Saturday, 1 May 2010

US Pastor: UK Cursed by Jehovah

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the sons of Belial.

Television pastor, political activist, Holohoax promoter, serial nutcase and kiddie-fiddling end-of-times prophetic evangelist Billy Bob Greedstein, a former Lake Pontchartrain-based pelican strangler, believes the recent eruption of the Mount Whatafuckup volcano in Iceland is a direct result of England breaking Jehovah's covenant with his Chosen People – the Palestine-based Israelis.

In a speech to a burgeoning audience of three (Annie, Doris and Candida – the cleaning ladies) at the cavernous Redneck County Convention Centre in Goosebumps, Mississippi yesterday, Pastor Greedstein declared that the volcano had erupted with ‘divine wrath’ immediately following the UK Advertising Standards Authority’s announcement that various sites in Bethlehem and Jerusalem, and other areas of the West Bank, would not be permitted to be so arrogantly titled as ‘Israeli vacation attractions’ in their current Shylock Tourism Board’s kosher brochures on display in British travel agents.

This decision was based on the fact that the West Bank of Palestine has been designated by the United Nations as ‘occupied territory’ that was illegally stolen by the rogue kikester state – a decision that Pastor Greedstein claims caused the Icelandic volcano to erupt in accordance with Jehovah’s divine whim - which resulted in the shut-down of Britain's entire air industry economy in a single day and carpeted the country’s green and pleasant motorway hard shoulders in meters-deep toxic ash – further reducing the spectacular white cliffs of Dover to a dismal grey – the sight of which scared off wealthy would-be pikey immigrants.

The gospel according to Pastor Greedstein claims "Hey, the eruption of Mount Whatafuckup was no coincidence - like the Great Flood was not coincidence. Like the Red Sea parting for Moses and his gang was no coincidence. Like Sodom and Gomorrah getting nuked was no coincidence. Like the Hamas militia shmuck Khara Ibn Himar getting his ass knocked off in Dubai – that wasn’t coincidence either – or Mossad – that was Jehovah’s angelic Snuff Squad. Just like that turncoat Christian guy Jesus getting crucified - that was no coincidence either."

The 18-stone lard-arsed Greedstein, a self-ordained Pastor and a career hater of anyone who disagrees with him, founded his Jewish Pancake Tuesday Adventist Church of Zion in San Antonio in 2001, just after his moronic buddy Governor Dubya Bush assumed the Presidency - due Texas’ lax religious bigotry and racist laws – which had provided supernatural protection to three generations of the Bush crime family.

Pastor Greedstein further declared in his regular Thursday night Yidsters Ministry Values radio broadcast that the United States is also on its way to breaking its covenant with Jehovah.
"This Muslim Kenyan guy squatting in our great nation’s White House like some cuckoo is beginning to treat Israel as though she were our enemy and to question the building of Jewish houses on Jewish land in Zionist Jerusalem.”

Greedstein’s AIPAC-funded ‘Jewish Christians United for Israel’ website has now posted the message that Jerusalem is the "eternal capital" of Israel - claiming that Israel was not born in 1948 when the dog-wanking Stern Gang and Irgun terrorists had chased the British military occupation and Palestinians out with violence aforethought, but thousands of years before – when Abraham used to graze his goats on what is now the site of the Al Aqsa Mosque – an actual pre-history Jewish property.

“Hellfire, jest wait until this summer’s invasion of Iran, when the Pentagon and the Israeli Zroa HaAvir VeHahalal have finished bombing the living shit outa the place and I open my Cheesy Crust Church of Latter Day Kikesters in Tehran – then we’ll start converting the goyim scum to the one true faith – Kikesterism – topped off with a session of ethnic cleansing.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a nut-infested area and may contain traces of Zionist lunacy or non-kosher squirrel.

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