Sunday 31 July 2011

MoD Hire Taliban Spies for War Games

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

A group of Arab Semite and East African types hired by a certified Ministry of Defence contractor, the Luton-based Jolly Jihad Human Resources & Logistics SA, to play the part of Afghan villagers in war games training (Ouch! Roll over! Play dead!) have been apprehended during a Borders Agency sweep for immigration offenders.

The arrests were made in a dawn raid at the Numptystone Army Camp on Salisbury Plain in Wiltshire earlier this week where a dozen Afghan nationals, employed as role play villagers in military exercises, were among 200 assorted EUSSR pikey migrants whose actual nationalities and visa status were under scrutiny after one shifty group were caught on a spy drone’s cameras in the middle of a sacrilegious crop circle image of Mohammed’s face, prayer mats unfurled and performing the triple head-bag homage ritual while facing east and praying to Allah.

Suspicions regarding the actual ethnicity of a number of the employees had been raised for some time – whether they were from one of the 27 EUSSR community nations – due the fact their job application forms stated they were bona fide Polish migrant workers - who don’t require visas under EUSSR laws - but were discovered to be unable to speak either English - or even a few rudimentary words of Polish – and who, on close up inspection, turned out to be jet black Somali fugitives on the run from facing piracy charges back in Mogadishu.

Fearing that security might well have been compromised, General Irwin Bogbrush ordered the vetting of the entire immigrant workforce, which served to expose the deception that twelve Albanian refugees, supposedly wanted back in Tirana on charges of swan poaching, were in fact Pashto Afghans from the country’s war-torn Bellend Province sent over to spy on the British Army’s anti-al Qaeda and Taliban combat strategies.

The leader of the group was discovered to be the Saudi Arabian-born celebrity serial suicide bomber known as Mohammed al Ka-Boom, who had personally pulled off dozens of self-immolating terror attacks all across the Middle East and managed to survive several assassination attempts by US forces in Iraq who had reported him dead and done for on a minimum of six occasions since the illegal invasion and ousting of Saddam Hussein in 2003.

Following an Abu Ghraib style manicure and howling “Ouch! Fer fuck’s sake, that’s one way ter stop me bitin’ me effin’ nails!” – Mr al Ka-Boom admitted to his interrogators “Yeah, we woz sent over ter volunteer ter join up wiv’ this bunch of Pommie army dildos wiv the 21st Cannon Fodder Regiment an’ the 18th Body Bag Brigade wot’s trainin’ ter go out ter Afghanistan - then find out wot the fuck they woz plannin’ – apart from lookin’ after the Socal gas pipeline an’ guardin’ the opium crops.”

Ms Shadawaddi bin Jaffacake, the Border Agency spokeswoman, informed one press hack from the Impostors Gazette that investigators were still trying to establish what moronic cretin at the Ministry of Defence was responsible for signing a supply contract with the Jolly Jihad Human Resources & Logistics SA.

Apparently the twelve Afghans, aged between 19 and 96, are now being held at the Salisbury Plod Squad’s HQ and will be on board the next available CIA Smiley Face extraordinary rendition flight to Guantanamo Bay.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Saturday 30 July 2011

Libyan TNC Rebels : Dog Eat Dog

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Sky News’ press hack Candida Mingerot reports from the Zionist-dominated United Nations that the growing Western trend to grant diplomatic recognition to a bunch of rag-arsed Libyan rebels - who have, with unqualified arrogance, bestowed upon themselves the august title of the Transitional National Council and remain dug in around Benghazi - is facing opposition from the Security Council - and plans to arm said rebels with shipments of hi-tech weaponry will further polarise Council members.

Russia and China have taken a prudent step back and went into head-scratching mode on Friday upon receipt of confirmed reports that the TNC rebels had split into dog-eat-dog factions, with every man for himself – a factor that heralds further chaotic bloodshed due multiple rivalries.

The latest casualty in this deadly ‘pissing competition’ is General Shaheed ibn Himar, the military commander of the Libyan rebels fighting to topple Colonel Muammar Gaddafi’s regime, who was killed by assailants from an opposing faction demanding a bigger cut of the oil export earnings – and their own numbered Swiss bank accounts.

General Ibn Himar’s demise stems from rivalry between his clique and a former Libyan army general, Liwat Manuke Khara, who opportunistically returned recently from exile in the United States and with arrogance aforethought, appointed himself as the rebel field commander.

According to an article in this week’s Oasis Gazette "The two men couldn’t stand one another and both failed to realise that the main distraction of being top dog is the time and effort wasted by having to continually cock a back leg and remark their territory.”
While neither military commander had an alternative vision for Libya’s future – post-Gaddafi - they were united only on two points - their hatred of the ultra-eccentric Colonel - and feathering their own nests with a nice secret bank account in Zurich

Rebel opportunism was exposed last month when an editorial in the Usurpers Gazette revealed that oil concessions would be granted by the Benghazi-based Transitional National Council – post-Gaddafi - based on how much support each Western country gave the rebels in deposing the bonkers Colonel and his regime to achieve dominant control of the nation’s oil reserves and establish yet another of their ubiquitous global geo-strategic bases.

Hence little wonder these would-be revolutionaries haven’t inspired the kind of spontaneous support that the Blackberry, Twitter and Facebook-linked revolutionaries did in Tunisia and Egypt.

Combined with their witch hunt beheadings of suspected Gaddafi sympathisers and supporters, the rebels are now heavily into the racialist ethnic cleansing of Misurata Blacks – thus it’s hardly surprising that an excess of one million Libyans showed up on the streets of Tripoli last week to denounce the rebel’s excesses and exhibit their support for Gaddafi as the better of two evils.

Fathi Gerbil, a whistle-blowing NATO mole with access to Gaddafi’s Kevlar-fortified underground bunker tent passed on information that the nutty Colonel is overjoyed that his rebel enemies are doing his job and murdering each other – declaring on Radio Tripoli’s ‘Despots Half-Hour’ programme that “It is the will of Allah that these revolutionaries who have chosen to lay waste to our proud Islamic state and open it up to the domination of the infidel Zionist Great Satan to feed upon, have started devouring each other.”

So, with the rebel forces now splitting into factional camps, opposing not only the entrenched Gaddafi regime but every other fucker and their dog, which includes gaggles of Israeli mercenaries and al Qaeda jihadists – plus a legion of former U.S. Guantanamo Bay inmates who the CIA retrenched to eastern Libya to train with the Benghazi rebels – along with a bunch of manky monarchists, including deposed King Idris Senussi's useless progeny – and tribes of Bedouin who don’t know shit from shinola and who’ll do anything for a couple of goats – plus a legion of die-hard Islamic fundamentalists who espouse the rigorous tenets of the Sharia and would sooner chop their own heads off than see the Great Satan and associated stooges establish any sort of a foothold or commanding influence in Libya.

Thought for the day: Is it fair to ponder on the NATO high command’s state of mind following the manifestation of the afore-mentioned chaotic developments, regarding their UN-sanctioned Operation Unified Protector ‘humanitarian intervention’ strategy (which Julian Blancmange’s WickedLeaks whistle-blowing website now apparently involves the precision bombing of Tripoli’s state TV satellite transmission dishes) – as the hapless military outfit’s sole purpose in this fatally-flawed campaign is to serve as the rebel’s Air Force?

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Friday 29 July 2011

Notorious Scots Paedo Scumbag Croaks

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Sir Angus McScrote, the former Scottish Sheriff who adopted a kinky custom of attending the Grampian courts dressed in an Axminster tartan kilt and fondling his sporran while presiding over cases, was pronounced DOA by medical staff yesterday on arrival at Scaberdeen General Hospital.

According to a report in this morning’s Highlands Shitraker, the 69-year old McScrote apparently suffered some type of seizure and collapsed while personally conducting a ‘risk assessment’ inspection of the female toilet facilities at the Ferryhill Centre for Special Needs Children during playtime, with teachers being alerted to a crisis situation by the gleeful howls of a bunch of girls who were stood around McScrote’s prostrate body and repeatedly kicking him, while shouting “Boot the effin’ paedo’s ribs in!”

McScrote, a ranking Freemason who became notorious in the alternative press for his involvement with the systematic sexual abuse of minors and disabled children in Scotland’s crime and kiddie fiddling capital of Scaberdeen, was under investigation for his part in the far-reaching Hollie Greig rape scandal that has now pervaded the halls of Holyrood’s Parliament due a culture of conspiratorial denial by venal government officials out to cover each other’s privileged arses.

Holyrood’s refusal to sanction a full and independent investigation into the criminal charges filed against the Scaberdeen establishment - wherein all areas of officialdom - justice, police, legal, education, health and social care services - are infested with drug-dealing crooks and paedophiles simply serves to illuminate the disgraceful fact that Scotland’s government has become so institutionalised with graft and corruption, to the extent it is now incapable of functioning without them.

Hence the Scottish establishment - and a legal system rife with liars and fudging perverts that includes private practice solicitors - is now regarded as being in denial of their own sins in not only ignoring these reported abuses but further covering them up and silencing any and all moral crusaders who would dare have the audacity to see these crimes exposed and justice done via their long overdue prosecution.

The sexual abuse case involving Hollie Greig, a special needs person afflicted with Downs Syndrome, who was systematically raped since childhood by the Ferryhill kiddie fiddlers cabal – which included her own father and step-brother – further involves the murder of her uncle who set out to expose this abuse and the Scaberdeen establishment worthies involved - has now been tagged by the international media as “Scotland’s Shame”.

