Thursday, 13 May 2010

Defaulting Black Hole Evicted from Galaxy

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

A super-massive black hole has been observed in the process of being hurled out of the centre of its parent Dwarf Cormorant Elliptical Galaxy at an extremely high velocity – possibly far in excess of Brussels’ new EUSSR speed limit of 70 mph governing all modes of transport - marine, terrestrial and celestial - and was initially logged by one of the high Earth orbit Snoop Dog spy satellite’s CCTV cameras.

The Snoop Dog system’s sighting alerted the North Atlantic’s Rockall-based Periwinkle Point space X-ray observatory which automatically locked on to the coordinates and clocked the black hole pushing the Einsteinian 186,000 miles per second speed limit barrier for light on a clear day.

The Rockall sighting and recorded data have further been analysed by a team of Polish and Albanian pikeys studying for their NVQ1 in Astrophysics at Smegmashire’s Mount Chuckabutty Institute for Advanced Conjecture and Sub-Atomic Guesstimates.

Professor Quentin Fuctifino, Senior Guessologist at Mount Chuckabutty today speculated this stellar phenomenon could well be the result of the merger of two smaller black holes Рconjoining - or having sex, with a solar Red Dwarf Рa celestial m̩nage a trios, so to speak.
However the Professor squashed asinine rumours that the black hole has been thrown out of its galaxy for non-payment of rent by a Cosmic Bailiff – labelling such as wholly fanciful and ‘silly’.

The gospel according to Sir Patrick Moore’s ‘Big Book of Things to Look for in Outer Space’ relates that each galaxy contains a super-massive black hole at its centre. (Super-massive being what mathematicians refer to as ‘V_VB2 x V_VB2 - or in layman’s terms ‘Very Very Big squared).

Given that these ‘dark matter’ objects can have masses equivalent in area and density – and also gravitational attraction - to one billion Pestco Extra Greedy Grocer supermarkets, it takes a special set of conditions to cause this to happen – like something going very wrong with the natural balance and order of things in the Universe – known as a ‘MCFU’ or a ‘Massive Cosmic Fuck Up’.

Professor Fuctifino, appearing this afternoon on Channel 69’s ‘Science for Thick Twats’ programme, attempted to elucidate for couch spud viewers and generalised morons what had actually occurred at the centre of the Dwarf Cormorant Elliptical Galaxy.

“Imagine the two black holes coming together and one of them bonds with the rogue Red Dwarf dark solar mass – then the other black hole is ejected – the cosmic equivalent of the shit hitting the fan.”
”This is just the same as the result from last week’s General Election – the Tories and the Lib-Dums were attracted to each other out of gravitational necessity - have now formed a coalition and ‘bonded’ – hence the useless worn-out Labour Party have been ejected.”

Do you live near a Black Hole? Can you feel the Force? Sorry, Bradford and Calcutta do not qualify as Black Holes – nor do the multitudes of potholes now infesting our highways. How about a Red Dwarf? A Red Indian? A sunburned midget?

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and mis-spoken references.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist lobby.

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