Christ some 2,000 years back? Zilch. None. Not even a ‘Sorrygramme’

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and mis-spoken references.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist lobby.

Libservative MP’s Expense Fiddle Exposed

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

So, here we go again. The Libservative Coalition, while only infesting Downing Street and Shitehall for a couple of weeks, have got themselves embroiled in yet another expenses scandal weighing in at £40,000 quid and besmearing the already dodgy reputation (sic) of their Chief Treasury Secretary David Laws.

Lib-Dum MP Laws has apologised sincerely for breaking the 11th Commandment (Thou shalt not get found out) after the Daily Shitraker revealed he had been claiming MPs' expenses to rent rooms in a home owned by his partner – which Laws promised he would immediately pay back – a staggering amount believed to total what banksters and poverty-stricken peasant types refer to as ‘lots and lots of money’.

In his own (damning) defence Laws claims his motivation was not one of greed or to make a nice little £40,000 quid earner on the side for himself but to keep the relationship with his male partner private, and to avoid stepping out of the wardrobe revealing he’s a raving poofter.

Prime Minister Posh Dave Cameron informed a reporter from the Fiddling Gits Review that he had ordered Laws to refer himself to the Parliamentary Standards Commissioner for a sound telling off and to get his bottom spanked.

Since 2006 Parliamentary rules have banned MPs from "leasing accommodation from a partner" as it constitutes a blatant rip-off from the public purse.
The Daily Shitraker revealed that the Lib-Dum cabinet minister claimed up to £950 a month for eight years to rent rooms in two properties owned by his partner, James McFudger.

Laws claimed to sub-let a room in a property owned by McFudger at Cottagers Hamlets, south London, between 2004 and 2007. Apparently Laws' partner sold the property in 2007 and bought another house nearby – in Gay Gordon Street.
The Twatford-on-the-Wold MP then began claiming expenses to rent ‘rooms’ in the property - an arrangement that continued until September 2009.

In a statement to the Parliamentary Standards Commissioner, MP Laws admitted falsely claiming expenses for the costs of sharing a home at Cottagers Hamlets with Mr McFudger from 2001 to June 2007.

Laws statement reads "At no point did I really consider to be in breach of the rules which defined a partner as 'one of a couple - who although not married or civil partners are living together and treat each other as spouses for the purpose of penetrative sex and tax assessments'.

"Although we were living together we didn’t treat each other as spouses - for example while we do sleep in the same bed and play the beast with two backs, we don’t share toothbrushes and indeed have separate social lives as I like to flaunt myself in the cross-dressing clubs and wine bars while Jimmy enjoys a bit of rough around the docklands pubs with the yobs and scallies.”
"However, I now accept that this was a pile of bullshit and will immediately pay back the costs of the rent and other housing expenses I claimed from the time the rules changed until August 2009."

Sir Armitage Shanks, the chairman of the Committee on Standards in Public Life, voiced his surprise that the details had only just emerged, stating "I'm a genuinely shocked that somebody who is now Chief Secretary to the Treasury is faced with disclosure of this nature when he’s been lying through his teeth to the people dealing with expenses in the House of Conmans.”
"Given the expenses farrago of the past couple of years with duck islands, porno DVD rentals, triple tinted toilet tissue and Polo mints, the fact that it has come to light now when he is a key part of a coalition government would be a sufficient cause of shame for a Japanese politician to commit ritual seppuku."

One of the Librarian Dummercats negotiators who hammered out the coalition deal with the Tories, Laws then joined the Cabinet as a key member of Chancellor ‘Georgie Boy’ Osborne's team of slack-jawed ‘Horrah Henry’s’ – where, ironically – and now to his undying embarrassment – it was he who compiled and announced the list of cuts government departments would have to execute under the coalition's initial £6.2 zillion budget blitzkrieg on "Wasteful Spending".

The 44-year old Laws was educated at the prestigious independent Catholic institution of St Sodoms College for Latter Day Catamites at Bummerstone in Kent, followed by a sojourn at Old Queen's College, Cambridge, where he gained a double first in fudging.
A former City bankster, Laws succeeded Lord Cashdown as MP for Twatford-on-the-Wold in 2001 and rapidly rose to prominence in the Lib Dum’s Masonic inner circle for his ability to touch his toes and ‘take it like a man.’
As one of the main Lib Dum negotiators in the forming of the governing coalition he quickly discovered common ground with the Conservatives in certain areas – especially where ‘male bonding’ was concerned.

Conversely, while the Parliamentary Standards Commissioner, Posh Dave Cameron and Lib Dum boss Mick Clogg might be satisfied with Laws repaying the felonious expenses, his Twatford electorate have been shocked by the recent revelations.

Mrs Beverly McSkank, an 18-year old mother of five, of Doggers Wood Lane, in Laws’ Twatford-on-the-Wold constituency, told a reporter from the Guttersnipes Gazette “Oh yes very nice, when yer pick up the morning paper an’ find out that the MP yer voted for in the election’s a ravin’ poof wot shags other blokes - an’ Mister Sticky Paws Laws has bin helpin’ himself ter the petty cash ter the tune of £40,000 quid.”
“I though all this shit had bin sorted out after the last expenses scandal wiv duck islands an’ stuff.”

“Hey, don’t get me wrong, I’m not bein’ homophobic or owt like that. It’s not a problem wiv me, even though the Bible sez they’re an ‘abomination’, if these faggot types prefer the smell of shit ter the taste of pussy.”

To conclude, Laws has denied the rumour he boasted, in a James Bond style clichéd response, to news his expenses fiddle was now public knowledge and the press were ready to pillory him: “The name might be Laws – but they don’t apply to Cabinet Ministers.”

Hmmm, unfortunately they do and Posh Dave has informed Mick Clogg in no uncertain terms to get the thumbscrews out and have Laws’ resignation signed, sealed and delivered before Monday.

Bye bye Mr Laws, try the Labour Party round the corner. They seem to be employing plenty of crooks and losers.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and mis-spoken references.

Sunday 30 May 2010

Pink Hitler Ad’ Raises Italian Ire

In today’s Enhanced Bullshit edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The 18 foot high posters of ex-Nazi leader Adolf Hitler advertising a line of chic clothing for young people adorn the street corners and bus stops across the Italian capital of Rome in competition to the trend-setting Jimmy Choo-Choo fashion label’s poster ad’s displaying Ghengis Khan clad in fishnet tights and a peephole bra.

One of the Fuhrer Fashions posters fronting the entrance to St Peter’s Square and the Vatican receives a papal blessing and a passionate “Sieg Heil!” salute every morning from ex-Hitler Youth member Pope Benny, the Mk XVI German built-to-last Uber-Pontiff model – formerly Junior Obersfuhrer Joey Ratflinger - as he strolls out onto his apartment’s balcony for a quick smoke and a scratch at his nuts.

The larger than life posters display the genocidal maniac Fuhrer in a fluorescent pink Wehrmacht uniform, with his swastika armband replaced by one bearing a bright red heart, above the slogan "Change Style – Forget the Holohoax – Hug a Kike".

Many of Rome’s plebian Catholic classes are highly critical of the advertising campaign, claiming it is offensive and have called for the posters to be taken down.
One city councillor with the just-right of centre-Left Democratic Party, Rosario Fuctifino, has protested to Rome’s Mayor Guido Corruptioni.

"The use of an image of the mass murderer Hitler - a person responsible for the worst violent chapters of the last century – apart from Dubya Bush and Tony Bliar - is offensive to our country's constitutional principles - and to the macho Latin sensitivities of male population – men wearing pink indeed. What are we to be insulted with next – a poster of Mussolini in a powder blue tutu?”

Rome’s Director of Culture, Fabrizio Fuckapiggi opined to a reporter from the Transvestites Gazette "Having Hitler's face on a fetish clothing poster cannot be passed off as an innocent advertising message – especially so when children ask “Hey Mama, who’s the faggot with the knobhead moustache?”

Conversely Ronnie Ratmeister, a fashion design consultant to Aryan Apparel, the advertising agency which came up with the Despots of History ad' theme claimed critics of the campaign were over-reacting and totally missing the sublime message.
“The Herr Hitler poster is a tongue-in-cheek way of encouraging young people not to follow the crowd in their fashion choices.”
"We have ridiculed Hitler in a way that invites young people to create their own style and not to be influenced by their peers – or the massed ranks of SS storm troopers.”

Aryan Apparel also stocks a range of international fashion brands including Miss Shitty, Calvin Kikester and Dograt Diesel. So far none of these clothing houses has commented on the campaign as they too plan on utilising similar posters incorporating images of history’s dictators and tyrants as role model father figures.

Regardless of whether the Mayor of Rome orders them torn down, the posters are due to be replaced in June anyway. Aryan Apparel is planning a new ad’ campaign in the next few weeks, which will feature the late Chinese Communist leader Mao Tse Tung in full cross-dressing fetish gear – including a black leather waist-pinching basque and six inch stilettos – wielding a rawhide flogger.
Plans for a Stalin designer label fashion icon poster are still under discussion.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and mis-spoken references.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist lobby.

Council Fine Granny for Wrong Poop Scoop

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

A 96-year old Smegmadale-on-Sea great-grandmother has won her fight against a pair of £50 fines issued after she reportedly picked up the wrong pile of dog crap.
Mrs Hilda Bigott, a former cormorant peeler, was accused by Smegmadale Council’s Stasi-trained park wardens, on hire from the Renta-Thug security quango, of failing to clean up after her pit bull terrier Slugsy decided to take an impromptu dump in a field.