Thus the lack of effort on the part of Holyrood’s Lord Advocate and Justice Secretary to duly investigate the identified and named pederast members of the Grampian Gropers Club simply serves to demonstrate that Alex Salmond’s Scottish government have long ago pawned their moral franchise and any semblance of credibility they ever possessed.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Thursday 28 July 2011

Man Not Fat Enough for Obesity Surgery

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

A 22-stone ex-Plod Squad constable has lost his Court of Appeal fight to force the Cheapskate-on-Sea health authority to fund obesity surgery – which his own GP states is the only option left to saving the man’s life.

Jack ‘Porky’ McFlabb, 62, claims he needs a gastric bypass operation – which will apparently connect his mouth directly to his arsehole - to improve the quality of his life after becoming roly-poly plump due to the prescription drugs he takes to combat and overcome his chew n spew junk food addiction and self-harm habit of injecting high cholesterol chocolate sauce into his upper arm's brachial artery.

Mr McFlabb, who while visibly appearing to be a fat git, only has a body mass index (BMI) of a mere 43 – and was informed by doctors that it is not high enough under the Primary Care Trust's rules to qualify for 'Teletubbie surgery' – which resulted in him losing a High Court battle over the decision on April 1st this year.

During the court hearing judges were informed that McFlabb had tried non-surgical interventions and lifestyle changes including taking up smoking, using hard drugs and going on the celebrity-touted three month duration Japanese 'Fuckupshima Diet' which involved radioactive enemas and snorting depleted uranium powder – none of which had any significant impact on his overweight condition.

However his lawyers had argued that the Cheapskate-on-Sea PCT had purposely applied a funding policy which was legally flawed and breached his human rights after doctors diagnosed that the patient’s major organs will eventually fail and then he’ll only have a couple of years to live if the surgery is still denied.

Conversely his area’s PCT authority have stuck by their original decision – that with a BMI of only 43 McFlabb does not qualify for the controversial ‘arse to mouth’ bypass surgery that has stricken so many post-op’ patients with severe bad breath problems.

Sir Dinsdale Spatchcock, the presiding judge, expressed "considerable sympathy" but ruled the PCT’s funding policy did not breach human rights laws as McFlabb simply wasn’t fat enough to be considered ‘too fat’ – though did seek to clarify what BMI figure was necessary to qualify a person for gastric by-pass surgery.
Apparently while a BMI of 40 to 49.9 is classed as ‘Morbidly Obese’, Mr McFlabb will have to clock up a BMI of 50 or higher to get his ‘Super Obese’ classification and hence meet the criteria for the surgery – a factor that has determined him to go on a binge eating and drinking session to top the 50-plus requirement – or die trying.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

UK Ups ‘Gaddafi Out’ Ante

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

All Libyan diplomats assigned to their London embassy have been ordered to leave the UK immediately if not sooner, in a pathetic effort to demonstrate to Colonel Gaddafi that his legitimacy as the African Messiah has come to an end.

Well, at least that’s the gospel logic according to the UK’s closet case Foreign Secretary Willy Vague – regardless of the fact Gaddafi & Co still hold the keys to government and a majority following, while a rag-arsed bunch of Al Qaeda terrorists and unwashed Bedouins are hanging onto Benghazi in the east – thanks to the intervention and arms supplies from Western bloc nations – and the likes of the insufferable Vague declaring them the legal governmental authority.

This action is viewed as a desperate last resort response to the utter fuck up and failure of the US-Zionist instigated attacks on Libya now being expedited with the typical ham-fisted clumsiness they’ve become famous for since kick starting ‘Operation Grab the Oil’ – the fatally-flawed military adventure somewhat disingenuously aimed at ‘humanitarian intervention’ - to protect civilians from Gaddafi’s Viagra-fuelled army of rapists – before the NATO air attacks started wiping out entire residential sub-divisions with their not-so-smart bombs.

FS Vague informed the Zionist Gazette that while the Libyan ambassador to the UK, Omar Jellybean, was expelled in May, the rest of the Gaddafi-regime diplomats and associate staff have now been labelled as persona non grata and are due to be kicked out from the embassy in Shitesbridge - with the Al Qaeda-infested rebel National Transitional Council (NTC) invited to take their place as the sole governmental authority in Libya.

NATO / EUSSR member nations, including Britain and France, reflecting on their collective failure to snuff the bonkers Colonel outright, now appear to be in a bit of a dither and shifting their stance on whether Gaddafi has to be ousted at all – or will they simply Balkanise Libya down the middle with an East and West geo-political partition – a device so handy in dividing Korea and Vietnam in conflicts past. Plus, in Libya’s case, all the oil’s located in the eastern fields.

At a press conference on Wednesday, FS Vague resorted to his customary black propaganda and character assassination script when declaring that the non-democratically elected NATO-backed NTC had shown its commitment to a more egalitarian form of political structure and being Western friendly and being "Good dog" compliant - in stark contrast to the Gaddafi regime whose concocted brutality against his own population had stripped him of all credibility as the type of bloke you can invite round for dinner.

Vague further outlined measures to unfreeze £91 zillion quid’s worth of assets belonging to the Libyan National Oil Company whose wells and pumping facilities were now controlled by the NTC - to help meet their basic needs in the east of the war-ravaged country – such as more guns and bombs to strike at the legitimate government and Gaddafi supporters with – and open a few Swiss numbered bank accounts to stuff ready for retirement – or reversals of fortune.

Conversely, and perhaps just to rub Vague’s nose in it and say “Fuck you, Willy”, the convicted Lockerbie bomber stooge, Mohammed al Patsy, appeared at a pro-Gaddafi gathering in Tripoli, which was broadcast on Libyan state TV and stood up to announce “Hi there Scotland – so long and thanks for all the chemotherapy.”
Mr al Patsy was released from prison in Scotland almost two years ago on compassionate health grounds as he was dying of cancer and had but a few weeks to live.

Thought for the day: Fuck NATO and the Project for a New American Century and the ZioNazi’s New World Order.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Wednesday 27 July 2011

Dr Who Time Travel Exposed as Scam

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

A gaggle of anoraks and beardies blessed with more degrees than a thermometer, yesterday used a theoretical ‘radar trap’ to confirm the ultimate speed limit for the packets of light called photons as 186,000 miles per second – hence making the entire concept of time travel more at scent than substance.

This news has not only served to stall the production of several in-the-works science fiction series that focus on time-hopping but also given Dr Who’s conscience a kick as he finally admits to the Universal Traveller scam on his Facebook page – that he’s not actually an immortal Time Lord who’s been around since the Big Bang but a former wheelbarrow mechanic out to re-invent himself after being made redundant back in the early ‘60’s.

Apparently even the ‘Doctor’ title is another disingenuous invention, and one adopted when Mr Frank Who of 69, Bunghole Terraces, Smegmadale, whose only ‘professional’ qualification is an NVQ 1 in Creative Thinking, was laid off from his job and started up as a pub act in November 1963 – employing a series of cheap smoke and mirrors tricks to convert his back garden shed into the mystical Tardis.

Dr Who told one press hack from the Charlatans Gazette that “It woz all goin’ okay, rakin’ a few bob in ter pay the effin’ rent. Then this arty-farty twat of a talent scout from the BBC comes around ter the Pikeys Arms one night an’ sez he likes me act an’ does I wanna go on the bleedin’ telly? Well, wot the fuck, why not I sez, an’ the next thing I’ve got a dressin’ room an’ a script writer an’ me own show.”

The man responsible for pissing on Dr Who’s bonfire, now exposed as a 48-year long deception, was Oxford Professor Jack ‘Wormhole’ Watson, who informed the media “There I was, working late one night last week, running tests on CERN’s Large Hadron Collider in Geneva and trying to get to grips with either Higgs boson – or that pretty little Olga, the blonde chick with the big tits that works in the canteen.”
“Then it struck me - not only why the LHC was causing earthquakes and tsunamis in Japan and making more of a fuck up of the global weather in general than the US HAARP arrays - but the fact that a high energy particle accelerator is unable to transform gravity and bend light simultaneously – hence proving time travel impossible.”

“The next night myself and a gang of the CERN eggheads were down in the Black Hole Bar on Smartass Strasse, swigging a few flaming chaser shots of Meths and Metaxa, and discussing my theory when Eureka! – it was a moment of group enlightenment that holds a plethora of prosaic implications for quantum physics.”

“We collectively realised that while light’s constant velocity limit in a vacuum is a fixed number - some 300,000 klicks per second - a speed Formula One racing drivers refer to as “very, very fast” - the speed of light can vary widely in different materials – such as passing through a glass of Old Headbanger lager. However no single ‘superluminal’ photon can ever violate this causality, hence an event's effect cannot precede its cause by travelling faster than light, and thus permit an instance of time travel.”

Back in London, BBC spokeswoman Ms Mingeeter Dildodo admitted to media competitors that “Well, last week we were all laughing at Rupert Mudrock’s dilemma and the Screws of the World getting shut down – now the laugh’s on us at the Beeb – being taken for a ride by a time travelling con man and his Portaloo Tardis for nearly fifty years.”

