Jamaica’s Welfare State Funded by Drug Cartel

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

A joint task force of Jamaican army troops and civilian police laid siege to a festering West Kingston slum while attempting to arrest an alleged drug lord, 96-year old Christopher Dudus Coke; this week – resulting in thousands of hapless unemployed peasants being slaughtered in violence triggered by government orders to extradite him to the United States for selling more snort than the Clinton’s Mena Mafia and driving their street prices down.

Among the dead were hundreds of ill-equipped plods and soldiers, who were killed during Monday's fighting at the Tivoli Gardens ‘Garrison’ - the Caribbean island's first – and probably last – Crapit & Slapit IMF-approved adobe housing project – with several unconfirmed reports of zillions of civilian deaths and injuries caused by the government’s ham-fisted ‘Shock and Awe’ tactics.

According to one report published by the Dreadlock Gazette “Heavily armed soldiers and police, accompanied by the massed steel bands of the 21st Rastafarian Regiment and to a background of loud Bob Marley reggae music, went head to head with several regiments of Dudus’ Shower Posse Gang members – who were typically armed with the best weapons drug money can buy – including MQ-9 'Reaper' Predator drones, Apache attack choppers and Israeli-made tactical micro-nuke devices.

Recently the United States government has grown fiercely jealous of Dudus Coke’s distribution set up and massive daily income in hard forex cash, gold and conflict diamonds - with the US Justice Department listing him as one of the world’s most dangerous criminal types due his Robin Hood propensity for snuffing opponents with a bow and arrows, sharing his wealth with the poor - and being more popular than Jesus – or the Kenyan cuckoo currently squatting in the White House.

Apparently Dudus had incurred the ire of both the greedy kikester-run US administration and too the IMF by committing the unforgivable sin of doing what the corrupt kleptocracy constituting the Jamaican basket case Parliament has been unable to achieve for generations - in failing to provide an ethical government and a viable economy that creates employment, maintains health clinics and education facilities, a welfare state – and most of all an honest police force.

Hence for Kingston’s slums, Dudus and his Shower Posse Gang are far better providers of political welfare goodies (education, security, and food) than the state.

Thus therein lies the reason for his populist support and the legions of placard-wielding peasants barricading the Tivoli Gardens ‘Garrison’ with everything from upturned JUTC buses to empty crates of Red Stripe beer bottles to piles of dead dogs to black magic fetishes hung from poles and washing lines – simply to protect their patron.

Local voodoo she-priestess Mamma Irawaddy Gorgonzola told one reporter from the Basket Case Gazette that “Dudus Coke am a benefactor what do distributes de cash an de food an de medicines an de scholarships without no conditions an dese people will do vow to die for him – he am de protector what do send dere children to school. So fuck de IMF an’ de United States an’ what dey want cos we put a curse on de black Kenyan bloke what am supposed to be in charge dere now.”

Dudus’s narcotics and arms empire was established by his late father Lester Lloyd Coke, who the US government accused of running a multi zillion bucks drug ring and were trying to grab / extradite even as far back as 1988 – another ‘earlier’ failed venture for the Yanks to reflect on.

The bad taste joke that constitutes the Jamaican government spends 48% of the island’s GNP to pay its external debt to the parasitic IMF and makes sweet FA difference in the lives of the poor, who have to depend on charity – and the likes of benefactors such as Dudus Coke to survive.

The draconic IMF have Jamaica – like the rest of the Third World – by the short and curlies by enforcing a combination of increased interest rates and cutbacks in government spending to shift resources from domestic consumption to private investments – hence increasing unemployment and corruption, higher illiteracy rates (who needs educated peasants – Mammon forbid!), increased violence, prohibitive food costs, dilapidated hospitals and increased disparity between the ruling plutocrats and the poverty-stricken peasantry crying out in their abject misery for a social equalizer – such as a good, old-fashioned revolution to provide the required measure of ‘quantitative easing’ in their sad lives.

Hence the IMF creates the perfect “investment” climates for the banksters and provides ideal conditions for trans-national kikester corporations as they scour the globe’s Torrid Zones in search of slave labour gulags.

Thus with 95% of the Jamaican population living in abject poverty, close to 75% survive on less than US $2 per day – gleaned from family begging enterprises or hand-outs by drug lord philanthropists such as Dudus or Zekes Phipps or the late and emaciated Vivian Blake (RIP).
Even for peasants lucky enough to have a job the IMF-imposed slave labour minimum wage only averages out at US$20 a week – before taxes - if they’re lucky – with most families saving their pennies all year round simply to afford some minor luxury items at Christmas time – such as a toilet roll.

And that is where the likes of Christopher Dudus Coke come in. Santa Claus personified with a greater popularity base that the entire bungling government cobbled together.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and mis-spoken references.

Thought for the day: Bollocks to the US of A – and fuck the IMF and all who sail in it.