Sunday, 16 May 2010

Was Hitler a ‘Cool Cat’ Leader?

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Yep, the National Ill-Health Service Trust have done it yet again and pulled another no-brainer causing Smegmadale-on-Sea Hospital Service staff to throw their hands in the air in abhorrent exclamation and immediately seek recourse to contact their trade union’s Political Correctness Department after being asked if they thought Adolf Hitler was a "cool" leader in one portion of an NHS Personnel Attitude Assessment’ survey.

Ms Candida Twatrot, a Unison spokeswoman, told one reporter from the Daily Shitraker that they had received complaints from scores of members – Gentiles and Jews alike – and Polish migrant workers - who found the question wholly inappropriate and also offensive.

Conversely the NHS stat’s compiler Ms Lorem Ipsum, speaking to the Canard Gazette, defended the survey, which asked staff to rate political and business leaders and household names such as Jack the Ripper, Garry Glitter, Ghengis Khan, Gordon Brown, Richard Branston-Pickle, Adolf Hitler, Tony Bliar, George Dubya Bush, the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse – and the Wallace and Gromit partnership.

“The £100,000 quid project was designed to look at the characteristics of good leadership and the influence of public figures to allow our organisation to become more efficient.”
"In discussing different styles of leadership the survey, which is one small part of the project, sought to include an analysis of a dictatorial do-or-be-damned style of management – such as opted with the Pestilence, War, Famine and Death credo of the Four Horsemen – a very similar modus operandi to that the Royal Bank of Scumland and Gold in Sacks employed to create our current recession.”

"Now, applying 20/20 hindsight, it might just have been better to use a different example but there was no intention to cause any offence – especially so to the Jewish members of our staff – with a personal apology to Mr Sheldon Blabberstein who grassed the NHS up to the police for being managed by anti-Semites and Holohoax deniers."

Conversely Jack McScrunt of the NHS Trust’s Management Strategy Department claims the survey results harvested to date are a great success and indicative of the type of management structure NHS employees wish to see in place.

“Okay, let’s start with the main bone of contention – Adolf Hitler. 65% of our staff reckon he was a good leader who got distracted from his main political aims and simply needed a big hug – and an even bigger moustache. Garry Glitter – missed his vocation and should have become a Catholic priest. Jack the Ripper – real leadership material – innovative and able to work on own initiative - a true public servant cleaning up prostitution without any thought of financial reward or filing dodgy expenses claims.”

“Ghengis Khan – typical hostile take-over management material – would be ideal as an NHS Trust ‘Acquisitions Director. Unfortunately both Tony Bliar and Dubya Bush were unanimously ranked as ‘dog wankers’ – whatever that means – and we have Wallace and Gromit coming out with a rank of 95% for hard working innovators – very attentive to detail – sack the entire NHS Trust board and put them in charge of our health service – and just watch Gromit root out the MRSA germs. Really, what is this MRSA thing people keep going on about?”

“Unfortunately, the survey does seem to indicate there is a consensus of opinion that the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse already work for the NHS Trust due the state of our hospitals and the ‘No Vacancies’ signs on the mortuary doors.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and mis-spoken references.

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