* Carbon Credit Offset / Cap & Trade Exchange (aka Global Warming / Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration: No trees, fish, cormorants, bumble bees or small furry mammals - otters or voles - were harmed in posting this message. However, a large number of electrons were temporarily inconvenienced.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Illegal Settlements Will Ignite Third Intafada

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

General Avi Mizrahi, the head of the IDF’s Israeli Central Command, has warned that unchecked ZioNazi kikester terror acts against Palestinians in the criminally occupied West Bank by illegal settlers threatens to plunge the entire region into another bloody conflict by kick starting a Third Intafada.

During an unusually outspoken interview with the Hudaibiya Gazette, Major General Mizrahi, a former hamantaschen baker with Moshe’s Matzo chew n spew outlet in Galilee, took aim at extremist Israeli settlers and claimed the settlement of Shitzhar, one of the most radical of the ‘halacha’-orientated Chabad Jewish strongholds in the occupied West Bank, should be shut down, immediately if not sooner, calling it a source of terror against Palestinians.

The general's comments doubtless put him at odds with the Knesset’s pro-settler government, headed by the goyim-hating PM Bobo Nuttyahoo, which has simply ignored UN and international human rights and wrongs activist’s efforts to curb settlement expansion in a bid to revive the illusionary peace talks.

Further, to add insult to injury, the ultra-fascist / raving racist Israeli foreign minister, Avigdor ‘Meshuggenah’ Lieberscumm, a die-hard Jabotinskyist, personally lives in a West Bank settlement – (from which the rightful and historic Palestinian owners were driven out by force of arms) – and is perfectly cognisant of the fact all such usurped settlements, since the 1948 Yawm an-Nakbah, are regarded as illegal under international law and declared so by various United Nations resolutions – which the Israeli criminals running the Knesset, with their typical chutzpah and obnoxious arrogance, continue to choose to ignore.

General Mizrahi, interviewed by Sid Shylock, the presenter of the Shovrim Shtika Channel’s ‘Pound of Flesh’ exposé programme, blamed the courts for failing to rein in the most radical of the 500,000 illegal settlers who are living beyond the Green Line in East Jerusalem and the West Bank.
“They employ a disingenuous blend of chutzpah and hasbara to silence their critics and use the words of the Pentateuch to justify the usurping and ethnic cleansing of the Palestinian population – then laugh at these people’s plight with their customary schadenfreude – this sick and perverted rejoicing of another’s misfortune.

Human rights groups suggest that the more radical settlers, all of whom oppose a two-state solution on the premise that the whole of Palestine was bequeathed to them, the ‘Chosen People’ no less, by some mythical religious deity known as Yahweh – (the bizarre sense of humour guy who mandated the kikesters make their cocks shorter by snipping the ends off) - are not only lobbying abroad but also agitating inside Israel against any and all Palestinian moves to seek ‘sovereign statehood’ recognition before the United Nations assembly this coming September.

The army has anxiously watched an upsurge in unregulated violence by hardline settlers, who in recent months have set fire to a West Bank mosque and barbequed the Mullah, burned and bulldozed Palestinian olive groves, poisoned wells and vandalised property – plus murdered countless Palestinian families - which General Mizhari classes as “terrorism against the Palestinians which is likely to ignite the territories and needs to be dealt with by a return to the UN- Resolution 242 mandated ‘Green Line’ 1967 borders before the laws of Karma apply and it all comes back on us in a nightmare nuclear fireball."

Thought for the day: Fuck the illegal and outlaw state of Israel and their Protocols of the Greedy Bastard Elders of Zion.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Tuesday 26 July 2011

Princess Di’ Murder Plods Face Arrest

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

A French judge, Mingeeter Godemiche, has issued a subpoena to force the questioning of two of Britain’s leading former Scotland Yard police officers over allegations that they knowingly, and with malice aforethought, criminally withheld crucial evidence concerning the staged car crash which resulted in the illegal killing of Princess Diana in 1997 – and specifically why they failed to disclose the existence of a vital missive in which she predicted her assassination by such vehicular means.

Ex-Yard chief, Baron Basil Condom and Sir Marmaduke Verruca, the Met’s Assistant Commissioner for Special Skulduggery, are under suspicion that they were personally responsible for the cover-up of the abortion of a six-week old foetus and subsequent Satanic ritual blood-letting sacrifice / murder of Princess Diana in the back of a Paris-based Dignitas ‘Suicides-R-Us’ Clinic ambulance which parked up en route to the mortuary following the engineered collision of the Mercedes saloon she was travelling in through the Pont de l’Alma Tunnel with husband-to-be Dodo al Fayed, when side-swiped by a white Fiat Uno driven by a dodgy Greek national known as Prince Philip of Saxe-Coberg-Gotha.

Condom and Verucca could face international arrest warrants as suspects in the inquiry should they refuse to attend interviews in Paris, according to voice mails and text messages intercepted from the cellphone of Judge Godemiche by News Corporation’s A-Team hackers.

A copy of the ‘20/20 Hindsight’ note, then in the possession of Diana’s lawyer Lord Victor Mishap, was handed to the named ranking officers in the weeks following the 1997 Paris tunnel crash - which also claimed the lives of Diana’s boyfriend Dodo al Fayed - son of the phoney Pharaoh Mohamed Al Fayed - plus Di’s bodyguard Trevor Rees-Alzheimers and the couple’s star-crossed chauffeur of the night, Henri Paul.

The highly-respected lawyer’s document records the fatal conversation Diana overheard in May of 1997, specifically a phone call between her ex-husband Prince Chazzer, the Plant Whisperer, and his bonkers Virus Man father – His Royal Rudeness, Prince Philip - while picking up her sons from Clarence House.

Di’s eavesdropping revealed that “Efforts would be made to get rid of her via an ‘assisted suicide’or some fatal accident in her car, such as a pre-prepared brake failure or whatever the MI5 and 22 SAS black op’s boys were good at, ensuring that at least she was so badly injured and maimed as to be declared unbalanced and sectioned - and stop her fucking around with Johhny Muslim and upsetting the land mine industry – and shagging the hired help then dropping ginger mingin royal cuckoos.”

Diana's private secretary believed she was right in her assumptions, as police and lawyers only passed the incendiary ‘Mischon Note’ to the royal coroner Michael Burgess when the damning details were also revealed of Diana's fears by her former kleptomaniac butler Paul Burrell in 2003.

Burrell’s revelations confirmed that there was a conspiracy afoot to snuff the Princess and also the chain-smoking Royal Poke, Gorgonzilla Parker-Bowles - now the Duchess of Cornhole - and thus free up Chazzer to marry his latest royal ranga hump at that time, Tiggy Legge-Bourke, with whom he had become enamoured due her erotic oriental tongue rings and ‘suck n swallow' fellatio techniques.

The gospel according to the rumour mill at that time claimed Ms Legge-Bourke, the royal nanny, had just undergone an abortion to ensure there’d be no more of Chazzer’s bat-eared bastards infesting the royal domain – or ranga-headed brats fathered by toyboy cavalry oicks.

Solicitor Sandra Davis, from Mishcon De Reya, who represented the Princess during her divorce from the bonkers Prince, stated during the inquest that Diana told her on more than one occasion she had a snitch in Bucks Palace who provided info’ that "They" were going to kill her.
When asked by Michael Mansfield QC if Diana ever told her who the sinister-sounding "They" were, she replied: "Yes, the Freemasons – and her twat of a father-in-law, Prince Philip.”

Met Plod Squad and Shitehall civil service whistleblowers working for Ox-Rat, the international snitch and grassers government abuse watchdog charity, passed on evidence that it was more than three years later before facts emerged that the officers had locked the note in Lord Condom’s safe at Scotland Yard. When Lord Condom stood down as the Metropolitan Police Commissioner his successor as Met’ Commissioner, Sir Angus McTwatt, continued to keep its sinister existence a closely guarded secret.

As the original inquest was held on French soil, and thus under French law, the pair are hence construed as responsible for “removing or concealing” evidence, which could “facilitate the discovery of a crime” – an offence punishable by three to five years in jail.

Now Paris-based Judge Mingeeter Godemiche is locked in a protracted legal battle with British authorities over her demand for ‘up close’ interviews with Baron Condom and Lord Verucca.
The explosive development means that the issue of whether the fatal crash in the Pont de l’Alma tunnel in Paris was an accident - or premeditated murder - is likely to be once more the subject of a controversial trial in the public arena of barrack room law – doubtless further fuelled with much gusto by our old friend and perennial thorn in the snob-infested British establishment’s side - Mohamed al Fayed.

An article in yesterday’s Daily Shitraker reveals that Judge Godemiche has been engaged in lengthy exchanges with Sylvie Chocolate-Eclair, a legal beagle attached jointly to the French Embassy in London and the Home Office, who assists in cross-Channel legal issues – such as those still resulting from William the Conqueror causing havoc with the Saxon immigration agency in 1066 due arriving at Hastings without a valid ‘invasion visa’- plus demands for outstanding damages and reparations relating to the 1415 Battle of Agincourt.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Monday 25 July 2011

Cable Fails ‘Engage Brain’ Test - Again

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Vince Cobble, the Lib-Dum MP for Twatenham and incumbent Libservative Coalition Business Secretary, already marked with notoriety for his habitual ‘political incorrectness’, yesterday once again failed to engage brain before opening mouth when he exercised his democratic right to talk and act like a bloody moron while chatting with gutter press hacks.
Vince decided to totally overlook the problems with the UK’s stalled economy and instead hold court to pontificate on the fucked up snafu that constitutes the United States’ current insolvent condition – a Debtocracy of some 14 ‘trillion’ dollars – what banksters refer to as ‘one hell of a lot of fucking money’.

