Shitehall Mandarins Get Bonanza Bonuses

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

While half the UK’s proletariat population can’t get another job after being made redundant in the Shylock bankster-engineered crashing of our economy and the ensuing depression, due the fact the insane EUSSR bureaucrats in barmy Brussels have passed legislation that any fucker and their dog from the insolvent 26 member states of the fatally-flawed dystopic community sited in continental Europe can travel to the UK visa-free and get themselves a nice little earner – plus claim British rate welfare benefits for their make-believe sprogs and wives back in some shithole where the Cyrillic alphabet’s made up of Scrabble-winning consonants and zero vowels.

So, while the British working man is now classified as an endangered species, facing imminent extinction due the fore-mentioned factors, Shitehall’s civil servants somehow, beyond the realms of rhyme or reason, have qualified for a bonus of £20,000 quid apiece – which in answer to the cries of “Foul!” from critics, Dame Fellattia Rimmer, deputy under-secretary to the permanent over-secretary at the Ministry for Wasting Time & Money, claimed the payments were "not exactly big bucks as a reward for excellence".

Dame Fellattia, herself in line for a whopping gratuity, added “The Libservative Coalition government is committed to making sure only those civil servants that make an exceptional contribution will be rewarded – specifically those that don’t rock the boat and continue to tow the party line – and diss New Labour and that oick Ed Millipede at every opportunity.”

However, to the eye of the beholder, such rewards definitely represent an income boost that goes far beyond the pitiful subsistence level £60 nicker per week entitlement of Jobseekers Allowance for the hapless and marginalised unemployed proletariat.

The gospel according to one report in the Daily Smellygraph claims officials across several government departments are expected to share in £10 zillion quidsworth of extra payments over the coming weeks – with bonuses of up to £20,000 being awarded to more than 1,000 senior Shitehall civil servant parasites and generalised career jobsworths – worth up to 10% of their bloated annual salaries.

Conversely, Posh Dave Scameron’s Cabinet Office has sought to placate detractors by stating that only those civil servants who made an ‘exceptional contribution’ to government – such as conjuring up the local authority budget slashing scheme to avoid patching up the national highway's legions potholes with Tarmite spread - or disseminating the black propaganda campaign to justify Britain’s criminal involvement in the illegal hostilities being currently visited on the sovereign Arab Islamic state of Libya - would receive these ‘rewards for excellence’.

However, the caustic response from Bazzer McScrote, the director of Ox-Rat, the government abuse whistleblowing charity, was one of ”Wot the fuck next, I asks yer? I’ve seen better organised riots. These twats in Shitehall should all be graded on the Peter Principle, where, in any bureaucratic hierarchy, people are gonna rise ter their greatest level of incompetence.”
“Just look at how they’ve stitched up their cosy sinecures though, so tryin’ ter get the bastards ousted is as pointless a waste of time an’ daylight hours as shaggin’ around cuttin’ some other idle twat’s grass on Farmville.”
“Seriously, the entire fiasco run by these civil servant types could be better managed by Wiley T. Coyote in partnership with Wallace and Gromet.”

Thought for the day: Why do we continue allow these moronic governments – New Labour under that treacherous bastard Tony Bliar and now Posh Dave Scameron and Mick Clogg with their Tory / Lib-Dum coalition - to keep rubbing our noses in the brown smelly stuff and not respond with the warranted reaction?
The first ‘bloodless’ option being to force a general election and vote for the semi-indestructible Nigel Barrage and his UKIP Party, who’s hell bent on giving the EUSSR and Brussels the big finger and telling the IMF to stuff their Debtocracy up their proverbial jacksy.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.