The council’s Snoop Squad bizarrely claimed Mrs Bigott had scooped up a pile of poop dropped by a different dog.
However, when she refused to pay a fixed penalty notice, rightfully claiming “So wot’s the problem - it’s all shit at the end of the day?” she was threatened with court action.

Mrs Bigott, of Crapford Way, told a reporter from the Poop Scoop Gazette she’d been texting one of her toyboys on her new Apple i-Phone when Slugsy ran off and took an unscheduled shite after munching down one of his favourite super-spicy Jalfarezi doggy-snack bars.

After she cleared up the steaming pile she was approached by two men – Wally Scrunt and Jacko McMoron – both wearing local authority council hi-viz jerkins with 'Senior Jobsworth' swastikas emblazoned across the front.

“This effin’ McMoron skinhead twat comes up all intimidatin’ like – wiv his stinkin’ bad breath an’ festerin’ acne - swingin’ an effin’ pickaxe handle around an’ showin’ off his Taser gun, an’ sez it woz the wrong pile of poop wot I bagged up an’ that he woz gonna issue me wiv an on the spot fine of £50 for not baggin’ up Slugsy’s mess and another £50 quid for stealing someone else’s pile of crap.”

“So I gets right pissed off like wiv this stupid prick an’ I picks up about another six piles of shite wot woz lyin’ around an’ shoved it right under his nose an’ sez “Are yer effin’ happy now chuckles?” – an’ the knobhead grabs me arm and sez he’s still gonna fine me – that’s when Slugsy bit him on the arse an’ I belted the pair of cloth-eared wallies wiv me Zimmer frame.”

Appearing at Smegmadale Magistrate’s Court on Monday to contest the fines, Mrs Bigott gave her version of events to a sympathetic bench of contemporary pensioner types, while the council’s bungling prosecution team failed to establish nor prove which of the several bags of canine crap exhibits gathered up by Mrs Bigott were actually dumped by Slugsy – if any – as K9 DNA tests had revealed each sample contained traces of super-spicy Jalfarezi doggy-snack bars.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a nut-infested area and may contain traces of lunacy and / or squirrel shit.

Thought for the day: If Paddington Bear shits in the woods will it contain traces of a Jalfarezi curried biscuit snack bar?

Saturday 29 May 2010

UK Citizenship ‘English Test’ Unfair

In today’s Enhanced Bullshit edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The gospel according to a report just published in Beijing’s prestigious tabloid daily - 'The Cockle Picker’s Gazette’ - more than a third of foreigners wanting to make Britain their home failed to pass citizenship tests.

The 45 minute test on British society, history and culture is a crucial step on the road to being allowed to settle permanently in the UK and acquire full citizenship.
However, of the 906,464 foreign types who took the test in 2009, 263,641 failed miserably, while 387,429 managed to scrape through by the skin of their teeth.

Those with a score rate below 30% came from the United States – a major source of new UK arrivals since 9/11 and the re-election of Dubya Bush, the passing of the Patriot Act and the abolition of Posse Comitatus – with the main red neck immigration deluge occurring when the Kenyan bloke with the forged Hawaiian birth certificate was inaugurated as the 44th President in January 2009.

Of the 40,200 displaced Iraqi refugees who sat the exam only 23% could operate a ball pen, with 78% complaining – via an interpreter – that the test paper was in English and an offence to their human rights – most of who left in a huff, threatening to call their lawyers back in Baghdad.

Those from other non-EUSSR countries with high levels of migration to the UK performed better, including Nigeria whose applicants all arrived wearing England World Cup shirts and handing out 419 Club membership brochures.

Citizens of English-speaking countries such as the Pacific’s Cook Islands tended to do best in the 24 question multiple-choice exam – especially on the topics concerning Captain Cook and celebrity chefs such as Jamie Oliver, Marco Pierre White and Gordon “Fuck the lot of yer!” Ramsay.

Several countries achieved pass rates of 100%, although the very small number of candidates tended to skew the results as per the singular entrant passed, whereas the Christmas Islands copped for a 100% fail rate, thanks to the frustrated efforts of its sole applicant who had never heard of Santa Claus, reindeer, mince pies – or snow.

Similarly, there were some very low pass rates from countries with a handful of candidates sitting the test - five out of the six French Guyanese who sat the test failed, giving them a pass rate of 16.7%. However this was put down to the fact they had got on the wrong train in Marseille and boarded the Eurostar, crossed the Channel and ended up in Blackpool while thinking they were actually in Paris and applying for a snail farming licence.

The Home Office's Life in the UK Test is required for settlement or indefinite leave to remain in the UK and full British citizenship.
The test must be completed on ‘a computer’ at one of the eleven test centres around the country – which has proved a stumbling block for a legion of Third World applicants who have not only never seen a computer but also never been to school or even heard of electricity.

Introduced several years ago by Home Secretary David Blindgit and his faithful sidekick Sadie, the test is designed to sort the wheat from the chaff – as the country has enough already – and help new arrivals hoping to make Britain their home to integrate into British society - and not form up into sneaky cabals of disaffected Jihadis hiding under burkahs and planning to blow up our prized democratic freedoms simply because the local chippy’s curry sauce sucks.

The Citizenship Test covers issues such as Britain's Constitution, what a Scot wears under his kilt, who does what in cricket, the meanings of ‘Foul’ and ‘Offside’, what fish can be found in Britain’s canals and where dialects like Geordie, Brummie, Scouse and Cockney originate.

More practical matters deal with British laws that prohibit even consensual sex with farm animals – especially sheep. Other topics include the minimum age to buy, alcohol, tobacco and condoms - and what services are provided by local authorities – such as facial botox treatments, breast enhancements and free abortions.

According to the Home Office website, "studying for and taking the test will give you the practical knowledge you need to live in this country and to take part in polite society by getting a job and paying most of your minimum wage salaries in taxes.”

Passing the citizenship test demonstrates the candidate has "a sufficient knowledge" of the English language for the purposes of applying for Jobseekers Allowance, how to cash a DSS Giro, claim maternity allowance - and legal aid when arrested by the police for poaching carp and roasting the Queen’s swans.

Have you applied for British citizenship? Can you tell your arse from your elbow? If you already know who put the T in Britain then who put the CUNT in Scunthorpe?

Send us your answers using the online reply form below and you could win a fortnight’s holiday in Belmarsh Immigration Prison (single cell with en suite and Sky TV).

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and mis-spoken references.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist lobby.

NHS Electronic Records Scheme Sucks

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The agency tasked with rolling out the new National Ill-Health Service online electronic records system is warning of "adverse consequences" if people choose to opt out of the computerised network, which has been criticised, at best, as “chaos in motion” by NHS doctors – with their worst case ‘fubar’ scenario stating they’ve seen better organised riots.

Dr Beverly Titwank, of the Quackford Health Trust opined to one reporter from the Data Miners Gazette that the NHS currently has significant problems with lost records and the new electronic system was no better inasmuch the security firewalls being “more fucked up than a turtle soup sandwich and a system any nine-year old schoolkid worth his IT salt could hack into.”

However, one document posted on the NHS Connecting for Health website lists several dangers to patients if they continue to have their medical information stored on paper files - stating: "If you arrive at one of our NHS Trust A & E centres or mortuaries in an unconscious or comatose state following a gunfight in your local pub – or from overdosing on meths breezers or crack or some other cocaine-heroin based cocktail - then attending healthcare staff may not be aware of your current physical condition, internal prosthetics or medications in order to treat you safely and effectively.”

"Medical staff working without insta-access electronic records of current conditions and/or diagnoses could lead to a delay or missed opportunity for correct treatment – or to harvest several of your vital organs if you croak.”
"Plus they may not be aware of any allergies or adverse reactions to medications and may prescribe or administer a drug or treatment - like an enema - that could initiate adverse to severe consequences – such as killing you."

Hmmm, now there’s a real confidence booster to reflect on while waiting for a scheduled surgery slot to get an ingrowing toenail sorted.

While acknowledging confidentiality risks over the digital database, the document continues: "It is misleading to suggest that having such a record is risk free – especially so while our main databases are being managed out of Nigeria and Burkino Faso by unemployed 419 scammers."

Arthur Fuctifino, the Big Brother Watch campaign director and founder of the Twatsford Halitosis Society, told the Daily Shitraker "If you value your privacy ignore these bullshit warnings and opt out of the entire scheme.”

“It’s all a pile of old codswallop because personal information such as your entire medical history, details of all genetic next of kin, postal addresses, e-mail addys and telephone numbers, credit card numbers, sexual preferences – the whole schmiel – are going to end up tagged onto your NHS / EUSSR / New World Order electronic medical records and can be accessed by any fucker and their dog – from NHS staff to local council snoops to the quango Renta-Plod agencies.”

Mrs Fellattia Snotgobbler, a 96-year old grandmother of Bigots Terrace in Rochdale told one reporter from the Bodysnatchers Review “I had these two gollies come round wiv a clipboard sayin’ they woz from me local GP clinic an’ I had ter sign this effin’ NHS Trust form so I goes an’ gets me readin’ glasses an’ the bleedin’ thing woz an organ donor consent agreement – so I set me pit bull on the pair of ‘em – effin’ scallie gits.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and mis-spoken references.