Speaking later on the BBC's Andrew ‘Bat-Ears’ Marr Show, ‘Vicious Vince’, a man with an opinion on anything he knows sweet fuck all about, continued his skewed diatribe by attacking US Republican politicians for holding up a deal to reduce US government debt – referring to them as a bunch of right-wing nutters in the American Congress.

Cobble gained his questionable experience of economics while acting as the Treasury Finance Officer to the Kenyan Government of President Winnebago Chuckabutty in the late 1960’s – where he oversaw the ruling kleptocracy’s system of barter and standardized exchange rates at one coconut for four bananas – and two chickens swapped for half a bag of maize – plus a wife with most of her teeth and virginity intact, and blessed with a nice pair of tits and those African fellattio-friendly lips - being worth three cows.

Cobble explained that unless a deal on Capitol Hill is agreed before August 2nd the US Treasury will run out of money to pay the bills for maintaining their war fronts in Afghanistan, Iraq and Libya – thus forcing the Pentagon to cancel the scheduled invasions of Syria and Iran – and perhaps totally pissing off the Israeli Knesset and IDF by making them pay for their next load of US arms to murder Freedom Flotilla activists and Palestinian children with.

President Barky O’Barmy is out to force Congress’s hand to cut US debts by reducing domestic and social government spending on frivolities like welfare benefit and Medicare, then raising personal income taxes for Joe Q Public - whereas Republicans in Congress are strongly opposed to the tax rises and have told him to stuff it.

Secretary Cobble, in his questionable financial wisdom, claims the long-overdue collapse of the US monetary system presents a bigger chain reaction risk to the global markets than the continuing debt woes in the terminally-flawed Eurozone – especially so if a fickle and opportunistic People’s Marxist Utopia of China decide to dump their trillion bucks holdings of American dollars as payback for the US kikesters working to force their long term commercial interests out of Africa – and specifically Libya.

Alas either scenario heralds the end for the equally-doomed Euro and fatally-linked Eurozone - and too the EUSSR’s kleptocratic administration - that now manifests as an ingrained system of institutionalised graft and corruption which runs so deep the Brussels-based government – alike the US military-industrial / bankster commercially-dominated Capitol Hill - is incapable of functioning without it.

But what else can we expect when clots like Vince Cobble don’t even comprehend the fact we’re addicted to ‘pay later’ plastic credit card convenience and further bound to a flawed system of Debtocracy, founded on the capitalist principles of fractional reserve banking that allows the shifty Shylocks to grow fat on the exorbitant profits derived from blood-sucking usury - coupled with the manipulation of commodity trading values and derivatives investments - and bargain basement sub-prime loan swaps.

What is required is a global rising of the proletariat to rally around the four interlinked causes of Peace, Debt Repudiation, Social Credit and putting a timely end to the sinister agenda of the Protocols of the Greedy Bastard Elders of Zion – and thus liberate mankind.
Yet instead we have the moronic likes of Cobble saddling us with ever deeper debt via the route of printing more money – aka the process of ‘quantitative easing’ - a revised Malthusian Catastrophe concept of how to keep milking the cow without feeding it.

Thought for the day: The age-old financial expression of ‘next to nowt’ has been devalued to the extent that such will now cost a minimum of £20.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

FINA Swim Contestants Boiled Alive

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Fina, the governing body of the World Aquatic Championships, has copped for severe lashings of criticism due allowing the annual 25 kilometre open water marathon race in Shanghai to go ahead by complying with the moronic demands of Chinese officials, despite the sea being too hot and presenting a danger to life and limb.

Of the thirty-five swimmers who entered in the marathon, only a few completed the distance, with ten being pulled out by obliging fishermen after turning a nasty parboiled pink and floating on their backs – and the remainder becoming a cooked lunch for shoals of sharks and barracuda.

Six of the Chinese team’s contestants initially refused to take part in the race until ‘persuaded’ - at gunpoint - to dive in and get swimming by Shanghai-based Fina representative Mr Flip Flop Fong.

However gun-point exhortations were not enough to force US swimmer Billy Bob Redneck, who refused to participate in the event, held off the Jinshan City Beach where the pre-race water temperature was logged as 38.6 degrees Centigrade.
Another American swimmer, Sapphie Dildodo, did start the women's race but quickly floundered and hit the shore again when her breast implants swelled up and exploded – leaving her short of a bikini top – and a pair of nipples.

Fina’s Chinese president Sum Dum Fuk, told one gutter press hack from the Suttee Review that "All necessary safety measures were taken within the regulations and the water temperature was not bothering the fish. The problem was with the foreign competitors who were not in good shape or strong enough swimmers to beat our Chinese team – and make this excuse that the global warming phenomenon is to blame."

Conversely, last October the American swimmer Frank McCrappen was scalded to death during a 10 kilometre Fina event inside Dubai’s non-tidal Palm Island waters, where other competitors, who were lucky to escape with second degree burns, described the effect of the elevated sea temperature being comparable to having an enema with a pot of boiling coffee pumped up their arsehole.

The Chinese open water marathon champion Fuk Yew Tu, who weighed in at a bulky 95 kilos just before the start of the race, was discovered to have wasted away to a mere 40 kilos after passing out during the first five kilometre leg of the competition and being rescued by a fishing boat crew who mistook him for a red snapper.

The winner of the 25 kilometre marathon, Australian swimmer ‘Asbestos Jack’ McPyrex, completed the men's race in 5 hours, 10 minutes, 39.8 seconds – a full hour-plus ahead of Russia's Vladimir Pissedoffsky.
McPyrex told the media “Yeah, no shit, the water’s as hot as all Hell, but what the fuck – no pain no gain.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Sunday 24 July 2011

Brighton Gay Pride Picnic Nixed

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

A Sussex care worker who invited a few close friends to a picnic at the scenically-sinful Doggers Wood to mark Brighton's Gay Pride celebrations in August has been forced to call it off.

Waiyne McFudge, from Old Buttocks, used Facebook to send out invitations to his free event. However, the number of guests posting messages on his ‘wall’ saying they would attend quickly rose to 80,000, which led the moronic jobsworths at Brighton & Hove Council to issue a noise-abatement order against him.

The 2011 Gay Pride celebration, scheduled for the 13th August, will this year be fenced off and ticketed for the first time in its immoral 19 year history to help cope with the event’s growing ‘rave’ popularity - and keep out hordes of Bible-thumping homophobes from denouncing the assembly as an obscene abomination in the eyes of God.

McFudge informed one reporter from the Shirtlifters Gazette that he and his friend Ginger Simon had planned an alternative event for a select group of 15 to 20 similar minded chutney merchants and cross dressers to watch the parade and then go off to Doggers Wood with a few drinks and their picnic hamper - in protest at the council’s draconic introduction of charges.

"The council seem to think that I'm organising a shindig like the Bumboy Slim event," McFudge opined, referring to a gig on the beach in 2002 which attracted a mixed bag of 250,000 rug-munching dykes and brown hatters and turned into an all-night booze and drug-fuelled sex orgy of Bacchanalian magnitude, which resulted in the hospitalisation of scores of arse bandits and snatch tribbers suffering from near-fatal overdoses of debauchery.

In a statement to the gutter press, council spokeswoman Mingeeter Dildodo announced: "People turning up for a picnic on the beach will not be prevented from doing so. But we have a responsibility to ensure people are able to have fun in a safe environment and not get buggered by a bunch of over-enthusiastic sodomites."

McFudge received an official missive from Brighton and Hove City Council, stating that he could be fined and even jailed for organising an unauthorised rave event – which prompted him to close down the Facebook page and cancel the planned picnic in entirety.
“It’s such a pity really as I was so looking forward to wearing my new party dress. However, while cobbling together a batch of cucumber sandwiches and cream puffs for a cosy group of 20 is okay, Simon and I simply couldn’t cater for 80,000.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Amy the Alkie now an ex-Celeb’

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The aptly-named celebrity pisshead Amy Winehouse, whose real name was Amelia Tosspot, was yesterday found dead at her Camden home, clutching an e-mail print out from Mollydooker Vineyards in Australia – across which she’d scribbled “This is the fuckin’ end - it's back on the Shite Lightning!”

Metropolitan Police spokeswoman, Sgt. Bev Titwank, confirmed that the 27-year-old singer had died, apparently by an act of suicide induced from receiving the 'last straw' shocking news that her shipment of Mollydooker ‘Chateau de Plonk’ Shiraz vino, worth £125 quid per bottle, had been destroyed in a forklift accident Down-Under.

Ozzie winemaker Sparky McTwatt told one press hack from the Alkies Gazette he was gut-wrenched that Amy’s order of 462 cases of the vintage red wine had been smashed on the dockside while being loaded for export to the UK.

The shipment, valued at £666,000 nicker, apparently consisted of more than 60% of the Mollydooker vineyard’s annual production and was the last of the 2009 vintage stock.

Trev Butterfingers, the forklift driver who worked for the Klumsy-Kunt Logistics cargo handling company, and was responsible for the accident, sent Amy a “Whoops!” sorrygram following the incident.

