US Deport Canucks for ‘Shopping’

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

In another perfect illustration of why the United States tourist industry has become more fucked up than a soup sandwich since 9/11 and the inception of the Patriot Act – with Homeland Insecurity and the Department of Propaganda & Scaremongering turning US citizens into raving xenophobic Muslim haters - it emerged yesterday that a white Anglo-Saxon Protestant (WASP) Canadian couple were interrogated and arrested by immigration officials after they had the outrageous audacity to inquire as to why they were being asked such pointless and invasive questions.

Billy Bob and Betty Canucker from Moose Hump, Ontario were in their gas-guzzling GM SUV and entering the U.S. at the Niagara Falls Rainbow Bridge border. The couple were asked where they were going, to which they responded the Niagara Falls Shopping Mall. When the immigration official bizarrely demanded to know what shops they were planning to visit and if they intended to buy groceries or luxury goods – and pay in cash or via credit cards, the situation quickly went tits up.

After daring – with a typical display of the customary Canadian bad manners - to ask why they were being bombarded with such ridiculous questions by a jobsworth immigration dipshit, they were told to exit their car and taken inside the border post for further interrogation by another officious cretin with a uniform and a badge – and a loaded revolver on his desk. When Billy Bob rhetorically asked, “What the fuck’s that for - are you gonna shoot me?” the Borders Agency morons claimed he displayed a threatening attitude and was inciting them to an act of violence.

The US Customs and Border Protection Agency officials further claim the man and woman both attempted to assault them because they backed away and tried to struggle when being arrested. These dingbats now claim that their victims are required to submit to whatever order they give - no matter how ridiculous – Jump – Sit – Beg - Lie down - Roll over – Play dead. Good dog.

To underscore the ludicrous justifications Border Protection Agency officials use for harassing people, one of the idiots – Officer Homer McDork – a former Slackwater / XE Renta-Thug guard at Abu Ghraib Prison in Iraq - told a reporter from the Autocrats Gazette he personally stops dozens of terrorists a day from entering the United States from Canada – a terrorist being defined as anyone who doesn’t instantly kowtow and obey his imbecilic orders.

Regardless, common sense aside, the man and his wife were thrown in jail overnight and deported back across the Niagara River to Ontario the following morning with ‘Undesirable Alien’ stamped in their respective passports.

Such is the cost to the US of recruiting morons as Border Protection Agency guards – or as the President – (ref’ George Dubya Bush / Barky 'Teleprompter' O’Barmy).

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and mis-spoken references.