Monday, 10 May 2010

Beijing Firm on Forced Sterilisations

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Welcome to the perennially-backward Marxist Utopia of the People’s Republic of China where the basket-case Ministry of Population Control is planning to sterilise nearly 100,000 people in the southern Suduko province over the next month as part of its new Common Purpose social engineering programme to reduce the nation’s overall head count – and compliment its already-enforced compulsory abortion policies.

However, people in Pingpong City who don’t appear too eager to volunteer to undergo the invasive surgical procedure will be forced to have it carried out against their will – which the career do-gooder whingebags from Amnesty International claim is a violation of human rights and amounts to torture.

One report in the Dum Fuk Gazette claims that jobsworth Pingpong Health authorities in Sudoku Province are launching this special campaign to sterilise people who already have at least one child in order to ensure local birth control quotas are met.
Dr Kun Kare Less warned that those who have refused to be sterilised in the past had their elderly mothers and fathers abducted - never to be seen again – which seems like an ideal method of getting shut of your mother-in-law.

Ms Fuk Yew Tu, the Beijing-based director of Amnesty International, informed the Eugenics Gazette "For fuck’s sake, this is worse than the Nazis did in their concentration camps - subjecting people to such an invasive procedure against their will. More concerning still are the reports that relatives are imprisoned as a means of pressurising couples into submitting to the sterilisation surgery – and end up having one of their kidneys illegally harvested regardless of eventual compliance.”

According to Beijing’s totalitarian regulations on birth control and population, farmers in educationally-backward rural provinces such as Sudoku are allowed to have a second child only if the first child was one of the split-arsed variety – commonly known as girls.

More than 10,000 people in the city were unceremoniously herded into the local football stadium recently where they were given pedantic "lectures" on China's family planning regulations and promised a free MP3 player once they had undergone surgery.

Mr Pak Lunch, a 96-year old farmer and father of three girls, told Amnesty that "Last week our village political officer Tic Tak Toe called around and ordered that either me or my wife Bung go for the surgery - otherwise they would take away my mother-in-law." Obviously Pak Lunch refused as he already has an MP3 player.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and mis-spoken references.

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