Fans will recall that Winehouse initially won widespread acclaim with her 2003 debut album, Wankers - which was nominated for the Meths Breezer prize - but it was the release of her 2006 ‘Back on the Grog’ album which brought her worldwide stardom, winning five Grammy Awards and a complimentary four week re-hab’ at The Priory.

Voice mail and text messages recently hacked from Winehouse’s cell phone by News International press journalists revealed that the singer had been suffering from depression after having Slag Bag Records cancel production of her current ‘Wasted Talent’ album due being pissed all day, and then losing her Bargain Booze loyalty card last month.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Saturday 23 July 2011

Libservative Coalition: A Circus Without a Tent

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

In a typical knee-jerk reaction to the absolute fuck up and total loss of public confidence caused by the News Corp’ ‘Hackgate’ scandal and the fact the Met’s Plod Squad will sell anything for a few bob - no questions asked - the Libservative Coalition PM, Posh Dave Scameron, has seriously suggested that foreign police chiefs from such human rights friendly nations as Saudi Arabia, China, Israel and North Korea could be recruited to help root out and end the British Freemason-dominated establishment’s culture of the institutionalised Curse of the 4 C’s: Cronyism, Collusion, Corruption, and Complacency.

Conversely, political opponents and critics alike have been quick to piss on Cabbage Patch Dave’s little bonfire, labelling his suggestion the most stupid idea he’s come up with since the last stupid idea.
New Labour leader Ed Millipede stated before the House of Conmans assembly that this was yet another moronic display of public school naivety on Scameron’s part since he hired Andy ‘Hackman’ Coulson as a gopher to go and fetch Number 10’s newspapers every morning - then had the stupidity to defend importing career criminals into Downing Street by claiming Coulson was from a good family who’d been voting Conservative for generations.

Critics aside, Scameron, exercising his democratic right to talk and act like a fool, maintains the rule that now bars police officers from abroad from being allowed to take up senior posts with the British Plod Squad could be dropped.
"At the moment the police system is too closed," he told MPs. “I want to see radical proposals for how we can open up our police force and bring in fresh leadership – perhaps that notorious Inspector Pitbull Nosdork from Poland where they had a very strict regime under General Jaruzelski – or the Rwandan police commissioner, Wormhole Jaffacake, who’s just finished serving time for genocide.”
“Let’s be perfectly honest, reflecting on this recent batch of resignations, we’ve already had our fill of bumbling Inspector Clouseau types who don’t know their arse from their elbow.”

Posh Dave then raised the prospect of former Dodge City lawman, Sheriff Billy Bob Redneck, leading the British force from Sir Paul Stephenson’s now-vacated position – a suggestion critics derided as a gung-ho, lolly-sucking Kojak being brought in to root out police corruption.
Another of the Tory’s possible recruits is Baron Ja’akoff Rothshite’s recommendation of Sheldon Scattstein, the Israeli police commissioner who stamped out protests by marginalised and disaffected Palestinian refugees when he arrested any and all who whinged or complained - and imprisoned the lot behind the Great Apartheid Wall surrounding the Gaza Strip.

Scameron’s asinine ‘grasping at straws’ comments were made as public confidence in the police’s contrived failure to investigate the joint News International Hackgate and Scotland Yard bribery allegations with any degree of marked efficiency fell to the lowest ebb since the Met’s SO19 Armed Response Unit mistook a Brazilian electrician for a Paki Muslim terrorist in 2005, and shot him in the head ten times on Stockwell Tube station.

However, Bazzer McScrote of the government abuse watchdog Ox-Rat stated “The Plod Squad an’ politicians alike are all too effin’ close to the UK’s media organisations an' have a bad habit of selling confidential information to journalists for thirty pieces of silver.”

“I mean, Scameron’s a bloke now stricken with severe credibility issues when one takes a butcher’s at his own personal protection police team, since they’ve now been fingered for booking overtime while sat on their arses at home or down the local pub. It’s all a pile of old bollocks – Scameron’s real political constituency isn’t Shitney in Poxfordshire, but the Fortune 500 company index.”
“Really, Tel Aviv and the Rothshite mafia have his cellphone number on speed dial. The man’s so bent that if he dropped down dead you wouldn’t have to dig a grave to bury him, but just wind him into the ground like a corkscrew.”

Speaking at a Chamber of Commerce dinner in the City, Scameron posed the question: “Why shouldn't someone with a different skill-set – like an executive from Jarvis Junk Rail or RattleTrack, or one of the big Pharmageddon drug corporations be able to join the police force in a senior role?"
"Why shouldn't someone, who has been a proven success overseas – such as Sheikh Fizzy Al Kaseltzer, Bahrain’s police chief, who stamped out that silly pro-democracy Arab Spring protest thingy, or Mr Berlusconi’s pal, the celebrated Italian sleuth - Chief Inspector Guido Corruptioni - from the Mafiosa-infested island of Sicily - be able to help turn around our police force here?”

In reality, such changes would require the passing of fresh legislation as it is currently illegal for police officers to be overseas citizens. The Home Office states they must be UK born, European Economic Area nationals or have indefinite leave to remain in the UK – such as Somali refugees and swan-roasting Albanian pikeys do. Regardless, the office of Met Commissioner is restricted to British Freemasons of the 30th degree rank and over.

However, the initial reaction to Scameron's idea of opening up police recruitment was one of caution on all fronts.
Genghis Fuctifino, vice-chairman of the Police Federation of England and Wales, informed reporters “For fuck’s sake, I’ve seen better organised riots. Before we even get properly started with this bribery inquiry we’ve got a kneejerk reaction from Posh Dave. Now this gives us real concerns about direct entry to the police service at top rank level as in order to understand and appreciate the importance of policing by consent and the style of operational policing in this country, everyone should start at the rank of constable – and be able to speak English.”

"We also have an entirely different legal system in this country to those used overseas and it’s imperative for senior officers and leaders in policing to have at the very least a bit of a working knowledge of it. I mean to say, if they bring in some barbarian like that Sheikh Fizzy Al Kaseltzer, the top cop from Bahrain as they’ve suggested and he’s been brought up on a strict diet of Sharia Law and torture, then we’re going to see mobile patrol squads tasked with issuing on-the-spot penalties of fifty lashes - or a hand chopped off - for such offences as double parking or shoplifting from Poundland – then our 'progressive society' community service orders and Asbo’s will be out of the window."

Greater Manchester's Chief Constable and Association of Chief Police Officers spokesman, Ron Skanger, told one reporter from the Daily Shitraker that it wasn't realistic to imagine someone without necessary skills and training could take responsibility for life or death situations.
"Just as we wouldn’t expect a medical student to act as a brain surgeon, it’s an insult to the public to have people on 'work experience' assignments while in charge of high-risk situations – such as the snafu that occurred when someone screwed up big time and made Cressida Knobhead Gold Commander, running ‘Operation Fubar’ in 2005 and her team of trigger-happy morons from SO19 ended up snuffing Brazilian electricians on Stockwell Tube station.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Friday 22 July 2011

Mega Fines for Delinquent Bin Owners

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

In what the civil rights watchdog Ox-Rat claims is the most idiotic idea a UK local authority has managed to come up with since their last idiotic idea, the budgets slashed by the Libservative Chancellor are to be supplemented by fining hapless council tax payers to fund their councillor’s expensive jollies, ridiculous performance bonuses and bloated fat cat pensions.

The aforesaid penalties are to target residents who leave their wheelie bins out for too long, with fines of £1,000 quid - the largest possible penalty under the 1990 Environmental Protection Act - after the intellectually-challenged jobsworths running Scumborough-on-Sea Council claimed they posed a danger to visually-impaired persons – and drunks.

Letters of warning, bearing the heading ‘Read this, Tremble, and Obey’ have been dispatched via a team of the council’s Big Society volunteers, bearing said messages in forked sticks, to scores of residents in Scumborough who are deemed to be persistent offenders, despite the Libservative Government actually condemning such disproportionate punishments.
Householders have been informed they run the risk of ‘huge fines’ if they fail to remove their bins from the street after they’ve been emptied.

According to Scumborough Council the move is intended to make the streets safer for nursing mothers pushing prams full of sprogs, and blind and partially sighted people who collectively find such objects hazardous when left blocking pavements and are subsequently forced to walk on the road – where they fall prey to boy racer motorists – or face drowning in one the parmy-filled blight of elephant trap potholes with the pantomime circles of white paint sprayed around them.

However Bolshie residents are up in arms and threatening not only acts of civil disobedience but ‘bloody insurrection’ over the proposals, which would see people facing fines a dozen times greater than on the spot penalties handed out to shoplifters and kiddie fiddling child molesters by the council’s Tonton Macoute toughie enforcers from the Moron-Hire security agency.

Twatford Terraces resident Frank Dipshit, 96, told one gutter press hack from the Ripoffs Gazette “It’s an absolute waste of taxpayer’s money an’ time ter have these Renta-Thug community enforcement tossers sneakin’ round the streets checkin’ if someone’s put their bins away.”
“In Scumborough, householders are told ter leave their wheelie bins at the edge of their property fer collection. After them gettin’ emptied every two weeks, if yer lucky, it’s the effin’ binmen wot leaves the bins on the footpath ter trip up some poor blind sod instead of puttin’ the bloody things back where they got ‘em from.”
“Now these gormless pillocks are threatenin’ ter fine us £1,000 nicker if we don’t move our bins off the pavements after their lazy-arsed binmen leave them there.”

