Labour: Porky Pies over Migrant Workers

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The New Labour party was deservedly rocked yesterday by an election morning explosive claim concerning its ‘disastrous’ policy on EUSSR migrant workers.
According to the results of a survey undertaken by the Gyppo’s Gazette almost four times more EUSSR bloc citizens are working here or sponging off the state than Britons taking jobs on the continent.

The Tory and Lib-Dum opposition parties have jumped on the revelations and declared the figures blast the proverbial living shit out of fabricated claims by Gordon Brown – who lied yet again when he promised ‘British jobs for British workers’ – that there had been equal numbers travelling in each direction when he insisted: “A million people have come here from Europe but a million British people have gone into Europe – like you see on Auf Wiedersehen pet.”

The Prime Minister made the claim only last week, during his encounter with the insta-celebrity bigoted old bat from Rochdale – Gladys Whinger - who told ‘No Mates’ Gordon that her neighbourhood was chocker block overflowing with dodgy Polish plumbers called Drippinsky and swan-roasting Albanian pikeys pillaging the local duck ponds for anything edible.

However the EUSSR’s own statistics authority, Euro-Twat, actually admits there were just 13 UK nationals working elsewhere in the European Union in autumn 2009 – whereas some 1,327,436 citizens from other EUSSR bloc countries sneaked in and stole jobs from under the noses of redundant Brit’s – with more than 500,000 from Poland alone granted ‘open door’ access by Broon’s moronic government as they’re prepared to work for what we term ‘shithouse minimum wages’ and refuse to have our multi-skilled engineering talents exploited.

The revelations were put to Immigration Minister Phillys Woolyback during a recent Channel 4 ‘Incompenetnt Twats’ programme interview.
Initially Woolyback tried to make light of the devastating news by stating he was surprised his opponents from UKIP ‘trusted’ figures from the EUSSR’s official statistical body - adding: ‘You can bandy around figures as long as you want but there are around 2.2 zillion British people who live in the EUSSR bloc.’

Critics were quick to point out Minister Woolyback was not comparing like for like as he was counting Britons who had simply got fed up with Labour’s ‘tax-you-to-death’ mismanagement and pissed off to live abroad – specifically on the Mediterranean coast – anywhere but the UK with its ‘weather’.

New Labour had the option of imposing transitional controls on Eastern European migrants in 2004, but chose to ignore the threat to flooding the job market with cheap labour – with actual figures indicating more than a million have turned up here in the last five years – compared to the Government’s own dodgy estimate of 13,000 per annum - and then further clouding the issue with the bare-faced lie that around half are believed to have since gone home due last winter’s mini-Ice Age sampler of how bad global warming is going to get.

Tory spokesman Quentin Thort-Nott opined to the Daily Shitraker that “This Government is determined to mislead the British people about the devastating effects of its immigration policy on the state of the British job market alone.”
“While we might consider our political system and the mismanagement of New Labour’s government to be corrupt and oppressive, the migrant job-seekers from eastern EUSSR bloc countries have Stasi-style governments still run by Soviet trained Commissars where Big Brother is an actual reality - hence the attraction of the UK for its many faults – warts and all.”

Do you have a job you’d like to donate to some deserving pikey immigrant? Have you been made redundant and your job reclassified so it can be filled by some foreign clot who can only read Cyrillic, speaks no English and is prepared to work long hours for crap wages? Ever thought about a career in Advanced Anarchy? How about a ‘Build Your Own Island’ kit from B & Q and getting away from it all?

Send your comments using the online reply form below and you could win a place on one of Brussels’ training schemes to be a Lollipop Lady – in Cracow.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and mis-spoken references.