Thought for the day: If a bear shits in the woods will it get logged in its medical records as a stool sample?

Oh, and by the way, fuck Big Brother – and the NHS electronic records scheme.

Friday 28 May 2010

UK International Arrest Warrant Laws Scrapped

In today’s Enhanced Bullshit edition we bring you the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The all-new UK Libservative Coalition Foreign Secretary William Vague, a career ‘Friends of Israel’ apologist, vowed Thursday that he would "act faster than a speeding mullet" to change the protocols governing how arrests are ordered under international law in Britain, following a diplomatic imbroglio concerning cancelled visits by Israeli ministers worried by possible arrest on charges of genocide.

Tipzi Livid, the former mad dog Israeli foreign minister, who was jointly responsible for the slaughter of thousands of Palestinians in the besieged Gaza Strip during the outlaw state’s 2008 / 2009 Festive Season ‘Operation Kill Every Fucker’ psychopathic military assaults - which wreaked 22 days of death and destruction on the civilian population - cancelled a shopping trip to the UK last December due fears of being arrested after a court issued a Nuremberg-style international warrant charging her with crimes against humanity following an application by Palestinian activists.

"It's absolutely my intention to correct this anomaly where Palestinian refugee terrorist types belonging to Hamas can harass our good friends from Israel with UK court-issued international arrest warrants after they’ve acted – as always – in self-defence," Vague explained to one reporter from the Hypocrites Gazette.

"The current situation is as unsatisfactory as it is indefensible. We cannot have a position where Israeli war criminals feel they cannot visit Britain to negotiate arms deals simply due the fact they have an International Arrest Warrant hanging over their heads like some Damoclean sword charging them with genocide. I mean to say, this is God’s Chosen People we’re talking about here – defending themslevs against hordes of unwashed disaffected Arab Jihadist johnnies squatting around the Gaza Strip.”

Vague said Britain's new coalition government led by PM Posh Dave Cameron, would look at various options including one proposed by the previous Labour government – simply make the rogue Israelis exempt from war crimes charges.
Ex-PM Gordon Broon proposed in March to put the government controlled Public Prosecution Service -- as opposed to judges -- in charge of considering whether an arrest warrant should be issued in any case brought under international law – thus enabling Downing Street to stamp and shit all over ‘Due Process’ in the pursuit of ‘Justice Denied’ to accommodate their kikester buddies from down Tel Aviv way.

Judges in Britain can currently issue arrest warrants for war crimes suspects around the world under the Geneva Convention Act 1957, without any requirement to consult public prosecutors – as per the sagacious Montesquieu dictates of separation of political power via an Executive, a Legislature and an independent Judiciary.

So Vague, with the backing of arch-kikester sycophant and Zionism advocate PM Posh Dave Cameron, now intends to tow the current US / Israeli line by saying “Bollocks” to the Geneva Convention. Hmmm, not exactly the reason anyone voted for him and the Tory gang was it?

Well, the things this country’s governments will stoop to just to keep ultra-Zionist Baron Rothshite and his outlaw State of Israel’s war criminals happy.

Perhaps we should follow the illegal criminal state’s ‘kikester’ example and simply send covert military teams abroad to kidnap and abduct war criminals back to the country where they’re wanted and force a show trial – as per Adolf Eichmann being snatched by Mossad from Argentina.

Are you travelling on an Israeli passport – or a forged / cloned British issue? Is your name on any war crimes wanted lists? Have you been accused of acts of ethnic cleansing around the West Bank or Gaza Strip? Are you intending to visit Britain and spend lots of lovely money on arms purchases from BAE but worried by troublesome International Arrest Warrants? Not a problem – just e-mail the Libservative Foreign Secretary at the following cyber address and he’ll get right on it: william.vague@fco.gov.uk

Allergy warning: This article was written on a Nakba-style keyboard and may contain traces of non-kosher sentiments – such as Holohoax denial and ‘Justice for Palestine’.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist lobby.

Jamaica’s Welfare State Funded by Drug Cartel

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

A joint task force of Jamaican army troops and civilian police laid siege to a festering West Kingston slum while attempting to arrest an alleged drug lord, 96-year old Christopher Dudus Coke; this week – resulting in thousands of hapless unemployed peasants being slaughtered in violence triggered by government orders to extradite him to the United States for selling more snort than the Clinton’s Mena Mafia and driving their street prices down.

Among the dead were hundreds of ill-equipped plods and soldiers, who were killed during Monday's fighting at the Tivoli Gardens ‘Garrison’ - the Caribbean island's first – and probably last – Crapit & Slapit IMF-approved adobe housing project – with several unconfirmed reports of zillions of civilian deaths and injuries caused by the government’s ham-fisted ‘Shock and Awe’ tactics.

According to one report published by the Dreadlock Gazette “Heavily armed soldiers and police, accompanied by the massed steel bands of the 21st Rastafarian Regiment and to a background of loud Bob Marley reggae music, went head to head with several regiments of Dudus’ Shower Posse Gang members – who were typically armed with the best weapons drug money can buy – including MQ-9 'Reaper' Predator drones, Apache attack choppers and Israeli-made tactical micro-nuke devices.

Recently the United States government has grown fiercely jealous of Dudus Coke’s distribution set up and massive daily income in hard forex cash, gold and conflict diamonds - with the US Justice Department listing him as one of the world’s most dangerous criminal types due his Robin Hood propensity for snuffing opponents with a bow and arrows, sharing his wealth with the poor - and being more popular than Jesus – or the Kenyan cuckoo currently squatting in the White House.

Apparently Dudus had incurred the ire of both the greedy kikester-run US administration and too the IMF by committing the unforgivable sin of doing what the corrupt kleptocracy constituting the Jamaican basket case Parliament has been unable to achieve for generations - in failing to provide an ethical government and a viable economy that creates employment, maintains health clinics and education facilities, a welfare state – and most of all an honest police force.

Hence for Kingston’s slums, Dudus and his Shower Posse Gang are far better providers of political welfare goodies (education, security, and food) than the state.

Thus therein lies the reason for his populist support and the legions of placard-wielding peasants barricading the Tivoli Gardens ‘Garrison’ with everything from upturned JUTC buses to empty crates of Red Stripe beer bottles to piles of dead dogs to black magic fetishes hung from poles and washing lines – simply to protect their patron.

Local voodoo she-priestess Mamma Irawaddy Gorgonzola told one reporter from the Basket Case Gazette that “Dudus Coke am a benefactor what do distributes de cash an de food an de medicines an de scholarships without no conditions an dese people will do vow to die for him – he am de protector what do send dere children to school. So fuck de IMF an’ de United States an’ what dey want cos we put a curse on de black Kenyan bloke what am supposed to be in charge dere now.”

Dudus’s narcotics and arms empire was established by his late father Lester Lloyd Coke, who the US government accused of running a multi zillion bucks drug ring and were trying to grab / extradite even as far back as 1988 – another ‘earlier’ failed venture for the Yanks to reflect on.

The bad taste joke that constitutes the Jamaican government spends 48% of the island’s GNP to pay its external debt to the parasitic IMF and makes sweet FA difference in the lives of the poor, who have to depend on charity – and the likes of benefactors such as Dudus Coke to survive.

The draconic IMF have Jamaica – like the rest of the Third World – by the short and curlies by enforcing a combination of increased interest rates and cutbacks in government spending to shift resources from domestic consumption to private investments – hence increasing unemployment and corruption, higher illiteracy rates (who needs educated peasants – Mammon forbid!), increased violence, prohibitive food costs, dilapidated hospitals and increased disparity between the ruling plutocrats and the poverty-stricken peasantry crying out in their abject misery for a social equalizer – such as a good, old-fashioned revolution to provide the required measure of ‘quantitative easing’ in their sad lives.

Hence the IMF creates the perfect “investment” climates for the banksters and provides ideal conditions for trans-national kikester corporations as they scour the globe’s Torrid Zones in search of slave labour gulags.

Thus with 95% of the Jamaican population living in abject poverty, close to 75% survive on less than US $2 per day – gleaned from family begging enterprises or hand-outs by drug lord philanthropists such as Dudus or Zekes Phipps or the late and emaciated Vivian Blake (RIP).
Even for peasants lucky enough to have a job the IMF-imposed slave labour minimum wage only averages out at US$20 a week – before taxes - if they’re lucky – with most families saving their pennies all year round simply to afford some minor luxury items at Christmas time – such as a toilet roll.

And that is where the likes of Christopher Dudus Coke come in. Santa Claus personified with a greater popularity base that the entire bungling government cobbled together.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and mis-spoken references.

Thought for the day: Bollocks to the US of A – and fuck the IMF and all who sail in it.

Thursday 27 May 2010

Libservative Coalition Hypocrisy Begins

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Hey ho, here we go again. The Libservative Coalition’s hypocrisies and broken promises have begun to manifest within two weeks of scraping into office. But that’s more or less what was to be expected from yet another bunch of career dog wankers and serial liars – their ego’s intent on self-magnification, owning duck islands and pursuing their own agendas – to the detriment of the many and for the benefit of the few.