Ms Sue Fleecem, a solicitor with Upshot, Bagrot & Shitpot, and a Scumborough-on-Sea resident herself, informed a reporter from the Daily Shitraker “This is bordering on the ridiculous. Penalties of a £1,000 per throw are ten times the amount dog owners get fined for failing to ‘scoop the poop’.”
“This constitutes a mercenary and perhaps criminally inclined attempt by these money-grubbing council prats to capitalise on blaming residents for their own wheelie bin recycling operative’s inefficiencies and laziness.”

In the government’s Wanton Waste Review last month – which conspicuously failed to live up to the promise to bring back weekly bin collections – Sir Irwin Bogbrush, the Tory MP for Old Scrotum and cabinet secretary at the Ministry for What Can We Fuck With Next, condemned such draconian fines as clearly disproportionate and plans to introduce a Parliamentary bill to strip councils of the right to levy large fines.
Sir Irwin further opined that punishments for erring householders should not be greater than the penalties imposed on criminals – ten years for armed robbery / fifteen for murder.

* Carbon Credit Offset / Cap & Trade Exchange (aka Global Warming / Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration: No trees, fish, cormorants, bumble bees or small furry mammals were harmed in posting this message. However, a large number of electrons were temporarily inconvenienced.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Thursday 21 July 2011

‘Israel First’ Policy Rules British Courts

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Following a three week sojourn of enjoying the dubious comforts of British jails after being arbitrarily imprisoned at Her Majesty’s perverted pleasure, the influential Palestinian activist and religious leader Sheikh Raed Salah was conditionally released yesterday - being granted bail once his supporters posted an exorbitant £30,000 quid surety imposed in a High Court judgement issued last Friday - following the British government’s persona non grata banning and deportation case against him floundering due the concocted evidence being more at scent than substance.

Salah, an ethnic Palestinian ‘Semite’ and leader of the northern branch of the Islamic Movement in Israel, had recently arrived in the UK to conduct a speaking tour when he was abruptly arrested on bogus charges of inciting ‘anti-Semitism’, while returning to his London hotel on the night of the 28th June.

Ah well, so much for justice, and what can we expect when we have this Libservative coalition government dominated by not only Mick Clogg’s Lib-Dum ‘Friends of Israel’ club but also the Tory Party’s parallel ‘Friends of Israel’ cabal – and our oick of a Slime Minister, Posh Dave Scameron, having the audacity to publicly declare that “In me, you have a Prime Minister whose belief in Israel is indestructible” – whatever crimes against humanity they might commit.
Yes Dave – Sit! Beg! Fetch! Shake a paw! Roll over! Play dead! Good dog! - then gets a well deserved pat on the head from Rothshite & Co.

In what critics interpret as kissing the ZioNazi rogue state’s arse, Scameron informed the ‘non-Semite’ Ashkenazi ‘Jew of convenience’, Prime Minister Bobo Nuttyahoo, in May of this year that – quote - "Britain is a good friend of Israel and our support for Israel and your security is something I have described in the past, and will do so again, as unshakeable. We are strong friends of Israel."

Hmmm, so much for patriotism and ‘Britain First’ when Downing Street receives a ‘whinge’ call from the Rothshite family crime syndicate and immediately pander to the illegal paranoid Zionist regime’s every trifling grievance and demand.

This was demonstrated so clearly with the character assassination and subsequent arbitrary arrest and detention – and thus gagging – of Raed Salah, a Palestinian activist out to communicate and expose Israel’s defiance of UN legislation condemning their illegal settlements programme, and their blatant disregard for the statutes of International Law – plus their catalogue of dastardly war crimes visited on the inhabitants of the occupied West Bank and the Gaza Strip - besieged behind the Great Apartheid Wall - on a daily basis.

Salah was not present at the hearing on Friday, yet the High Court was crammed with his faithful supporters to hear Mr Justice Weaselstein grant him bail - but with draconic provisions attached – then spent two hours pontificating on his rationale for imposing the restrictive conditions that Israel, via the supplicant Home Office, had demanded.

The hapless Sheikh Salah will be mandated to wear an electronic tag, report daily to an immigration centre and observe a 6pm to 9am night time curfew. Perhaps most onerously of all, Salah will be barred from speaking to the public – which will effectively bar him from communicating with the press too – thus serving to gag the truth from being broadcast and condemn the rogue state of Israel’s war crimes visited on the Muslim population of the usurped sovereign state of Palestine.

At a House of Conmans Select Committee hearing following his arrest, Home Secretary Theresa Maybe disingenuously stated for the public record she had personally signed a backdated exclusion order on Salah two days after he entered Britain with the sole purpose of kick starting a Third Intifada.
She claimed that Baron Rothshite had deemed his presence ‘not conducive to the good of the outlaw Israeli regime’ since Salah engaged in ‘unacceptable behaviour’ – such as telling the truth concerning the Knesset’s and IDF Hafganat Koah Brigade’s abuses of power - one of the legal ‘banning’ grounds possible under the Exclusions Law when bending to the kikester’s ZioNazi will.

To the discerning eye, the UK government’s case is a farcical concoction of mistruths, black propaganda and character assassination aimed at silencing an honest man and human rights activist – thus effectively gagging criticism of the Zionist state of Israel and their voluminous index of crimes against humanity that now, since the 1948 Yawm an-Nakbah, with the murder of Freedom Flotilla activists and the slaughter of Gaza Strip civilians - surpass those of Hitler’s Nazi ethnic cleansing and genocidal Holohoax campaigns against peoples considered, under the perverted reasoning of an identical brand of unqualified arrogance, to be racially inferior to the Aryan ‘Unbermensche’ – or in this case, God’s ‘Chosen People’.

Thought for the day: Where farce surpasses logic and reality, at one point during the High Court bail hearing a shifty individual from the Home Office’s MI5 team sitting behind the Prosecution barrister passed him a note – which upon reading prompted him to make the point that the continuation of multiple hearings for Salah’s case was attracting unwelcome attention from the international media and human rights and wrongs activist groups, such as the Jaysh al-Usra and Jaysh al-Hisbah – hence in the Prosecution’s opinion providing sufficient grounds for his immediate deportation.

So we see British law perverted and manipulated to silence a critic of Israel and the Zionist regime – and hide the truth of their abuses yet again. Bollocks to the Libservative government’s Zionist lackeys and the Rothshite bankster crime syndicate and the Protocols for the Greedy Bastard Elders of Zion – aka ‘The New World Order’.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Wednesday 20 July 2011

Council Stasi Keep Big Brother Shitlists

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Thousands of hapless British taxpayers (aka ‘the sheeple’) involved in disagreements with local council staff have had their personal details stored on secret databank blacklists ready for the coming collapse of civilisation as we know it - once the banks and entire economy finally go tits up this coming year and martial law is declared - and Bolshie peasants get rounded up in droves and incarcerated in detention camps for a dose of re-education.

The local authority jobsworth bureaucrats have covertly listed the details of thousands of members of the public who have been involved in disagreements with PCSOs or binmen over seemingly trivial matters – but never been charged with or cautioned or convicted of a crime – yet nevertheless, with bias aforethought, have classified them as ‘undesirables’ and individuals who could potentially pose a threat to their privileged ranks and cosy sinecures when the shit hits the fan and all social services cease to operate.

Scores of councils across our once green and pleasant land have now established ‘Social Pariah’ databases containing personal information on whoever they consider radical and civil rights activist residents in their areas - such as car registrations, telephone numbers, savage household pets, nicknames and distinguishing features, including facial tattoos, glass eyes, nose piercings, warts and Mohawk hairstyles.

Earlier this year Posh Dave Scameron’s Libservative Coalition disingenuously pledged to crack down on the legacy of New Labour’s paranoid panopticon surveillance society, with Beverly Titwank at the Ministry for Wasting Time & Money informing one gutter press hack from the Gestapo Gazette that a recent review of the number of state powers of entry contained in primary and secondary legislation had discovered 1,200 in existence, of which more than 400 were created by Tony Bliar’s New Labour dystopic regime.

Apparently councils have wildly different criteria for placing people on the blacklists – with many automatically getting their names entered simply because they had the audacity to phone or write to complain over the dismal refuse collection service or street drains being blocked or the wheels falling off their garbage and recycling bins.

Twatford and Wrecking Council spokeswoman Fellattia Gammer told a reporter from the Stasi Review that it logs residents on the shit list ‘if a person behaves in a way which is felt could pose significant psychological upset to employees – such as getting very close to the truth by referring to them as “a bunch of useless jobsworth tosspots'.

This criteria was instanced when Feryl Beryl McSkanger, a 15-year old single mother of three and resident of the Stench Hill sink or swim housing estate, ended up on Manchester Council’s ‘Top Ten Anarchist’ watchlist after she dared to complain no less than three times in the same week that her roof was leaking due missing tiles, with rain flooding the bedrooms - which became a set of whitewater rapids as it cascaded down the stairs and out of the front door to form a raging maelstrom in the garden – into which her collection of concrete gnomes and a neighbour’s cat has disappeared.

