Sunday, 1 March 2015

Jihadi John Another MI5 Snafu?

In today's 'Black Propaganda Personified' super-excuses edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Amid a shit storm of nation-wide criticisms the Con-Dem / Libservative Coalition (call the mess of political pottage what you will) leader, Posh Dave Scameron, yesterday sought to offset calls of 'No way' and 'Bullshit' from a disbelieving public demographic by ardently reiterating his defence of the UK security services flawed anti-terrorism strategy (promoting in contrast to preventing) - claiming it was simply their customary gross incompetence and 'not' purposeful criminal treason that resulted in a failure to stop Mohammed Emwazi – now notoriously known by his nom de guerre 'Jihadi John' – from joining the Israeli / US-funded (and armed) Islamic State death cult in Syria-Iraq.

Crime Minister Scameron praised the work of "these extraordinary men and women who comprise the ranks of Broken Britain's security services – the spies and hit men – and too all the Tavistock Institute's crisis actors - selflessly working day and night on covert provocation projects - organising false flag terror attacks like 7/7 and stuffing whistle-blowers into big black North Face holdalls – to keep the public safe and alert to the impending dangers that surround them."

"All of the time they're faced with making incredibly difficult judgements and basically they make some pretty good decisions on the public's behalf – especially organising the hits on people who take a mind to upset the status quo – like Princess Di and Jill Dando - and that loose lipped weapons of mass distraction David Kelly bloke."

Scameron's comments come on the heels of embarrassing revelations in the alternative media that Emwazi / Jihadi John - the Bonkers Beheading Beetle - pictured in videos with mates George, Paul and Ringo decapitating infidel Western hostages, was identified this week as a Kuwaiti-born British national from west London – whose radicalised views had been brought to attentions of security authorities by the local Plod Squad long before he embarked on this purported head-chopping career, with the scally twat described by friends and neighbours alike as a 'right nasty piece of work'.

Jihadi John first appeared in a video last August, when he – or someone just like him, wearing a black balaclava - allegedly murdered US journalist James Foley in a cold-blooded photo-shopped You Tube 'Islamic Atrocity Week' video.
He was later thought to have been pictured in the videos of the beheading of British taxi driver Alan Henning who Emwazi claimed had pulled an 'off-meter' overcharge scam on him for the 2,900 mile trip from Heathrow to Tal Afar.

Following the leak of Jihadi John's alleged identity, a gaggle of salivating gutter press hacks gathered in force outside his family home at 36, Sharia Terraces on London's Skidrow Hamlets estate.

The BBC's security correspondent Frank Dunno went on record stating MI5 is coming under pressure to explain why its officers spent five years talking to Emwazi before he left the country for Syria on a pre-paid Thomas Cook 'ISIS Mid-East Battlefields Tour'.
Dunno added "I think they've certainly got a case to answer here and I'd expect the House of Conmans' intelligence and security committee to announce some kind of half-arsed inquiry into the snafu – 'if' their chairman, Malcolm Rifkind. hadn't got his money-grubbing conflict of interest arse fired this last week."

Mrs Winnebago Jaffacake, Jihadi John's next-door neighbour at Sharia Terraces, confided to press hacks that "He were a right bad un' cos I knows it were him wot chopped the effin' heads off me garden gnomes. Always goin' past in the street whistlin' 'Love Me Do' an' givin' me the evil eye if I woz lookin' out the window, havin' a quick nosey."

Information leaked by disgruntled MI5 operatives at Thames House reveal that Emwazi originally came to their attentions when local gossips reported he'd saved his Jihadi Gazette newspaper delivery round earnings to buy a set of super sharp serrated Argos kitchen knives – with continued surveillance discovering he'd ordered a copy of the ever-popular 'Beheading for Dummies' manual from Amazon – which records shown he paid for with a Muslim Brotherhood credit card.

During his teenage radicalisation period at Newham's Al Qaeda Academy for Latter Day Saracens – where he underwent a course of 'anger therapy' sessions which, given the facility of 20/20 hindsight, obviously turned out to be less than successful – Emwazi also attended the Skidrow Hamlets mosque's madrassa, and whose one-eyed mullah, Sheikh Fizzy al Kaseltzer, secured him a job working weekends at the local halal abattoir, leaning how to cut heads off things – with the intent of turning this talent into decapitating heathen Infidel scum.

Disclaimer: While scores of politicians and foreign service diplomatic personnel might have become collateral 'fear and alarm' damage casualties after reading this insurrectionist epistle, editorial staff have received zero complaints of scaremongering from innocent non-combatant women and children or couch potato types.

Allergy warning: This article was composed in a known propaganda-infested area - and whilst purposely blending high octane irreverence, slanderous allegations and unbridled conjecture with wild rumour 'and' hard public interest factoids - may also contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.