New ‘Terror Monitors’ to Guard UK

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Well peace of mind at long last as we now have a ‘Libservative’ government in charge of protecting this venerable green and pleasant sceptred isle of Albion from invading Armadas of Iberian Catholics bent on deflowering our Virgin Queen (whoops, sorry – wrong Elizabeth), Nazi Doodlebugs and the Saracen Jihadist hordes of Islam.

Further to this added sense of security, perhaps – with a large maybe on the perhaps – the Libservatives might just give the immigration choker collar a sharp tug and halt the incoming deluge of migrant Poles posing as qualified plumbers - and swan-roasting Balkans pikeys setting up side street businesses flogging dodgy second-hand domestic appliances.

So, in Defence of the Realm, the Coalition of the Almost Won is introducing a novel program aimed to train thousands of educationally sub-normal parking industry employees nationwide to watch for and report anything suspicious that might irk their apathetic attentions. Abandoned cars with the engines running and hazard lights flashing; SUVs full of fireworks, bags of urea and propane cylinders; or people hanging around garages; taking photographs of cats; fiddling with dodgy Poundstretcher shop umbrellas or asking unusual questions – such as “Have yer got change of a tenner?” – with a Mid-Eastern accent.

The Home Office claim parking attendants and Civil Enforcement Plods from the quango Renta-Moron Agencies are as important to thwarting insidious Muslim terrorist attacks on our Democratic freedoms as are MI5, MI6 and the 22nd SAS’s ‘Sabre Squad’ SP teams combined.

So, car park jobsworths and meter maids alike are to constitute a Ninja-style second line of defence in averting a Jolly Jihadi dirty nuke terrorist attack after the legions of foreign types currently employed by the Borders Agency and tasked with manning Britain’s ports of entry have turned a blind eye to any of their fellow countrymen sneaking in without a visa – valid or otherwise.

Yep, a mass job creation scheme cum recruitment drive for wannabe ‘Terror Monitors’ seconded from the ranks lining the Jobcentre’s steps and gangs of Community Service Order Asbo scallies and yobs squatting outside their local Bargain Booze outlet.

The scheme, to be financed by the Camelot Lotto fund and administered through local council’s ‘Snitch & Grasser’ teams, will train parking lot employees etc all manner of Stasi techniques to be on the alert for odd activities that could precede a devastating terrorist attack.

These might involve a gang of Mid-Eastern beardie types leaving an unmarked van with a radiation hazard decal stuck to the windscreen – or a vehicle with a ‘Danger – No Smoking Within 50 Feet – Hazardous Explosive Materials Aboard’ sticker on the side.

Home Office spokeswoman Fellattia Gammer told one reporter from the False Flag Gazette that the idea was not to turn ordinary people into government agents.
"They won't become 24’s Jack Bauer or James Bond. However, terror attacks like the 7/7 London Tube bombing are often preceded by warning signs – such as Israeli agents provocateurs parking their vehicles then sneaking off and planting explosive devices under the train carriages – or on the top deck of a bus.”

The proposed scheme is modelled on the scenario that garages across the US and Europe stepped up security after the 1993 NY World Trade Centre bombing, in which FBI-assisted terrorists parked an explosives-laden truck in an underground garage and made a big bang resulting in hundreds of innocent passers-by shitting their pants.

Conversely, civil liberties critics claim the program is simply part of a larger post-9/11 effort by Western governments employing a Kansas City shuffle tip-toe approach to installing their New World Order, and enlisting ordinary people — airline passengers, subway riders, bus drivers, truckers, doormen, building superintendents and transvestite prostitutes - to serve as the eyes and ears of the state – as per Germany’s Third Reich Gestapo snitches model where kids spied and snitched on their school teachers and parents – and each other.

Of course, with all our regular military types busy carrying out false flag bombing attacks around Iraq or guarding opium crops in Afghanistan’s Bellend Province, then recruiting numb-nutted parking attendants, and every other fucker and their dog to act as Defenders of the Realm would make perfect sense – if we were running a lunatic asylum.

Bejaysus, who the fuck though this brain-stormer up – the Wiley T. Coyote Institute for Advanced Guesswork?

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and mis-spoken references.

Thought for the day: fuck Big Brother – and his little sister – and the New World Order.