Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
Baghdad is to resort to one of the oldest forms of civil defence by building a massive barrier around the capital to keep out insurgent suicide vest scallies – a daft idea copied from Israel’s Great Apartheid Walls encircling and besieging the hapless Palestinian populations of Gaza and the West Bank.
A series of recent bombings by Israeli and NATO agent provocateur subversives has driven Khara Ibn Himar, the governor of Baghdad, to accept Scalliburton proposals for the concrete palisade, which will be 20 feet high and 70 miles long.
Freedom of movement is to be limited and workers and visitors alike will have to line up and wait for at least an hour to enter the shithole of a city.
Every man and his dog – or goat / camel and cart / vehicle will be searched as they seek entry via the eight gates along the main bomb-cratered highways – which is expected to cause severe disruption as a result – with gridlocks and lines of very exasperated Arab types - and doubtless be the cause of outbreaks of terminal ‘Queue Rage’.
Baghdad - approximately the same size as the City of London and in a similar condition as London was following the WW2 Nazi Luftwaffe Blitz – currently has five million inhabitants with nowhere else to go – thanks to the Coalition of the Willing’s Shock n Awe and Operation Enduring Hardship projects fucking up every bit of infrastructure in the entire country - which Scalliburton got paid exorbitant piles of US taxpayer’s spondoolies for repairing yet actually did sweet fuck all – apart from abduct and snuff mobs of Iraqi children for their perverted pleasures.
Building work is expected to take slightly less than the Great Wall of China – which was cobbled together in just over 600 years with the masons and labourers working overtime in the summer evenings, and at weekends and on bank holidays.
The planned eight city gates will be set up as Oasis service stations for pissed-off commuters, businessmen and peasants alike - with restaurants and rub n tug massage parlours to allow travellers to relax and unwind established on the approach parks. Everything that moves will be searched across ten-lane highways from 6 am until midnight by private contractor Slackwater / XE thugs - with the city remaining under a night-time curfew until 2025.
Construction is to be supervised by the Baghdad Corruption Command, the free-booting unit that reports directly to the Kleptocracy Party Prime Minister, Sharmuta Ibn Zamel. It will also run the checkpoints, aided by an American-designed Diebold computer system holding the fingerprints and voting preferences of known insurgents with any fingers remaining.
Colonel Ghaban Bala’a il A’air chief of the BCC unit told a reporter from the Warmongers Gazette that the wall was "A great waste of concrete - castle walls and sieges went out of fashion centuries ago. These mujahideen scallies will just resort to doing what they do elsewhere against the Zionist Great Satan and their allies – lob missiles over the effin’ wall and cause double helpings of insta-mayhem.”
How do you fancy a 20 foot wall erected around your house to keep out the local yobbo’s and light-fingered pikeys? Stop nosey parker neighbours peeping when you’re having a barbie or enjoying a quick al fresco knee trembler with the missus on the lawn.
Log onto B & Q’s ‘Zionist Apartheid Walls’ website section, complete the “Support Holohoax Denial’ section and you are automatically entered into our ‘Win a Drawbridge’ competition.
* Carbon Credit Cap & Trade Exchange (aka Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration: No trees, fish, cormorants, bumble bees or small furry mammals were harmed in posting this message. However, a large number of Iraqi peasants were temporarily inconvenienced.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and mis-spoken references.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist lobby.
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