Tory Fuhrer Posh Dave Cameron promised the Nation a referendum on EUSSR membership if we were all good and voted for him. The same referendum Tony Bliar also promised us – then went back on his word – as did Gordon ‘No Mates’ Broon.
Then Posh Dave declared – even pre-election - “Ah well, no point now as the Paddy’s have voted a big ‘Yes’ to the Treaty of Lisbon (Treachery of Lisbon – a European Constitution by any other name) in their second referendum – or was it their third? Seriously, I can’t recall now, apart from the fact they kept holding them until they finally achieved the required majority ‘Aye’ vote.

This duplicity is again demonstrated when we examine the pledge to safeguard the right to protest as part of the "new politics" promised by the Libservative Coalition government that will be undermined today as a legal challenge begins to remove peace protesters camping on Parliament Square.

As part of the Queen's Speech that vowed to restore lost freedoms and civil liberties Posh Dave’s administration shouted from the rooftops of House of Conmans that it would allow "members of the public to protest peacefully without fear of being criminalised" – or beaten to death by the Met’s Riot Thug Squad’s sadists as per the 2009 April Fool’s Day G20 demonstration incidence of newspaper vendor Ian Tomlinson.

Mr Tomlinson was actually an innocent passer-by walking home via the Royal Exchange area, when one of the Met’s barbarians thought a spot of sport was in order and belted Tomlinson from behind with a riot staff then pushed him to the pavement whereupon he impacted his skull and died several minutes later.

Now there’s another whitewash case being sat on until it grows cobwebs by the bent IPCC (Independent Police Coverups Commission) who seem totally indifferent to the term ‘Justice Denied’ and unwilling to get their finger out and prosecute the barbarian responsible for the unprovoked attack and illegal killing / murder of Mr Tomlinson.

However, in total contradiction to Posh Dave’s ‘peaceful demonstrations allowed’ statement the Hypocrisy Gazette has reported that Downing Street was wholly aware of a plan by the Mayor of London, the thatch-bonced Bonkers Boris Nonsense, to use the courts to remove peaceful, bona fide protesters from Parliament Square.

Mayor Nonsense signed the decree on Monday allowing Community Enforcement Stasi types from the Renta-Thug security agency to begin civil proceedings against the protesters for trespassing on the turfed park land, which the Greater London Authority controls.

The camp, admittedly now consisting of an eyesore of dozens of small tents, was set up by anti-Iraq war protesters in 2001 – in advance preparation for the actual invasion in 2003. It is currently occupied by climate change activists (for and against), the Basingstoke Nudists Club, 7/7 Truthers, the ever-elusive Shergar, neo-Luddites, Tibetan anarchists, Martin Bormann, a tribe of swan-roasting pikeys, self-hating Jewish Holohoax deniers, unemployed Chinese cockle pickers, fugitive Balkans war criminals, homeless banksters, the crew of the Mary Celeste, opponents of the Afghanistan war – and a Lord Lucan look-alike who goes by the name of ‘Lucky’.

Yesterday the camp's longest inhabitant, Lord Haw Haw, still on the run from the Nuremberg War Crimes Commission, was arrested in a separate incident.
He allegedly obstructed police security checks ahead of the Queen's Speech and personally assaulted a total of 1,465 police officers who were guarding Her Majesty as she went on ‘walkabout’ around the encampmetnt, commenting that perhaps Prince Charles might like to stay here for a weekend ‘City Break’ away from the chain-smoking Gorgonzilla.

The Prime Minister had signalled his support for the removal of the protesters before entering a coalition with the Liberal Democrats, who have traditionally given strong support to freedom of speech issues.

However, PM Cameron and Deputy PM Clogg both appeared to swing behind the plan to clear the area and agreed that protecting the right to protest was different from protecting activists who had hijacked Parliament Square and turned it into a veritable pikey and gyppo camp.

Mrs Shambles Chuckabutty, the perma-sun tanned director of the human rights and wrongs group Lex Talionis, told Pox News "We are very sad to see that on a day supposed to celebrate British democracy, peaceful dissent is going tits up. The new coalition Government has promised to restore the right to non-violent protest and bringing in the bully boy bailiffs to clear Parliament Square of homeless dossers and tossers is not the most promising start."

Meanwhile, at the other end of the hypocrisy and broken promises trail leading towards Zero Credibility, Deputy PM and Lib-Dum leader Mick Clogg was forced to admit to gutter press hacks from the red top tabloids this morning that his pre-election boast to uphold the human rights of UFO X-Files computer hacker Gary McKinnon and halt his extradition to the US might now be more at scent than substance.

Clogg, a Tony Bliar style MK-Ultra clone that occasionally tells the truth, candidly informed the media “Hey, okay, so I’m more full of shit than a Christmas goose and despite all my earlier asurances and promises, the chances are I might not have the authority to stop Gary McKinnon's extradition – as it will piss the Yanks right off. They want to make an example of Gary for exposing the fact their computer security at the CIA, Pentagon, NASA and the NSA was as much use as tits on a bull and lock him away for 60 years in one of their sodomite paradise penitentiaries.”

The comment - his first intervention in the case since becoming Deputy Prime Minister – was like a smack in the face with a stocking-full of festering dogshit for supporters of the 44-year-old hacker as it is completely at odds with Clogg's previously stated perspective.
In opposition Clogg, backed by up independent legal advice, had argued fiercely that ministers could use human rights grounds to halt Gary's extradition to the US.

Critics were quick to jump on this reverse-step move, declaring that with trust in politicians at an all-time low, it was vital for Clogg to live up to his promise and not sacrifice political credibility to the capricious whims of the illegal Kenyan immigrants and paranoid psychopaths now running the US administration.

The Lib-Dum leader made his new remarks in the wake of the decision by Home Secretary Theresa Maybe-Nott to halt McKinnon's extradition while she considers fresh medical evidence concerning his Asperger’s Syndrome affliction and the fact he is suicidal and may well take his own life to avoid being extradited to the States.

Clogg was previously one of the staunchest supporters of the Asperger's sufferer, who hacked into Nasa and Pentagon computers looking for evidence of 'little green men' and alien types while Whitehall and Parliament was full of them.
Several months ago, when the prospect of his Librarian-Dummercats Party finding itself with a share of government was as unlikely as Tony Bliar telling the truth, Clogg informed reporters it was 'completely within the power' of then Home Secretary Alan Johnson to step in and tell the Yanks to go and FOESAD.

Gary McKinnon’s own Tory MP David Burrowes, a former shadow justice minister, told Fux News 'There is the power and I disagree with anyone from the Prime Minister down who says the Home Secretary cannot intervene if there has been a breach of human rights and wrongs.”
'The big issue in the election was one of trust. It is now about Parliamentarians keeping their word and doing what they promised.'

Legal advice obtained from human rights QC Sir Isaac Fuctifino, one of the UK's leading extradition lawyers, opined '”It is plain that the Home Secretary has the power - and indeed the duty - to intervene in any extradition case even after the court process has ended if the evidence establishes that there is a real risk of a human rights breach should extradition proceed.”

Hmmm, consider that one for a second: “A real risk of a human rights breach should extradition proceed.”
The Yanks are chomping on the bit to get McKinnon extradited so they can prosecute him in Virginia, which they have subtly implied still carries the death penalty for such heinous crimes as he is supposed to have committed by poking his cyber-beak right through their firewalls.

Since their self-inflicted false flag attacks on 9/11 the Yanks have gone into total psychotic mode concerning anything that questions their egoist Zionist motives or challenges their John Wayne global bully status - and have not only trampled over the Universal Human Rights of the Afghan and Iraqi populations - plus wholly supported Israel committing the same against the Paestinian populations of the West Bank and Gaza – but with enforcing their draconic Patriot Act and legislating several other Stalinista style laws, have trampled and shit all over their own Constitution and Bill of Rights.
Not to mention their ‘justified’ use of ‘extraordinnary rendition’ – a political spin term that actually means ‘Torture’ with a capital T.

So, with reflection on the above in Gary McKinnon’s case, is there “A real risk of a human rights breach should extradition proceed?” Absolutely. Definitely. Without a shred of a doubt.

Of course, the greatest travesty linked to this ‘extradition’ dilemma is the lop-sided nature of the beast. While the US can point to any suspected UK scally and grab them as a ‘criminal’ or ‘terrorist’ the British Courts have to extablish and prove ten kinds of shit before any extradition to the UK from the Continental United States or any of its empire-dominated acquisition territories might be considered.

One top floor Whitehall mandarin committed to volunteer work for ‘Ox-Rat S & G’ (the whistle-blowing snitch and grassers charity), informed the media “The problem here is that Deputy PM Clogg is now back-pedalling and has got cold feet that if he gets the McKinnon extradition order recinded then he’ll end up on one of the Yank’s political hit lists.”

“Apparently when our new Foreign Secretary Willie Vague was summoned to Washington last week by the rugmuncher US Sec’ of State – H. Rodent Clinton – she told him in no uncertain terms that any of the Libservative Coalition do-gooders – such as Mick Clogg – who interferred with McKinnon’s long-overdue extradition might just be ‘abducted’ by little green men themselves and end up as an X-File.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and mis-spoken references.

Thought for the day: If a bear shits in Parliament Square is that considered a legitimate protest over the lack of public toilets?

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist lobby.

