Monday, 4 July 2011

Libservatives Cover Up Nuke Radiation Risks

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Moles with a socio-moral conscience at the UK Atomic Energy Authority, working undercover for Ox-Rat, the international snitch and grassers government abuse watchdog, have revealed a situation that can quite fairly be branded as an act of criminal collusion, wherein a dodgy cabal of British government officials – aka ‘parties of self-interest’ - approached nuclear industry corporations to draw up a co-ordinated public relations propaganda strategy with the deceptive and venal intention of minimising, if not wholly subverting, the contamination scenario factors of the Fuckupshima nuclear accident a mere two days after the HAARP-generated tsunami hit the coastal power station site - and before the devastating extent of the deadly radiation leaks was known.

Pirated e-mails passed on to Ox-Rat, Greenpeace and the Daily Shitraker reveal how the Libservative Coalition government’s business and energy departments, along with the UK Atomic Energy Authority, schemed conspiratorially behind the scenes with nuke lobbyists and multinational companies EDF Energy, Areva, BigCock, General Electric and Westin-Shithouse to ensure the accident did not derail Lord Rothshite’s money-spinning plans for a new generation of nuclear power stations to be constructed in the UK.

"This fubar at Fuckupshima has the potential to set the nuclear industry on its arse", wrote Sir Irwin Bogbrush, head honcho at the Ministry for Coverups & Whitewash. "We need to ensure none of these anti-nuke and Luddite Bolshie bastard anarchists, like that twat Julian Blancmange at WickedLeaks, find out the truth of how bad the Japanese situation is - and thus maintain our ‘nuclear safety - power for the future’ fa├žade.”

“Hence the spin doctors and PR oicks need to get their arses into gear like a lizard drinking - and censor calumnious video footage of slants wandering around with big scabby lesions on their faces – or any fucker and their dog haemorrhaging from their bodily orifices.”
“I mean, we don’t want photos of massive fish kills getting washed up on the beach – looking like the three-eyed Blinkie - or some whingeing sod caught on camera bleeding from their ears and nostrils, with teeth and clumps of hair falling out – or kids glowing in the dark – all appearing on News at Six, now do we.”

The Fuckupshima nuclear power station calamity forced 80,000 Japanese peasants from their homes, with recent opinion polls revealing that the incident has traumatised the British public into ‘shitting kittens’ anxiety mode concerning the thought of having a nuclear power station within blast radius distance of their homes - with the governments of Germany, Italy, Switzerland, Thailand and Malaysia cancelling planned nuclear power stations in the wake of the Dai Nippon disaster.

Chlamydia Slutchins, a spokeswoman for Greenpeace, informed one press hack from the Mushroom Cloud Gazette that the batch of leaked e-mails presented a portrait of scandalous collusion which highlighted Cabbage Patch Dave Scameron’s blind obsession with nuclear power and demonstrated that neither the Libservative government, nor the industry, can be trusted when it comes to things radioactive - stating for the public record “Scameron’s true political constituency isn’t the Borough of Shitney, but the Fortune 500 company index.”

Ms Slutchins continued "The government has no business doing PR lobbying for the nuclear industry and it’s appalling that their departments have played down the environmental impact of Fuckupshima that’s going to be poking its nasty insta-tumour half life head up for tens of thousands of years to come.”

“Personally I’m pointing the fickle finger of fate at the UK Atomic Energy Authority – which is now an executive non-departmental public body within the Department for Business, Innovation and Skills thanks to old Vermin in Ermine, Lord Peter Scandalson and that conniving and manipulative networking bitch Barbara Sludge
and her time as the Chief Bene Gesserit Witch at the UKAEA.”

“I mean to say, who can trust money-grubbing slappers like Barbara Sludge not to have conflicts of interest when they’ve got more directorships than you can shake a stick at - and are Governor or Chairslag or some other high-faluting panjandrum title involved in everything from the Slumborough Hamlets Pothole Patching Project to ‘Honorary Warden’ of Scumdale Cats Home.”

Conversely, Broken Britain’s Ministry for Coverups & Whitewash had e-mailed the nuclear firms and their representative body, the Nuclear Industry Association (NIA) on the 13th March, two days after the disaster made a total bollocks of the nuclear reactors and their pre-compromised backup ‘safety systems’ (sic) at Fuckupshima – arguing things weren’t anywhere near as bad as the over-dramatised and hysterical TV pictures made it look, even though the consequences of the accident were still unfolding and two engineered ‘hydrogen gas’ explosions at reactors on the site were yet to go ‘Ka-fucking-Boom!

Luckily Professor Maynard Spatchcock of the UKAEA was on hand to soothe troubled waters and boost the propaganda cover-up for the media by stating “Good grief, radioactivity - you can’t even see the bloody stuff as it’s microscopic – what we science boffins refer to as ‘very, very small’. So, no worries, it’s a bit like a common cold – you catch it, sneeze a bit, then you’re okay after a few days playing the old couch potato trick – stuck in front of the telly eating crisps and watching Wimbledon.”

“Simply don’t believe all this rubbish about it being carcinogenic and your future kids having two heads - that’s comes from all these post-Apocalyptic movies you people are addicted to. Just look at the gardens around Chernobyl now, all that nice radioactivity’s got the peasants growing tomatoes the size of footballs.”

Carbon Credit Offset / Cap & Trade Exchange (aka Global Warming / Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration: No trees, fish, cormorants, bumble bees or small furry mammals were harmed in posting this message. However, a large number of electrons were temporarily inconvenienced.

Thought for the day: Not one iota, a single micro-nano particle of radioactive material – explosively atomised Depleted Uranium munitions in particular – and Plutonium specifically - can be safely absorbed nor neutralised by a living organism – especially so the Homo Sapiens end of the mammalian taxonomy. It gets into the genetic DNA and fucks everything up, so bollocks to what the government say – go back to firewood and your friendly neighbourhood coalman.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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