Speaking to the media, Ms McSkanger related “Yeah, I kept ringin’ up about the floodin’ an’ the council sends round this pair of dog-wanker Community Enforcement Officers on hire from one of the Renta-Moron or Thugs-R-Us agencies an’ they sez “Yer need ter keep yer gob shut, goin’ on complainin’ like that cos yer on housin’ benefit anyways an’ if yer not careful we’ll come an’ take yer kids inter care” – an’ that woz when I set Genghis, me pitbull terrier on ‘em.”

“They must think I’m effin’ stupid just cos I talks like a slapper, but they forgets I went ter college an’ got an NVQ 3 in Barrack Room Law. Them twats just class anyone as a non-conformist an’ a Bolshie radical wot asks awkward questions an' doesn’t kiss their arses.”
“Yer got the twats tellin’ us they’re slashin’ social services wot we’re payin’ for in council tax an’ what have yer, but they’re still goin’ on wiv wastin’ our effin’ money on prissy little vanity projects but throw a wobbler an’ spit the dummy, callin’ yer a trouble-maker when yer complain about yer effin’ roof leakin’ – or the fuckin’ big pothole in the middle of the road wot needs patchin’ wiv a barrow-load of that stinkin’ Tarmite spread crap.”

Shabby Acrobati, the director of Liberty – a civil rights and wrongs pressure group, commented to a journalist from the Big Brother Weekly “Local councils hold the personal details of tens of thousands of law-abiding citizens whose only non-crime is to complain about their shithouse council services – yet they’re branded as potentially violent and put on a council blacklist with Asbo thugs and kiddie fiddlers and rapists.”
“This situation had got out of hand under the paranoid New Labour regime and disseminating their terrorist black propaganda to justify them compiling databases of any bugger and their dog, then classifying them as undesirable local residents – just like Adolf Hitler and Stalin and Pol Pot did – and we all know where that leads to next – exile as pariahs or internment in some Kafkaesque style gulag.”

Thought for the day: Fuck the fat cat local council jobsworths and Big Brother – and his sister – and the New World Order.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Tuesday 19 July 2011

‘Resignation!’ Spectacular Hits London

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Flatbrokes, the ubiquitous High Street bookies are giving odds on who will be the next career criminal forced to resign from their News International job or cosy government service sinecure and/or get arrested – with an accumulator bet offering massive returns if the quitter is also collared by the Met’s Operation Weetabix and charged not only with phone hacking but bribing Constable Plod and his friends too.

Even money is the best on offer for any more whistleblowers turning up dead after NoW reporter Sean Hoare, a mere 47, was found to have expired his mortal coil yesterday in what police describe as ‘unexplained circumstances’. Conversely, one of the on-scene forensics team confided to the media that the 26 stabwounds in Hoare’s back indicated this was the most determined case of suicide he’d ever come across.

As well as Operation Weetabix, Deputy Assistant Commissioner Suzy Knackers has been tasked with running Operation Eiderdown – the investigation into bribes of £10 zillion quid paid to five top ranking Metropolitan police force officers by the News of the World in £30,000 nicker big brown envelope tranches - an inquiry also being overseen by the Independent Police Coverups Commission.

A third investigation, aptly titled ‘Operation What the Fuck Next’, is looking into the activities of the disgraced private detective Jack McScally, who supplied the News of the World, the Sunday Mirror, the Daily Shitraker, the Scandalmongers Gazette and too the iconic Graft & Corruption Review – plus a string of other scurrilous red top gutter press tabloids - with hacked confidential insider info’ for donkeys years.
Police are conducting preliminary investigations into the vast amounts of documentation – specifically 750,000 pages - relating to McScally, who ran the Twatford Heath-based Scumbag Investigations private detective agency in Slurry with his partner, former Plod Squad officer Sid ‘The Fiddle’ Fiddlesticks.

In a most suspicious move, PM Posh Dave Scameron, himself facing critical Parliamentary questions over the phone-hacking scandal, upon hearing of Met Police boss Sir Paul Stephenson’s forced resignation yesterday, drove directly out to Heathrow and jumped on the first plane leaving for Africa – telling reporters “Fuck this, I’m off on a trade mission to Golly Land for a few days to see my old mate President Winnebago Jaffacake in Nigeria, while the spin doctors get their shit together.”

Meanwhile, back on the home front, as Home Secretary Theresa Maybe maintained the string of disingenuous porky pies that no pressure had been put on Stephenson to quit, one aide for London Mayor Bonkers Boris Nonsense corrected the statement by announcing that confidence in him had been severely shaken due his hiring the former News of the World's hacking division executive Neil Wally as an adviser on media security.

While Bonkers didn’t exactly march Sir Paul to the door with a gun to his head, he was apparently holding a loaded revolver in his hand as he pointed at the exit and sang the chorus from the Will Young song ‘Think You’d Better Leave Right Now’.

To add to the imbroglio, New Labour’s juvenile leader Ed Millipede (aka the Moronic Emissary from the Planet Fuckwit) informed one reporter from the Daily Shitraker that he personally blames the entire scandal on a culture of irresponsibility that also led to the banking crisis and House of Conmans MPs' to abuse their expenses – claiming thousands of pounds for such ridiculous items as vibrating prostate massagers, duck islands and having their moats dredged.

In a speech later, Millipede is set to declare that all three episodes were caused by some of the most powerful people in British society thinking they were untouchable and could act as they pleased – but does not intend this to be taken as a direct reference to Prince Philip wanting to be reincarnated as a Sneezy Pig flu virus and wipe out mankind – or having Diana murdered in Paris.

Millipede would be well advised to engage brain prior to opening mouth on this matter as the entire ‘abuse of office’ shebang dates back to Tony Bliar and Gordon Broon’s fateful 13 scandal-ridden years (unlucky for some) in power – as instanced by the firing and re-hiring of career scumbag Lord Peter Scandalson (aka Vermin in Ermine) several times.

Next Bliar dragged the UK into the illegal invasions of Afghanistan (blood for opium) - and Iraq (blood for oil) with dodgy dossier claims that Saddam had an arsenal of weapons of mass distraction - then ordered the hapless government’s chief weapons inspector snuffed in the Grassy Knoll Woods for saying he didn’t – (David Kelly - the only honest man around) - and finally sanctioning the 7/7 false flag terrorist attacks on London’s Undergound system simply to justify the expansion of their Big Brother panopticon surveillance machine and demonise Muslims as a bunch of Jolly Jihadist nutters who hate our illusory democratic freedoms.

Thought for the day: ‘Hackgate’ has seen the Met’s Sir Paul Stephenson given his marching orders by Mayor Bonkers Boris Nonsense, followed by Scotland Yard’s Assistant Commissioner John Yates being awarded a DCM (Don’t Come Monday), with Rebekah Brooks falling on her own knitting needles in classical Greek tragedy fashion – and now Mudrock’s faithful gopher for the past 52 years, Les Hinton, the CEO of Dow Jones, which publishes News Corporation’s Wall Street Journal, has jumped ship and said “Fuck this getting thrown to the wolves game!” as the US Attorney General is politically pressured to open a formal inquiry into the hacking of the voicemails of 9/11 victims by Raving Rupert’s career criminal journalists after a scoop - and ethics or morality be damned.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Monday 18 July 2011

RAF Top Afghan Civilian Snuff Ratings

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

In what is being condemned not only by the Christian Church but also Amnesty International and Ox-Rat, the human rights and wrongs watchdogs, as ‘a scandalous admission of couldn’t care less immorality’, the UK ‘Royal’ Air Force’s commanders have declared for the public record that in their collective unqualified arrogance and moronic opinions, they feel ‘legally comfortable’ with accidentally killing batches of non-combatant goat herders, women and children in Afghanistan via the arbitrary and abstracted medium of unmanned MQ-9 Reaper UAV drone attacks.

The RAF has deployed one of its heinous Merry Mayhem murder units, aptly titled the ’Homicide Squadron 39’ and appropriately sited at ‘Screech’ air force base close to the Sin City of Las Vegas in the Nevada desert, to execute remote unmanned drone attacks inside Afghanistan – a mere 12,133 kilometres away – even on a clear day.

The ‘kill chain’ drones were commissioned and tasked to assist the inept NATO occupation aggressors in Afghanistan with their fatally-flawed campaign to defeat the make-believe Big Al Qaeda Gang and the Taliban’s Jolly Jihad mujihadeen, who are currently maintaining their 10-year insurgency against the Zionist neo-colonial invaders with renewed gusto and vigour.

Conversely, the remote-operated drones are inadvertently killing dozens of civilians on a daily basis – a ‘crimes against humanity’ scenario that Royal Air Force commanders back in the UK – thousands of miles from the actual warfare ‘control’ zone – informed a press hack from the Atrocity Gazette, without displaying a nano-shred of conscience, “Following consultations with the Attorney General regarding this matter, we are ‘legally comfortable’ with the non-combatant fatalities.”

Air Chief Marshall Sir Genghis ‘Pitbull’ Bogbrush KC, elucidated “When President O’Barmy announced the US military surge in Afghanistan last year, PM Posh Dave Scameron also anointed the RAF’s ‘Operation Kill Every Fucker & Their Dog’ campaign with Downing Street’s approval and blessing.”