Fergy the Lurgy Strikes Again

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Residents of Sewage Lane are protesting after their south Manchester community was held up as an example of "Broken Britain" by the makers of a ‘Libel Week Expose’ documentary.
Sarah Ferguson, the now-infamous money-grasping mercenary Duchess of Pork, is reported to have found drugs, crime and a lack of community spirit during her trip to the Septic Moor sink or swim housing estate in Scumshawe – and was further recorded – a la Gordon ‘No Mates’ Broon fashion – telling her cameraman “It’s more like ‘Fucked Up Britain’ than Broken Britain – chocker full with gun-toting illegal pikey immigrants and knife-weilding gangs of gollies.”

Some residents have been angered by the publicity for the programme and say they live in a safe, family area which is a big improvement on living in Fallujah, Iraq or the Gaza Strip.

Chantelle McSlagg, a 15-year old mother of three, who was born on the Septic Moor Estate told one gutter press reporter from the red top Daily Shitraker tabloid “Fergie the Dreaded Lurgy comes down ‘ere wiv’ all her posh chat an’ shit an’ sez how she’s really doin’ the programme ter kick start the government inter improvin’ all kinds of social stuff then she goes and runs us all down inter the ground an’ exposes how we fiddle the welfare benefits an’ shit like that wot we told her in confidence like.”

Chantelle’s next door neighbour Beverly Titwank, accompanied by her pre-op’ transgender brother Fellattia, both declared that people were "up in arms" at Fergie’s duplicity and lack of discretion.

Ms Titwank opined “The porky twat’s nowt but a bloated slapper what behaves like a three hole crack whore when she’s had a few meths breezers wiv us down the Pikeys Arms pub – then she ends up on her back in Scumshawe Park turnin’ suck an’ swallow tricks fer a coupla drags of some yob’s bifta.”
“Hey, I’m not jokin’, it’s no effin’ wonder Prince Andrew fucked the ranga bitch off.”

In publicity material for Channel 7’s ‘Libel Week Expose’ programme it was claimed the dumpy Duchess had spent ten days on the Septic Moor Estate in Scumshawe "to try and understand the problems of ‘broken Britain’. "This was me talking to stupid commoners and peasants; me trying to galvanise and inspire and empower all the drop-outs who go hapring on and whingeing about change to get off their lazy arses and do it themselves."

Residents angered by the trailers were holding a ‘sit down and get pissed’ protest this weekend on the 270-acre Scumshawe Park, which borders on the Septic Moor housing estate.

Chantelle McSlagg, tightening her Croydon facelift hair-do to erase her wrinkles, spit the dummy in expressing her anger at the television advert for the programme, ‘The Duchess Does Asbo Central’.

“The ginger mingin’ twat woz gobbin’ off about how we’re all effin’ retards on jobseekers and DSS benefits cos’ were all too effin’ stupid ter find work and how we’re all alkies and druggies and chew nails an’ spit rust an’ clean the windows wiv kittens or next door’s tomcat.”
“Then she sez that if any of us pay the rent two weeks in a row the Plod Squad comes round ter investigate where we got the money from – and that’s just so much bullshit cos the cops don’t dare come around here – even in broad daylight – cos one of the gangs would have their bollocks fer trophies.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and mis-spoken references.

Thought for the day: If a bear shits in the middle of Scumshawe Park would anyone notice?

Wednesday 26 May 2010

Calderon: Dora the Explorer not Mexican

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Down Mexico way the incompetent President Felipe Calderon and his ruling Graft & Corruption Party greasers went into headless chicken mode earlier this week when Arizona’s State Legislature had the outrageous audacity to pass their state SB 1070 Illegal Immigrant Bill which aims to target all the wetback beaners currently squatting in the state without visas or green cards.

Although who can blame Calderon for labelling the Grand Canyon State’s politicians neo-Nazi racist scumbags when his mismanaged Third World shithole of a country is the largest contributor of illegal aliens (12 to 15 zillion) now living and working in the US as there is sweet fuck all in the way of welfare to be had back home – apart from unemployment with a capital U and poverty with a capital P – and even more fucking beans - with a capital B.

However, what’s worrying Calderon is the fact these wetback Spics residing in the United States contribute $24 billion back to the Mexican government’s financial coffers annually in US dollar forex cash transfers – while in total contradiction to the rules of Fair Play the illegal’s criminal activities and generalised lawlessness costs American taxpayers $346 billion per annum spread across 15 US federal agencies.
Amazingly, the inept Calderon and his fellow plutocrats cannot and will not provide jobs and a valid economy for Mexico's own people - whereas his country transports and provides $75 billion in drugs that his criminal cartel cronies ship into the United States annually.

Both the US and Mexican governments refuse to put a halt the people smuggling - and drug smuggling - at the border. Yet a simple deployment of 50,000 U.S. troops from Brownsville, Texas, across 1,952 miles to San Diego CA - issued with shoot on sight / to kill orders – would curb the illegal immigration and drug smuggling into the US within a week.

However, with corrupt bureaucrats at all levels of government, and on both sides of the border, raking in mega-amounts of ready unmarked dollar bills for turning a blind eye then no fucker or their dog’s in too much of a sweat to clamp down on the drugs or people smuggling.

Unfortunately, we discover duplicity, scandal, corruption, deceit and immorality on both sides of the Mexican border with the United States. Both governments lie, cheat and steal on multiple levels, with both U.S. Republicans and Democrats failing their constituents at every juncture.

Conversely, as illegals overran Arizona, that state instituted its own SB 1070 legislation to mirror federal statutes. President Barky O’Barmy – himself an illegal Kenyan- Indonesian Muslim immigrant groomed and put into the White House by kikester crime syndicate money - chastised Arizona, but backed off like a coyote faced with an irate porcupine when public opinion polls showed a solid 73 percent support from American citizens for Arizona’s actions.

If American policymakers require a legal model on which to base new laws restricting immigration and expelling foreign lawbreakers they have the Immigration Guide for Dummies right there at hand - the Mexican constitution itself.
The Mexican constitution (sic) segregates immigrants and naturalized citizens from those native-born by denying immigrants the basic human rights that even illegal Mexican immigrants enjoy in the United States.

Further, the Mexican constitution expressly forbids non-citizens to participate in the country's political life - as anyone from abroad armed with a half-arsed education can see through the façade of lies and corrupt deceits perpetrated by the incumbent governments.
Nonetheless, President Calderon lobbed a few verbal nasties at how 'unfair' and 'un-neighbourly' Arizona's Governor Ghengis McTwatt treats illegal beaners.

Now Mexican campaigners against the controversial new SB 1070 immigration law in the US state of Arizona – soon to be fast track legislated and enforced by a further 17 states - have adopted a popular children's cartoon character as a symbol of their cause.

Dora the Explorer, labelled by many God-fearing ‘good parenting’ groups in the US as a Spic three-holer, and a crack whore who probably sucks n swallows to boot, has taught zillions of American children basic Spanish phrases such as “Besa mi culo, puto”; “Chinga tu Madre”; “Viete a la mierda!” and “Pinche pendejo” on her Nickelodeon TV show.

Now a doctored image on the anti-SB 1070 law internet website now shows the cartoon heroine with a split lips and a black eye in a USCIA / Arizona Highway Patrol police mugshot – with her alleged crimes being illegal border crossing and resisting arrest – and her inherent human rights shot all to buggery.

For almost a decade, the feisty cartoon heroine has been one of the most prominent Hispanic characters on children's television in the US. Her TV show has spawned a mega-bucks black market and hard drugs empire, with her smiling face and ‘come-to-bed’ eyes appearing on everything from condom packs to paedophile websites.

Yet as the controversy over illegal immigration has intensified, Dora has been drawn into the political debate along with Channel Five’s Peppa Pig and celebrity Columbian wetback ‘Ugly Betty’ Suarez – with the London’s 2012 Rapture Olympics mutant mascots Wenlock and Manderville volunteering to throw in their two penny-worth as well in support of any worthwhile cause.

Most of the websites that have appropriated her image assume she’s a Spic migrant from Mexico due the amount of beans and tortillas she eats – and her unsociable propensity for dropping gnarly farts in the midst of polite Christian society.

Dora, who turns tricks for a couple of bucks, has brown skin, dark hair, and speaks Spanish with an American accent. She lives in a basket case Third World tropical country with pyramids, accompanied by her best pals Chico Pendejo, the drug cartel enforcer and Pancho Burrito, a one-legged leper.

But while Nickelodeon has declined to comment on her background, and her place of birth and citizenship have never been made clear by programme producers, Mexican President Calderon has this week declared for the record that Dora in not a Mexican citizen but a Nicaraguan agent provocateur out to stir up trouble for the emerging North American Union.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and mis-spoken references.

Thought for the day: If a bear shits in the Rio Grande which side gets to poop scoop it?

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist lobby.

Afghan Bomb Disposal now ‘Too Dangerous’

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The Ministry of Defence has this morning announced the resignation of the Army's top bomb disposal officer due fears the job has become simply too dangerous and is no longer anywhere like the gung ho ‘blow shit up’ fun it used to be.

Colonel Ghengis McTwatt of the 21st EOD Big Bangs Battalion told a reporter from the Warmongers Gazette that he was quitting as bomb disposal work had become bogged down due the mandate of compliance with the EUSSR’s latest HSE Risk Assessment procedures.

“Believe me, the entire shebang has got dangerous with a capital D due asinine HSE regulations and now there’s far too much pressure on the Army to produce more bomb-disposal specialists for Afghan deployment to replace all the ones that are getting blown up each week.”

“The recruitment offices are hard pressed to source the usual self-harming suicidal types that normally step up for this kind of work and we’re not allowed to go round recruiting volunteers from prisons and lunatic asylums any more.”
“It hasn’t helped matters that anti-war protesters have been adding graffiti to our recruitment posters bearing the message that ‘the definition of a volunteer is someone who has totally misunderstood the question put to them.”

The Daily Shitraker defence correspondent Candida Titwank writes that the resignation is in part motivated by fears that pressures on the Army to comply with the latest EUSSR ‘Warfare for Dummies’ manual and attached HSE regulations on how to fight the threats from roadside bombs has led to soldiers being sent to the front line with less training and relying on the risk assessment forms – instanced by such instructions as: Has it gone bang yet? Is there smoke coming out of it? Have you tried throwing stones at it - poking it with a long stick – or kicking it?

Colonel McTwatt further commented “The last batch of recruits they sent us were a transfer mix from the 14th Scallies & Asbo Regiment’s Hopscotch team who had no idea what bomb disposal entailed. Private Lenny Scrunt was actually observed stood over a suitcase-sized IED bomb in Bellend Province and hitting it with a claw hammer while shouting “Fer fuck’s sake go effin’ bang yer useless piece of Taliban shit!” when it must have heard him and did precisely that.”

In response, and perhaps too a ’cover-your-arse’ move, the new Libservative Minister of Defence Liam Poxx told a reporter from the Body Bag Review that innovative steps were being taken to recruit more soldiers for IED disposal work.

“The Army has begun to offer £50,000 bonus payments to top bomb disposal soldiers willing to sign on for another tour of duty in Afghanistan and treble their risk of getting blown to bits in a bid to ease the manning pressures on the units already deployed.”
“Further to this I have commissioned a scheme inside Afghanistan with the UK Commander of NATO’s ‘Operation Enduring Genocide’ to start an advertising campaign to recruit members of the Taliban to our IED teams – and who better as they’re the one’s building and planting the nasty roadside bomb thingies.”

“They’re being offered an attractive package of tax-free salary in British pounds with an index-linked pension scheme and a flock of goats on completion of five years service.”
“I mean to say, three hot meals per day, a cosy barracks billet and running water – now that has got to be better than living in caves and having to wipe your arse with a bunch of thistles.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and mis-spoken references.

Thought for the day: If a bear shits by the roadside will a bomb disposal squad come and poke it with a stick before they ‘scoop de poop’?

Tuesday 25 May 2010

Kim il Patsy Blamed for Cheonan Sinking

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Initial reports of the sinking of the South Korean warship Cheonan had provoked fears that the NorKor’s might have attacked the ship with a torpedo for a bit of a laugh and to liven up a dull afternoon’s submarine patrol duty.

However South Korean military authorities then claimed there was no evidence that North Korean forces were to blame, issuing a media statement at the end of March that “Speculation is now turning to the possibility that the Cheonan had perhaps struck a sea mine that had broken free from its mooring.”

Yet despite the South Korean statement and strong denials by the NorKor’s of any involvement - plus expressions of sympathy for lost fellow Koreans – the fingers of Seoul’s Zionist American puppets are now being pointed back at Pyongyang over the tragic sinking of the ROKS 1,200-ton corvette Cheonan (PCC-772) in the Yellow Peril Sea off Baengnyeong Island on the night of March 26th.

Thus, in order to blame the NorKor’s and set the stage for a war that will conveniently displace the unfolding nightmare of the engineered global economic implosion, a joint civilian-military investigation group of military and civilian experts from the US, Israel, Australia and Germany was quickly cobbled together this last week.

Yesterday these so-called self-appointed propaganda disseminators posing as submarine warfare ‘experts’ claimed to have recovered the remains of a torpedo from the sea bed – with identifiable NorKor markings on the propulsion housing.

Excuse me, is any fucker or their dog awake around here? These dodgy ‘marine ordnance experts’ have found the arse end of a TYPE 53-59 torpedo on the sea bed with some ‘North Korean’ characters scribbled on it with chalk. Fer fuck’s sake, gimmee an effin’ break. Does any political or military analyst reading these ‘blame’ reports actually know what torpedoes do?

They get packed chocker block full with mega-kilos (260 kg) of PBX hexogen / aluminium (equivalent to 460 kg of TNT) with magnetic influence and contact fuses and a wake homing sensor and blow the fuck up with so big a bang that the fish for miles around go stone deaf – and blast huge holes in the hulls of whatever they hit – submarines, warships – and corvettes like the Cheonan.

Hence it must be realised that in this destructive act of detonating and ‘blowing up’ when they hit their target not only do they blast a big ‘sink me quick’ hole in the hull they also, by design, totally destruct themselves into ‘sub-atomic’ sized bits.

So, instead of making political ‘hay’ out of a military disaster of their own manufacture due incompetence, and breaking the Ninth Commandment by bearing false witness against their neighbour, the US naval and Seoul-based morons responsible for the sinking obviously need a reminder of what actually took place – and why the Cheonan sank - and stop pointing at Pyongyang as the fall guy.

On March 26th the sinking occurred precisely in the waters where what the Pentagon referred to as the world's largest simulated naval exercise – ‘Key Resolve / Foal Eagle’ was underway.

Among the fleet of hundreds of vessels were four Aegis ships: the USS Shiloh (CG-67), a 9,600-ton Ticonderoga class cruiser, the USS Curtis Wilbur (DDG-54), a 6,800-ton Arleigh Burke class guided-missile destroyer, the USS Lassen, a 9,200-ton Arleigh Burke class guided-missile destroyer and Sejong the Great, a 8,500-ton South Korean guided-missile destroyer - plus a full compliment of US Navy anti-submarine Squadron 7 choppers.

Yep, Aegis class warships – submarine hunters – and a clunky old NorKor diesel-powered fish without AIP propulsion technology sneaks past the lot into the very South Korean waters where the biggest naval exercise in the known Universe is being enacted and fires one of their TYPE 53-59 torpedoes at the Cheonan then escaped wholly undetected back across the 38th Parallel (marine section).

Hence if the South Koreans and the Americans maintain these ridiculous charges that the NorKor’s sank the Cheonan it only serves to demonstrate and highlight the fact that their mega-bucks submarine-hunter Aegis warships are a pile of shite.
It further demonstrates the futility of the US-South Korean joint war games and the neo-colonial US military presence in Korea.

But to let warmongering gossip and conspiracy theories run their course, BP are now claiming the NorKor’s are responsible for torpedoing their Deepwater Horizon drilling rig – the one currently turning the Gulf of Mexico into a massive tar pit – from Key West to Brownsville to Cancun – with Cuba acting as a stopper.

Further rumours that the actual torpedo fragments found were in reality identified as being from the DM2 A-4 type as used by the Israeli Navy’s Dolphin-class (German Type S-300) submarines and manufactured by the Israeli-owned Grassy Knoll Armament Industries – a well-known Mossad front organisation.

At the end of the day the Yanks – or the South Korean bodgers – need to hold their hands up and admit they dropped a big bollock and loosed a torpedo – possibly by accident or mistake - that impacted the hull of the Cheonan.

Regardless it’s an embarrassing indictment of the accuracy of the exorbitantly priced anti-submarine weapons systems of the US, the world's leading arms exporter. Further, the Americans credibility as South Korea’s superpower guardian goes down the drain while unintentionally advertising NorKor submarines and torpedoes as ‘undetectable’ and the type of hardware that can kick the shit out of anything the Yanks have. Hmmm, nice one Kim.

Further rumours referencing the capture of a Muslim North Korean agent provocateur and known Al Qaeda double agent asset, one Lee Harvey Ki Moon bin Patsy, has led to speculation that it was actually a Taliban ‘Kabul Class’ submarine, financed by Saudi Arabia that carried out the false flag attack and sank the Cheonan to thrust the blame on Pyongyang and divert attentions from the Persian Gulf and Afghanistan arenas of conflict.

To cap it all, Barky O’Barmy’s Secretary of Sleaze, Hilarious Rodent Clinton, while on yet another freebie junket – this time to Beijing - has said Washington and Beijing must work together to "fashion an effective response" to the sinking of the Cheonan – possibly to be interpreted as ‘declare war on Pyongyang’.

Speaking in Beijing, the Mena Crime Syndicate Matriarch told anyone interested in her Zionist twaddle that a nuclear armaments-equipped North Korea was a danger to peace throughout the Universe.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and mis-spoken references.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist lobby.

Fergie’s Renta-Royal Scam Goes Tits-Up

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

‘Shameless’ Sarah Ferguson, aka the Duchess of Pork, has been filmed and recorded offering to sell access to her trade envoy ex-hubby Prince Andrew (for what bankster types refer to as ‘lots and lots of lovely money’) to an undercover Daily Shitraker reporter impersonating an oil-rich Arab sheikh - with the story breaking in the Sunday scandal sheets while she was flying back from yet another freeloading junket to Los Angeles.

The greedy, penny-pinching Duchess of Sleaze was filmed last Tuesday night taking a US $40,000 cash down-payment from undercover reporter Ronnie Snott who was impersonating a Middle Eastern oil-rich potentate Sheikh Fizzy al Kaseltzer – the owner of the Oasis Watering Hole chain, and who claims the hereditary grazing rights to every hotel lobby carpet within the entire Gulf region.