“However the killing of civilians is to be blamed directly on MI6 and the CIA for intelligence failures. Really, how are we expected to conduct high altitude precision bombings and missile attacks on other side of the globe and not inflict casualties on non-combatant members of the common sheeple when we’re presented with DGPS coordinates for the location of a ranking Taliban jirga (get-together) and it turns out to be a school in Bellend Province - or Achmed’s Barf Burger chew n spew kebab outlet – or like last week, a branch of Pestco’s Greedy Grocer supermarket in Kandahar. As the cliché goes “This is a war and the innocent get hurt alongside the guilty.”

“Good grief, it’s not as though these people will ever amount to anything in life anyway, like win the Nobel Prize for Literature or become ranking 33rd degree Freemasons – or career rapists heading the IMF, so why worry over Godless heathens being exterminated.”
“Okay, perhaps it is regrettable that little kiddies are getting maimed and snuffed, but heathen sprogs have nothing to look forward to either – such as Santa Claus coming down their chimney on Christmas Eve – or going on a Hunt the Bunny and finding chocolate eggs at Easter - which is their own fault for worshipping Islam.”

“I’ve heard all the controversy from critics, claiming that the Libservative Coalition and the RAF are now stricken with severe credibility issues concerning our involvement with the war against terrorism in Afghanistan and supporting President Hamid Kami-Karzai’s Kleptocracy Party government, but we personally do not see a problem as the British establishment have been trading with bloodthirsty dictators and despotic regimes for centuries.”

“Just you wait, if we pull the UK’s NATO contingent out of there, then Al Qaeda and the Taliban will be all over the place like a mess of rats out of their Tora Bora tunnel maize complex – flying their explosive magic carpets into the Shard London Bridge and Canary Wharf skyscrapers - and setting off more of their devilish black pepper and bleach bombs on the Underground - and blowing the tops off Stagecoach’s buses like sardine cans. Not to mention burning the bloody opium crops – then galloping inflation kicks in and the price of heroin will go through the effing roof - then you’ll have British addicts going into self-harm mode and screaming “Foul! – who pull our fucking troops out of Poppyland?”

Alas, for purposes of belligerence we command a technology of far greater evolution than our moral and intellectual abilities to rationally commit such to destructive use. Then we’re stricken with a government and military whose ambitions are far beyond the scope of their abilities - launching wars of aggression on multiple fronts, just to keep up with the brain-dead Yanks - supposedly firing off smart bombs and laser-guided Shitehawk missiles that can’t tell the difference between a tank and a school bus and go ‘Ka-fucking-Boom! whatever and wherever they hit.

It’s quite ironic, and an utterly hypocritical display of arrogance, when NATO in Libya are only using UN-sanctioned military force as ‘humanitarian intervention’ to protect the civilian population, whereas in Afghanistan this philosophy – according to the RAF’s warlords does not apply and they’re quite happy – ‘legally comfortable’ - to be killing every fucker old enough to bleed.

In warfare there is no moral high ground – just a lot of immoral low ground – which is defined how far one combatant party can sink further than the other.
While there is no such thing as ‘conventional military wisdom’ there does exist, and all too frequently displayed, as Sir Genghis Bogbrush’s speech confirms, conventional military stupidity - as instanced by the well-worn cliché regarding the oxymoronic statement of ‘military intelligence’.

The pursuit of the fantasy Big Al Qaeda Gang is yet another pretext for foreign aggression and domestic suppression – just like Iraq and the ‘weapons of mass distraction’ – with Britain being run on a permanent war economy basis – which benefits the tax-paying common herd naught.

A succession of British governments, and too all three branches of the UK military, have long ago pawned off their moral franchise in exchange for neo-imperialist footholds in the Third World – to enable the dissolution of sovereignty via the establishment of stooge governments and hence facilitate the plundering of their natural resources.

Anyone recall ever hearing the moronic term ‘legally comfortable’ before? US President Harrry Truman, Secretary for War Henry Stimson and General Leslie Groves were ‘legally comfortable’ with dropping their nuclear weapons of mass destruction on Hiroshima and Nagasaki in 1945 – just to see how much damage they’d do to a civilian target.
Same again with Hitler’s Nazi High Command officers during their prosecution at the Nuremberg trials for war crimes stemming from the treatment of the inmates of their slave labour concentration camps – and the Final Solution - all legally ratified at the 1942 Wannsee Conference under the supervision of General Reinhard Heydrich.

The mad dog Israeli regime too seem to be ‘legally comfortable’ – under their own perverted laws - with ripping off the occupied West Bank lands from the indigenous Palestinian owners for their illegal settlement expansions – and besieging the hapless population of the Gaza Strip behind their 30-odd foot high Great Apartheid Wall.

Shabby Acrobati, the director of Liberty (formerly the National Council for Civil Liberties) – a British political pressure group – had this to say to one press hack from the Warmongers Review concerning the RAF’s indiscriminate assassination via drone campaign.
“The blundering MI6-CIA intelligence machine is issuing death warrants for Islamic insurgents endorsed by office-bound bureaucrats – and are commanding the USAF and the RAF to essentially run an airborne hit squad programme, which would probably be better administered by Wiley T. Coyote – as both the Afghan and Paki’ regimes claim the strikes have snuffed 700 civilians over the past year in their efforts to kill a total of 14 ‘targeted’ al Qaeda insurgents – all of whom are, as of date, alive and well, and running their terrorist operations from the hedonistic comfort of sunny Dubai.”

“Alas since New Labour and Tony Bliar’s gang got into power in 1997 and followed the Neo-Con’s Project for a New American Century lead after the 9/11 false flag terrorist attacks being blamed on Muslim jihadists – and came out with their dodgy weapons of mass distraction dossiers and then murdered Dr Kelly for exposing the myth - and went on to stage the 7/7 bombings on the London underground system, then the RAF’s admittance to being ‘legally comfortable’ with murdering civilians on a foreign war front simply confirms the damning indictment that approval of mayhem and bloodshed is the British government’s adopted moral and ethical position for the 21st Century.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Sunday 17 July 2011

Shitehall Mandarins Get Bonanza Bonuses

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

While half the UK’s proletariat population can’t get another job after being made redundant in the Shylock bankster-engineered crashing of our economy and the ensuing depression, due the fact the insane EUSSR bureaucrats in barmy Brussels have passed legislation that any fucker and their dog from the insolvent 26 member states of the fatally-flawed dystopic community sited in continental Europe can travel to the UK visa-free and get themselves a nice little earner – plus claim British rate welfare benefits for their make-believe sprogs and wives back in some shithole where the Cyrillic alphabet’s made up of Scrabble-winning consonants and zero vowels.

So, while the British working man is now classified as an endangered species, facing imminent extinction due the fore-mentioned factors, Shitehall’s civil servants somehow, beyond the realms of rhyme or reason, have qualified for a bonus of £20,000 quid apiece – which in answer to the cries of “Foul!” from critics, Dame Fellattia Rimmer, deputy under-secretary to the permanent over-secretary at the Ministry for Wasting Time & Money, claimed the payments were "not exactly big bucks as a reward for excellence".

Dame Fellattia, herself in line for a whopping gratuity, added “The Libservative Coalition government is committed to making sure only those civil servants that make an exceptional contribution will be rewarded – specifically those that don’t rock the boat and continue to tow the party line – and diss New Labour and that oick Ed Millipede at every opportunity.”

However, to the eye of the beholder, such rewards definitely represent an income boost that goes far beyond the pitiful subsistence level £60 nicker per week entitlement of Jobseekers Allowance for the hapless and marginalised unemployed proletariat.

The gospel according to one report in the Daily Smellygraph claims officials across several government departments are expected to share in £10 zillion quidsworth of extra payments over the coming weeks – with bonuses of up to £20,000 being awarded to more than 1,000 senior Shitehall civil servant parasites and generalised career jobsworths – worth up to 10% of their bloated annual salaries.

Conversely, Posh Dave Scameron’s Cabinet Office has sought to placate detractors by stating that only those civil servants who made an ‘exceptional contribution’ to government – such as conjuring up the local authority budget slashing scheme to avoid patching up the national highway's legions potholes with Tarmite spread - or disseminating the black propaganda campaign to justify Britain’s criminal involvement in the illegal hostilities being currently visited on the sovereign Arab Islamic state of Libya - would receive these ‘rewards for excellence’.

However, the caustic response from Bazzer McScrote, the director of Ox-Rat, the government abuse whistleblowing charity, was one of ”Wot the fuck next, I asks yer? I’ve seen better organised riots. These twats in Shitehall should all be graded on the Peter Principle, where, in any bureaucratic hierarchy, people are gonna rise ter their greatest level of incompetence.”
“Just look at how they’ve stitched up their cosy sinecures though, so tryin’ ter get the bastards ousted is as pointless a waste of time an’ daylight hours as shaggin’ around cuttin’ some other idle twat’s grass on Farmville.”
“Seriously, the entire fiasco run by these civil servant types could be better managed by Wiley T. Coyote in partnership with Wallace and Gromet.”

Thought for the day: Why do we continue allow these moronic governments – New Labour under that treacherous bastard Tony Bliar and now Posh Dave Scameron and Mick Clogg with their Tory / Lib-Dum coalition - to keep rubbing our noses in the brown smelly stuff and not respond with the warranted reaction?
The first ‘bloodless’ option being to force a general election and vote for the semi-indestructible Nigel Barrage and his UKIP Party, who’s hell bent on giving the EUSSR and Brussels the big finger and telling the IMF to stuff their Debtocracy up their proverbial jacksy.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.