Prince Andrew’s penniless former wife shit kittens and turned a ghoulish and ashen grey – the colour of cold semen in an IVF test tube - on being informed of the expose – and was said to be 'devastated and regretful' she had been caught red-handed breaking the 11th Commandment – Thou Shalt Not Get Found Out - by being secretly filmed doing dirty deeds to earn a few bob to support her Cinderella girlie lavish lifestyle of hedonistic squandering.

In the covert video recording the prodigal ‘Freebie’ Fergie Beast sets out her stall for the grubby little scam and blatantly put a price tag on an introduction to Britain's trade envoy Prince Andrew, opening the door to lucrative mega-bucks international deals with equally-sleazy Third World Kleptomaniac Party governments on both sides of the Equator.

Andrew, who isn’t precisely the sharpest pebble on the beach – although not quite as thick and cloth-eared as brothers Charlie and Edward – is reportedly ignorant of Fergie’s influence peddling in his name.
Hence, unbeknown to the Prince, Fergie promised to introduce Sheikh al Kaseltzer to him, claimed she'd help fix lucrative business opportunities and then demanded a cut of all profits resulting from the dodgy deals.

She insisted on a one per cent commission on any contracts the Sheikh might strike due to her ‘Royal Connections’ and demanded the balance of the £££ half million quid backhander be wired into her private offshore HSBC bank account in the Outer Spendthrift Islands.

The video soundtrack records her vowing "Treat me like a lady and Andrew will look after your end - you'll get it back tenfold – effin’ mega-bucks.”
Fergie told the shifty Sheikh she’d already discussed the deal with him, claiming "Andrew said to me “Tell the raghead twat it’ll cost him £500,000.”
“So, you see, I can open any door of opportunity that takes your fancy – my legs too if you’re up for a Royal shag and have a spare £100 quid handy."

The greedy 50-year-old slapper, looking well past her use-by date, was then filmed pocketing an extra $40,000 cash down-payment in a stack of Mohammad al Fayed style ‘big brown envelopes’.

Conversely, the loose cannon Duchess's claims that Prince Andrew – an unpaid UK Special Representative for Trade and Investment - could be party to such a scam might well jeopardise Britain's global reputation for ‘honesty and fair play’ – as established and confirmed by the 13 year shining example of ‘unblemished integrity’ displayed by the New Labour government under Bliar and Broon (and Vaz and Scandalson et al).

Further, Fergie’s mercenary willingness to give an unvetted businessman access to her Who's Who contacts / address book of the world's most influential figures – including Ronnie Kissinger’s famous brother Jack, plus Pope Benny Mk XVI, and celebrity child rapist George Herbert Wanker Bush Snr. etc, - raises huge security fears.

However, in her defence, the Dutchess was described affectionately by family and friends alike as a grasping penny-pinching twat - whereas her critics seized on the opportunity to candidly express their opinion that Fergie is a ‘cunt in cunt’s clothing’.

Royal equerry Sir Darlston Thort-Nott informed one reporter from the Scandalmongers Gazette “This is nothing new with the Fergie Beast – one can take her anywhere twice – the second time to apologise – and give the silver back.”

Since being divorced by Prince Andrew over her propensity for pawning his medals and golf clubs the royal spendthrift has pulled a series of ‘quick buck’ dodgy scams – many of which have fallen under the purview of the Fraud Squad and gutter press.

Her ludicrous autobiography ‘A Day in the Life of a Soft-Boiled Egg’ - followed by the worst-selling “Memoirs of a Royal Moron” – earned her column inches of absolute derision – and absolutely zilch in the way of royalties.

Along with public school chums Candida Mingerot, Cynthia Gamarouche and Sapphie Godemiche, they founded the elite Chlamydia Muffitch Slimmer’s Club which took a complete head-over-tit nosedive when the taxman and creditors turned up simultaneously with the court bailiffs and nicked everything – including the rub n tug massage tables.

Highlighting Fergie’s rollercoaster ride of scandals, the dumpy Duchess was frequently criticised and pilloried by the red top gutter press tabloids for the apparent exploitation of her position and influence peddling – earning herself the derisive moniker of "Freebie Fergie" for taking countless holidays and selling family photos of her children, the Princess’s Gorgonzilla and Eczemalda, to a Moroccan kiddie porn’ magazine.

In 1992, scandalous photographs showing the duchess's ex-financial advisor, Bernie Jackoff, sucking her toes – and various other portions of her disgusting flabby anatomy - were published on page three of the Daily Scumraker.

By 1995 Fergie’s hedonistic wastrel lifestyle had landed her in a scandalous tits-deep quagmire of more than £4 zillion quid in debt, with the Queen taking the unusual step of publicly closing the Royal Purse to her spendaholic daughter-in-law.

After getting her arse evicted from Scummingdale Park Fergie moved to a smaller nine-bedroom house, took up nail biting and psycho-therapy and became more involved in championing charities and worthy causes for aristocrats in need – such as her Sarah Ferguson Benevolent Fund.
After a three month sojourn around hotel bars of the Persian Gulf Emirates on an influence peddling campaign and flogging her golly to curious Arabs with a taste for ‘Royal Pussy’, the Dodgy Duchess had managed to turn enough cash-in-hand / tax-free tricks to clear her debts.

Although her spell as a television chat show hostess was a total disaster, as too her two-book career as an author, a soft-drinks commercial for Slut-Brew and numerous other nickel and dime ventures helped reinvent her as a businesswoman – with a cameo role on the American sitcom ‘Kuntts’ and taking part in The Celebrity Slapper series.
Fergie than became an ambassador for weight loss company Lard Arsed Scrubbers in the US; a spokesperson for the elite cosmetics brand Spotti-Scumm, and did a series of adverts for the prestigious china dinnerware company ‘Ming of Peking’.

Regardless of being stricken with a chronic case of ‘Wasteful Extravagance Syndrome’ plus her burgeoning couch spud weight problems, she resumed a cordial relationship with Prince Andrew, and moved back into a wing of the Royal Dodge at Windsor on the condition she didn’t start pawning the Prince’s medals again or nicking the servant’s tea money.

At the time, her spokeswoman Fellattia van der Gamm denied the Duchess had any further financial worries now she was back with ‘Andy Pandy’.
However as Fergie celebrated her 50th birthday last October, it emerged that Fartmoor LLC, the US company she had a 51% stake in, was to be wound up owing several zillion £££ quid to creditors.

Regardless of this setback to her abysmal business interests her spokeswoman declared the profligate Duchess was "resilient" and still fat enough to "bounce back".
Hmmm, obviously so - by marketing access to her ex-husband Andrew to pay the bills and support her squandering lifestyle.

Okay, let’s now take a look at the actual realities of this calumnious dilemma – from the perspective of the Fraud Squad and the Crown Prosecution Service.

While the egoist Vulgarian might be possessed with the social graces of a rutting hog and cursed by the erroneous belief that Life owes her a living (aristocratic style, please) – plus the minimal IQ of a slack-jawed inbred moron, she has knowingly, and with malice aforethought, now involved herself in a glaring display of criminal activity whichever way it gets looked at.

Hence, if Andrew is whiter than Mother Theresa’s gymslip and would never prostitute his Trade Emissary position for profit, then Fergie is guilty of obtaining money – US$40,000 / £500,000 quid - under false pretences / by deception.

So, are either the Fraud Squad or the CPS going to take an interest in this blatant exhibition of influence peddling and conspiracy to commit fraud and prosecute accordingly – as they would any lesser mortal – for lesser sins?
Now that would be interesting – the Fergie Beast serving a couple of years sentence in one of Her Majesty’s ‘Ladies Only’ rug-munching paradises.

Have you cut any business deals with dodgy Royals? If Fergie called round for a cuppa would you count the teaspoons after? Would you like to meet Prince Philip and get insulted? How about a meet with the Prince of Wales to enjoy a chat with his house plants? Or a bonding session bender with the pissy-arsed ginger-mingin’ royal cuckoo Prince Harry?

Send your comments using the online reply form below and you could win a sit down lunch with Prince Andrew at McDonald’s Chew n Spew outlet in Windsor Park.

* Carbon Credit Cap & Trade Exchange (aka Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration: No members of the Royal household were compromised in posting this message. However, a large number of hangers-on were slightly embarrassed.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and mis-spoken references.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist lobby.

Kenyan Cuckoo Mobilises Carrier Groups

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

If the imminent stock market and banking sector, and burgeoning social order collapses aren’t enough for the administration to keep juggling, President Barky O’Barmy’s kikester string-pullers are now willing to add a fatal dash of geopolitical risk to the current basket case socio-economic and financial quagmire cocktail looming over the good ole US of A like the Grim Reaper on drugs.

The news hot off the presses states that the Kenyan cuckoo has been ordered to boost US military strength in the Mediterranean and Persian Gulf / Arabian Sea regions in the short term with additional air and naval strike forces and 6,000 Marine and sea combatants.

So, as O’Barmy was groomed and put into the White House by laundered Zionist crime cash they thus own him. Ergo, the Israeli kikesters are behind whatever policy he announces as home spun. Further to this complicity the United States government is in bed with these clowns and should also be judged accordingly for moving the next piece on the chessboard to kick start the long-overdue World War Three Armageddon concerto.

With just one aircraft carrier group in close proximity to Iran, the Nobel ‘Peace Prize’ winner (er – for what exactly?) has been directed by his Zionist masters to send a clear message that these superfluous olive branch peace initiatives by Iran, such as agreeing to the enriched uranium swap deal, will no longer be tolerated, and is to increase the US aircraft carrier presence in the region by a five-fold count.

Carrier Strike Group 10, headed by the USS Benedict Arnold aircraft carrier, sailed out of the US Navy base at Norfolk, Virginia on the 21st May. On arrival in the Middle East maritime region it will double the number of US carriers lurking like predatory raptors off Iran.

Until now O’Barmy and the Pentagon chicken hawks have kept just one aircraft carrier stationed off the coast of Iran, the USS Grassy Knoll in the Arabian Sea, in pursuit of the US policy of diplomatic engagement with Tehran.

It is also the first time that O’Barmy, since taking office 14 months ago, has been ordered to dispatch actual human military reinforcements to the Persian Gulf – in readiness for the coming sneak attack on Iran now they have proved themselves incapable of fair play by finally coalescing and accepting the diplomatic option and agreeing to the uranium stockpile swap mandated by the US and the IAEA.

The gospel according to the Warmongers Gazette states the USS Benedict Arnold is just the first element of the new buildup of US resources around Iran. It will take place over the next three months, reaching peak level in late July and early August.
By then, the Pentagon plans to have at least 4 or 5 US aircraft carriers visible from Iranian shores – nicely scheduled to coincide with the in-place Israeli false flag mega-blast dirty bomb nuke attack on some hapless US city (not the Big Bad Apple or Oklahoma City again!) which will point the required fickle finger of Fate directly at the Iranian Revolutionary Guard supplying to Hezbollah.

The USS Benedict Arnold’s accompanying Strike Group includes Carrier Air Wing Three (Battle Axe) – which has 7 squadrons – 4 of F/A-18 Super Hornet and F/A-18 Hornet bomber jets, as well as spy planes and early warning E-2 Hawkeyes that can operate in all weather conditions; the Electronic Attack Squadron 130 for disrupting enemy radar systems (but not S-300 missiles) and Squadron 7 choppers for any North Korean anti-submarine combat.

A further conspiratorial and novel phenomenon will be the presence of a German warship, the frigate FGS Auschwitz, operating under US Navy command.

Another four US warships will be making their way to the region to join the USS Benedict Arnold and its Strike Group. They are the guided-missile cruiser USS Holohoax and guided missile destroyers USS Winnie the Pooh, USS Baron Rothshite and USS Dubya Bush – plus the hospital cum mortuary vessel USS Baron Samedi – loaded with bandages, blood plasma and thousands of body bags.

So, just sit back and enjoy the fun as Iran refuses to be riled or feel threatened by this escalation and decides to take no action whatsoever as AIPAC’s kikester psychopaths push their US Muppets even further into the aggressor’s camp - from which the only escape, to a rational player, would be a first strike attack.

Conversely, and just to piss all over the US Zionist warmonger’s bonfire, during its big naval exercises last week, Iran exhibited their stocks of Sunburst SU-27 and Velayat 89 missiles - ideal for striking US aircraft carriers and Israel missile cruisers from Iranian coastal batteries, warships and submarines – of which they are possessed a’plenty.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and mis-spoken references.

Monday 24 May 2010

Fortress Baghdad Plans Gaza-Style Wall

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Baghdad is to resort to one of the oldest forms of civil defence by building a massive barrier around the capital to keep out insurgent suicide vest scallies – a daft idea copied from Israel’s Great Apartheid Walls encircling and besieging the hapless Palestinian populations of Gaza and the West Bank.

A series of recent bombings by Israeli and NATO agent provocateur subversives has driven Khara Ibn Himar, the governor of Baghdad, to accept Scalliburton proposals for the concrete palisade, which will be 20 feet high and 70 miles long.
Freedom of movement is to be limited and workers and visitors alike will have to line up and wait for at least an hour to enter the shithole of a city.

Every man and his dog – or goat / camel and cart / vehicle will be searched as they seek entry via the eight gates along the main bomb-cratered highways – which is expected to cause severe disruption as a result – with gridlocks and lines of very exasperated Arab types - and doubtless be the cause of outbreaks of terminal ‘Queue Rage’.

Baghdad - approximately the same size as the City of London and in a similar condition as London was following the WW2 Nazi Luftwaffe Blitz – currently has five million inhabitants with nowhere else to go – thanks to the Coalition of the Willing’s Shock n Awe and Operation Enduring Hardship projects fucking up every bit of infrastructure in the entire country - which Scalliburton got paid exorbitant piles of US taxpayer’s spondoolies for repairing yet actually did sweet fuck all – apart from abduct and snuff mobs of Iraqi children for their perverted pleasures.

Building work is expected to take slightly less than the Great Wall of China – which was cobbled together in just over 600 years with the masons and labourers working overtime in the summer evenings, and at weekends and on bank holidays.

The planned eight city gates will be set up as Oasis service stations for pissed-off commuters, businessmen and peasants alike - with restaurants and rub n tug massage parlours to allow travellers to relax and unwind established on the approach parks. Everything that moves will be searched across ten-lane highways from 6 am until midnight by private contractor Slackwater / XE thugs - with the city remaining under a night-time curfew until 2025.

Construction is to be supervised by the Baghdad Corruption Command, the free-booting unit that reports directly to the Kleptocracy Party Prime Minister, Sharmuta Ibn Zamel. It will also run the checkpoints, aided by an American-designed Diebold computer system holding the fingerprints and voting preferences of known insurgents with any fingers remaining.

Colonel Ghaban Bala’a il A’air chief of the BCC unit told a reporter from the Warmongers Gazette that the wall was "A great waste of concrete - castle walls and sieges went out of fashion centuries ago. These mujahideen scallies will just resort to doing what they do elsewhere against the Zionist Great Satan and their allies – lob missiles over the effin’ wall and cause double helpings of insta-mayhem.”

How do you fancy a 20 foot wall erected around your house to keep out the local yobbo’s and light-fingered pikeys? Stop nosey parker neighbours peeping when you’re having a barbie or enjoying a quick al fresco knee trembler with the missus on the lawn.
Log onto B & Q’s ‘Zionist Apartheid Walls’ website section, complete the “Support Holohoax Denial’ section and you are automatically entered into our ‘Win a Drawbridge’ competition.

* Carbon Credit Cap & Trade Exchange (aka Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration: No trees, fish, cormorants, bumble bees or small furry mammals were harmed in posting this message. However, a large number of Iraqi peasants were temporarily inconvenienced.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and mis-spoken references.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist lobby.

Super Oddborne Swears to Solve Debt Crisis

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Libservative Coalition Chancellor ‘Boy George’ Oddborne has accused the previous government of being "totally irresponsible" as an audit of the nation's finances gets under way with hundreds of accounting types tallying up the bundles of IOU’s, half-pennies and farthings left lying around in the Treasury building cellars.

In an interview with the Bean Counters Gazette, Mr Oddborne revealed officials were finding all sorts of "very emaciated skeletons in various cupboards" left by Labour – resulting from their frantic last ditch attempts to disguise the extent of their fiscal mismanagement and shore up the basket case economy to provide senior civil servants mandarins with their expected annual performance bonuses for making a total phuck of things wholly beyond their scope of intellectual understanding.

Well, what can anyone expect after two porridge wogs – Gordon ‘No Mates’ then Darling Alastair – neither of whom ever got a GCE O-Level in Maths - have been in charge of the nation’s piggy bank since 1997.

Oddborne’s announcement comes as the Treasury is set to scrutinise all dodgy spending decisions approved by Shitehall this year and launch the novel Office of Budget Responsibility which is to be staffed by career-orientated self-harming scapegoat types.

This new watchdog will begin its own financial review and utilise the high resolution 24/ infra-red cameras of the KH-12 satellite system, terrestrial nano-technology and a series of strategically deployed electron scanning microscopes fixed to cellphone antenna towers and digitally-linked to Google Earth to detect any instances of economic growth in the UK’s socio-industrial base – which so far this year have only been identified in the prohibited narcotic substances market.

Oddborne, the zillionaire heir apparent to the Bodgeford & Noseberry clockwork hedgehog manufacturing empire, is expected to apply this information in place of the usual error-prone Treasury predictions using the old ouija board, for next month's emergency Penny Pinchers Budget that cynics predict will see VAT and other forms of stealth taxes – particularly on-the-spot fines - levied on rear end flatulence, orgasms, fresh air, unpruned house plants and overweight tomcats.

Before becoming bogged down in this ridiculous power-sharing coalition with the blue-nosed Tories, the Librarian Dummercats had argued that spending cuts should be delayed until 2025 so as not to totally piss off the unemployed proletariat and kick start a nasty revolution.

Conversely the Tweedledee weds Tweedledum same sex marriage (read Wenlock & Manderville) Wonderland coalition deal compelled them to sign up to the immediate budget reduction plan, regardless of the political risks of ending up riding in one of anarchy’s tumbrels.

Later this week, the Lib-Dum’s Chief Secretary to the Treasury, Ronnie Jaws, will meet cabinet colleagues to devise a strategy where the forecast £6 zillion quid’s worth of budget cuts will fall so as not to end up inciting general strikes and bank-burning mobs as per the current Greek Tragedy model.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and mis-spoken references.